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Ungrateful adult children I need advice

Sandy - posted on 01/07/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

My daughter and my 2 year old grandson moved in with me and my husband. I was paying all of her bills any way so it kind of saved me some money. She is working 2 jobs and I am still paying all of her bills. Her attitude is horrible and treats me and my husband very badly. Now my adult son is living here I just don't understand why they are still my problem. I get treated like crap at my job and want to quit but I can't depend on my kids to help with anything. At least my son helps clean the house. I never even get a thank-you for anything just complaining and attitude.

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Denikka - posted on 10/10/2011

1,803

If you can't apply the tough love idea when it's needed, you're doing your child a great disservice.
Obviously, somewhere along the line, your child ended up with a sense of entitlement. She needs to be taught that the world will not be handed to her on a silver platter. And the sooner the better.
Think about this:
You supply everything for your daughter. She never learns to be independent. So what happens when you CAN'T provide for her anymore? What happens if, heaven forbid, you and your hubby died tomorrow?? How would she know how to care for herself? How to pay bills? etc.

It's the same as never allowing your child to tie their own shoes. When you're not there to do it any more, they get lost.
You can start off slow, I'm not saying to throw her out on her butt, but make a move forward. Tell her you expect her to contribute some money towards the household, rent, utilities and food. Have her take care of her own chores, like laundry. And you need to make a stance that if she doesn't want to follow your rules, then she needs to find somewhere else to live, because you refuse to be disrespected in your own home.
Good luck :)

Colleen - posted on 05/22/2010

Say what you will, but the "tough love idea" does not work for all of us. Or maybe we just are unable to apply the idea.

Colleen - posted on 05/22/2010

Oh my gosh! I thought I was the only one who goes through this. The same, but different. We need to talk, but my miserable child is right behind me..

Beverly - posted on 01/16/2010

We are not responsible for our adult children, and we should not feel guilty about it. Sometimes we need to use "tough love", and it's especially hard when there are grandkids involved. Your daughter and son are lucky to have you and your husband care so much. Even though they are your kids I think you will need to sit them down and set up a time line for them to move out and rules. First, stop paying their bills! Then chores need to be established. Get a little tough Sandy

Pam - posted on 01/09/2010

Why were YOU paying all her bills. Now she is working 2 jobs, why are you still paying all her bills? Sounds to me like you need to get some tough love going. Tell her she pays her own bills or you evict her. How old are these ungrateful children. Why do you get treated like crap at work? Get some counseling?