Foster parents waiting a long time?

Amanda - posted on 01/25/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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I am a new foster mom as of December 1, 2008 and am hoping to get some advice from fellow foster parents. My DH and I cannot have any more children do to infertility issues and have decided foster care and/or adoption is our best solution for our life. My big concern right now is why we have had our license now for going on 2 months and have not had one placement yet? My family as well as some friends think it is unusual to be waiting this long and I am starting to get uneasy about the long wait myself. We are even open to all age groups, most races, and up to five kids at one time. The agency has called and asked us about 2 different boys but that the casa is reviewing our backrounds along with other foster parents for the best fit for these kids. And still we are still sitting by the phone with no answers. I guess what I am asking other foster parents is should I keep waiting for this agency to call for a placement or should I start maybe looking into another agency? The one my husband and I are with now are very strickt and we are told if we leave his agency we can never come back which makes me a little nervous about looking for other agencies, especially because I do know people with the agency we are with and they seem to be happy with LOTS of kids in thier home. I almost feel like we did something wrong because the only answer i get from the agency is "be patient". Well it is kind of hard to be patient when every time i pick up a news paper or watch the news someone is mistreating children or throwing them away. I look forward to anyone's advice!

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Linda - posted on 01/01/2010

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not mad at you all mad at the one who said we judge the parents and sugests we are here to turn parents in so we can have their kids. That is not the case we are here for the kids when their parents can not or do not want to care for them. Not to take their kids away and I do not like the fact that they sugest such a thing!

Amanda - posted on 12/30/2009

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Stacey~
I am unsure why your anger is directed at us foster parents when it should be directed at the courts or whoever your friend is... We are here discussing issues related to problems (or not) that we see along the way. We are all in this together and you have no right coming into our forum and leaving a nasty comment like you did. I applaud all foster parents and though its not uncommon to hear something negative from someone who is not a FP themselves, well its just not your place. But thanks for visiting - hope you found what you were looking for! :)

Linda - posted on 12/29/2009

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no we do not judge all parents but when a mom has had 6 kids taken away already and this is baby 7 she thought she could sneak by the courts. Yes, than pretty sure thats a bad parent!!!! So until you know what you are talking about be quite.

Amanda - posted on 12/10/2009

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Hi Amanda,

My husband and I have had our license since April and have not had a placement through our agency. After being patient for what seemed like forever and never getting a placement and hearing "just be patient, it may take a while" and "it could be a week or it could be a year!" we finally went against our initial feelings and decided to transfer over to the county. My aunt is with the county and said she never has an empty home and kids are always being placed through the county. Our transfer should be complete this week, so (hopefully) we will have a placement soon. Just thought I'd let you know we went through the same issues and got irritated with the feeling of being "put off" so we switched. Wonder if we had the same agency.....

Danyell - posted on 08/06/2009

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wow.... i just felt the need in my heart to reply to Stacy's comment... I am a foster parent. I dont have any kids of my own and i truely beleive in my heart that God put me here to help take care of the kids that need love. and unfortunately MOST but not ALL of the kids placed in foster care are do to neglect/abuse and some for unfortunate reasons such as the loss of the parent. If you have never had to take care of a child that is on withdrawel from crack or had to hear the screams of a 3 yr old that is so lost and upset because they are confused. the kids dont understand whats happening that for 3 months he felt love and affection and was fed by the foster parent but then was given back to his crack addicted parent and now has to go un-fed, left in a dirty diaper and all around neglected. its sad but the courts want to reunite the kids with family and that ok with us... but once an addict or alcoholic you are always one... so unfortunately the reality of it is... those kids will be in and out of FC. In most cases reuniting the family is NOT whats best for the kids. So- as a Foster parent I personally have the right to be judgemental because i've seen what the kids go through. Open your heart and home to the kids that need love and care and you'll see first hand. I'll is soo upsetting to see this occuring but its the realilty of foster care. And no, we were in no way label ALL parents as bad... and we dont assume that the the children are automatically up for adoption... but if you did your research you will see... example the child comes into FC at 2 wks old... the parent has to go into rehab for 6 mnths... then return to court... the judge says no moms not ready... another 6 months... now the kid is with a family for a yr and they get attached. so its a yr they are in court again and the judge says mom relapsed give her another 6 months. now its 1 1/2 yrs later and the judge sends the kid back with mom. then 9 months later the mom is arrested and the kid is back in FC. at 2 yrs old the kids is confused. now in FC for the next 6 months AGAIN. so for the next 2 yrs the kid is in and out of FC. finally when the courts see the mom is not able to care for the kid and revokes her rights the child is 5!!! most adoptive parents would like a newborn or a young toddler and a 5 the chances of being adopted are slim. the system is screwed up and mom shouldnt have gotten that many chances. Its sad that you need a license to drive but not to parent!

Stacey - posted on 02/24/2009

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I am not into Fostering but was reading the stories hoping to find out some information for a family friend.



I need to ask something before i add my two cents...



Foster parents waiting a long time? 



