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Need advice on getting custody of my grandbaby

Connie - posted on 08/21/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I live in Arizona and would like to get custody of my youngest grandchild...she is 15 months old. The mother has two other children(boys -9 & 6 yrs) and is in the process of moving in with her brother(who does drugs & drinks heavily at times),his girlfriend,their two children,her mother(who has been in and out of jail & also abuses prescription drugs) & her sister(who had all 4 of her children taken away from her by CPS for drug use). The mother does not work and depends on the state check she gets for her children as well as child support for her younger son. My husband & I have the baby every weekend and weeks at a time in the summer. I work for a school district, so whenever I'm off we have her. I worry about that child all the time.
The mother is in the process of trying to get disibility aid through the state for her mental conditions. She has been diagnosed as a manic depressant as well as being bi-polar.
Just last week she sent me a text stating that I couldn't get the baby that coming weekend and she would let me know when I could get her....but it wouldn't be anytime soon...she called me at work the next day and said "hey,do you want to get the baby this weekend or next weekend?" For the past 3 weeks in a row, when I get the baby on friday she has a diaper rash. I get her a healed up and by end of the week when I get her she has it again. I have tried to talked to her about agreeing to give us guardianship so that the baby has a stable & happy childhood. She always says that nobody is getting her baby ....that she is hers.. my 34 yr old daughter tried to reason with her and told her that her child is not a pet....This woman sleeps all the time. She takes meds for her mental condition as well as pain pills. I have gone to her apartment to pick the baby up and found her fast asleep, her 9 yr old asleep & the 6 yr old playing video games , while the baby was playing in the room @ 4 in the afternoon... The baby was soaking wet , her feet were dirty and she had on dirty clothes.She has no beds for her kids they all sleep on the floor. The baby sleeps with her on a futon mat on the floor. She had beds but flipped out one day and threw them out because she said they had bedbugs.....I would like to get CPS involved now that she will not have her own apartment. BUT I have been told they really don't help and in the state of Arizona it is hard to prove a mother unfit...

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7 Comments

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Samantha - posted on 03/20/2012

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My mother is in a very similar position. Please let me know if you have filed for custody yet. We are planning on filing for custody as soon as we have gathered the paper work. We are in Canada, but it just helps to hear what others have gone through and just to have some support. Like you - we just want the best for my niece... I am slightly worried because I know how hard it is to get custody of a child when you are not a parent. I am hoping and praying that the courts see my nieces mother for what she is and us, for who we are.

Cynthia - posted on 02/23/2012

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Let me tell you from vast experience what hell it is to deal with someone suffering from bipolar. These unfortunate people are more often than not incapable of being stable enough to care for a child. It takes constant counseling, medication, and tremendous hard work just to function somewhat normally. Their brains just do not function like "normal". That, along with being surrounded by people drinking or doing drugs sounds like a totally unhealthy environment for any child. Do whatever you can to spare the child from this kind of life. If you have to call the state, do it. If you have to go to court and fight for guardianship, do it. I have a low tolerance policy for what the poor children of today's world are exposed to. They should have happy childhood's filled with joy. Not witnessing irresponsible adult behavior they will grow to follow. Do whatever is in your power and don't stop or give up. You will be saving a life. You may not be able to help the mother (after all, she is an adult) from making poor choices, but you can help that child.

Faith - posted on 09/27/2011

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Hi Connie, Just wondered if you have made any progress if getting custody of your grandchild. I really feel for you and the baby.

Amaryllis - posted on 05/14/2011

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you need to act fast the children are in danger. Your daughter sounds like my daughter, I have primary custody of her 2 children - its not easy, but first things first, these children protected services involved and by law, you are a "Mandated Reporter" Bless you and the children, Amaryllis

Faith - posted on 01/31/2011

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The first thing you need to do is what we did. Contact an attorney who does custody cases. They will usually do a freee consultation and let you know if you have a good case to pursue, which is sounds to me like you defintely do. A lot of times,they will work with you if money's an issue to make monthly payments. We had to do this to get emergency and then permanent custody of our granddaughter and she wasn't in as bad a place as your is. If you really want her, that is the first step you need to take.

Susan - posted on 10/23/2010

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In Texas it too is hard to take a child from its mother.....what I did was call CPS for neglect due to my daughter kept leaving the 2 granddaughters with me with no regard I had to work and being back on time....many times with me protesting her leaving them to begin with cause I knew she wouldn't be back. But all they did was make her take parenting classes .....and drug test. She past hers but what that did do was create a prior case. Upon when another case became open all issues began surfacing. Suggestion to you is to create that initial opening and by calling for a well child check by CPS on the household.....can be kept confidential. If she is noncompliant or pending on what is found depends on outcome.....I ultimately obtained custody within 2 yrs. They put the kids with me as a foster basis and when she didnt have the kids around she didnt follow thru with requirements....out of sight out of mind. Wish you luck!

Dorothy - posted on 10/19/2010

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Hi! Have you gotten any help in this situation? I live in California. I have Guardianship of my 2 year old Grandson. He has been wih us since he was 4 months. It was a long process. Please let me know how things are going.

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