Trying to adopt

Penny - posted on 11/19/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I don't want to bore everyone with 4 years of history but long story short...we took in two sisters 4 years ago they are related to a relative so it was a family placement. Mom has been out of their lives this entire time. 2 years ago we were given legal custody but not permanent custody. Birth mom has just come out of rehab (again) and wants her kids back. Right now she has supervisd visitation 2 hours once a week. The visitation is very hard on the girls, they are out of control for a couple of days after a visit. Birth mom and her live in boyfriend have both been arrested for domestic violence, CSB has been involved with his children living in the home.

I need advice. Have any of you had to navigate this legal quagmire to get your kids? How did your kids react after visitation? How do you handle the pain yourself?

Now to add more fuel to the fire, someone told me she is passing my picture around to her friends so that people can spy on me with the girls. At least I hope all they're supposed to do is spy and not hurt me.

Any advice or info to share would be appreciated.

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Jolayne - posted on 07/05/2010

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You really need to document EVERYTHING.

Whats their behavior like afterward?

How long did it last? (my little guy at 2 yrs was angry for a solid week).

The best advice I can share is do not take it personally (believe me this is going to kill you some days ) but needs to be done.

A little secret about the system that our support worker (god bless her) mentioned after dealing with my several rants about various bio moms and what they are putting through thier kids.

The system is set up for the PARENTS not the kids unfortunatly the kids have no rights in this matter it's all about what's best for the bio family REGARDLESS of how messed up they are they have full rights.

You are just the glorfied babysitter untill they can get thier act together.

Believe me I've delt with my share of terrible caseworkers and so called support workers to know what I'm taking about.

Stand your ground with these people document document document that will be your only saving grace .

These notes that are given to the courts are considered legal documentation and will hold up this has been my experience.

If thier bio mom is on fb then BLOCK HER and any family she asociates herself with (I've had to do this).



Good luck seriously I hope I was of any help to you



p.s I've fostered over 16 children and babies and have seen it all

Autumn - posted on 11/19/2009

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I thank fully haven't gone through all that, so i am not going to be of much help. But the one baby i have now is only 3 months old and his mother is violent both physically and mentally. She has a boyfriend who is also violent. She of course wants her son back but may or may not happen daddy wants custody but at the moment it's a long story. The mother has visitation 3x a week for 2 1/2 hrs. I don't think she should be granted that much but im not the judge who ordered it. However her and i have gotten into arguments over stupid things and she has become violent with me and the case worker is aware of this and it's only making things worse for her. Long story short. It's hard to tell if her behavior is affecting the baby since he is to young to really know what is going on. But seems to me in your case if the girls are acting like they are the visits should be happening it's only going to make things worse. I wish you the best Good luck and hope everything works out for you. Sorry i can't be of any help but hopefully someone can. Take care!

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