Anyone here helping to raise their grandchildren?

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Chris - posted on 12/10/2013

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I am a 54 year old grandmother who is raising 2 of my grandchildren and I have custody of another. I have my 12 year old granddaughter and my 9 year old grandson living with me and their 8 year old brother is living with their mom for now. I share legal custody with my husband although he threw us out of his home 4 years ago and we have been on our own since. My 8 yr old grandson Mom still has rights to, the two that live with me her rights have been terminated by the state. The first year I was out on my own I was working 45 hours a week and still couldn’t pay the bills. Out of fear of losing all the kids I agreed to let my daughter take the youngest for a trial. I wish I never would have done it but at the time I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t even have a way to feed them and he was 4 at the time and I couldn’t afford his daycare even with assistance from the state.
The kids haven’t seen each other for 3 years now and it breaks my heart they can’t be together. I do get guardianship subsidy from the state here so it is much better. Their mother texts them and calls when she has minutes, but she is always bad mouthing me to them. According to her I stole the children from her because I wouldn’t lie for her and her sperm donor so the state took the kids. I have had the oldest since she was 13 months old with the parents getting her back for 6 months only to have her and her brother removed 6 months later by yet another state. I feel ripped off at being a grandmother and frustrated that it cost me my marriage but I do love the grandkids and want the best for them. Sometimes I am not sure I was the best, that maybe I should have let them be adopted by a family who could have better provided for them but the idea of not knowing what happened to them was too much for me.
Anyway I got tired of waiting for life to get better and am now full time in college (yes at 54) trying to get my Physician Assistant degree. I have 3 + more years but so far I am keeping up my grades (3.6) keeping the kids fed and clothed and sometimes it’s even fun! The kids have already made plans for any money I will make after I finish school, I think we are all tired of being poor!

Tina - posted on 01/24/2013

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I am a Grandma living with my son. He shares custody of my 3 grandkids with their mother. We have them one week and then they go with their mom. There is a lot of things going on and I don't like to talk about, because something always happens when I do. I need a place for help, advice and support. Some of the post here are similar to my mine. Thanks, looking forward to hearing back from others. I hope to help with my support and experience.

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Chris - posted on 12/08/2014

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There was a post by Shari a while back about RAD. I would venture to think there are a few RAD kids here that are being raised by grandparents ( I think the stats are like 60% of foster kids have some degree of it) anyway I wanted to tell you about a book that helped me a lot when my (now13) grand daughter younger and really bad. It's by Nancy Thomas and its called When love is not enough. Nancy Thomas has a website about RAD. For those of you dealing with it there is hope my grand daughter (other than being a teenager) is almost pleasant to be around. I don't have to worry every time we go into a store or someone's house she will take something and its not WW2 every afternoon with homework or chores.

Chris - posted on 12/08/2014

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Tina
see if there is a grandparents organization in your area. Florida had a great one run by the college. I'm in SD now and as far as I know there isn't one here, but I haven't given up looking for one. I may even start one once I get through with school

Chris - posted on 06/05/2014

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Dara unfortunately unless you stop it now it will continue. I would sit down and have a heart to heart with her. Does she want to raise her own child or does she want you too? She needs to understand if she wants a child there are things she has to give up. It is not your job to raise her child. It is your job to be a grandma! I don't know whether it is harder raising your grandchildren if their parents are living with you or if its harder to do on your own. My daughter often criticizes the way I do things with her kids, I have to remind her if she could do it better why the heck am I raising them. Giant hugs to you and hopefully you will get to be a grandma and not a second mom.

