Should you keep twins in the same class?

Laura - posted on 01/16/2009 ( 39 moms have responded )

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I am the mother of twins that will be 3 in May. I currently have them enrolled in a mother's day out program 2 days a week and intentionally put them in separate classes. While one of my twins seems to be very outgoing and "wild" the other is more reserved and "cuddly". I have heard it is best to split them up and thought it was a good idea. I want them to be their own person and not to rely on or hide in the other one's shadow. Anyone have experience with this and what did you do? Pro's/Con's?

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Tammy - posted on 06/17/2013

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Hello. I am the mom of twin 8 year old twin girls. The school has now asked if we would like to separate them next year. I really don't want to. My heart is tellin me to not to. Please help me!!!! Has anyone been though this? They have been together since pre-school and i really don't want to separate them. When we asked the girls what they thought about it, they both cried and said please mommy don't!! My heart is breakin.

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my experience was they wanted me to split my twins, with resistance I did. It has been working great. The reasons were, so they would develop their own personalities and circle of friends and not be referred to as the "twins". They also said that it would be good because they might not achieve on the same level so there wouldn't be "competition". It has been great honestly I thought they needed each other, but in reality they didnt. It was nice to because they got a break from each other and werent just playing with each other, sometimes I think keeping them together made them more dependent upon one another. So I survived and they are fine and they enjoy being separate. They eat lunch together and ride next to each other on the bus. It has allowed to excel in different areas and when they get home in the evening it is exciting they sit and exchange stories about their friends and teachers. The teacher still mix up my boys even though they arent in the same class....:(

Andrea - posted on 01/22/2010

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I put mine in different classes. I personally think it has really helped them become themselves. not "the twins". My daughter is also the dominant one of the 2 and putting them in different classes has really helped my son to find himself and be able to stand up for himself and voice his opinions more. She would tend to answer for him before. Each family situation is different, but for me, separating them has been the best thing for us

Angela - posted on 03/15/2010

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my twins were put in different classes when they were in year 1 and have been ever since... it was the best i believe for them... and i wouldnt change it if i had the chance all over again...

Arlene - posted on 07/27/2009

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hi, my twiins were both in seperate classes and schools for a couplel of years, and then in the 4th grade they were in the same class. They complained for a couple ofo weeks but it worked out. Theh school is actually the one who thought it would work. I think it depends on your childrens peronality. My boys are each others best friends,although they get on each others nerves sometimes. They have always been very close and hang out with the same friends although not always at the same time.

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Nathalie - posted on 06/24/2013

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I have 6 years old twins and they did the 1st year of preschool together since it was a new school and a new language so the head of the school said it is important for them to adapt gradually. in the 2nd and 3rd year they were seperated and I personally believe it makes them more confident and less competitive. They still play together in recess and ride the bus home together and they share many of the same friends but it avoids comparing grades and skills which is important for any sibling.

Nicole - posted on 07/05/2010

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Maybe for the first school year, but after that I don't think I'm going to. I want them to become individual and not always rely on the other being there. So I figure start that when their young, so you don't struggle with it at a later time. Like I've seen on T.V.

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I am a mother of 9 year old twin girls. I had the same issue.. I allowed them to start class together for about a month, then split them to different classes. It worked out very well. My girls each have their own personality and charecter. And I proud to say they are both doing very well in school....

Sheryl - posted on 01/28/2010

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To elaborate a little more on how my twin girls are individuals even though they started school in the same classes. As I said they are seniors this year. Along with attending high school, they both are in a dual enrollment program with the local comm. college. One is enrolled for cosmetology while the other is going to be a veterinarian for small animals. See what I mean by being their own anyway?

Sheryl - posted on 01/28/2010

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I am the mother of twin girls that are seniors this year. I had a lot of people tell me I should split them up so they could build their own individual personalities. I learned quickly that my two were already developing their own personalities and decided to let the school decide when and if they would go into seperate classes. My girls stated preschool in seperate classes and have been all the way through. Of course when they hit middle school, they did share a couple of classes on occassion as they have through out high school. They have done very well for themselves this way. They are as much alike as they are different and I believe this is simply because they are twins (one in the same) and being alike is something that can not be changed. Just give them love, guidence, nurturing, discipline and friendship, and a sound structured up bringing and you will be pleased in the end. Just remember to always be open and honest with your children if you want them to be open and honest. Children do learn what they live. You may have a bummpy ride here or there but hang on, they will make you laugh, cry, angry, nervous and probably a few other things I have not mentioned but most of all they will make you proud. It is great being a mother of twins. Good luck and best of wishes with school when the time comes.

