I need suggestions on how to properly introduce my foster teens to people/friends

Brenda - posted on 08/27/2010

i have kinda the same problem. but mine is not with family or close friends due to they all know our foster kids are our kids at the moment. kind of like my sister has a forenexchange student and they tell people she is there daughter. however with co workers of my husband when we go to office partys he will say hi this is my wife brenda and kids john and jane. our problem is that we dont know when our fosterk kids will be removed and get news ones. my husbands fearis when we get new ones and go to another office party and he says hi this is my wife and jake and june. his co workers will be like but these arnt your kids..problem is we have been married for 7 years we have had a lot of m/c i have pcos..do we dont like just telling every one we cant have kids and we do foster care. a lot of people when we go into detail about we cant have kids so we do foster. they say oh so your want other people kids..its weird and to be honest akward for us let alone the children. OR my husband does not talk about having children a hole lot and when he says some thing about them or has a party or some thing every one is like wow i didint know you had kids you never talk about them..he dont wanna be like well there foster kids and we have different onces every 6 months...its easyer to just miss the work party all together but we dont want to stop going places we want the children to enjoy life just like our bio children would if we had them.

Rebecca - posted on 01/06/2010

we just said this is there name and she or he is one of ours one of them wanted us to just say she was our daughter and thats what we did

Joy - posted on 10/16/2009

Ask him how he would like to be introduced. I have not met one child who likes to be introduced as "Foster Kid" that puts a label on them and that is not good. But, since you have a relationship with him and he is old enough to voice his feelings, the best way is ask him. You will make him feel good also. I have been a foster mother of 9 children. You can see the happiness when you give them the choice.

Becky - posted on 09/16/2009

Being a foster parent and a social worker, I like the other suggestions about asking your foster child how they would like to be introduced to others. I would, however, like to remind you that some times these kids do have biological parents who they love and don't want you to be their "mom" or "dad". Just a reminder to respect that and to realize that at times, it can be disrespectful, and even hurtful for these kids' birth parents if you "claim them as your own". In my experience, I've just thought it was easier just to say..."this is Joe" versus giving others an explaination for who Joe is to me. Good question though. I'd like to hear what other foster parents think.

Kim - posted on 09/13/2009

I have 2 permanent foster daughters - one still lives at home & one lives with her fiance - when we realized that these kids were not going anywhere that they were ours, by our choice, they jusr became 2 more daughters to add to the brood & that's howwe introduced them. Congratulations to the addition to youur family!!

Lisa - posted on 08/13/2009

Since he's a teenager, ask him. They usually have a preference already, and it goes a long way in building your relationship with him by asking. I've had some that have not had a problem with letting people know they are foster teens and others that have just said that they are living with an aunty.

I introduce our teens as our boys. We don't have any birth children, so most people that know us just assume that they're our foster youth. For those that don't know, I don't offer the info unless the youth does it themselves. Where we live, it's also okay to call the kids our nieces and nephews, so sometimes if they're really uncomfortable with the term "foster", we'll use that.

Hi five to you for being sensitive to this issue!

Candace - posted on 08/04/2009

I don't have teens yet but we do have tweens and I have let them decide how they want me to go about it. We have to discuss it because I want to know what makes them the most comfortable. Sometimes I get an "I don't know" and I throw out suggestions and they usually pick from them. Ive had some who don't want anyone to know that they are foster kids and some that would prefer that everyone knew that I wasn't their mom. But thats just usually in the beginning when they don't know me and Im still the "bad guy"

Sara - posted on 06/07/2009

When I introduce my kids to strangers I just lump them all together. "And here are my kids 1,2,3,4,5, & 6. Because they are all "my" kids even if it's not biologically. :) If it's to family and friends who know we do foster care I usually say and this is John(example), he's living with us for a while. Or something similar to that. Another tact I've taken is to just ask the kid what their preference is. He's old enough to let you know how he'd like to be introduced. :) Good luck!!

Maria - posted on 06/04/2009

My self being a FC, I know that the situation alone is a big adjustment, and if you feel like he is part of your family, then why not just introduce him as another son of yours.

I'm sure your family and friends will understand, and maybe warm up to the fact that he is a new addition to your family and saves everyone that awkward feeling..

Respectfully yours