Dara - posted on 05/12/2014

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Hi, I am a single mom at 45 and have a son that is 16 and my daughter is 20 and my grandaughter is 1 1/2 yrs old. We all live together. I have a full time job and my daughter just recently enrolled in a 2 yr collage. I am very proud of her for doing that but she too wants a life other then school and baby and thinks that I should drop everything in my life to help her and when she has someone else watch the baby she wants me to end my night early and go pick up child so she can stay out all night. If I refuse she gets mad and then I give in and go pick up the baby. And also the phone is a big issue too as far as not spending good quality time with baby. It is so frustrating sometimes and I am tired of fighting and it effecting my personal life as well. Help

Donna - posted on 03/04/2014

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Hi there. My husband and I are also raising our grandson. He is now 15 and is having a bit of a rough time. We have had him since he was 3 permanently. the love we have for his is so very strong. He just started some more therapy and is doing great. I guess we will never retire either or have retirement funds but God kept bringing this gift to my doorstep and we knew we had to accept him and raise him with love and respect. He is awesome. What a gift we have been given, a child to love at this stage of our lives. ♥

Chris - posted on 02/12/2014

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Carolyn,
I think that was one of the hardest thing was losing most of my friends and feeling very alone. I now have friends that are younger and although they are a godsend there are a lot of times I feel like a fifth wheel when they do things (the old lady that tags along) I am in South Dakota now and there really isn't grand parent groups here so it's hard to meet people that are in the same situation. It's gotten a lot easier now that the kids are a bit older but its still tough some days. We are actually going to Las Vegas next month for part of a week. Cheap plane tickets and if we don't stay on the weekend the hotels are cheap too. It will be our first trip anywhere. It may not be Disney but they have wanted to go on a plane and Vegas is warm so they can swim. It should be a blast. We are spending some of our tax rebate that I wouldn't have if I didn't have them so we decided we deserved it!

Chris - posted on 02/12/2014

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I don't know what state you are in but some states have grand parent organizations ( Florida does) That have all kinds of resources. Another resource I found was the aarp website. You don't have to be a member but they have some links to help. and the one thing most states have now is the 211 feature they are a wealth of information.

Carolyn - posted on 02/03/2014

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My husband and I are raising our 7 year old grandson. We adore him and cant imagine out lives without him. His mom(our daughter) got pregnant and married his(sperm donor). Marriage lasted 6 months. All they wanted to do was party and our grandson was neglected or used as threat against each other. in other words he would threaten to take him because his parents had more money, he didn't want my grandson, just control. I am so disappointed and ashamed of our daughter, She does have mental issues (anxiety, panic attacks) and has never put our grandson before her needs either. At first we were just helping HER raise our grandson but then she would leave him with total strangers, not feed him when he was hungry, change him, just total neglect. We put our foot down and told her if she couldn't or wouldn't take care of him, we would. Fast forward, sperm donor has not seen him since he was 16 months old and that was just to pick him up and give him to his parents for the night. Our daughter has always needed men more then her son. She has always been in abusive relationships and we are so thankful that we had our grandson so he didn't have to be in these situations. His sperm donor was not given visitation because of being a flight risk. Last year he filed for visitation, hasnt seen child in over 6 yrs, but he didnt follow through and disappeared again. Thank God! We have not adopted our grandson because we know even though his sperm donor doesn't want him he would fight us having him. We love and care for our grandson as if he were our own. I can't imagine my life without him. We wont be retiring, I am a stay at home mom again. We dont have support from our families and have lost friends. Our grandson knows he was not born in my tummy but God placed him in our hearts and we are his forever family. We seek wisdom from God and place our faith in him and pray that we are doing the right thing. God bless all you Grandparents who are loving these precious blessings.

Brenda - posted on 12/15/2013

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Great for you Chris, good luck and don't think those children shouldn't be with you and they would be better off adopted by someone else, I don't believe that is true. I have had the same feelings on days when I am tired and worn out just from taking care of these two age 9 and 6 now I have had both of them since birth and I am now 52. I am lucky enough to have the opportunity to see my other 2 grandchildren who were adopted by non-relatives 1 is now 7 1/2 and my grandson is now 4, they have great adopted families, but they have provided the same thing I have provided to the two I could adopt love....so as long as you love those grandchildren you are the best person to have them an raise them....just my thoughts on your post.....have a great evening.

Carly - posted on 12/12/2013

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Tina,

I am a grandma and my son lives with me and shares custody of this two girls with their mother. We have them 1/2 the week and she is supposed to have the 1/2 the week but many times she has excuses why she can't take them when she is supposed to. We may have some of the same problems. Let me know if I can help or just listen.

