New and full of Questions

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

My Name is Kari, This is my story... I have one beautiful child and she is a blessing because I was told when I was 10 yrs old that I would never have children of my own. I recently found out that I was pregnant with our second child and had complications resulting in a miscarriage. Because I had been told so long ago that I would never have children I have always thought about adoption but my husband is not sure. We can not try again for another child of our own however I can not accept that we are only meant to have one child. We both love children and have a loving house and family for another child that may not be blessed with a family. How do I get information on adoption that I can share with him? And what are some experiences you may have had with adoption? I here a lot about birth mothers coming back for their babies does this really happen? Please help I am trying to build a case for adoption and I am so confused.

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Fabby - posted on 01/20/2010

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Thinking of Tara's response, it can be that a man takes a lot of persuading to consider marriage and babies anyway, so why should it be any different with adoption. If no persuading was needed you may wonder if they've given it enough thought.
And on a similar note, my husband needed persuading that he would be able to love our second child as much as he did the first so great was that love.
Being a childcarer of many years who now fosters, I can say there is something to be loved in every child, and every child will challenge you some how.

Take this journey together and grow strong and nurture your ability to love more children in your home with your daughter too. Nothing in life is easy, but life is what you make it. Good luck :-)

Janis - posted on 01/17/2010

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I was never able to have birth children, however, we have been blessed with 8 amazing daughters through adoption. We adopted one when she was 6, one when she was 11, one when she was 9, two when they were 8, and 3 when they were 12. SO, even though we adopted them when they were older, they all are our daughters, every one of them. God placed them with us to be a family, and that's what we are. It doesn't make ANY difference how they got here. Adopting should never, EVER be considered "second best," it's another avenue to explore when you want children in your life. Getting pregnant is another way. Foster Care is yet another way, however, most of the time the children do go back with their birth families. So there you go, we are parents of adopted children, you are parents of a biological child. Any child that is to be adopted MUST have their parental rights terminated prior to being adopted. No such thing as birth mothers coming back for their babies if you go to a reputable agency or lawyer. Also, if you should ever have to talk someone into adopting, it's not for you. That's just like trying to talk someone into having a baby. Wouldn't want to be that child if one of the parents had to be talked into having that child. Best of luck to you in whatever decision you make! God Bless!

Tara - posted on 01/16/2010

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I don't think it's a good idea to try to convince someone to adopt. Some people just don't want to, for various reasons. With a lot of men, it's an ego thing. Not that they're egomaniacs...just that they were raised to believe that children should come from their bodies. A lot of people are also afraid that they wouldn't be able to love a child that is not made up of his or her own DNA.



There are tens of thousands of children in the U.S. in foster care. Maybe you could become foster parents in your county. You would be providing love and security to children who need it -- and it might fulfill your needs to parent another child. Please remember that adoption should always be about the CHILD, not the adults involved. Convincing someone to adopt is not in the child's best interests. What if your husband found that he couldn't love an adopted child as much as he loves your daughter? It would be a disaster for the adopted child AND your marriage.

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