Grandparents adopting our grandchildren

Joanne - posted on 01/17/2009 ( 28 moms have responded )

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Our granddaughter "Kailynne" was born June 13th 2005. She was badly beaten in her first weeks of her life. She had a broken ankle, broken knee cap, 2 broken legs (both femers and tibias) and 8 crushed ribs. She was removed by C.A.S., and placed in our care. Kailynne was 2 months old at the time. Our adoption was finalized June 18 2008.

Kailynne is the most beautifulest little girl in the whole wide world. she is 3 years old, and in preeschool. Kailynne has had no signs of difuculty or heath problems from her injuries. She is a well adjusting , happy, fun loving little girl. We love her so much, sometimes its hard to put into words. This lttle girl is a gift from god, a precious treasure

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Patricia - posted on 09/14/2012

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We adopted one of our grandchildren also. We've had her since birth, along with her three siblings, who were also with us till about two years ago. Now our daughter is trying to get the adopted one back. Has anyone been through this? it is a permanent adoption and we've provided everything for her from the moment she was born.

Mama - posted on 11/11/2012

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This touchs my heart.. I have been raising my grandson since 3 days old..from hospital.. Was not planned. We have other GRANDKIDS , but they go home to parents..we are mom and papa!!!

Sue - posted on 01/21/2010

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Well, I'm not alone after all!! I live in New Brunswick, Canada, am 53 and have custody of my 8yr old grandson for the past 6yrs although I have been his primary "parent" since he was born. My daughter lived with me and my youngest daughter for 1 1/2 yrs after he was born. She tried living on her own with him but was being physically abusive to him so I took him back into my care.My husband and I had just met a few months prior to gr.son coming back to live with me so I was lucky he didnt run for the hills I guess, since starting over with a baby at 45 & 46 was not easy. He was in the middle of getting divorced and had two grown children they are 25 & 27 now.

I have two daughters 24 & 26 they are so different its hard to tell they come from the same family. Its my oldest daughters son who I am raising, she has two other boys ages 5 & 6 who have been removed 2 times by CPS and this third time they were removed by the father. She has a drug addiction since she was 16 and just last week has started on a methadone program in the hopes of getting her two youngest children back. I'm still not sure on what kind of a mother she will be because she has never been "clean" since she had them, so who knows if she can do it or not. I am being hopeful that she can, but she will never get J back from us and she knows its better for him to be with us regardless.

My youngest daughter is a great mother, a natural, and has two children a boy age 2 and my only grand daughter age 6 mths her husband is in the Military so i am not looking forward to next year when they get posted away from us.

My custodial gr.son J, has Aspergers syndrome and it has been an extremely stressful, hard past 6yrs, but he needed to be loved and a stable home, so I wouldnt change a thing. I dont know what I would do without him now! I had to quit work in 2005 due to Lupus, had no kids in the house and if it wasn't for him I think I would of gone nuts being home all day alone. We only got a diagnosis 2yrs ago for him, so we are still trying to find the best therapy for him and dealing with his behaviour the best we can.

Life is full of challenges to say the least. Anyone want to be pen pals you can email me redneon3@yahoo.ca or we can keep touch on the board. I think its wonderful to know that we are not alone in our journeys with these children who need us so much. Have a great day everyone! ~Sue

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28 Comments

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Rose - posted on 01/16/2014

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@tina posted 11/14/13
My husband and I adopted our grandchildren ages 5 and 3 now in 2011... Were mom and dad and they call their bio mom and dad mommy ***** and daddy M***.. at times we find them calling us mommy and daddy... we don't correct them at all we are just very open with them and give them space. We refer to eachother to them as " go ask your dad...etc etc..." and when speaking of their bio parents we say Mommy or daddy ****, the 5 year old has started to call his bio mom by her name ( our daughter) because that's how we refer to her, feeling are hurt by her but we have pulled her to the side on visits and explained that we don't encourage them to call her by name but we also don't correct we just emphasize when speaking of her by her called name..... Its a long process what matter the most I think is how much we Love them!!!!