Darlene - posted on 05/13/2013

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Hi! My name is Darlene and my husband and I are helping our 17 year old daughter to raise her son. Our daughter got pregnant at 15 and had her son at 16 years old. She got pregnant with a boyfriend of 3 years. He was 17 at the time she got pregnant and gave birth to their child. Our grandson was born on October 29, 2011. He is now 1 1/2 and he brings us all such joy! It can be stressful and tiring at times. But, I wouldn't trade helping our daughter out raising her son for the world! Unfortunately, the babies father took off when his son was 3 months old and hasn't been around much since. He broke my daughters heart and hardly ever sees his son. We were all surprised that he left because they were together on and off for 3 years and he was so supportive throughout the whole pregnancy. I guess he just got scared or something. :(
Anyway, that's my story in a nutshell. I look forward to meeting other grandparent's on here that are helping to raise or are raising there grand(child/children). :)

Dorothy(DEEDEE) - posted on 05/10/2013

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Hello,I have had my 2 grandsons will be going on 4 years in august,they are my sons boys he does not live will us anymore,they were living in a home will their mother in 2009 her sister, sisters kids, and boyfriend came down from california and moved their selfs right in and just took over this beautiful home me and my son got for them,the sisters boyfriend was abusive and would beat up my grandsons moms sister and there mom would go to help and he would beat her up to.she never said anything to her parents about this,i used to have my oldest grandson all the time because my son and her were no together anymore well my grandson has adhd my younger grandson stay home with the mother move because it was hard being me and my son work,i took my youngest one weekend and over heard in tell his older brother that the aunts boyfriend was locking him in the closet because he was being loud and waiting his daughter up..well i went crazy but did not tell my son because he would still be in jail..just told him yesterday been 4 years. well i find out a whole bunch of stuff had been going on the next day i took both of my grandchildren to the hospital to be check out and let my grandbaby tell his story to his doctor,which in return called dcyf.which called their so call mother fiqure and told her to go to my house where they would talk to her and place the boys in my care..wellshe had another child which was not{thank god} my grandchild and told her to go stay somewhere else with her daughter and do not return to that house her sister ,boyfriend and they kids were,,,which was my grandsons house first,but her parents would not take her sis and fam in,so my grandsons mom went to the parents house for 2DAYS AND WHEN BACK TO THE HOUSE WHERE SHE STILL IS LIVING WITH THESE PEOPLE JUST IN THEYIR HOUSE NOW,This is my problem this so called mom has only seen my grandsons maybe 20 times since 2009 and had 3 more chidren either her or anyone else does not bother with my grandsons at all no money was so ever besides 100.00 in all 4 years i brought them cell phones so they could call the boys they dont the grandparents ask me to move close to them and i did on the same street in 43 years of living they came by 2 times!!!!!!!.problem my grandsons have at lease 12 to 15 apptments a month so i can not work and their have health problems,right now my oldest son is supporting us because they dad is out of work and like i said nothing at all from them.my ex husband their grandfather on dads side owns a house in south carolina that he is giving me and the boys to give them a better life!...MOTHER; AND MOTHERS PARENTS..YOU ARE NOT TAKING THEM OUT OF THIS STATE..NEITHER PARTY WANTS THEM OR OFFER TO HELP BUT SHE SAIDS NO AND THE STATE IS TELLING ME SHE HAS RIGHTS!!..ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!

CINDY - posted on 02/04/2013

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Hi Tina,
I am a GrandMother that is raising my 5 yr. old Grandaughter. We have had her since she was 5 1/2 wks. old and adopted her almost 2 yrs. ago. I would love to talk to someone in the same situation.

Sara - posted on 01/06/2013

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I am 47 with a sixteen year old with a son. I see that everyone here is so happy to be a grandparent.I hate it I have to quit my job and stay home all day with a baby I am now force to raise. I know most of you will say bad things about me but I raised 5 kids already and this was supposed to be my time. I do love my grandson but just wanted to be a grandparent and not a parent at this time in my life. she goes to school and I stay home with the baby and it s__ k. soon my savings will run out and I will be forced to go on welfare. I wad a single parent now I am a single grandparent.