I am confused do you work for  Child Services fostering children that they apprehended ??  And why is it presummed the children will automatically adopted and not placed back with biological parents? I am not understanding the waiting for a long time thing?  And the snide comments about the parents of the children in foster care..you really should not be QUITE SO JUDGEMENTAL!, its not always the biological parents (Mom) fault that her child(ren)are placed into foster homes other than that she chose to go out with someone that had a dark sick secret she knew nothing about.!! And when she found out cut all ties with the person!! So stop implying that all  biological parentsof children who are put into foster care are trash who treat there kids badly (i know there are many that fit that "LABEL") and dont deserve to have their children back. However no matter how low the percentage ..should never have had their child(ren) taken and placed into foster homes...



I just had to say this as I know of someone in that very low percentage...









 

Amanda - posted on 02/04/2009

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I have to say that God does have a plan for each and every one of us. I would sometimes feel very sad because we had been waiting for ever it seemed like. I would just sleep all day to keep my mind off of why we were waiting sooooo long. But now that we have this beautiful little baby boy now i know why God gave me all those days and nights to sleep all I wanted.....because I do not get any sleep now....LOL This little 3 week old baby is such a hand full of work it is all i can do to just get 1-2 hours a sleep a night now. So looking back at the 2 months of rest I got I just look up to God and laugh and tell him Thank You for giving me exactly what I needed. But also to add to the long wait it does seem strange to have to wait so long inbetween placements when knowing that there are just not enough good people out there to help foster all these children who need a safe home. And because of that were are these children going? And why do they "try" and keep them in that unsafe home to save a few extra buck? I am hoping maybe after getting more experiance and getting to know more people that I can help the system listen to more of what these kids need and not what the bio parents need. I think new laws need to be in place for people who decided to be parents so they know just how serious raising a child can be. I was watching the news today about how they are making the fines heavier for being on your cell phone while driving in chicago.......hellooooooo.......what about making the fines heavier for people who abuse or neglect thier children? I never hear anything about that???

Danyell - posted on 02/03/2009

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Well, Congrats... I was going to comment  that I am currently waiting just like you - but I have read about your good news!   I am sooo happy for you.  I am from MD and we have been approved since Nov 08 and we still havent heard anything either.  I was starting to get worried.   I friend of mine has 4 kids now and she got her 1st placement 1 month after getting their approval.   But I keep saying that God will place us with a child when he sees it best for all of us.  Good luck with the little one.

Amanda - posted on 01/28/2009

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thanks for the tip I will probably pull them anyways i just wanted to let all our friends and family know we finally got our first child after waiting sooo long for children. Good luck with your 2 week old as well.

Leanne - posted on 01/28/2009

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hi hun just a quick note the social services i work for says ur not aloud 2 put pics on the internet of foster children i dont no if urs is different its just with u puttin that pic on here of baby wouldnt want u 2 get in any trouble with them

Leanne - posted on 01/28/2009

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awww amanda i am so happy for u hes soooo cute my mum has a 2 week old baby boy placed with her aswel and we just love him to hes only 6lbs so hes also tiny u will have 2 let us no when u have had ur meetin as 2 how long u will be havin him for hope all goes well for u hun good luck

Amanda - posted on 01/27/2009

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His Name is Maurice and was born to a mother who couldnt kick her drug habbit so unfortunately baby is suffering the consequences of "her" actions. He is a little uncomfortable trying to fall asleep but seems to be doing good. He loves to hold your finger to fall asleep. We are just waiting for the word on how long he will be with us. We have a meeting with his CASA and I am guessing is a good sign we will be kepping him a while if they want to meet my husband and I. I know were im from a baby died recently in foster care because they didnt have the right things to take care of a baby. So I made sure we are fully prepared for having a baby just to be on the safe side. Doyou have any foster kids right now?

Jennifer - posted on 01/27/2009

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Wow- he is a cutie and timing is everything, I have learned. My friends used to tell me that my home had to stay open as long as it did sometimes because the right child wasn't ready to come to my home yet. What's his story?

Amanda - posted on 01/27/2009

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Thanks ladies for your support. Just yesterday God heard my prayers and blessed us with a baby boy just 2 weeks old and was born on my DH and I's wedding anniversary, who cool is that. We got to pick him up from the hospital and bring him home with us....he is soooo tinny! I just hope we get to keep him because we love him already!!! I do still believe good things come to those who wait!

Jennifer - posted on 01/26/2009

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I live in Prescott, AZ and we currently have a ton of open beds in our area. They say they are trying harder to find family members and I know there is a budget crunch, so I think they are holding off on pulling kids too, even though that scares me to think that and workers tell me that is not so. I have had to wait 2-3 months myself for placements and I remember when I first got my license I waited 4 months and it was so frustrating because all you here is how they need foster parents and then you can't get a placement. Just try to hang in there.

Leanne - posted on 01/26/2009

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hi hun my names leanne i am 26 and have been fosterin for 2 years my mum is also a foster carer and has been for 11 years.Since ive been doin it i have always had a placment when one has moved on another has moved in within days but my mum has some times gone 4 monthes without a placment and she also does any age and up 2 4 children i also no other foster carers who has gone 6 monthes without a placement i totally understand that u have concerns about why u are waitin this long but i am sure ur time will come 2 look after a child and give it a lovin home have u talked 2 social services i am sure they will put ur mind at rest

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