Prayer request - I want to continue homeschooling - hubby does not

Deirdre - posted on 09/16/2009

My heart really is breaking for you. The only advice that I can really give you is to stick to your guns and do what YOU feel is BEST for your children. I let others in my family and circle of friends pressure me into starting my little girl in school too early. I felt that it would be best to hold her back, but I let everyone make me feel silly. She was fine at first, but by second grade she was having a lot of difficulty. She was under so much stress that she got way behind. God led me to homeschool her and it has been such a wonderful blessing. I had a lot of people try to talk me out of it, but I held out. Luckily my husband is behind me 100%. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I will be praying for you and your children.

Brandy - posted on 08/07/2009

I am praying for you. Hang in there. Your DH may change his mind. I would have him write down his objections, fears, whatever and see if you can come to an agreement on how to homeschool. Try to truly relinquish this problem to God. I found with my husband that the way I homeschooled the first time was too unconventional for him. Sometimes it helps if homeschooling dads can get together and just talk. So now we use an online program as a foundation of our homeschooling. I still work outside the home, but my 11 year old with some supervision can homeschool fairly independently.

Michelle - posted on 08/03/2009

Courtney,

There is a difference between a "working marriage" and being a Biblical wife and mother (unless the working marriage consists of a biblical world view) Titus 2:3-5 has shaped my understanding of biblical womanhood and has given me the guidance I have needed as a wife and a mother:

"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled, pure, working at home, kind, submissive to their own husbands, (WHY?) that the Word of God may not be reviled."

Also 1 Peter 3:1-6 " Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives- when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your beauty be external- the brading of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening."

There is so much I could write here, but let me say the author of this command is not our husbands! It is from God's word therefore it is our duty to obey it, not our husbands duty to enforce it.

Also, submission does not equal inequality. Genesis states that man and woman were made in the image of God! We are equal in status before God but we have different roles. God gave the role of headship to our men, so let us allow them to do their job!! We have a laundry list of scriptural roles to focus on without fighting over who gets to be the leader of the household, right?

We honor God as we willfully arrange ourselves under the leadership of our husbands. It doesn't matter if we think they are right or wrong, or if we think we can do a better job. What matters is are we obeying God. It is Him we are ultimately challenging if we try to ursurp the role he gave to our men. Quite frankly, I'm glad the Lord didn't give me that kind of pressure! =)

Submission also does not mean passivity. Genesis states that we were created to be our husband's helpers! So help them, give them our views, opinions, points of view... but leave the final decision up to our husbands. It is the role God has given him.... and PRAY for him as he seeks to be the spiritual leader of our home. =)

This is just a little of what scripture says on the subject. I hope I have been helpful.

Michelle

Courtney - posted on 08/03/2009

I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but I don't understand the whole "submitting to your husband" thing, and this is a very general question, not submitted to anyone in particular. Isn't a working marriage supposed to be the compromise between two people who love each other? Working together to find out what works best between them in the marriage? Not, in my opinion, really feeling strongly about something and then giving up on the idea because there is no give and take.

Blossom - posted on 07/27/2009

I know it has been a long time since the original post was made but I think that others on this group will see this topic as beneficial to them as well.

A little background to my situation and why I feel that I can comment on Jodi's post: My children are 10 and 12. I have been married for almost 13 years. My husband and I separated the 3rd year of our marriage. When my daughter (the 12 yo) was old enough for school, I began homeschooling. I was a single mom, full time student and employed full time. It was difficult but I had some help from my mother. I began preschool and kindergarten homeschooling my son (the 10 yo) but working and school caught up with me and I was unable to balance it all. I felt that the kids were not getting what they needed so I put them in public school. My daughter is a social person and self motivated; she did wonderful in ps. For my son, ps was a disaster. I have had trouble with him since. Fast forward... My husband and I got back together in 2005, when my daughter was 8 and my son was 5. I had intended on not working and homeschooling. My husband and I had talked of MY dream of doing this. He never said no....until it came time to do it. He was dead set against it! I would approach him with the idea and he would block me every time. We would get into arguments. My husband was homeschooled for his entire schooling, K-12.

At the time we got back together, neither of us were 'religious'; we did not regularly attend church. In fact, we had not even been in a church together! So, it continued that I worked outside the home and the kids attended public school. As I mentioned, my son has been a source of hmmm, trouble? since he began ps. We recently moved to Wyoming and my husband began attending a church. Soon we began attending as a family. God has touched my heart so much since attending this church. I had grumbled, been angry, been disrespectful to my husband before; my husband had neglected to take me (or the kids) into account when making decisions, had abused his place in the household. I guess what I am getting at is this, PRAY for God's Will, not our own, and we will be led to what it is we are supposed to do.

I wanted to homeschool for SO long, wanted to be with my kids every day, see them learn, help them cultivate the desire that I felt was missing in ps, to shield them (and us!) from the negatives of ps. I felt at times that I was being totally selfish, that it wasn’t what God wanted rather just my own want. But until I let God deal with it and stop trying to make it work, change my husbands mind on my own, it was not going to work. In March of this year, my husband and I were noticing some very bad habits that our children were picking up from the supposedly 'good' schools they were attending, we (my husband and I) had a talk and he agreed, finally, to let me homeschool.