Jeanette - posted on 11/08/2012

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WOW Sheri! All I can say is you are a strong woman! If you have any way of moving out of the city your in and starting over with your grandson then do it! If you can't then you have to become a true soldier: Your grandson needs to know that you love him and you would do anything for him but he also needs to know that you won't take any crap from him either. Tuff love is important when there is a child that has special needs due to personality type issues. They will push all of your buttons until they hit the one that drives you crazy! Then it's like the button gets stuck, they keep pushing and pushing.... been there! I will continue to keep an eye on your postings and if there is anything I can do, please let me know. Jeanette

Sheri - posted on 11/01/2012

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hello to all the grandparents that should be enjoying there life right now but have decided they wouldnt have it any other way!:) my name is sheri, i am a single grandmother who raises a 8 yr. ol speasle needs child . he is my life!, the stress i have s off the charts at the moment but i keep on keping on. you see,,, when my daughter told me she was pregnant at 18 yrs. old i knew then things wuldnt be easy for her. she was in collage and thought she was doing well. come to find out she starte doing drugs again. when she was about 13 i was having problems with her starting the drugs. she was in and out of the juvinel systom till he was 18. when my grason was born, i thouht maybe this was a good thing for her. she made through collageand was living with the farther. then i started noticing the old behaviours . but this time it was much worse! herion! she started steeling from me when at my house, she was in and out of jail for pety theift , the last tme she did it big, stole a car ,credit cards,idenity theft, and so on. my grandson has been with me scince he was three yrs. old when ifound him he was very sick and still couldnt say even one word. he was literaly like a wild animal. i quit my job (was mrried a the time) and started all kinds of theiropy for him.at this time he was diognosed with adhd, things were moving along well for him and he was adjusting and starting to thrive!. then i come to find out my husband was useing cocain! omg! couldnt believ my life was about to chnge again. well with no income other than alimony and 300 dollar child support we moved on. things still were going well. untill this yr. my grandsonstarted becoming very defient to say the least. thing were always hard with his pbring but something else was going on. i had him evaluated at watsons clinic, is dr thoought e had pdd, let me back up a min. my grandson came to me recently and told me his grandfather and his lover were touching him! (this is my first husband who left me for another man. he is my daughtrs father) i was devatated to say the lst. we went through all the process of having these two men put behind bars, well at the forensic hearing my grandson said they would put ther hands in his pants, when asked where was ther hands my grandson woul say I DONT WAN TO TALK ABOUT IT! so they drew a picture of a little boy and asked him to point where there hands were . he pointed at the penis. after all this terrible thing formy grandson to go though they desided there wasnt enough evedence to prosacute! we were so upset over tthis and this was really taking a tole on my grandson. we are now working on this with his councler. he is now diognosed with rectiveattachment disorder, adhd,ptsd,and a few other things. rad is a terrable thing to go through with a child. all of my parenting skils no longer work. we are about to receive in home help. am tired ad stressed to the max, but will not give up on this child. everyonein his life has let him down ,thanks for letting me get all this out here. sometimes i feel soo alone, freids i used to have just dot unerstand my life any more.

Kay - posted on 09/15/2011

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I am 50 years old and am raising my grandson my son has full custody.I have 8 grandchildren only 3 live close.I have had him since he was 9 months old he is 26 months now.His mom only comes to see him a couple times a year I hate it cause it takes me a week after she has him the weekend to get back on schedule or she does something to him it took a week to get him in a bathtub last time she had him.I was looking forward to this time in life to go to work I went back to school to get my medical assitant and now don't want to get a job and leave him. Feel guilty for not working and not using my degree that I paid to go to school for .Our friends don't understand they don't want bothered with kids when they come for their vacation to visit.We don't have sitters .His dad takes him when he can but he is trying to move on with his life.I wish I had full custody then I wouldn't bother with her .Courts say she has rights to see him I feel if she just signed paper to give him up she don't have the right to nothing.She just signed him over cause she didn't want her parents to take him away from her and prove her unfit.I wouldn't trade him for the world but I don't like being disiplinarian I want to be mamaw.I have 7 others to be fair to and spend time with but its hard when he is always there when they are to.I have to travel 850 miles to see the rest of them.Confused and blessed.

