Co-Ed sleepovers

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 01/27/2011 ( 41 moms have responded )

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Over all how do you feel about them when you have pre-teens and teens?
As we all know there can be “Raging Hormones”

It’s normal to invite your girlfriends or guy friends over but what if your preteen/teen wanted to invite guys and girls over to stay the night, what would you tell them? what would be the rules?

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LaCi - posted on 01/30/2011

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I think if my son wanted a co-ed sleepover I'd be okay with it. But they sleepover would take place in the open and I' be checking in occasionally. They could all sleep in the den or something, no closed doors and such. Not so much because I'm concerned if he has sex, but I'm much more concerned about other people's kids having sex under my supervision and dealing with the aftermath of that.

Sharon - posted on 01/27/2011

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I just went through this... NO.

I don't give a flying squirrel shit about how responsible there are. If they aren't sleeping under the same roof there can be no accidents or "it just happened". at least not then....

My 15yr old wanted to sleep over at his GFs. His GFs parents are pretty friggen permissive. NO NO NO.

Lady Heather - posted on 01/30/2011

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I guess I just don't see the harm in it. Out of my whole group of friends there were no pregnancies, no STDs that I know of. No one ever drove drunk. There was a bit of drinking and the odd bit of marijuana smoked. We were all A students. We were all band nerds. We all had goals. We are now an engineer, a few teachers, a nurse, a lawyer, a software developer, a Mountie (that's a police officer for the UnCanadian), a PR rep, an army officer, a couple of small business owners and me the SAHM. All of us have at least a Bachelor's degree. Not a single degenerate among us. Some married, we are the only ones who even had a kid at all so far. A little bit of responsibility instilled in early life tends to go a long way. Kids who have goals and aspirations and a plan for life are a lot less likely to screw it all up with an unwanted pregnancy.

Lady Heather - posted on 01/30/2011

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We had co-ed sleepovers all the time as teenagers and there was never any sex going on (well...when we were 19 yes, but 16 no). At our house my mum had the boys sleep in the basement and the girls upstairs. Other parents weren't so strict. Often we would just put tents up in someone's yard. We used to have some beers at the beach and then crash. Beats the heck out of trying to drive. None of our parents were strict about booze either.

You know when I had sex as a teenager? During school hours. My boyfriend and I would drive to his house because his mum was at work all day and we'd get it on during lunch break or a spare block. Never at a sleepover and we had plenty of them.

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Jenn - posted on 06/29/2011

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Oh hell no there will be no co-Ed sleep overs anytime during childhood, preteen or teen! My daughter's best friends are boys and it is very sweet and innocent, of course, but I am not about to set a precedent in allowing sleep overs when in just a few years that will have to come to a complete halt. Why drum up all that drama, questions of trust and explaining that they are going to feel things even at 12 that they didn't at 6. Besides, my best friend when I was eight was a boy and I clearly remember playing husband and wife in my closet. This meant, for whatever reason, he lay his scrawny body on top of mine and we giggled. Still innocent but very much on the edge of not! Kids, especially preteens and teens, need to be taught how to control their new emotions and hormones. It isn't fair to put them in bed together and expect they will keep their cool. That would be very irresponsible of me and the other parents! IMHO, of course..

Amanda - posted on 06/29/2011

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Hell no!

Simple and straight to the point. When my children are married they can then have sleep overs with the other sex.



Though I know not all teenagers have sex, why would you ever basicly give them premission to do so? Its about respect for my home, and me.



I see this no different then allowing teenagers to drink in your home, or their friends homes. Of course teens are going to drink, but would you buy the booze for them? So why would you allow boyfriends, and other male friends to sleep over? or female if you have a son LOL.



Btw for parents whos children are close in age. I have a girl and boy who are 18 months apart. When one of them have a sleep over, the other isnt apart of it, and if they wanted to be a part of it, I would put my foot down and remind them that those are their siblings friends.

Marie - posted on 06/29/2011

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My daughter who'll turn 13 in a couple of weeks, asked me if a few of her friends could sleepover, and one was her boyfriend. I trusted her and them because in the past she had friends sleepover. Yes they get a silly and have fun watching movies or playing video games, wii, music, etc... but it would not be the first boy to sleep over at our house.

