When to bring up adoption?

Andrea - posted on 01/14/2009

My three daughter have heard their story from the moment they came to our home. Our 2 year old can tell you that she grew in Jolie's (Birthmom) tummy and then she came and lived with us. She knows Jolie and tells Jolie she loves her when Jolie calls. We have told our daughters that Jolie and Danielle (other Birthmom) loved them so much and wanted them to have the best life and that meant living with us. We are so fortunate that our birthmoms are wonderful women who have supported the adoption and we have been able to maintain a relationship with them. All three of my girls were in foster care with us before the adoption. I think the story of adoption should be a natural part of life. When someone asks my daughter where she gets her blue eyes from she says my other mom, but my mommy has blue eyes too.

Becky - posted on 01/03/2009

we have a picture of our daughters tummy mommy on her nursery wall. We tell her that my tummy was broken so her tummy mommy carried her and we adopted her. Mind you our daughter is only 15 months old, but we continue to tell her about her adoption and being in the delivery room. I have a picture book I share with her too of her birth and homecoming and her birthfamily. We also read "Tell me about the night I was born by Jamie Lee Curtis. We had a Forever Family day just after the court documents were official and we plan on celebrating that court date as our Forever Family day each year.

Darlena - posted on 01/01/2009

My son has always known, we have been open since birth with him and everyone that he is adopted. To us after infertility trauma, it was such a miracle from God and special in many ways because of my past (as a teen I gave a child up for adoption) that we felt it was a testimony of Gods greatness and blessing to be shared with all. It was an indescribable gift to be able to have been a birth mother and then to gain such understanding by being able to be an adoptive mother.



I have several childrens books regarding adoption and we are blessed to have church family and friends that are adoptive and foster parents. So adoption is part of our lives in more ways than one. We prayed much and have always told him how grateful we are to God that because Mommy's tummy doesn't work right that he brought us our baby a different way by using another lady's tummy. We are waiting to adopt again and he has been involved every step of the way so really he has an excellent grasp of the concept and is not bothered by it at all. It is normal and right to him.



We were in the OR when our son was born. The adoption was finalized 5 months later and every year we celebrate the day he officially became a Hnizdil. We have a tradition of camping out in the back yard after a family day together bowling or hiking. The next month is our wedding anniversary which we have always celebrated as when Mommy became a Hnizdil.



It is not something we focus on but just a normal part of who we are. Hope this helps and Congratulations on such beautiful children.

God bless, Darlena

Kala - posted on 12/27/2008

I am the mother fo four adopte children. They have known from day on. I would tell them things like they grew in another mommies tummy and then God sent them to live with me and daddy. This worked really well when they were young. My oldest who now is almost14 ask different questions. I have answered some and told her other's we would decuss later. I never give to much information. My daughters are biologicl same mother and dad. They came in not to long ago and said can we ask a question. We said ok you just know. They asked if one of them had blue eyes and if one had brown. I just gave a simple answer "yes" Our girl's look just alike except one has brown eyes and one has blue. Then they asked if one of them had drk complexion. Simple answer "yes" They were happy with this information. I have explained that someday I will tell them everything, but not until hey are ready. We did Foster to Adopt so we have alot that the kids do not need to know at this time. They are very satisfied with the info we have allowed them. They are very special kids. We have had all of them since they were babies. Our 14 y/o was 20 month her sis 12 was 5 months old and then the boys 12 now was 5 weeks old and our baby is 9 and he was 4 days. We got him straight from the hospital. They are GREAT!

Colleen - posted on 12/08/2008

Is that a picture of her? She is adorable! We have 5 kids that are adopted, and some that aren't, but from the time they started asking the normal questions that kids asked, I let them know they were chosen. I gave them only the amount of information they asked for at the time and let them decide when they wanted more info. It's an ongoing process. Even now, 12 years later, they still ask questions now and again.

Jenny - posted on 11/28/2008

There's a great book called "Talking with Young Children about Adoption" which I would recommend. It has a lot of good advice as well as some great stories from real families.

Gail - posted on 11/23/2008

My daughters were 15 months and 9 months when adopted. Every year we celebrate the anniversary of the day I first got to see them. Since the first "Gotcha Day" we review the special details of our becoming a family. They have always known they were chosen children.

Denise - posted on 11/20/2008

Please take a look at comments made under the thread entitled "Age"

Teresa - posted on 11/17/2008

We've always talked about it openly, too. Every year we celebrate each child's "Adoption Day" - the day their adoption became final - in addition to their birthdays. I think it's best if you just make it a part of normal conversation - and not a big "I have to tell you something" conversation when she's older. If she learns about it now - even just as much as she can comprehend - then it won't be like it's a secret or something embarrassing or shameful later on when she understands more. Especially since you run into her birth-family on occasion. I also think the terms you use are important. If you're calling them her "family" - what does that make you? Little things matter - even now!

Debi - posted on 11/14/2008

We talk about it all the time. We celebrate Sophia's "gotcha" day-the day her adoption became final and just the other day I shoed her the dress she wore to court that day. I don't think she gets that she came to us differently than her friends to their parents, but the word is spoken often in our house. We also have a book that we ordered from Adoption.com that is customized to your adoption situation and story-very cool!