Chrissie - posted on 08/02/2011

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I am a 39yr old mom of 4 ( 3 girls 19, 18 & 14 and a boy 10 ) I am raising my 19yr old daughter's baby ( she is now 16 months) I have had her since she was born. I just recieved full permanent custody in June.. I was only suppossed to have her until mom and dad got their "stuff sorted out" (meaning finding a proper place to live, take parenting classes, get off the drugs, find a job) They were given 6months by the courts to get started (even do the classes) but they didn't do anything.. so the courts gave them another 6 months (because of 100 excuses they came up with why they didn't do it) I knew deep down that they would never get their act together as my daughter has a lot of issues and her bf isn't much better. Its sad that they only see her once a week for 2hrs and at that sometimes they don't even show. My husband and I have been together 9yrs (he isn't the father of my kids and doesn't have any) but absolutaly loves this little one just like she was his own as they are so close. He loves my kids just like they were his but doesn't understand why or how they couldn't be a part of this wonderful little girls life

Dina - posted on 09/22/2010

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My husband, son and I, have temp custody of our 2 1/2 yo grandson/nephew. Our 13 yo son is a great help. My daughter and SIL are estranged and she needs brain surgery so the idea made sense. I am just find it very hard, to go back to a toddler, and help with 8 hours of homework daily. Our 13 yo had an unknown learning disability made worse by a concussion in K. He is now diagnosed with a language based learning disabilitty

Mary - posted on 04/28/2010

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Mary, God Bless you for taking on a tiny preemie! My oldest son was born at 24.5 weeks so I know what a physical/emotional toll it takes on you. Tiny Blessings bring Huge Joy!

Mary - posted on 04/28/2010

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We have had custody of our grandson since birth . He came home from NICU at 3 months old(born at 26 weeks) to live with us. He is now finally ours. The apdoption was final last year. It has been a long 7 years with multiple battles in court but all well worth it. He is happy and we could not be any more blessed. His bio parents, my stepson and the girl he was with at the time had been in and out of trouble. We knew from day one if this little guy was going to have a fighting chance in life that we had to step in. He was born with level III bleeding on the brain and many other issues. He was a mere 1lb 8.25 oz at birth. We had know idea if he would ever be able to walk, talk or what we would be facing. Miracles do happen though. He is now 7 years old, weighs 76lb. is smart as can be. He does have adhd combined with a mood disorder which has drastically improved over the last year, no more threats of having to leave us. He also just last month developed partial complex seizures. He is on meds for both but despite the Keppra "rage" as they call it,(his seizure med.) he is doing very well. He has been an answer to prayer for us. He brings me nothing but joy everyday I look into that sweet little face.

Velma - posted on 04/26/2010

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I have a daughter that was determined to be with this guy. Been 17ys and 4 kids. Neither have been responsible parents. She did good long as she was without him. Have had the kids off and on all their lives with their mom or without. She would pack up and take the kids whereever he was just to be with him. He never supported them! He lived off them. Well a few years ago she had a very bad car accident. There were days I would have to wake him to go to hospital. But that got old real quick. She was in a coma for 27days. When God worked it out I brought her home to re raise. Because she was like a child . Forgot 10yrs of memory. So she didn't remember her last 2 kids and alot of people. Somedays she didn't know me. That really hurt. Only by But got her up and on her feet after in abt 3months.
In the meantime I am dealing with 4 children too. Her memory is not good. And now he don"t want her now after he came to town and ruined everything once again.. Tried to let them be a family but that didn't work long. So once again I have daughter and kids in home again. Afraid to let her stay alone with kids. Cause of memory. She can't keep up with them. And Deadbeat Dad have no worries. Going on with his life. But I THANK GOD SHE MADE IT THROUGH. BUT WHAT A SPANKING HE GAVE HER! And 2 are teenagers!!!!!!!!

