Brutally Honest

Mrs. - posted on 07/03/2011 ( 17 moms have responded )

1,767

6

30

So, I had a huge blowout with my fiance and it made me think about honesty. You know the difference between telling the truth, even if it is brutal and telling a bit of a white lie if the brutal truth is not needed. I know people have strong opinions about this and children. I'm wondering what people think when it comes to SOs.

In my case, I've been training this year, after a hard health set back to do the same 5K I did last year, but at a better time. In the process of training, I've really pushed my body to become a lot more athletic looking. It has been a hard road feeling confident again after having my little girl and the health issues, but with my hard work and my fiance's encouragement - I've started to feel a bit more solid about my body.

I ran the run yesterday and beat my time from last year by 10 minutes. I was really excited. My fiance bought me a new running bra for the event. Now I felt a bit self conscience before the run in just running in the bra and shorts...but during the run I just forgot about it and took my overshirt off. My fiance took pictures and I was so happy about what I had accomplished - both being confident enough to believe I look good and getting an amazing time.

Now last night, I put all the pictures on facebook and this morning I told him I'd done it. He immediately replied, "You did what, you put those pictures up?" He began trying to cover this massive word vomit up and said that he was just concerned because he was protective of me and didn't want people to make fun of me for certain flaws that were in the picture. In particular, he said there was one where it looked like I had quite a bit of a muffin top...even though he claims it must have "just been the angle". I mean, my father just bought me a new suit and it was a size 4, so that muffin top must be a pretty sneaky.

So, needless to say, I'm not rushing to take my top off around him or anyone else anytime soon and I feel like it has completed blocked out all the good feelings I had going.

Now I'm sure there are endless examples of loved ones being way to honest and making the people they love feel like shit, I'm just wondering....is there a line? Do you and your partner practice being brutally honest no matter what or are you more gentle with each other? If there were pictures of your husband in a bathing suit that you thought weren't the best looking, would you tell him or just let him think he looks good?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

We're completely honest with each other - if he thinks I look crap he tells me and I do the same with him. However, we do it in a nice way because it isn't nice to make someone feel bad about themselves.

JuLeah - posted on 07/03/2011

3,133

38

694

I think you guy was being brutally honest, I don't think you heard him.
He is not comfortable with your pic out there for all to see when you look so hot ... and,but, he doesn't want to admit that ...

Also, just my opinion here, but waaaayyy too much thinking about how a person looks and not enough about who the person is ... if you were 70lbs over weight, and thrilled/excited/proud to have run and beat your prior time ... your pic up on fb would have been a must

Now, I had a friend who started to do the comb over thing when his hair started to thin ... okay, but some months later ... it was starting to kind of look, well .. like he had just one long strand of hair wrapped around his head several times. His wife, as a friend, did speak with him about this, as that is what best friends do ... so sometimes yes, and sometimes friends don't say a word

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 07/03/2011

12,224

26

264

My boyfriend and I are honest..... brutally honest. We joke about how fat we are every day. We don't care for the most part. Each of knows we've gained weight this past year and when I'm finally done being pregnant in 2 months (after 2 kids!) him and I have agreed to be healthier, and go on a 2 year exercise/self change binge. 2 years or whenever we get to that point we feel better again I suppose lol


Anyway, I think overall you rely way too much on your boyfriends opinion of yourself. I know it can be hard because we love these men, but they are afterall..... men. They don't shop like we do. They don't have nearly as much experiance in worrying as we do. We're the mommies with the maternal instincts so we get all this emotional baggage while they are the daddies who play with the kids. Sucks a bit?! Lol

You also did better than your last run. Why on earth are you even worried about how you look?! Isn't that what you trained for?! You should be so proud of yourself to have a kid and do better afterwards!

Your also worrying WAY too much in general. Seriously, I'd kill to be a size 4. Never in my LIFE will I be a size 4 because I'm so big structured and tall.

So........ I guess I don't understand why you are so stressed out. Men can be idiots. He made 1 bad comment, big deal. Tell him his hair sucks lol and well, your skinny, you just ran a marathon after having a kid and beat your last time score........... go celebrate for heavens sake. :P

Buy something grand for yourself, a REALLY nice HOT peice of lingerie that shows of EXPECIALLY your muffin top and walk around your house really naked.... trust me, your husband isn't going to notice your 'muffin top' then.

17 Comments

View replies by

Katherine - posted on 07/06/2011

65,420

232

5195

I'm so sick of these pop-ups. I've tried to disable it to no avail.

Shannintipton - posted on 07/06/2011

36,025

50

681

We lie, lie, lie. We tell each other we look great even though there is a mirror right in front of us. So we really don't need to ask. LOL

Krista - posted on 07/04/2011

12,562

16

847

I agree with the others. I think he was being possessive and didn't want your picture up there of you looking hot and wearing little clothing, so he pretends to be "concerned" that people would make fun of you for some nonexistent muffin top. You know damn well that the people who truly love you would think you look awesome and would be super-proud of you for doing so well on your 5K. It sounds like he was being very manipulative and mean-spirited, to be frank.

I think you should talk to him -- maybe he was just ashamed to admit that he was jealous and wasn't comfortable with you posting a picture of yourself in your running bra, and his shame turned him into a douche.

