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Lisa - posted on 05/06/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hello everyone. I have two children, a daughter 20 and a son 19. Our son was an identical twin. I first found out 2 weeks before their birth at 26 weeks that we were having twins. The placenta ruptured despite the hormone shots and bedrest that I had been prescribed for several months. My son ERIK, the oldest of the twins, was 2lb.3 ounces. He never cried and was declared dead 1 1/2 hrs later. Brandon, the second born, was 1lbs 11oz. He only whimpered before being wisked away. They were born in a small community based hospital with no ventilators for infants. While Brandon was intubated, one of the pediatricians had to bag him for 4hrs as they awaited the neonatal icu team's arrival from Riley Children's Hospital in Indianapolis, IN. I did get to hold ERIK that day while we waitied for the ambulance for Brandon- but it wasn't enough.

Even though it's been 19 years, there are many times that I wonder how different our lives would be if Erik had lived. How different Brandon's life would be with a brother. Our children know about this but brandon, does not like to discuss it or anything having to do with the 3 months he spent at Riley, the fact that he has asthma, or his hearing impairment (mild). But, still I just can't help but wonder what he felt as a child and now--. I dont know any adults who had a twin that died at or shortly after birth to get any insite from on the subject. As for the loss of Erik, time has changed it for me and our family. it's never gone. Everytime someone asks how many children I have I think to myself "should I tell them the truth or the more 'comfortable' answer of 2." Either way- I have to deal with the same feels of loss and guilt.

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Trina - posted on 07/15/2009

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My first pregnancy was a twin where just before 26 weeks twin A (Freddie) died for unknown reasons. I had to carry the pregnancy to 37 weeks when Micah just stopped growing and then was induced and delivered Freddie first and then had Micah by c-section a few hours later.

I have continually talked with Micah about him having a twin that went to heaven before he was born because someone had told me about a family that didnt tell their son and when they did tell him he really didnt deal with the news very well. So I decided to always be honest with Micah so that he never felt like I was hiding some horibble secret from him. And so far he has dealt with everything just fine.



I too have issues with telling people how many children that I have...they are always so uncomfortable when I mention Micah's lost brother but other times when I have not mentioned the loss they can occasionally mention things about twins and other things that really hurt.

Have you asked your son whether or not he misses his twin or whether he would have liked to talk more or less about his brother growing up?

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