Wendy - posted on 03/26/2010

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I have custody of my 7 year old granddaughter. I was her foster parent when she got out of the hospital and went for custody not long after. She was born drug dependent and was in the hospital for 1 month withdrawing. I have recently decided to adopt her. My son signed the papers but the mother won't. She hasn't contacted her in 2 1/2 years. My son is dying of AIDS and she may possibly have it too but she won't get tested because she says she doesn't want to know. My granddaughter is thrilled about the adoption and I hope I will be able to suceed with it. I am 58 years old and also take care of my 80 year old mother. I was in engineering all my life but because of the recession was laid off in Sept. 2008. I recently obtained a license for child care and hope to make a go of that. I have the upper floor of my mother's house devoted for child care and am advertising and just waiting to get children. There are so many of us and the number increases every year. It is fortunate we are there for the children and they don't have to go into the system. They would never get the love and nurturing we can give them. I belong to a group that is nothing but relatives as parents and the children in the group are amazing. I thank God I was able to get her in the beginning and not later as she does have a sense of stability.

Kay - posted on 03/16/2010

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I am helping my son raise his 8 month old son.I always said I didn't want to have them daily to be the disiplinarion I wanted them to enjoy coming here not hating it.But now I have him everyday and I'm trying to say nono without hurting his feelings.

My son has full custody and is doing a great job he is a veteran and was a marine but is really good with him has more patience then I thought he would. Sometimes babies are good for them.

Mary - posted on 02/26/2010

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My husband I have custody of our 2 yr old grandson. He has lived with us since the day he was born. Both of his parents are incarcerated and won't even be out before he turns 18 so I have no worries about them trying to take him back. For the first time in my life I am a stay at home mom also. Lots of changes! I always looked forward to being a grandmother so I could spoil my grandbabies rotten and then send them home. I never expected to be the one he was being sent home to after his other grandmother spoils him!

It's really difficult for me to split myself between being grandmother and mother to one little guy. As a result he's becoming quite spoiled! Papaw really helps with the spoiling too! lol

I guess the biggest thing I've learned through my experiences is not to judge anyone else's situation. If you're not living it, you just don't know!

Gillian - posted on 02/17/2010

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I'd like to say a few words in response to April's comment:
"My mom and dad are raising my 9 yr old son.He has been in their care since he was a lil over a year old due to my very poor judgement in parenting.I signed over gaurdianship shortly after the took him in.Since then I have tried everything to prove I am fit enough to care for him."
April, I can see that your post was a good while ago, and things may have changed for you but in case they haven't......
Let no-one look down on you, April. As parents, we ALL make some horrendous mistakes with our children, especially firstborn ones. Sometimes those mistakes have serious consequences that show up immediately; sometimes the consequences show up when our children become adults and face us with the baggage they developed; and sometimes the relationship isn't strong enough to reach that stage, so the adult children carry the baggage for the rest of their lives (often seeing it manifest itself in the ways they bring up their OWN children). But some of us simply can't cope with the truth of our own mistakes so we either force them out of our memory, or look down on others as a way of making ourselves feel better.
Be encouraged because - even if you NEVER have your son actually living with you again - letting him know every way that you can that you love him to bits, no matter what he does or how he behaves - is actually what matters to our children in the long run. The fact that you go on trying to prove yourself is testament to your love. I really hope that things work out well between yourself, your parents and your son.

Karen - posted on 01/02/2010

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Hello,

I'm raising my grandson who is 4 now. we've had him his whole life and on our own since he was just over a year. It's hard now because he sees his mom regularly and is now forming a bond and my daughters other kids who live with their dad are telling him the truth now. I'm glad he knows and we explained it to him but I don't know if he truly understands and he still calls my daughter by her first name. He acts like she's his sister. I wish it would have been different but I wouldn't give him up for anything. he's our little buddy. I'm glad I found this group, I've been wanting to find others in this same situation.

Phyllis - posted on 11/29/2009

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oh how i wish my daughter would say those words, she has 4 babys and one on the way does not have one of them... if she we're to say the words you have said i don't know i would belive her at all i'm sorry to say. i do belive people change but it takes lot to prove you have changed... keep up the good word and keep showing them and maybe things will change for you...KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK... GOOD LUCK...