Christina - posted on 07/04/2011

1,513

28

142

I think people sometimes say stuff without thinking. It is easy to say something that comes out wrong. It might just be the fact that he didn't like that you had pics posted of you in a bra, regardless one designed to be worn without a shirt online.
My husband knows his flaws. I love him anyway. I have my own body flaws (even though I'm a skinny bitch and wear a size 2. I still have extra skin and get a muffin top when I sit down.)
I think that you need to be comfortable in your own skin. Be proud of what you've accomplished. And give the guy a break. Men stay stupid shit all the time. Men think with logic while women tend to use emotions.

Katherine - posted on 07/04/2011

65,420

232

5195

Good.for.you.



That's awesome that you are doing 5K. In a size 4 I highly doubt you have a muffin top. WTF???





I think he was jealous and didn't want your pic up there plain and simple.



**8Edit to add: My husband would NEVER be honest with me and I hated it.

Carolee - posted on 07/04/2011

21,950

17

585

My husband and I are both very aware of what we look like. We aren't the most attractive people, and we don't care. We love each other, and that includes the bodies that we come in. I never ask if something looks good. If I look better than my every day look, he will tell me. If I think I look good or bad, nothing he says will make me feel or think differently. We may not have the best bodies, but we are very comfortable with them.

With other things, we do tend to be a little more gruff with each other. If he is being an ass, I will not hesitate to bring it to his attention, and he does the same with me.

Dana - posted on 07/04/2011

11,264

35

495

First, congrats! My husband just ran a 5k today and came in second for his age group (super proud wife, if you can't tell ;). I'm on a running hiatus since I'm pregnant but, I know that feeling of accomplishment, so enjoy it! :)

We're brutally honest with each other but, there's also a line. I don't think it's right to be brutally honest if it's going to be a confidence crusher.

I also hope that JuLeah is wrong that he could have been saying it because he thinks you're hot and doesn't want anyone else to see it. I definitely don't think it's cool for someone to falsely knock someone down because of their own insecurities.

Merry - posted on 07/04/2011

9,274

169

263

Ok I'm the ,odd one out, I'm not brutally honest with my husbands physical body. He's about 50 lbs overweight and it's all in his belly and back, I don't find his physical body arousing, but I don't say that. He is extremely sensitive about his body and he already feels like I'm way out of his league and he worries I'll leave him for someone sexier. So if I say anything about him loosing weight I worry it will just make him think wven more that way. I know he wants to loose weight but right now he's got a full time job, part time college, and then there's the kids and me wanting his time and attention, not to mention time in the day to eat and sleep. So really unless I want to give up our time together he can't go work out.
So for now I just don't mention it much, but once life is a bit less intense I know he wants to work on his weight.
It is hard tho, since having Fierna two months ago I have a bit of belly flab left and when I complain about it he said that it makes him feel self conscious when I complain about my tiny bit of pudge when he has so much extra fat.
I wish he wasn't so insecure, but I don't really know how to give him confidence except by not being brutally honest.

[deleted account]

First off! Congrats to you!

Yes, we are brutally honest. There's no point in beating aroudn the bush or trying to be polite with each other. If something is on my mind, I will say something politely & tactfully. Same with him.

Amanda - posted on 07/04/2011

2,559

3

366

My husband and I are honest! Dont worry about what he said, I am also size 4, I also have a muffin top in some pants/shorts. No biggy. There is nothing to be ashamed of being size 4 after children at all! I dont think he was trying to be mean or put you down at all, just honest that in one picture you kinda look like you have a muffin top. No worries! And its just silly to think your friends would make fun of you for this, if they do they need to be removed from your friends list. Theres a huge difference between being honest, and just being an asshole.

Btw great job on the run! There are plenty of skinny minis who couldnt do a run if it killed them. Stand tall and be proud!

[deleted account]

Were completely honest but not to the point were its hurtful.Its all in hows it delivered.No one wants to be hurt with the truth, you can speak the truth without it being so brutal or blunt.That's just how we roll anyway lol:-P
He tells me if i don't look as hot as i think i do and i they same with him.That's cool with us.

Stifler's - posted on 07/03/2011

15,141

154

604

We are brutally honest. I told him to tell me if I ever got too fat and looked hideous so he did and I did something about it. I tell him if his beard looks stupid too and he does something about it. We're best friends, we can be honest and not get offended.

Tara - posted on 07/03/2011

2,567

14

114

I wouldn't have done what your future hubby did!

If I saw a particularly bad pic of Steve I would say something like "you look half cocked in that one." or "Were you in the middle of talking when they took that one?"

He looks good in anything so it's hard to say.

But I wouldn't tell him not to put pics up if he had done so or wanted to, even if *I* thought maybe he looked a little chunky etc.

For me it doesn't matter what I think of his pics or body or what he thinks of mine, it only matters what we feel about ourselves.

I don't think being tactful or gentle is the same as a white lie.

Tact is important in so many interactions, and yet few people even know the meaning of the word let alone how to practice being tactful.



Don't let HIM get YOU down.

You know you look hot, you know it when you look in the mirror in that sexy new running bra with your sexy newly toned muscles. YOU know you feel better than you have in a long long time. YOU feel confident in your body and your accomplishments.

Don't let it change how you dress, how you act or how you feel. I say go out and buy some more clothes that show off all your hard work, then take pictures of you in them and send them to him with a note saying "I thought you might like to see what you bought me today, I think I look really hot."

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms