When the foster child returns home to their family

Autumn - posted on 10/13/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I think the hardest thing about being a foster parent is when the child(ren) return home. It's so heartbreaking. I know that is the goal when they come to us in the first place but it doesn't make it any easier. How have some of you dealt with the return of your children? Do you stay in touch with them still etc?

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Jolayne - posted on 07/05/2010

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Hi Autumn

I understand the difficulty your going through.
My husband and I have been in the system now for 7 years and on our way out very shortly here.
We fostered a little boy 2 yrs old back in 2007 had him for nearly 2 years then within a week of us getting the notice he was returned to bio mom.
Up until that time the caseworkers were planning our adoption of him.
What really bugged me was the fact that bio mom admitted that she could not be a positive parent to him but because she gave birth to another chld and for 4 months was able to "keep her safe" the courts decided "what the hell give her another chance ".
This little guy was bounced back and forth for 2 1/2 years getting visits (85% were missed ) only to go back to a very violent home .
During the time that he was away we were unable to keep in touch with him (although we heard through the grapevine that there was no food in the house and he was missing school).
In April 2009 (5 months later) we got the call that he was back in the system again along with his 9 month old sister.
They were both malnurished infact the baby at 9 months old was the size of a 3-6 month old due to mom not feeding her on a regular basis and giving her nothing but watered down formula.

It's been a very tough road but we are in the process of adopting the 2 little ones and shutting our doors to foster care .

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Amanda - posted on 09/30/2013

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I remember being a foster child and while it was a short time only I remember the foster parents first names only. I don't have last names and I miss them to this day. I often wonder and think of them and think do they know how much I appreciate them caring for me until my grandma got custody of me. Just know it's hard on the kids too as good foster parents develop a special bond with each child a supportive friendships can last years if your able to keep in touch please do so. letters of how your family is dding ect keeping in touch is hard with kids in foster system but keeping up on them showes you truly did care to the child and could form a lifetime of friendship with them as they get older. depending on child but that's what I wish my foster parents were able to do.

Brenda - posted on 09/20/2012

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I have had a couple children come in to my home return to the parent. I supported it each time. I could see the parent was trying and did every thing told to them. I still am contected to one of them. ( half sibling) to another child I still have. We do sibling visits so I see him all the time. His dad is wonderful and deserves him. I have had other cases where. I could see the PARENT was not doing as good as they could. Visits would go great bad great bad. after 3 years of this the courts could not decide return or term.Mom is doing so so. NOT perfect but not doing what she was. The kids are still in my care...With most of my children I talk or see the bio parents weekly some times more. So I can totally see if the parent is changing or not. If I see they are I support it. Its not as hard letting them go. It will be hard with this one case becuz I see very little change and I dont feel they should return.

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