Lisa - posted on 01/23/2010

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My twins stayed together in preschool. It was a daycare/preschool facility and there was only one class that was strictly preschool, not day care. So, they were together for their first two years. When we enrolled in K, I asked the boys what they wanted. They both asked to be apart. They really thrived on being apart and treated as the individual beings that they are. That said, I think it is a very individual decision. You know your children best. If they are very attached to one another, you may initially want to keep them together to transition to this whole new world. I had one who was quite dependent on the other. In the end, it was best that they were kept together at the age of 3 and then separated when they were ready for real school. It was challenging at times to have them in different classes with different assignments but they are now in 7th grade and it really doesn't matter. They are learning at their own levels and neither is holding the other back. One has ADHD and the other has dyslexia. Both present their own issues and they are best met by different people. However, they did spend half of 6th grade in the same classes. So, no easy answer. Good luck with the decision.

Jessica - posted on 01/18/2010

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My boys were in preschool together and did just fine. They are now in separate kindergarden classes and they are fine. They have different personalities and are progressing at different rates so I think it was a good idea for them to be apart. I'm afraid one would have held the other back otherwise. I think it's good for them to spend some time apart. They still get to play together at recess if they choose. It should be based on what is best for your twins though. What may have been good for us, may not work out with you. Good Luck!

Diana - posted on 08/18/2009

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I put my boys in two different classes and it worked for me i used to be assistant at a school that had two set of twin one pair was split and the others were in the same class one mom wanted them to exper. own friends sharing what they did at school that day. The other mom just wanted them togather. my boys are giong to be held back this year they will be in the first grade im going to place them togeather for the first time. you are the only one that will be able to choose what is best for your children what ever choice you make it will be the right one!

Ginger - posted on 08/14/2009

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I decided to base my decision on my children's personalities. I think that it probably doesn't matter--really. You just don't want to tramatize anyone :)

Edwina - posted on 07/14/2009

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I am the mom of 17 year old twin boys, and a public school counselor. We have always chosen to keep our guys separate because they get along better at home that way. There have been two classes in high school where they happened to be together, and that worked out okay. Now they are looking at colleges and have decided to go together and room together... but they will be doing separate majors. I think they get along better not spending every moment of the day together.

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My twins are four and a half. They've gone to preschool the past two years through the public schools, and they've had separate classes. They'll be together in kindergarten. They've done just fine being separated. I think it was good for them to make friends on their own. When they're together, they tend to ignore everyone else. Now my twin who used to be more shy is more outgoing. I worried about them being lonely, they'd never been apart, but preschool is only 3 hours. And they were just fine.

Sarah - posted on 06/15/2009

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I have had my twins together and seperate. As a parent it was easier for me for them to be together for homework sake, class parties, the same field trips and so on. When they were seperate and had diff teachers we had an issue of one being pushed really hard in some subjects and the other taking off in other subjects. When my husband and I were deciding if we should seperate them we asked the opinion of their preschool teacher. She felt they would be fine either way since they played with each other but also played well with other kids and were not dependant on having each other. My twins are now 8 and we ask them if they would like to be with each other. (Normally one says yes and one says no so it doesn't always help to answer the question!) Good luck with your decision!

Jennifer - posted on 05/02/2009

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I have twin boys. One has a tendency to depend on the other when he is nervous or feeling shy. We chose to put them in pre-school together for two year and they will be going to kindergarten in seperate classes this fall. We have talked with them about this and stressed how now they will each get their own teacher- they are excited, but a little nervous . It is a tough decision, but I hope it helps my shy guy to gain some confidence and my caretaker to have some freedom. Good luck with your decision- you know your kids the best!

Tristine - posted on 04/24/2009

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My boys are now in the first grade and I did this in kindergarten. It was the best thing I could have done for my "shy" one. He has his own friends and his confidence has gone up. He is no longer compared to his brother for everything.

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My twins are 7. I had them remain together in kindergarten, and half way through the school year, I realized why the Principal wanted them seperated.  For first grade..they are in seperate classes and every thing is going well!  Things will be chaotic for class parties and such, but their individuality depends on the time they can devote to just themselves. If the twin is too near, one may be more reserved or wild..give them room to grow, do not keep their best interests confused with yours!!

Brandie - posted on 03/09/2009

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I have 12 year old identical twin girls,kindergarten and first grade we seperated them but after that they have been in the same class it was easier with projects and homework.they are now in 6th grade and only have a couple classes together but get the same homework and projects it makes it easier. there gonna be seperated enough in high school.

Laura - posted on 03/07/2009

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Again, I am welcoming all comments. So far they are doing okay in separate classes. The more shy however stubborn one I think is still missing her sisters but from what the teachers say, is doing great. She is also doing better at home. I think it is going to be a year by year evaluation with my girls. Time will only tell!

Pedtra - posted on 03/07/2009

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My boys are in kindergarten and are in different classes. They are doing great. It allowed them to make their own separate friends.