Lindsay - posted on 01/31/2011

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I guess any sleepover in our house could be considered co-ed because my kids are only 18 months apart, will be 1 grade apart in school and are boy and girl. Also, one of my daughter's good friends at school is the girl of a set of boy/girl twins. I think this is one of those issues that will be judged on a case by case basis. In high school, we would often have co-ed sleepovers after dances and such. Most of the time, we even all slept in the same room. Those group sleepovers weren't when people were having sex. I'm not saying it's always like that, but in my experience, it wasn't that way. Whether or not my kids will go to co-ed sleepovers will depend on how well I know the parents that are having it and if I can trust them to properly supervise.

Krista - posted on 01/30/2011

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A co-ed sleepover as pre-teens and teens?

Fuck, why don't I just let them use my bed while I'm at it? No way, no how, nah gah happen.

When they're little kids, though, it's different. I used to sleep over at my best friend Jason's house when we were 6 or so.

Mary Renee - posted on 01/30/2011

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Whoah! What the hell? I NEVER heard of a co-ed sleep over!

I suppose we had guy friends growing up and might have spent the night we we were like really young... 5 or 6, but seriously, no child over the age of 8 should be going to a "co-ed" sleep over!!!!! What in the world?

BTW, I remember when I was 10 or 11 we used to go camping and go out to rural cabins on the Potomac Appalachian Trail (we were from the city, so it was a nice change of pace). Anyway, once my dad invited his old friend from highschool to go with us, and he brought his son, who was also my age (around 10 or 11) Anyway, we were up in this cabin pulling the legs off of daddy long legs to see if they would still move and swear to god he looked at me and said "You know, we could have sex up here and no one would ever know." I can't even remember how I reacted, I was probably like "yeah, I know, whatever, look at this one, gross" but yeah... haha...NO co-ed sleep overs for my daughter no way. (And as a side note, the guy was totally cute and if I was a few years older it totally might have happened)

And to whoever said that same sex sleep overs have the same risk because girls can have raging hormones too... HELLO, I don't care if girls compare their bodies or even kiss romantically or whatever... they aren't going to produce a baby on accident!!!! Totally not the same thing.

[deleted account]

yea, thats why supervision is necessary, as laci pointed out. It would be my child who i would be giving the benefit of the doubt, not the rest of them, i didnt raise them, dont know how they are taught. I would hope she learned right from wrong not only to wait, but to let me know if anything was going on. If some of the teens at the party were going to have sex, then she (given the fact its her house) would be responsible enough to put a stop to it. Or tell the supervising adult.

[deleted account]

You are right Julianne, I thought I had written "most teens" but realize it was missing. I know not ALL teens would have sex given the opportunity, but it would be naive to think that all of the teens at the party would be the type to wait.

[deleted account]

I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt. Hope i did my job and taught my child the emotional toll sex has on you, as well as the lifelong change of children. Its not allowing a "safe place to have sex" because if there doing it, they dont need a safe place. Its allowing myself to trust she will make the right decisions.

[deleted account]

that's a blanket statement to say teens will have sex at every opportunity. i lived with my boyfriend as a teen for 2.5 years and didn't have sex because i wasn't ready. Some teens are like that, not all.

[deleted account]

I would not allow it. My main concern is sexual activity between opposite sexes. I do not think sex is something to be "ashamed of" or "taboo"; I know it is natural and beautiful, but it is not okay for teens to be doing it because most teens are not prepared to properly raise the resulting child. So for that reason, I have no problem with my son engaging in boy/boy sex and would thus have no qualm with allowing him to an all boy sleep over. I will not allow him to attend a boy/girl sleep over because I think, given the opportunity and peer pressure, he is very likely to try boy/girl sex in that situation, and thus he could get a girl pregnant. Not cool.



