I am raising my grandson but dont have custody of him

Rosemary - posted on 02/28/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am semi raising my grandson. My daughter who is 19 and addicted to drugs was away at rehab and I took care of not only my 7 year old but also my grandson who is 17months old.I am currently separated from my husband and have a permanent restraining order on him.Now my daughter is back home and doesnt seem to want to be bothered with her son. I feel as if I dont do anything for him then nothing gets done. He definitely has a bonding problem with his mom. I feel like I have no choice then to take him on as I did when she was in rehab. On the flip side,my son acts out when I show my grandson any affection. Its like a tug of war between the both of them. I try to explain to my son why and what is going on but I dont think he likes what I am saying or that maybe he doesnt understand.I cant sit by and watch my grandson going threw what he has been because mom is partially back in his life. I am at the point where I want to tell my daughter to go and move out and be on your own and I will take care of her son.I feel like I am stuck!!!

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Linda - posted on 09/03/2010

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Rosemary:

You sound like you are between a rock and a hard place. What type of support system do you have? Do you have any other family close by? Is your husband still supporting the family financially (The children). Is your daughter getting any type of assistance for the baby from the baby's father or the state? Have you been in touch with the grandparents on the father's side? Do both of your children have the same father? With school starting you might be able to get counseling for your son through his school. Does your family belong to any church? Often there is a counseling service available through churches, as well.

You also might want to contact where your daughter was being treated for drug counseling and see what kind of therapy is offered there. They may have something for the entire family. I can understand why you may feel stuck -- but you do need to know there is help available. We just need to back up and take one thing at a time and see what we can do step by step.

There are many people that want to help, starting right here. So please do not lose hope. You are very courageous for sharing your feelings. Stay positive!



Linda Rivers

Kerri - posted on 05/28/2010

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I am in a similar situation, except I don't have much to do with my daughter. she is 25 been addicted off and on with drugs for the last 8 years. I have her two oldest children. Trenton 22 months and Madison 3 1/2 ( have had them for a year and half). And on top of that she just had another 5 months ago. I had to pretty much cut her off when I got cutody of the children, I told her that it isn't about her anymore. When she decided to have these children they turned in the top priority! She is an adult, I raised her to be better than what she is, I have given her the love, advice and guidance to be an adult. Now she needs to apply what she has been taught to better herself for herself and her children. I will not contribute emotional or financially anymore to her, that if I did this would not be helping her, me or her children that I am raising. The children will ALWAYS come first!

Don't know if any of this helps, but you are not alone...

Being in this situation SUCKS, because we have very little control over what happens....

But these beautiful children deserve to be happy, loved, and be someone's number 1 priority!

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