Any ideas for punishments for teens?

Colette - posted on 02/18/2010

I completly agree with Marshella !!

Marshella - posted on 02/17/2010

Ok, since this conversation has recent postings and others may be lurking, I wanted to add my 2 cents. It's all in how you say it! This is so important. Instead of saying "we don't cuss, so you're not allowed to go with us to dinner" - say "This is so sad, I"m very sorry for you. You're welcome to come out to dinner with us when I can be assured that we wont' be embarrassed by your cussing in public. Until I feel sure that I won't be embarrassed, you can have your choice of a TV dinner at home." Or similar. Put the empathy first, and then the "positive" spin on things.

Instead of "sorry, you can't borrow the car because you didn't meet your curfew", say "As soon as I can be assured that you are safe by coming home on time, you can begin to borrow the car again." I learned these effective techniques, which put the child's problem on their shoulders and sometimes gives them ideas of how to make things right again - through a company that does seminars on parenting (they are so humorous, too, very entertaining) called Love and Logic. Look them up on the web for more info about them. They have many other parenting tips like "going brain dead" in response to nagging/whining, and saying "Love you to much to argue" when the child is trying to argue. Don't be suckered into power struggles/arguments!

Colette - posted on 01/28/2010

Natural consequences work ALOT better than punishments ... that just fuels the fire ! She is already a teenager and have not known her much of her life, you should take more of a mentor role instead of a mother. Young girls need positive guidance and advice ... her life choices are ultimatley up to her and she knows that !! The more you give her to fight you on she will !!

Joy - posted on 10/16/2009

I have learned....(which doen't always work. But, worth a try). Try not using the word punishment. You dont know what this child experience with that word is. Try using consequences. Also, dont give her any attention when she does something wrong talk to her only when things are calm. Send her to her room or some where safe. Some teenages are use to negativity so they do things to get attention. Also praise her and the new child everyday. It could be for little things but, the more you do it the more they learn and start feeling comfortable. Saying things like you r pretty & I love you & ur thoughtful & u did awesome on ur school work & thank u for doing homework ec. Positive reinforcement does work alot better and remember teeneagers have been through more then a younger child & they are very damaged & it takes a long time to help them.

Lisa - posted on 08/13/2009

We usually go with the removal of privileges. Make sure it relates to the act. In other words, our foster teen was caught on his computer between 12 midnight and 2:30am. He was warned many times and even laughed at another person for being grounded for the same, so we removed his internet privileges. We didn't take his computer away, since it was purchased for him by a family member, but we did change our internet password and removed the accessible connection, so he couldn't use it.

We also plan family outings that the kids look forward to. If they misbehave, don't do their chores, or are grounded, they don't get to go. When we're talking about a day at the waterpark, a video game party, or going out to a restaurant, they feel the pain when all the other kids talk about it.

Don't be fooled. She may act like she doesn't care, or it's not bothering her, but when it happens and you stick to the consequences, she will eventually come around. If she's aware of having another placement in your home soon, she may also be doing this to "claim her territory". As with birth children, foster children should also be involved in the process, so they don't feel like the "outsider", teens especially.

Good luck and holler with your progress (or lack of).

Melanie - posted on 08/07/2009

First you need to stop thinking in terms of punishment and more in terms of discipline. And yes there is a huge difference. Teenagers in Foster Care are often harder to deal with than younger children. Teens have many things they are going through just being teens, and then put out of home placement on top of that and you have a lot of work ahead. Is this young lady in counseling? There may be underlying issues that are causing some of the difficulties you are facing. Continue to take away privileges, if 2 or 3 days or a week is not working, go longer. Remember you are the adult and you can say NO. We currently have 2 teenagers and are looking at getting another one shortly, one thing we find is that these children often have faced many things that have damaged them and cause them to not trust adults in their life. I would definitely look into counseling as the next step and work with her social workers on this. Make sure she is comfortable with the counselor or it will be ineffective. Good luck and remember, teenagers are self centered just because they are teenagers and they are trying to figure out what the limits are and what happens when they push those limits.

Becky - posted on 07/06/2009

Could you ask her social worker for help? Could they utilize some court sanctions, etc?