Tina - posted on 11/14/2013

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hi my name is Tina,
my husband and i have been fostering our granddaughter and now with an adoption date set. i have been wandering what our granddaughter should call us? hopefully one day she will meet her mother that is my daughter.(who has been battling an addiction. and has lost costudy of her at the age of 18 months) she is 4 years old and at times she refers to us as mommy and daddy. up until now we have not encouraged this.
Just not sure at her age she should call us.

Tandy - posted on 08/29/2013

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I hear all your stories and how it took you all years to adopt your grand kids. I have been raising my grandson for almost 2 years, since he was 9 days old. I am the only mom he has ever known. Due to circumstances she is working on getting custody back though may take a year or more. I view this baby more like my baby then my grandchild. I try not to but....I am afraid she may get custody back which 1 I do not believe she could keep him safe, 2 long story short he is a bridge to her other child who is a bridge to her own mom, which means he is being used, three again he is like my own baby (though I know in my head he is not, my heart says he is) I am concerned how he will adapt to her after not knowing her for so long and how he will miss me because she will take him very far but aalso his safety. I want to adopt now but after hearing your guys story it looks like I may have to wait a few years and by then she could have him back. Yes ideally reunification is best but in this case?

Crystal Ann - posted on 12/30/2012

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My little boy and girl were taken away by c.p.s when charles was only a little over a year old and angle was 5 monthes old. There bio perant were on drougs. They diden't take care of them. They were so bad they had learned to eat from the tras can. We have had the night mears and the speach problems but thank god today they are 2 and 4 we finshes adopting them january 21 of last year.

Josie - posted on 08/22/2012

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where would i go to adopt my great niece ? She is 11 years old had her in my care since she was born.I now have cps custody but wae told i need to adopt her.H E L P

Samantha - posted on 03/20/2012

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Hi ladies,



My mother is about to file for sole custody in Ontario Canada for my niece. Who is in the care of her mother. My niece just turned 1 on Sunday and her mother lost control, screamed, verbally assaulted my family and I, and even threatened us - all of this took place in front of the guests and their children at the birthday party I was hosting. This was the last straw in a series of events that have took place over the past year.



Do any of you have any advice on what we should be doing? The mother has 2 other children, from two different men, one of which told us - he stopped seeing his daughter because she has psychological issues, and was constantly harassed. We know she smokes marijuana and leaves the baby unattended while she smokes outside, she uses her other children as pawns, coaching them to say inappropriate things to us when we phone. She is on government welfare and still gets financial support from us - The list goes on and on. Do we even stand a chance?



All we want is for our niece to have a chance at a normal life, to be a happy kid and a successful adult. We are not used to this environment and have never been exposed to these types of people. We don't want our niece to be exposed to this either.



Please help with any advice you can offer.



Thank you,



Samantha

Kathleen - posted on 07/10/2011

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I am also from Ontario, London. My husband and i are raising our 3 year old grandson Jayden since he was 1, his mother my daughter is a drug addict, bipolar type 1, with a phycosis. I believe she is also a sociopath like her father my ex husband. Jaydens father is also a drug addict, both parents a currently in jail.

Mary - posted on 04/28/2010

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I feel the same way about our blessing. Thank God for all of us Nana/Mommys out there. We adopted our grandson last year after 6 long years of battles in the court system and the abusiveness towards him when she would get visitation. He always lived with us from day one. He is one happy little boy now and says he never wants to see her ever again.

Mary - posted on 03/16/2010

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Wow, what an amazing group of women I find myself in! I thank God you have all been able to be there for your grandchildren, whatever the situation that brought them to you.



At this point, my husband and I have decided not to adopt our grandson. We would love to be his "real" parents but he will be eligible for so many more benefits by not being adopted. Our health is not good and our resources are limited so we will do whatever we can to benefit our little one....even if it means not adopting him as we would like to.

