A Different Situation ...

Angela - posted on 08/26/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

3

0

0

My name is Angela. I'm twenty-four years old and I have a four year old and two one year old daughters. They are my world ... but, unfortunately my twin girls started out as triplets. Baby B of my girls died at four months in the hospital from non-compaction cardiomyopathy. She stayed in the hospital the whole four months, and I would go to and from the hospital seeing Angelina (Baby B) and seeing my other two premie daughters Alexis and Raiyan at the hospital. It was very hard for me, especially since I had to explain the situation to my four year old, who was three at the time.

That might have all be jumbled up and might not have made any sense, but I get upset when I talk about it. I joined this group to see how other mothers cope with the loss of a multiple. This was the first group I found, and I don't care to look for another one, so I hope I'm not making anyone mad or upset by joining this group - but I've never been part of a group like this and I would like to read how other people feel. This was last year. November 14th, 2008 ... I've been dealing pretty well, but I have bad days sometimes.

Thanks for reading,
Angela.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Beriah - posted on 01/01/2010

9

24

1

I delivered twin girls in September. They were in NICU for 2 1/2 weeks. I got to bring them home for a week and then my oldest stopped breathing. We got her to the ER and she held on for 3 more days. They have never discovered a cause so the drs are calling it SIDS. It is the most awful feeling in the world. I agree that it is so bittersweet. My girls were identical but were already developing personalitites and different facial expressions. Sometimes my little Jovi looks so much like her sister Remi that it breaks my heart. I am still struggling with coping. Sometimes when I am upset I do not want to hold Jovi because I do not want to use her as a replacement, but sometimes it is so nice to hold her close and feel that we are also holding Remi with us. The most ridiculous thing is when people tell me "at least you still have one"!!! She is the most precious gift, but there is still a big part of my heart missing. I also have concerns for how this all affects my surviving twin.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

8 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

I had beautiful identical twin girls. Born at 22wks 6dys gestation. There was a big chance we were going to lose them both but we took the risk. Gave them a chance at life. They were doing amazing. Thriving in the nicu. Sadly at 9 days old one of our girls had a brain hemorrhage. There wasn't anything the doctors could do for her. They medicated her to stop her pain. We knew she wasn't going to make it so we said not to revive her when she passed. Each day she slept a little longer until she just started not waking up at all. She wasn't dead and she wasn't in a coma she was literally asleep. At 13 days, 11 hours and 23mins old she passed away. She was baby A. It broke our hearts. It was more of a bitter sweet victory that her sister lived. We were so happy she lived but torn because we missed her sister so much. Baby B stayed in the hospital for nearly 5 months. Today she is a healthy active smart sweet little girl. She's 14 months old and looking at her you'd never think that she had such a rough start to life. Although every time we look at her we remember her sister. We still miss her. She knows she has a sister. We tell her she sleeps in the sky and we'll see her again one day.

Laura - posted on 02/25/2010

5

304

0

I am sorry for your loss. For me, I have had to find ways to celebrate the loss of my angel son. Although he went to heaven 10 years before my twins were born, I have and continue to find ways to celebrate and recognize my angel son. Also, consider planting something in your yard this spring to commemorate your angel's life. This helps a lot too. Hugs! I am sorry.

[deleted account]

i have twins b/g and it was a great fear of mine to lose one during or even after the pregnancy. all woman that have been through this is an inspiration to others.
Beriah, if this was to of happen to me i dont think i would have been able to hold my tongue at peope saying "at least you still have one" that has to be the most unsensitive thing to say. xx

User - posted on 09/20/2009

2

18

1

hi angela have three boys my last who is almost 2 was my twin he had twin to twin where tin get more food then other i brought the smaller twin home and yes it hard but i found if u have one good friend who has been throught it you cantalk to them that help me

Andrea - posted on 08/29/2009

566

29

56

I lost one of my twin boys in April this year, Aaron. I'm glad to know it is normal to avoid the other twin while you are having a bad day remembering the loss. Sometimes I look at Ethan and the sadness is so overwhelming, but I love him so much. My emotions are still all over the place. I also understand not being able to grieve for the loss when you are going to the NICU everyday to visit your other twin. My boys were preemies too and I didn't really start grieving for Aaron until Ethan came home.

Angela - posted on 08/28/2009

3

0

0

Angelina (My daughter who passed) and Alexis (Baby A) were identical twins, and she also reminds me of Angelina so much ... especially when she sleeps. I also try to avoid Alexis when I get sad about Angelina. Raiyan (Baby C) also looks like Alexis, even though she is fraternal to them ... but she looks more like me. Everything is a constant reminder ... especially when my four year old brings her up randomly. It is just all so hard sometimes, but I often have good days. Their father is always at work, and I am a stay at home mother, so I hardly ever get a break from them. That makes it even harder.

Jennifer - posted on 08/27/2009

2

23

1

Hello, I lost my daughter in January of this year. She was Baby A of my twins, and passed away from NEC. They were also preemies. I am not sure how I cope really. Losing a multiple is hard. I love my daughter but having her can be a reminder sometimes, and makes things bittersweet. I also feel like I didn't get the chance that other angel moms do to really grieve. The next day i had to go right back to the hospital because Lillian was still in the NICU. I am a member of a few support groups online, and that helps I think. And when I feel badly I do something for Genevive, that reminds me of her, look at photos do a craft. Also I personally have a policy of avoiding Lillian when I feel that way, I don't want to make her a crutch you know. It may be an irrational fear, I don't know. But when I am very down she goes with daddy and I get some alone time.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms