The Feeling After Death

User - posted on 10/31/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My dad had already been gone for a number of years and then it was my mother's time. I was in my 40's. I took care of both of them at home until their deaths. I remember knowing that it was my mother's last day, I was washing the dishes when I realized that I hadn't check on her for a bit. Her breathing was shallow and she needed much more morphine that day. I took her hand and told her that we had made all the arrangements, I was sorry for not checking on her a bit earlier, I loved her, and told her that she could "go" whenever she wanted == and then, she took her last breath. Oh God, the feeling that I wish I could take back what I said, because she'd still be with me, but knowing too, that it was the best thing for her. Of course, the busy time following her death doesn't really allow you to sit and contemplate what just happened. It's when the quiet hits that you realize the magnitude of it all. The next week, I remember getting up and watching the morning news and there was an author being interviewed and the name of the book was something along the lines of I'm an Adult Orphan. That's when it hit me -- and when I heard that I knew that's exactly what I was feeling. Even in adulthood, we still know that our parents are,. well, still our parents and we are their children. It was the most empty feeling I've ever had and it lasted for a long time. I cried every single day for a couple of years, and even more so during the holidays and anniversaries. I still think of both of my parents daily. The daily crying has stopped, but the loss never leaves you. I have my own family, my own problems and I can't just pick up the phone and talk to them, or visit them in the same way. The old addage that time will cure your wounds -- is true in a sense. The more time that goes by, you feel a little different, but I will never, ever forget them. I would take care of them again, in the same way. I just hope that when my time comes, that someone will care enough about me to do the same.

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LaMay - posted on 11/11/2009

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Hello Carol, thanks for sharing your story! You truly have touched my heart and I can completely relate!! Please continue to share your wisdom and thoughts...

Thanks
LaMay

Cynthia - posted on 11/06/2009

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I also call myself an adult orphan. My Dad died at 49 in 1976 when my kids were still small and I still miss him...My Mom died in 1995. I did not live near her but my brother & sister in law did and they "took care" of her while she was in Hospice. I went back to see her for a week when she first went into Hopice care and she would not talk to me until the day before I left! My husband brought out my daughter and her children and she would not see them. My daughter and I had agreed to let Mom decide and go with her wishes. Sometimes I still feel a little hurt that she did not at least see my daughter. (they visited with my grandmother instead which was nice for them) But it did get her to talk with me after she realized I would not force her to see them. She wanted them to remember her as she had been before she was sick. I called her every day after I got back home and told her i loved her and when she got very weak the Hospice nurse sould hold the phone for her.

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