April - posted on 11/09/2009

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I'm on the other end of the spectrum here.My mom and dad are raising my 9 yr old son.He has been in their care since he was a lil over a year old due to my very poor judgement in parenting.I signed over gaurdianship shortly after the took him in.Since then I have tried everything to prove I am fit enough to care for him.Going thru school becoming a CNA even getting a place with a room for him, which I've now had for the past 4 yrs now.Unfortunately either they've just grown too attached or don't have the confidence in my parenting that I do so he remains with them.I do get him every weekend tho and he loves being able to come over to spend time with mom.Also I pay child support to my parents.A lot of people look down on me or say things about how their kids are actually living with them.But they arent in my situation and as long as he's being taken care of by some one who loves him that's all that matters.Altho on a selfish level I really do want my son to live with me again.

User - posted on 10/13/2009

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I have been priviledged to be a huge part of the lives of my grandchildren. Their mother is bi-polar and lives next door. She also works full time so I have had the care of my grandson (10) and my grandaughter (6) since they were born. I feel good but tired, in a physical way. I'm glad to find a place where others feel blessed to have a part in the forming of their wonderful grand-ones. I am always co-mingling with parents, who treat me well, but I don't fit into that world anymore. There are more and more grandparents at our school picking up the second generation these days so our group is definately growning:)!

[deleted account]

My husband, my daughter, and her four children (ages 6, 5, 4, 3, 2) have been living in my home for years. It can be such a CHALLENGE at times, and at other times the Grandkids smile at me or say something sweet and I wouldn't miss a minute of it!

Beth - posted on 09/19/2009

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I am raising my 2 year old grandson who I have had in my home since the day he came home from the hospital...His mom was going to put him up for adoption and I couldn't stand seeing this innocent little boy having to pay for his parents mistake so she gave me guardianship....In the past 2 years I have dealt with my daughter in and out of my home and one minute wanting to have something to do with him and in the next saying she wished she had put him up for adoption....We were even asked by her if we would adopt him and we were in full agreement but then she changes her mind...My significant other who has never had children loves this little guy to death and his family treat the baby as if he was part of their family...I go to college full time and my other half works most of the time out of state and when his job is done races home to spend time with my grandson...The baby calls me momma and my other half poppa...Also my daughter has another son who is turning 4 months old and she takes good care of him...sometimes I just can't understand how she can turn one away and love the other...
I am also a mom of 6 children and have 4 other grandchildren which I can't just hop in my car to drive a long distance to see them because of the roller coaster my daughter keeps putting me on....plus I would have to pack a bag for my grandson and then deal with his terrible two tantrums in the car as i am driving...

Dorothy - posted on 08/20/2009

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Hi! My name is Dorothy. My children ages 13 to 18, my husband and I are raising our Grandson/nephew. I listed all of us, cause we are all here for litle J. We have had him full time (4 mos) since September of 2008. Though he was visitng days on in the first week he was born. We have tempoary guardianship, hoping for the court to grant permanent guardianship in November. J's Dad (my son) in in jail. J's MOm is not keeping her visits. I hope to share and learn.

Cynthia - posted on 08/09/2009

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Here I am, My son and daughter in law are being deployed to Afganistan in two weeks and I will have custody of my grandson. How many grandchildren are you raising?

Linda - posted on 07/31/2009

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It's so good to meet some other Grandparents! My son has custody of his almost 5 yo daughter. It has been a rough road to get to this point but things are improving. He lives with us, is going to college, and working part time. He was never married to the mom, and the pregnancy was of course unplanned. The first 3 years he was not very connected to his daughter, although we have always had a relationship with her and the "other" family(bless them all!!!). Her mom developed many problems and issues, and the bottom line is she is really in no position to raise her daughter. Her Grandpa and I are so happy we can provide care and stability, and the bond with her Dad is growing stronger as the days go by. We pray some day she will be in a home with her Dad, and live a life all children dream of. Hopefully her mom will find the right path and she will have a healthy relationship with our granddaughter. But no matter what happens, we are there for her. I was raised by my grandparents until I was about 12 so I know what it means to be blessed with 2 people who are so willing to give up those "golden" years to give a child the love and stability they need. My "angel" is also blessed to have Great-Grandparents and a Grandmother on the other side who are also so very invested in her stability.
So, share with me techniques on discipline, and all those things grandparents really don't want to deal with! All tips welcomed!