Victoria - posted on 03/06/2010

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Hi everyone! Another grandmother/father raising 3 girls. My son and his wife liked drugs and partying ,parenthood was exciting til they found at 21 and 26 it was a full time job. I was constantly finding the children undressed,playing in the trailor park by them self while mom and dad were stoned in the bedroom with the door locked and a fan on so they would not have to listen to the noise. I finally called OCS, big mistake! They came to take the girls away,at that time they were 3mos.,17mos.,and 4 yrs.old. I happened to be there and took them with the mother's verbal consent so they couldn't put them in foster homes.My husband,who had spent 22 years in the army with no children became thier primary caregive until I had to Quit my job to assist him. We spent the next 6 years fighting OCS and the legal system to keep the girls. Last year we were finally given guardinship and custody with no visitation for the parents.The judge refused to let us adopt the girls preventing them from all kinds of benefits.We could appeal but the appelate court would send it back to family court and we only have 1 family court judge.We are afraid the judge would be furious and take the girls from us. Does any one have any ideas that might help us? would appreciate any feedback. God bless everyone of you for what you are doing. You just have to watch the news to know why.e-mail me at unicornflyer52@bellsouth.net.Thanks Victoria

Linda - posted on 02/15/2010

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Hi Joanne:
My name is Linda Rivers. My granddaughter, Kira Coreen Rivers, was born May 27, 1999, by our youngest daughter Tammy Kim. Kira was a special needs baby in that she was born with T.E.F. and needed extensive surgery at first and a lot of care and cuddles to get through the first portion of her life.
Our daughter attempted to care for her but the stress of a special needs baby proved to be too much. When Kira was two we adopted her so that she could benefit from my husbands full military retirement benefits which included free medical & dental/vision, as well as be with us on a daily basis.
When my husband turned 65, Kira also qualified for monthly Social Security benefits. Along with this comes educational benefits until she is 23 as long as she remains in school. I mention these things because there are so many benefits available to grandparents who do adopt their grandchildren. Kailynne is a beautiful little girl and I am so happy she is with you. Best to both of you.

Diane - posted on 01/08/2010

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My gosh how could anyone do that to a child thank god for you to be able to take her I love raising my grandaughters but it does get trying and working full time. My son is 17 and I would have been childless but now I know I was never meant to be the three year old is 100% wide open all the time and in to everything I have only had her here a year or so but the 9 year old I have had on and off most of her life. She has adhd and we have been through some ruff times trying to get her straightened out but it was worth it. Write to me

Diane Felch

Karen - posted on 01/04/2010

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Yes, it is a challenge, our grandson is 4 and he's at a time of testing his limits but some of his remarks are so funny I just have to sit back and laugh and thank god for this little gift. At 52 I have way more patience than I did raising my own 2 kids. Thank goodness!

Karen - posted on 01/04/2010

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I've often thought of the same thing, retirement? I doubt it, not for a while anyway. On the bright side, when I do retire I will be able to be there at all the games, and other areas of my little guys life. It will be hard but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Valerie - posted on 07/26/2009

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I am a 55 year old single grandmother who adopted my grandsons age 14 and 9. They came to me at a time when I was suffering from a giant case of empty nest. I remember asking God how and what was I suppose to do with the rest of my life. I missed having the pitter patter of little feet and the sound of childrens' laughter and God with his infinite wisdom and amazing sense of humor answered.

[deleted account]

Hi Everyone,



Just introducing myself... my husband and I have had guardianship of our 6 year old grandson for about 3 years. It definitely is a challenge at this age.



Margie

Just Me - posted on 02/25/2009

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I would like to say hi to you all.  My name is Denise and I too am 55 and raising my grand daughter who is now 10 1/2.  She has lived with us since she was born.  My oldest daughter lived at home with us at the time, but was unable to take adequete care of her.  We started with guardianship, but then filed for full custody.  Long story made short, My daughter and grand daughter do see each other often without restrictions.  My grand duaghter is the light of my life and I never thought I would be worrying about Jr. high, drivers ed, and the whole kit-n-kaboodle again.  If my hubby and I get a night to ourselves, I always ask " is this what retirement would have been like?"



Hope to be able to share ...

