Ungrateful adult children I need advice

Sandy - posted on 01/07/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

2

6

0

My daughter and my 2 year old grandson moved in with me and my husband. I was paying all of her bills any way so it kind of saved me some money. She is working 2 jobs and I am still paying all of her bills. Her attitude is horrible and treats me and my husband very badly. Now my adult son is living here I just don't understand why they are still my problem. I get treated like crap at my job and want to quit but I can't depend on my kids to help with anything. At least my son helps clean the house. I never even get a thank-you for anything just complaining and attitude.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Denikka - posted on 10/10/2011

2,160

5

748

If you can't apply the tough love idea when it's needed, you're doing your child a great disservice.
Obviously, somewhere along the line, your child ended up with a sense of entitlement. She needs to be taught that the world will not be handed to her on a silver platter. And the sooner the better.
Think about this:
You supply everything for your daughter. She never learns to be independent. So what happens when you CAN'T provide for her anymore? What happens if, heaven forbid, you and your hubby died tomorrow?? How would she know how to care for herself? How to pay bills? etc.

It's the same as never allowing your child to tie their own shoes. When you're not there to do it any more, they get lost.
You can start off slow, I'm not saying to throw her out on her butt, but make a move forward. Tell her you expect her to contribute some money towards the household, rent, utilities and food. Have her take care of her own chores, like laundry. And you need to make a stance that if she doesn't want to follow your rules, then she needs to find somewhere else to live, because you refuse to be disrespected in your own home.
Good luck :)

Beverly - posted on 01/16/2010

2

5

0

We are not responsible for our adult children, and we should not feel guilty about it. Sometimes we need to use "tough love", and it's especially hard when there are grandkids involved. Your daughter and son are lucky to have you and your husband care so much. Even though they are your kids I think you will need to sit them down and set up a time line for them to move out and rules. First, stop paying their bills! Then chores need to be established. Get a little tough Sandy

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

7 Comments

View replies by

Sandy - posted on 06/29/2014

2

6

0

Things have changed and not changed since I posted this 4 years ago! My daughter had another child from a different father! Not in the picture ! She moved out and got on housing now she is one of those working the system. I still pay her phone bill because of the Grandkids. I still paid her car payment. Last summer she got a DUI and possession of marijauna charge in Kansas City Mo I took the car away and she was not happy I gave it back when she started school. She ended up violating probation and going to jail for 3 weeks and I had to take care of her children plus pay for expensive calls from jail and send money so she could have necessaries . She didn't learn a thing after loosing her student loan and having to drop out of school! I paid the car off and gave it to her . She is stuck with it. I'm not going to get her another one! If she messes up again I'm taking her kids! I am finally to the point of applying More than tough love! Update on my son. He moved out got married and I see him about once a month!

Carolyn - posted on 06/29/2014

1

0

0

I am a mom of two , my son will be 29 next month and we threw him out 16 mos. ago Let me start from the beginning becau. my husse it is a different situation of what i read. my son had cancer at age 6 1/2 years of age i never let him alone in the hosp for a day. my inlaws took care
of my girl she was about 3 at the time being diagonsed with delays my husband stayed at the hosp. over thsayinge weekend and i took the week shift this went on for about a year. my daughter was diagonsed with mental and physical disabilities. . my son grew up with a mom who did all sports birthday partys and play dates for we live in the country. my son turned into this monster when he got his license, totallyed 5 cars on his 2nd dwi, would urinate in bed and pants yes we got him help but is to old to tell what to do so we threw him out. he lives with 3 roomates and lives down the road from us now. at the time we made him pay rent unless he went to school of some sort to get a trade, but insists he is a farmer. just lost his finger in a accident at work , gets paid in cash, no bank accounts or credit cards. he stolen money from us and my credit card out of my wallet he does this to me i guess he is to afraid of his dad, he treats me like shit but when he needed some to take to doctors that right that was me. he only calls or is nice if he wants something, i am trying to break the cycle, and yes i will tell what a ass he is to us and to his sister who adores him. she is 25 have the mind of a 5 year old.
i am at the point that if he calls or text me hows my day i get unconfortable for i dont know whats around the cornor. I am a hairdresser and always wants haircut , bread trims . he drinks too much has ruined some of my husbands equipment I tell that ur fault he is not reliable , he just started to say no I am at a loss we are in our sixtys and worried about who going to take of our girls he cant even take care of himself and yes he is selfish and disrespectful to basically me th mom. at a lost. .

Colleen - posted on 05/22/2010

10

26

1

Say what you will, but the "tough love idea" does not work for all of us. Or maybe we just are unable to apply the idea.

Colleen - posted on 05/22/2010

10

26

1

Oh my gosh! I thought I was the only one who goes through this. The same, but different. We need to talk, but my miserable child is right behind me..

Pam - posted on 01/09/2010

7

0

1

Why were YOU paying all her bills. Now she is working 2 jobs, why are you still paying all her bills? Sounds to me like you need to get some tough love going. Tell her she pays her own bills or you evict her. How old are these ungrateful children. Why do you get treated like crap at work? Get some counseling?

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms