foster mom vs biological mom.

Rebecca - posted on 06/23/2011

Kids do that. You can refer to yourself as aunt, gramma, mom, miss riekie, doesn't matter. He probably loves his mom very much. My foster child is kinship, so everyone's kids just call me Aunt Becca, family or not. If you end up keeping him for a long long time, or the rest of his life, I'm sure he'll catch on that you're a better Mom than his currently is.

Arlena - posted on 10/06/2010

When he is older he would understand better... I have a 2yr old girl with me for 3mths now an she si the best..She calls me mommy an my husband Daddy.. She dont know her mom an her dad.Her mom suffer with nerves an one night her mom took a cigarette an burn her about the boby as well as shave her hair.. My fear is when she gets to know the truth what would she think an would she still consider me as her mother

Riekie - posted on 09/05/2010

Hi it's been a while since i visited "Cicle of Moms".. Broc is with us now for almost 11 months and is fully part of the family. He calls me mom and we are really a happy family. His mom was drunk with one visit and he decided by himself that he doesn't want to visit with her anymore. Now we are reviewing it every 6 months, but he is addement not to ever see her again!!!

Cindy - posted on 09/03/2010

I've found that most fc will start calling you Mom & Dad after awhile. I've had all mine for longer than 6 mo. After so long a time being Mom & Dad, they just naturally think of you that way. Oh, but the bio. parent hates it most of the time, but in a way we are the Mom & Dad for the time they are w/us. I never say anything negative about my fc family. I try to always be positive & encouraging. These children love their Moms & Dads & they don't need any more baggage piled upon their hearts. It all works out in the end one way or another. Either the bio. Moms heart is broken or the foster Moms heart is broken, but that is part of being a foster parent. I'm always thankful I got to love for the time I had them. Love is worth all the pain.

Brenda - posted on 08/27/2010

personaly. i dont feel that you have birth to a child maks you a mother. any one can be a mother or mom. it takes more then giving birth to be a mom. iv also learned that most children dont know what the word mom is. they dont know that mom is the womem who loves them. should be theo ne who keeps them safe and away from harm. who teaches them and comforts them ect. mom is just a word just like a lot of kids dont know ( home) is where you feel the safest and where you should be able to be your self and not worry about ( like being at school) bein bullied. these are not real words to foster kids. home and mom and dad family some Not ALL but some foster kids dont know the real meaning. yes i know the real meaning .so i want to be called mom and know the child loves me. but there version of mom may or may not be the same verison of mom as i know. . heck mom might be evil mean person sorry for that last comment but it just might. calling you mom might mean to op to your foster children as it does you.

Tovah - posted on 08/17/2010

i think it's really important to honor your foster kid's relationship with their birth parent. instead of seeing it as "bio mom vs. me" i try to see it as "bio mom AND me"... our foster son NEEDS his relationship with his mom, even if she's compromised in her parenting abilities. that relationship can give him things that i can't, and she parented him for much longer than i did. no matter how much a birth parent may have hurt their child, it is likely they loved and cared for that child and the child is bonded to them no matter how dysfunctionally. but i remind myself my foster son also needs me, because i can give him things mom can't. i see his mom and us as a team. which is not easy, but it's true. your foster son has only been with you for 3 months - no matter how long that feels to you (i know it feels like forever), it's NOT a long time. it is normal for you to not have suddenly "become" mom. in our home we've actually decided to have different names for us than for birth parents... because we want it to be clear to him that we respect the importance of his relationship with his first mom (a more accurate term than birth mom, in our case, since she cared for him for 9 years). so i've suggested parental names other than "mommy" for myself, and he's starting to call me those names.

Denise - posted on 05/07/2010

For me I got emergency custody of my grandchild and dont know where to go from here....she learned to say mom and dad but i am not her momma but her grandmom......in my heart she will always have a "MOM" that gave her life and for that i am greatfull does this help?

Els - posted on 04/01/2010

hi,

i live in belgium and have 4 foster kids ... all girls ... 3 of 4 years and one of 1,5 year.

They all call me mom and my husband dad. But they know really well who there real mom is... but they still tell me that they love me . They all see there parents every two weeks so it is very busy here in house.

But the parents of 2 girls, sisters, hate it that there kids call us mom and dad, they tell there kids that they can't say that, that is is forbidden.

But the kids just follow the other kids here in house.

Already the first day when they were here, they called us like that. And when there parents visit , they call us by name ... just because they don't want to hurt there parents feelings ... those kids are very smart in such cases!

Marshella - posted on 02/17/2010

He may feel unsure of what you want to be called. Have you said to him "You can call me mom, too, if you want. Or mom2 or momma, or whatever you want"? That lets him know wi/o pressure that its OK if he was wanting to call you something. Also of course let him know that "mom 1" will ALWAYS be his first mom. I would just calmly and pleasantly discuss this once, then let it go. Good luck!

P.S. Do you have other kids in the home? If so, what do they call you? I've been a child care provider for years before my first child was born, and of course all the daycare kids call me "Mrs. Marshella" - so, naturally, instead of mom my first child and my foster-adopted kids also started calling me that. I think it's cute. Now they've grown up a bit and now call me "mom" or, with my 2 yr old in her sweetest voice (Gosh, I love it) "momma".

Rebecca - posted on 01/25/2010

we have a 5 year old she has been with us for almost 2 years when she doesn't see mom she is great for me tells me how much she loves me and that im her mom then when she does see her mom she hates me and im not her mom and its really hard but in the end we know we gave these kids what they needed when their parents couldn't or wouldn't what ever the case may be GOOD LUCK and don't let it get you down