Anne - posted on 02/17/2009

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I agree with Kandi, dont let people tell you what is best for your children.  You know them better than anyone else.  Do whats best according to your heart, its usually the best indicator.



Hugs,



Anne :)

Kandi - posted on 02/17/2009

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My twins are 7. And just like you said about yours.. they are so different.



 



One has always been outgoing, and the other has always been a little more shy.



They went to their first year of school last year. .(Kindergarden) and that year I had them in seperate classes.. I always heard that it was good for them, and that it would teach them individuality..



It was so hard that first year.. not even so much for them, but for me.



I wanted to be a hands on mom at the school, and volunteer. I wanted to be there for all of the parties and awards ceremonies... But to my surprise. It was almost next to impossible.



I had to split my time, and miss things with one or the other.



So, For this school year, I decided that I wanted them in the same class...



I even had to fight with the principal to get them in. (It was against their policy) But I managed to do so....



I just want to say.. They have kept their individuality. In fact.. I think that the one that USED to be the "shy" one... has come out of her shell.. and not so because she "uses" her sister.. but I think that it is almost like a competetive thing at this point.



They both try harder in school, because they don't want the other to do better...



They have both went up 5 points in reading, and they couldn't even read when they started this grade, and they had no willingness to try when I would work with them before..



But now, they are both at a second grade reading level.. and they still have 8 weeks left of 1st grade.



I really think that it will be something that as their mother, you will be the one that will have to judge..



And even if someone tells you that they don't think it's a good idea.... Don't let someone tell you what is best for YOUR kids.. or yourself.. even if you find that it is easier for you to be more hands on at the school.. because THAT in its self makes for a better learning experience..



Do what you need to do.., even if your schools, and teachers/principals have other idea's.



They do not know everything.. depite what they tell you.

Anne - posted on 02/13/2009

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My twins, daughter and son,  are 18 and graduated HS last year.  They started a special pre-school when they were 3 because of speech. They were in separate classes. They were in separate classes through out their schooling.  They were in some of the same classes in High School.



A friend of mine has identical girls who are 16 and they are miserable when they are separated.  So she advocates to keep them together.  They actually work after school in separate jobs.



I think you need to see what works best for your children.  In the end, they will be fine :)



Hugs,



Anne :)

Diane - posted on 02/02/2009

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I revisit this issue at least once a school year, wondering if I'm doing the right thing. Aside from the points that have already been made, separating them often means that the teaching styles of two teachers can be very different. Often that meant that one had a much more rigorous school year with homework and grading, which sometimes was discouraging when they saw their twin "getting off easier". That alone has caused some tension at home. I'm interested in following this conversation though, because every year I think there has to be a better way.
BTW, for my boys, they still share the same circle of friends, because the kids in this district tend to make friends from their neighborhood or bus, because its so much easier to get together.

Laura - posted on 02/01/2009

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I appreciate all the responses and still look forward to seeing more. So far, they are doing fine in their own classes and for the whole whopping month they have been going, I can already see some changes for the better in the both of them. My girls are fraternal twins and are very close but so different in personalities. One is wild (red head) and the other one is cuddly. I like the idea of the docking station that Juanita wrote about. Seeing as all of my girls (I have a total of 3) will be only a year apart in school, that just might come in handy! Again, thanks for all the advice and look forward to hearing more.

Lyssa - posted on 02/01/2009

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I have 14 year old fraternal twin boys.  Except kindergarten, they have always been in seperate classes in school.  I believe it's one of the best thing we've done for them.  They each get their own turf, friends and interests.  Today, they have decided to go to 2 different high schools!  Plus for the parents, when they get home, they have lots to talk about and share.  Therefore, they get along great!!! 

Juanita - posted on 01/29/2009

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I am the mother of 7 yr old/2nd grade twins and decided to separate them as well.  It has worked out wonderfully for them.  They have different learning styles and so far they have been matched with teachers that suit their needs perfectly.  Like you I believe they should be their own person.  They're twins and that is special and no one will ever take that away......at the same time they're also individuals and unique from one another.  The only advanced warning is that you will need to have a system to keep the school work and activities straight since it will be so similar it can be easy to lose track of who is doing what, when.  I use a homework dockin station with individual magazine files to help keep track.  I can also tell you this.....it's been so special to see them have this journey of learning and friends and discovering who they are and even though they are in separate classes they're sharing experiences and still doing it together somehow.  Good luck in you decision.

Janet - posted on 01/28/2009

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I've got 16 year old twins, and they were never in the same class in school. I coached them in soccer (all boy and my daughter), and t-ball ( was coed). Then my daughter asked me if she could play on a girls soccer team .... and that was it, she loved it. I coached two teams....after that. I left it up to the school about whether to put them in the same class - they actually know best, they teach children all the time and know the issues. I had one that was a wonderful student - he was labeled "Talented and Gifted", my daughter was "average - middle of the road student" didn't bother her. They are both pretty well adjusted kids and great friends - have fun and enjoy the ride.

