Relative Placement

Sarah - posted on 01/17/2010

I have been given provisional placement at the moment of my cousin little girl (8 months) while children services are deciding whether or not to grant me kinship carer... which will no doubt be approved.. just the fun of children services :) ..

Sarah - posted on 01/17/2010

I'm new here and I'm so glad I saw this post. My two nephews (9 and 3) are staying with me. Unlike ya'll, I don't have legal guardianship of the boys. Their parents just brought them over to stay while they work out their issues. The older one was having issues at school- behavior, homework, classwork, etc but since he's been staying with me, his teacher is all praises about much his behavior and work has improved.

Cindy - posted on 09/07/2009

I'm new to "Circle of Mom's" glad to read all of your responses. I currently have my 3rd cousins in my home. They are twin two year old boys. I'd agree that the most difficult part of the whole situation is dealing with the family. They tend to try and take advantage of the situation and from time to time seem to expect me to "break rules." But you can't "have your cake and eat it too" Life has consequences! My Focus is the children, they are the victims in the situation and they deserve a chance at life...without the drama!

Lisa - posted on 08/13/2009

I train foster families who are in relative placement situations and going through licensing. I have two points of advice for you that I give my families:
1. Do NOT let birth parents (or other relatives) take advantage of you as a relative. You are now a representative of the state's system not by your doing. Your role as a relative is now secondary to your primary role as a foster care giver. Let them know that you are following the guidelines that social services has given to you, and you need to follow them in order to provide a RELATIVE home to these children.
2. It may be difficult to work with social services, but find your allies and pick and choose your battles wisely. There are many things that foster parents can do to better the relationship with workers. Voluntarily communicate with the worker (I find email the best) what is going on-both the ups and downs, leaving detailed messages will expedite their responses to you, do the things that you can do and do whatever you can do to help expedite getting the services you need. There's a lot of resources, but if you wait for the worker, you'll be waiting longer.

Other suggestions: find a support group with veteran foster parents that can help you navigate the system, go to court hearings, use the internet to learn about federal and state guidelines (if you have time), and keep working with the system (you may be tagged as "uncooperative" if you don't and lose a lot more), and remember to take care of "YOU" too.

Good luck!

Kathrin - posted on 07/31/2009

Give her lots of love and keep her close as often as possible. Babies are kind of like baby animals relying on smell. It may sound wierd but put something in her crib like your pillow case off your pillow that smells like you. It works, she'll recognize your smell as being HER grown up. Let your 4 yr old know that she is his, too. That way she's not taking you away from him, he's getting her and it gives her onership too. Good Luck!

Ashley - posted on 07/31/2009

my sister has 3 babies, 2 boys (4,2) and now a daughter(1 month) as we speak my nephews are in the process of being adopted by one of her old close friends. Reason being she did not comply with anything the division asked of her, resulting in termination of her rights. My neice was born june 11th and was taken june 15th, because of my sisters track record, and mental instability. The day they took her, i spoke with the officers and the lady in charge of dyfs, i told them i wanted to be the first recourse for placement, its now a month later and they finaly called me to do a home assessment, so they can place her here. In this time, my sister has shown no change in her behavior, and is still running around doing the same things that got her trouble. Im very nervous that once i have the baby she will be even more relaxed(like she was with my nephews) and ill end up adopting the baby. Which i have no problem with, my problem is havin her think she can be here everyday. I have a 4yr old son and i dont want him to be that affected by this...what do i have to look forward to with social services and the stress with my sister? Aslo im nervous that since the baby has been with this foster mom for a month and a half that she will not take to me, im so confused on what i should do...pls help

Kathrin - posted on 07/05/2009

My husband's niece just gave us her 3 (3, 6, 7). they have been with us 1 month. The agreement is for a year. TELL ME ABOUT DRAMA. 1.5 years ago we called cps, they took them for 8 months and gave them back at the begin of the school year ('08-'09). No one in my husband's family would talk to us. 2 weeks before school got out she asked us to take them for the summer ........ other drama including her leaving the state..... we agreed. she came back and we told her sign for 1 year or else. Now the family is being nice because they are so screwed up no one else wants them. any tid bits of advice would be welcome .... legal or otherwise .... we are scared what will happen in a year and feeling lost a little. PS, our only who is 16 is tolorating as best he can with all the new noise ;)

Kristi - posted on 06/24/2009

Yes!!! I know you posted this a while back...but my husband and I are fostering our niece. Relative Placement...can you say, "please manipulate us?" We've been thru alot with the birth mom. Since we are relatives she really thought she could manipulate and that she was "different" because she was a relative. We put an end to that after about the second month!! It's June and we still have our niece.

Kristi

Tiffaney - posted on 05/29/2009

I am 24 and have my 16 year old nephew and his brother at 14 years of age!! both boys are just awesome as long as their mother is not around!! the 16 year old told his parents he wanted nothing to do with them and came to live with me. the 14 year old I took him from his mother and went to the courts and got custody of him and his sister that has sense gone back. CPS didn't get to involved as the kids called me when some things were not right and I called the cops and took the kids that day. So i had to get it all done myself. If some thing like this was to happen again I would do it the same way. Dealing with CPS is not always the easiest. I am lucky when it comes to family because they are all extremely supportive of my choice to take the kids. they would have all done it them self's if they were in a position to do so!! Either way I love the boys just as much as my own two children!! good luck to all with your own situations!!! Tiffaney West

Rhonda - posted on 05/23/2009

I adopted my niece and nephew. It was a very rough road while we were waiting to adopt them, b/c of family drama. I can totally relate. But now that we have adopted them both, we're trying to establish our own family way.

Amy - posted on 02/19/2009

My niece (now 8) and nephew (now 6) were placed with us in April of 2007. It's been almost two years now and we are still waiting for a date for the termination hearing. It's very hard dealing with my family. They have been more frustrating than the system or the kids. The process is slow when there isn't sufficient staff for the amount of kids in care. There are state laws that state how long the children should be in state care before they terminate the birth parent's parental rights. Unfortunately our social workers are overworked so the deadlines come and go easily. If you need to chat then I'm willing. It's a tough process when it's relatives and the support is crucial. Blessings, Amy Jean from WA

Nancy - posted on 02/17/2009

I have custody of my great neice (age 1) and nephew (3).  I have had them since Dec. 2007.  It has been a rough road to travel.  The children are a breeze to take care of, but dealing with my family has been more than difficult.  Working with social services has been hard, as well.  I love the children, and I would love to adopt them because I know the parents have no plans to change.  The problem has been that the process is going so slow.  I would love to find others to compare my situation with and to get some advice possibly. 

Rosemary - posted on 02/04/2009

yes I have ?! It was a blast to know that my niece was with me and she was taken care of and i knew where she was ! We did end up giving her up DRAMA!! Family drama that is! It was a blessing while we had her. It was hard to give her up. She is I believe getting adopted to a really niece family! That is so HARD!! U go for it and hang in there if it gets hard I wish we would have not given up in the hard times But its all in Gods timing. Bless u Rose from TX

Ashley - posted on 01/29/2009

In August of 2007, we recieved a 5 month old.  She was very unhealthy and we got her back up to speed.  On February 1st 2008, we had to turn her over to her cousin who is now about to officially adopt her.  It is very hard, but we see her very happy and established with them as a daughter.  Why, what is your situation?