I find the idea that if you provide a safe place for teens to have sex that they will have sex less often absolutely hilarious on one count, and horridly sad on the other. Most teens will have sex at every opportunity they get--raging hormones and all that--I want him to have as few opportunities as possible, because the less times he has sex, the smaller the chances that he will knock a girl up. i want it to be hard for them to find a place to do it.

Jessica - posted on 01/30/2011

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Pre-teens or teens, I'd say no. Growing up, my first sleep overs were with boys- all my friends were boys! But that was when I was like 4,5,6 years old. I believe I was 7 or 8 when my parents stopped letting me sleep over at my guy friends' house, and I didn't understand why lol! but, now I do. Especially when I hear about how kids nearly that young are having sex- pretty sure that didn't happen when I was that age, and I'm not THAT old.

But then again, I have years before I get to that point with my children!

Bonnie - posted on 01/30/2011

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Emma, that is so true! If they are going to have sex they are going to have sex. They don't need a sleepover to be doing it.

Rosie - posted on 01/30/2011

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i can't say for sure, but i think it would have to depend on my children, who the girl was, and what their relationship is like beforehand.
they would probably not be sleeping in the same room though, unless i was there. and i'm really fond of my bed so that probably wouldn't happen, lol.

Cyndel - posted on 01/30/2011

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Depends. What would you do if you had a son and daughter either twins or very close in age?
What rules go when your son has friends stay over or your daughter? Or like my brother and I, I was friends with his friends and he was friends with mine. So when 'our' girlfriend stayed over she stayed in my room at night, though we all hung out in the living room etc. Same with the guys only the other way around.
Co-ed sleepovers it would depend on the situation, the kids, where they were and if they were all going to seperate at bed times or stay in one big room, etc. I'm not completely sure, a lot would depend on my childs maturity and who is chaperoning.

Becky - posted on 01/27/2011

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I don't think so. My parents let my sister have one for her 16th birthday party and I'm pretty sure they regretted it, since they had to be chasing down couples who went off on their own all night. (These were the children of missionaries, so my parents had a lot of responsibility on them.)
Although, if you have children of both genders, then I'm not sure how allowing one of them to have a sleep-over with their same-sex friends is really different from a co-ed sleepover.

Stifler's - posted on 01/27/2011

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my friends had pretty permissive parents. we would all always hang out at sally's. and everyone would drink and we'd all fall asleep. i don't remember anyone having sex though, we weren't like that it was all platonic friendship. i can remember having sex and then going home, so whatever if they're going to have sex it's going to happen in the afternoons they hang out if they're not allowed to sleep over.

[deleted account]

if you make a big deal out of it, there more likely to do it.....
you think it would be ok to allow your children to engage in same sex relations, but not male female relations for fear of babies...that doesnt make sense..

Sharon - posted on 01/27/2011

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No its not about preventing sex. Its about preventing babies. I've given the talk, offered condoms, had my husband give the talk, talked with the schools about their education on it and yet? wtf?? teen girls still get pregnant with the bullshit..."I didn't know it could happen to me." "I was on birth control."

So they aren't allowed to be alone. PERIOD.

I don't give a rats ass if they have sex, as long as they don't have babies. Since I can't control her reproductive system, I control his by making it unavailable.

Could they MAKE the time and place for it? Sure. But I won't have helped facilitate it.

[deleted account]

Rule #1 and the MOST important. Ready?

"Your out of your blooming mind if you think you will be having boys spend the night. You are to old for boys to spend the night here and it isn't going to happen. No if's, and's or but's."
With that said my daughters can have boys sleep over if they are family. However, friends are only allowed over until the age of 10 and even now at 7 the boys have to sleep in the basement spare bedroom while the girls sleep upstairs in their room right next door to mine. :) I wake up every time their door opens so they can't get out of their room without me knowing it and asking why they are up. The boys can't get up the stairs without us hearing it since we have creaky stairs. We have no intention of fixing them either until all the kids are grown and moved out.
I also don't allow sleepovers, mine to someone else's, unless I talk to the parents, the parents must also have only girls or boys to young to matter. I call and check with the parents prior, and during. I also will drop my kids off and actually go in to talk to the parents. If I don't feel they are going to actually keep an eye on the girls I won't leave my daughters there. Over protective? Some would say yes! Some would say no and others would say they would do the same. However, I WILL NOT deal with teen pregnancies like some parents. Reguardless of what DH wants I am NOT raising my grandchildren. I love my kids with all my heart but they will NOT be given the opportunity to get pregnant because of my inattention. :) IMHO-(in my honest opinion)

[deleted account]

yea but the reason not to have co-ed sleepovers is about preventing sex which is stupid...same genders have sex with each other..whats the difference.

