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HELP! Need GOOD advice on how to avoid Christmas drama!

Hayden's - posted on 11/26/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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HELP...I need good advice about avoiding Christmas Drama! My husband and I have hosted Christmas at our house since the birth of our daughter five years ago. This year due to some family drama with my Dad, my husband wants me to tell my Mom we won't be doing Christmas this year. I love my Mom dearly and don't want to hurt her feelings, but my dad and husband do not get along and it would be so nice to not have animosity this year at Christmas! No matter how hard my husband tries it is never good enough for my Dad...he always has something negative to say. My husband suggested that I tell my mom that we are going away for the holiday...so I don't hurt her feelings, but I don't want to lie...what's should I do??? My husband allowed my dad to come for thanksgiving and my dad ended up offending my husband and his whole family! I understand where my husband is coming from but I put up with my dad because I don't want to hurt my mom. Even I think it would be a much nicer more peaceful holiday if my dad were not there...what is the right way to break it to my mom?

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Hayden's - posted on 11/27/2011

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Great advice...thanks so much for your reply! Really thoughtful and well put! I really appreciate the advice!

Jane - posted on 11/26/2011

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If you tell them you can't do Christmas because you are going away, then make plans and have a special Christmas someplace other than home. That way you aren't lying, you are giving your daughter great experiences and memories, and your husband can enjoy the holiday in peace.

You might consider rotating the celebration so you host your parents once every few years. That would give everyone a break as well as let others have a turn at hosting things their way.

You might also start a new tradition of going away for Christmas, especially since your daughter will soon be a prisoner of school scheduling.

Another possibility is if you host a holiday dinner, then have it at a buffet in a hotel or at someplace like Golden Corral, depending on your budget. That way everyone will be in a public place so drama is less likely to break out. You could even suggest a "family reunion" sort of thing, where everyone meets at a resort of some sort, so your husband can suddenly have a bit of indigestion and go back to your room when Dad starts in.

A final thing is that your mom might be very aware of your dad;s personality, You might try inviting her over for tea and cookies or whatever works for you two, and ask her to help you solve your problem. She may have some good ideas of how to avoid the drama.

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