I believe, with all my heart, that PRAYER, for God's Will, is the only way that this situation can be mended. I will pray for your family; may God bless you!

My apologies for such a long post...but this really grabbed me! Hope it helps!

Chere - posted on 02/11/2009

Hi Jodi,

I just had to chime in too!

My husband was not on board with our homeschooling the first time but I went ahead anyway---what a disaster! For two years I was a mess because I had no support system. Any 'bumps' in the road to teaching my two kids and I was scrutinised- by myself and then again my husband. He gave little allowence toward their schooling(he is the only breadwinner in this family) and therefore my hands were tied as to the curriculum...very narrow mess I had gotten this whole family into!

Then, when I was at wits end-I'm stubborn you see- I began praying for God to change his heart about it. Guess what? He changed mine.... to that of a submissive wife. We put the kids into a small private school for two years a compromise between that and public, each semester, while working at the school, I would broach the subject of the possibility to homeschool-keeping it light and leaving the decision entirely up to him.  By the middle of the second year, he began to see the lack in their education, and the attitude issues-even in a small private school!  When I again asked him about homeschooling, he said " I think it's a good idea " ---WOW!

So, we are homeschooling again this year..... there is no fighting about how its not good for them, how they may not be getting what 'normal' kids get, etc...  In fact God has woven our family closer because of my obedience. My husband is really getting into helping! He talks of when he can possibly take tech math classes with our son.  Please understand this: I am a grumbler by nature, my prayer-after He showed me that the issue was me- well, my prayer was to zip my lip... God did that for me-most of the time! lol!  I truely think that my husband struggled with what people thought he was with-holding his children by our homeschooling... God changed that too!

Please be patient on what God has for your family- His timing is always best....and of course, more fruitful!

Ok, ok, I've gabbed enough!  Blessings to you and yours!

Chere

Kellie - posted on 02/03/2009

Have you looked into Charter schools? This may be a 'compromise' between you and DH.  Many charter schools will give you a set amount of money (here it's 1800 a year per student) and you can pic your curriculum, resources, supplies, and often pays for classes like piano, karate, and what not.  They have a liscensed (sp) teacher that oversees your kids and helps you with things you need help on.  Maybe not this year but next year. 

What do your kids have to say about this? I realize that many christian women submit to their husbands, but that doesn't mean that you cannot have a voice and opinion in this matter.  I hope you find a solution that works for your family.  There are other sections of moms circle that have home businesses. You sound like a determined woman, and you WILL and CAN find something that you will succeed in! BEst of luck!!

Jannette - posted on 01/17/2009

I like Beth was the major income for our family, but when layoffs came I decided it was time for me to be with my children and my husband to carry the load (financially). This didn't turn out exactly like I planned as when we moved to a smaller town (lower cost of living) he had to start over at $8.25/hr - difficult to raise 2 small children, so I found work again but this time I could do the office part from home and visit job sites with my children. This worked for 6 months. Then I was back at home - needless to say it has been an up and down financial battle for the last 5 years, but my children are better for having my focus. We just got news that my husband will no longer have his job by the end of March (at the longest - he works for Circuit City which is closing) In this difficult financial time I am looking at having to go back into the work force and try to figure a way to conitnue to home school. I am trusing in God to continue to give me direction and with his guidance and our efforts we will make it through this. Sometimes we have to do things we are not comfortable with for a time but in the end it can work out much better than we could have actually planned it. It is not for us to judge or force God's Plan but be open to it and rejoice in the good. My prayers are with you during you struggle if you listen to God and your heart you will find your way. God Bless You and your family.

Beth - posted on 01/12/2009

This is just my two cents worth, but you need to pray for your husband, your children and your situation!! Over the course of these next few monthes, set up a strict budget on your husbands income and stick to it!!! If you can do that, then it may show you and your husband that you do not need to work! We had our first eight years ago so I stopped working. I made more money than my husband, so it was a HUGE change in lifestyle, but we do not regret it at all!! We now have 3 children, 7 (8 next month), 6 and 4, things are tight but I would not trade it for anything!! Good luck and keep praying!!!

Jodi - posted on 01/10/2009

Thank you! I have been praying for a change of heart regarding my husband. My heart broke on Friday - when I enrolled them in school. On the plus side - both of their teachers belong to our church and were welcomed by many friends. On the minus side - my heart is breaking. I trust that if it is God's will for me to homeschool - He will make it very clear to my husband.



Thank you for your prayers!

Andi - posted on 01/04/2009

I am with Marissa on this one. I, too, worked outside the home. I actually was the major wage earner. I have been amazed by the blessings that have come to our little family by letting go of the worry and stress.



We have what we need when we need it. I compare it to the loaves and fishes. :)

Marissa - posted on 01/01/2009

Hi Jodi, I went through something very similar to your situation.God lead me to homeschool, but I to worked outside the home.It was very difficult to school,work,and take care of the home.I was stressed and grumpy. I prayed constantly until God let me know working outside our home was not for our family.. Financially we could not afford me quiting my job.We were always struggling to make ends meet.But,I quit anyways.My husband has never like me working , so he was very supportive of the idea. Since that day are family has been so blessed. We have not struggled at all with bills, God has provided are every need plus much more. It took a lot of faith to be able to do this, but I knew and my husband knew God will provide if we trust and rely on him alone. I will keep you in my prayers. I pray God's will to be done in your life.