Sharon - posted on 01/27/2011

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The topic is CO-ED sleepovers. Its not to prevent sex. Its to prevent unwanted babies. I can assure you, at 14 yrs, I don't want her having a baby. Now this is one time they won't be having sex and one more time I've made sure I'm not a grandma at my young & tender years!

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 01/27/2011

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it is human nature Julianne and you have valid points :-0)

[deleted account]

well what about friends that are two girls...they may be dating and didnt tell you.. why allow any sleepovers, theres always a risk of sexual activity.

[deleted account]

Julianne, nope.

I would even consider allowing a boyfriend sleep over under certain circumstances...like if we were all going on a day trip early the next morning or the weather was too bad for driving or something. But I wouldn't allow an obviously boyfriend/girlfriend (or whatever combination it is) to spend the night together "just because."

[deleted account]

even same sex people can have raging hormones....is everyone going to prevent their children from having sleepovers. period??

[deleted account]

Okay, when you apply this to a boyfriend/girlfriend situation, it's a bit different.

My first post was about friend boys and friend girls and groups of kids.

Katherine - posted on 01/27/2011

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It's the same with alcohol and drugs....are you going to provide that so they're in a safe environment? Just because you think they'll do it anyways?
What happened to morals and values? Teach, teach, teach.


♥ you Julianne.

Lacye - posted on 01/27/2011

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No. Sorry but no. I wouldn't allow a male friend spend the night at my house and I'm an adult. I will not allow my daughter to have a guy spend the night, just friends or more than that. Either way, it's not happening.

[deleted account]

would you rather your teen(who is probably going to lose their virginity AS a teen) be safe, and have a safe place to go...OR need to sneak around and be dangerous about it...



We cannot prevent our children from having sex...i would rather my child be secure with her sexuality and know its nothing to be ashamed of, that its natural and ok to do (as long as its safe) than have unprotected sex somewhere unsafe..Security in knowing that its ok, keeping the lines of communication open, and ensuring proper knowledge of the topic WILL prevent teens from doing it to early...making a big deal out of NOT doing it makes them want to do it more...



edit to add

When i had guy friends stay over( my mom was cool with that.) we did not do anything.. My boyfriend i started dating at 12 actually moved in with us when i was 14, and i did not start sleeping with him till 17 because i felt i wasnt ready....my mother and i had open conversations about it too, The more you talk about it, the less curious you get.

Marylea - posted on 01/27/2011

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I think it depends on the kids and the age and the circumstances. Not that I've had to deal with this yet, my daughter isn't even two, so I'll cross that bridge when i get to it :P

Marylea~

[deleted account]

In high school...depending on their maturity level and who the other kids are and who the other parents are.



After every school dance, we went to my friend Drew's house. His mom fed us breakfast at 1 am, then we'd watch movies and eventually the girls would go to sleep in one room and the boys in another. No big deal All the parents were cool with it, because they knew where we were and that we weren't out drinking. My group of friends were pretty trustworthy kids anyway.



Oh and if we were having a party of some sort, my parents and most of my friends parents preferred for us (the kids) to stay the night, than to try to drive home late.

Bonnie - posted on 01/27/2011

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Like Julianne said, I think it depends on their level of understanding, but also maturity. If the child knows that the rule is everyone is to keep to themselves then it shouldn't be a problem. Although things can happen even if it is my child that has this understanding. I don't know if I would ever be comfortable with children of the opposite sex sleeping over.

[deleted account]

depends on the child and their level of understanding.


But, i had girl friends that slept over as a teen....and raging hormones can be an issue there too... LOL

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