CINDY - posted on 06/17/2009

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HI,


WE ARE RAISING OUR 19 MO.OLD GRANDDAUGHTER AND HAVE HAD HER


SINCE SHE WAS 5 1/2 WKS. OLD. I WOULD LIKE TO FIND ANOTHER FAMILY


IN THIS SAME SITUATION .





CINDY

Cathy - posted on 05/30/2009

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I have legal custody of my almost 23 month old granddaughter. I received a call from the State of New York, where she was born, asking me to take custody because she could not leave the hospital after birth with her mother. Her mom tested positive for drugs the day she gave birth, 7 weeks early. The baby had no drugs in her system. My poor husband...we had been married less than 1 year, when I became the legal guardian of this tiny child (not quite 5 lbs when she was released from the hospital at 3 weeks). She has been with us more than half her life. Her mom has been in and out of rehab and has mental health issues. Her dad, my son, has been in prison for drugs. She has no major health issues. She's just very petite. She was a late walker, almost 17 months, but she's making up for it now, climbing everything she can.

Susan - posted on 05/20/2009

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I know how you feel, and it is easy to blame yourself. But, alcoholism and drug abuse happen in all kinds of families. It isn't what you did or didn't do - it is about bad choices your daughter made. You are lucky to be young! I am 58 and raising a 7 year old. My friend is 60 and has a 4 year old grandson that she is raising alone.

We will all get through it!

Shantel - posted on 05/20/2009

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I am 41 and have been raising my grandchildren since July 25, 2007. They are now 2 and 4 1/2 and remain living with me. I obtained legal guardianship in October of 2007 when DCFS advised my daughter that she would need to give me guardianship or the children would be taken into protective custody. I don't know what I will do when and if they return. My daughter Chelsea is an alcoholic and the father of the children is abusive. He was just released from jail and is finally attending classes he was ordered to take in August 2007. I am excited to be able to communicate my thoughts, feelings, hopes and fears with other grandparents raising grandchild. I have two other children besides Chelsea, Tara and Lonnie, who are both well adjusted individuals. Tara has two children of her own and is a wonderful mother. I often ask myself what I did wrong with Chelsea.....Could I have done something different? She wasn't raised this way, why is she acting like this? Have I failed as a mother? I get very resentful sometimes, towards her NOT the children, as this should be a time for my husband and I to do as we please......after all, we raised our children, but all it takes is one look at their beautiful faces to remind me that it's not about their mom or even me.....it's about THEM. When they came to live with me it was to be for three weeks.....it has been almost two years. Now I don't know what I would ever do without them.

Candyce - posted on 04/29/2009

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Susan: What an awesome task you have undertaken. If you need some moral support, I'm here for you. Just know that you have a friend in me.

Susan - posted on 04/29/2009

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I am raising my 7 year old grandson. His parents are addicts, and cannot take care of him. It is a heck of a lot of work since my husband and I both have full time jobs, aging parents and a lot of other activities. But, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Candyce - posted on 04/29/2009

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First of all let me thank you for the courageousness of your son and daughter-in-law and for their devotion to our country. And, thank you, too, for being there for them. My daughter and son-in-law work full time and I am the day care provider for my granddaughters, ages two to seventeen. No, I don't watch the 17-year-old, but I certainly have to be allowed to supervise her.

I find it very lonely sometimes to do what I am doing, but I am so happy that I can help out my children this way.

Sometimes I run across situations where I could probably use some advice, and I bet, too, that I could give some advice to others. So I am hoping that this group will allow me to do that.

Cynthia - posted on 04/28/2009

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I help raise my grandson all the time, my son and daughter in law is in the military so they are away alot. They will be leaving for Afganistan in August so he will be living with me.

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