Diane - posted on 02/10/2009

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Hi Joanne,
I am Diane Felch i am also raising my 8 year old grandaughter. She has been with us from the time she was 3 yrs old. Her mom was in alot of trouble when Leti was little I think they moved 22 different times from birth till I got her at three. My daughter Letis mom got in trouble and had to go to jail. We weren't sure if she would have to go to prison or not for felony theft. So my daughter signed her over to me for guardianship. She was with me half the time anyway cause my daughter would get arrested for tickets or something then I would have to get Leti in the middle of the night somewhere. In the last couple of years we found out she has adhd and is being treated for it she's like a totally different child. Her mother now has a 2 yr old and they are very close, Leti and her mom never had that cause she was out of her life so much when she was little. Leti is so attached to me now she says grandma I don't ever want to leave you. She is just like my own child. I have a son that is 16 and him and leti are more like brother and sister. Thats kinda what Letis relationship is with her mom to like sisters. My son is wonderful and never gives me any trouble so I am blessed for that. Letis mother and us are very close she lives in the same town we do. Still having some problems but has come along way. My heart breaks for your little grandaughter how anyone could do that she is blessed to have you.
Diane Felch

Joanne - posted on 01/19/2009

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Some times i think were insane for doing all what we are doing , but really i don' t think we would change anything right? I never ever dreamed i would have a baby when i was 49...now 52 with a 3yr old....

Woww your husband is far away from home, Ireland, thats far.

So what is it like living in PA? do you have snow or none. Right now its our winter, and to be honest i'm sick of the snow now, i want spring.

Do you watch Dr Phil? I learn some pretty good ideas off of his show sometimes.....

If you want to write back to me in my e-mail cause anyone can read these we could be pen pals if ya want??

joannenoon52@hotmail.com

ttyl,

Joanne

Lisa - posted on 01/18/2009

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It sure is different the second time around. I also had 4 children, 36,34, 32, and 27. It is also a second marriage for us as well. I was widowed and my husband was divorced. He has 3 children as well but they live in Ireland (where he is originally from).

Joanne - posted on 01/18/2009

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Woww yeah i thought we were the only ones raising our granddaughter, but, i guess it isn't the case, guess lots of grandparents are doing this.

We are from Ontario, Canada I am 52 and my hubby is going to be 53 on Tuesday....We are in our second marriage, i have 4 bio children, 32, 30, 28, 26 and my husband has two, 23, 20. He was widowed.This is my husbands daughter that got pregnant and had this child (Kailynne) (there is more to this story, to make it short she is 21 and has 3 kids, and she doesn't look after any of them) Kialynne is 3, we just conquered the potty training adventure, and at fiftysomething it is quite an adventure. This year will be kindergarden. Then the teen years, Oh God give me strengh to do this one more time, i've raised 6 children and now she is our seventh child, and now i'm going through menapause, i don't know if this is a good thing or not?

Lisa - posted on 01/18/2009

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We are in PA now but originally from NY. I have legal guardianship of 2 of my grandchildren. The boys were 1 and 3 when they came to live with me and my husband full time but they had been in and out of our home since they were born. They are now 11 and 13 and wonderful kids. They see their mother at times but their father (my son) is not involved. He may call or email a few times a year but is very sporadic with his involvement. I finally told him he needed to be consistant with his calls or not to bother. We haven't heard from him since. When the parents split up she gave my son custody and he came to us but got involved with drugs so it was hit the road for him as I would not let him do that in my home. He would threaten to take the boys with him so I went and got emergency temporary guardianship while the full guardianship was being processed and that is when he left.

Since being in PA the boys are doing great, grades are better and their anger is decreased. They both see a counselorto help with their feelings and it is a great help.

Funny thing is on our block there are 2 other grandparent raising grandchildren homes. Funny how that worked out but it has been great for the boys to know others are in the same situation.

Lisa - posted on 01/18/2009

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Hi Joanne, What a sad beginning for your beautiful granddaughter, it is wonderful to read how well she is doing now. Congratulations on your addoption.

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