Nancy - posted on 01/24/2009

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Hi. When our twins were born, I was appalled that schools would split twins, but as ours grew, we realized that it would be best for them to be separated. Our boys are 8 years old and in 2nd grade. One is a sponge as far as learning goes. He loves to learn and pushes himself. The other is not as interested in learning. He is extremely social and active and would rather play with friends. Our stronger learner already corrects his brother at home and I don't want that happening at school. So for our boys, it is best that they are separated and not compared at school. The 2nd grade teachers at their school all have the same homework and that makes it easier on us at home.



You really need to look at your twins and make the best decision for them. Would they fall apart daily if they are not together? Are they too dependant on each other and would benefit by some time apart? Are they too competitive with each other?



Just a side note, my mom is a twin and she and her brother were in kindergarten together and she says they picked on each other all day long...tripping each other, hitting, etc. Her kindergarten teacher said she wouldn't put another teacher through that with those two. Pretty funny.



Good luck with your decision!

Rachelle - posted on 01/24/2009

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Hello. My boy/girl twins are in separate classrooms. I can see it being easier to have them in the same class as far as homework, field trips, conferences, etc. but I see less tendency to compare and compete with each other having separate classrooms. I've read a book on the subject and found it can be difficult on identical twins to be separated if they are very close and may do better being together. Other than that, don't they spend enough time being together at home?

Laura - posted on 01/23/2009

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Well, so far so good. I want to thank everyone that has given a reply. I have seen a difference in Cami (the more reserved) in just two weeks. She is getting more spunky and standing up to her sisters. She is also talking a lot better. I think now that she doesn't have the other's to rely on, she is being forced from her shell. I guess time will tell. I still would love to hear from other's though. It is nice having a place to come to and find others that have faced the same situation!

Lori - posted on 01/23/2009

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I enrolled my 4 year old boy/girl twins in preschool this year.  They are in seperate classes and I don't regret it one bit.  My daughter lacked confidence in herself.  Even though she still has a long way to go, I have seen great improvement in her.  Do what you feel is best in your heart.

Mary Jane - posted on 01/23/2009

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Hi. My twins were seperated in pre-k and did great! The owner of the school they attended did not allow twins to be together. However, I decided to put them together in kindergarten. I spoke with the teacher and the principal up front. My twins are not really dependant on each other. They have polar opposite personalities and run in completely different social circles. They have done extremely well being together. They are in the same class but the teacher tells me they don't really interact with each other. For the first couple of weeks, they did sit by each other in the lunchroom but those days are over! I did this partially for them because I wanted the transition to big kid school to be as easy as possible. But I also did it partially for me. Having 2 field trips, 2 conferences, 2 holiday programs and 2 sets of homework wreaked havoc on my work schedule. This has made my life so much simpler! Bet in the end, you have to do what is best for you and your twins. Hope this helps!

Julie - posted on 01/22/2009

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My twins turned 2 in Nov. 2008.  I have learned, and am continuing to learn, that they seem to do much better being separated in class.  When they are at home they love to play together and if one is not around, then one of them is looking for the other.  I separated them from sleeping in the same room at 5 mos. old b/c one of them would wake the other one at nap or in the night.  I have them in the same class at PDO but the teacher tells me that they don't really play with each other a whole lot but more so individually with other kiddos in the class.  Although I haven't done it yet, I'll probably put them in separate classes next year for PDO.



The bottom line is that you have to do what works for you and your children.  This is the central truth that I find in visiting with other moms.  When I found that I was expecting twins, I had this vision of them being very close and not wanting to be apart.  This is not what works really well for them and I'm okay with that.  My pediatrician always tells me to "go with what your gut feeling."  So many times I've proven to myself that my doctor is right.  Analyze some different situations with your twins and listen to some things that work for other moms and I'm sure you'll make the decision that's right for you and your family! :-)



 

Kelly - posted on 01/20/2009

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Hi,my girls are 6 now and they are in the same class at school,it works for them! I spoke to the teachers before they started and said I didn't want them pushed together but that I didn't want them to be pulled apart against their will either,so the school put them into different groups within the same class and there has never been a problem,they have their own friends and are completely individual but get comfort from having each other near by! In nearly 2 years of school we haven't had any tears yet,which is very comforting for me. The only downside is they don't like going if one is off school ill as they are used to going in together. Hope it helps.

Tricia - posted on 01/18/2009

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Hello. I have always kept my boys together. Right now, they are in Kindergarten and are doing great. They are in the same class but their teacher has them sitting away from each other. They have their own personalities and have different friends. I think that they do great in the classroom with each other. They do not hide in one anothers shadow. One of mine is cuddly and like yours the other is kind of wild. It works for me.

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