Grandma trying to breastfeed baby….

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 09/06/2010 ( 75 moms have responded )

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A real life scenario….

mother is trying to get the baby on the bottle, A baby that is mostly breastfeed ….and do both breastfeeding and bottle, the baby hates the bottle and doesn’t take to it very well.
On night the baby goes to grandmas house and is crying and crying, wont take the bottle, doesn’t want to be walked around..ect…
So the grandma (although has no milk) decides to let the baby suck on her nipple…to sooth and quiet the baby down…it works….

What do you think about that….

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Tara - posted on 09/06/2010

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I think it's great that Grandma doesn't haven't any hang ups about breastfeeding. I'm also glad that Grandma thinks outside the box.

There was a time when I left my 10 month old with my mom for an evening.

She cried and cried and cried when she woke up at about midnight. My mom offered her her own boob to settle her, she settled but was still hungry so my mom got her suckling on the boob, then slipped in a bottle along the side. Once she was sucking on the bottle nipple, she pulled her own out.

It worked like a charm and I was so happy that my mom was able to get past her own hang ups (she didn't nurse me cause she didn't like the feeling of it). so that she could comfort and soothe my baby.

This wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Nothing weird about it at all.

Now if it were a baby sitter or someone unrelated to the child, I would certainly feel differently, unless I had given my permission.

I know two sisters who have in the past had nursing babies at the same time, they have swapped out their babies to each other to go out. One had a graduation ceremony when her LO was 3 weeks old, so off to Auntie's boobies he went!! lol

It works and it's not the weird when you look at history and biology. Wet nurses weren't that long ago.

:)

[deleted account]

"as for the allery to formula there is such a thing a soya milk or hypoanellergic or what ever its called milk prescribed by the doctor."
That was not an option at the time, plus some babies are also allergic to the soy. Having an adopted child allergic to the formula was a real situation that my aunt had found herself in. She found a group of nursing moms real quick. They donated milk and wet nursed when needed. What would you do?

Kate CP - posted on 09/07/2010

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Immoral and unhygienic...hrm. What's makes it unhygienic? Because it's some one else's breast? Are you aware that genitalia and breasts are among the cleanest parts of your body? Much more than your hands or feet are, I promise you that. So, unless a woman is rubbing her boobs in poop I seriously doubt that a breast is unhygienic.

As for the immoral part...well that's your opinion. Like I said, if my mother had nursed my daughter while I was in the hospital for surgery I wouldn't have had any problem with it. But I guess that's just me and my wacky family.

Charlie - posted on 09/07/2010

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Actually some hospitals still have wet nurses so your point is moot .

ones boob is only as sweaty as yours depending on hygeine .

I think its incredibly selfless of wet nurses to give up their milk and let the baby enjoy skin to skin for the sake of feeding them , much like Salma hyak who breastfed a starving child in Africa , what an angel , if you ask me the woman has better morals than most .

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Ashley - posted on 09/09/2010

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lol Kate. I asked my husband about it too last night. He just said "Um. There is so much I could say but I wont." lol. I think I would be pretty pissed if my Mom went and did it without asking me. For the most part I have never been in a situation were she couldnt call me if all wasnt good and I could be there with in a few min. So really because I have never been in a spot like that I dont know.

Becky - posted on 09/08/2010

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My mom tried this once with my niece. My niece wouldn't take her nipple though. We've talked about it in our family - my little sister has a 5 month old baby and my mom has talked to me about breastfeeding her if for some reason my sister couldn't. I would if it were for health related reasons (for her or the baby), but otherwise, I think I'd feel weird about it. But I'd have no trouble giving her my milk. But anyways, if it were my child, it wouldn't be unforgivable or anything if my mom tried this, but I don't think I'd be too crazy about it. It's really something I'd prefer to talk about beforehand and come to some understanding about. On the other hand, I hate to let my kids cry, so if it was a last resort after he'd been screaming inconsolably for sometime, I would be okay with it.

Meghan - posted on 09/08/2010

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No thank you mom. If it get's that bad, give me a call and I will come get the baby. LOL I couldn't imagine my mom doing this! I just asked her and she gave me a weird look and said "you need to stop talking to your friends in the computer" Defiantly not for us, but hey to each their own right?

Kate CP - posted on 09/08/2010

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Finally asked my husband this question. I love him. :) He said:

"Well, as long as I don't have to watch I'm okay with it. I mean, she's not doing it out of some perverse desire, she tried everything else, she's family...yea, I wouldn't mind if your mom did that. As long as I don't have to watch!" He was very adamant about NOT watching. ;)

Stifler's - posted on 09/08/2010

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HA formula is shite. I've tried it and my son just vomited it up as much as the other milks I tried.

Ashley - posted on 09/08/2010

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You now the thing about a lot of these post are how can you really know how you would feel or handle a situation unless your in it? There were a lot of thing I thought I was going to do before I had my baby and it turns out some of them just didnt work for us. I think breastfeeding is a touchy subject all together. But I dont think you really know what or how you would feel unless you have been there.

[deleted account]

ok i took ur comment out of context i apologise for that, as for the old comment i automatically assume a grandmother to be of a certain age thats the way i was raised, BUT i wouldnt let my child scream for hours i would try my hardest to satisfy them, im just expressing my persoanl opinion and that is, no i wouldnt allow ANYONE whether it be family or not to breastfeed my child its my job, as for the allery to formula there is such a thing a soya milk or hypoanellergic or what ever its called milk prescribed by the doctor.

Lisa - posted on 09/07/2010

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Well if its good for Gramma then Dad should have to let the kid latch on to his hairy boobies too lol (just kidding)

Stifler's - posted on 09/07/2010

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i agree it's beside the point whether there is milk or no milk. i'd be jealous if my mum or MIL did it because i couldn't breastfeed and he's always had the bottle anyway since 3 weeks. but if i could and wasn't there it'd probably be a different story even if the baby was just sucking for comfort because his mother wasn't there. i don't think it's gross and definitely not unhygienic!

Jennifer - posted on 09/07/2010

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i think her not having milk is besides the point...when baby uses mom's breast as a pacifier, babies will suck differently than when they are hungry so that they don't get milk...so for the people are upset because grandma does not have milk, would you also say it is wrong for baby to use mom as a pacifier because they are not sucking for sustenance?

yes, nursing is a very intimate bonding experience for mom and baby but from the sound of this, there was only one occasion where grandma put the baby to her breast its not like a routine they've started so i really doubt this one occasion is going to come between mom/baby bonding.

i'd much rather have my son happy at my mother's breast, than inconsolable. maybe it has to do with the fact that i trust my mother, i trust her judgment, and i trust the fact that she does not have any sort of breastfeeding fetishes

Sharon - posted on 09/07/2010

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I think the title is misleading - it sort of pisses me off...
Grandma trying to breastfeed baby....

sorta makes it sound like subterfuge. like grandma was trying to get something back of the old days... not like the op states in desperation to give comfort.

[deleted account]

Laura, "Away We Go" is an awesome movie. All COM moms should watch it. As I was watching it, I kept saying, that person reminds me of _____ from COM...gqtm.

Claire:"i would do everythin i could to satisfy my own baby myself whether it be bottle or bood"
What would you do if your adopted child were allergic to formula?

Ez - posted on 09/07/2010

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Wow.. just wow. I can understand someone being uncomfortable with this scenario if they are uncomfortable BFing. But you would really label it unhygienic and immoral? I would say letting an inconsolable baby cry for hours on end is far more morally questionable than soothing it in the way it is used to.

Jodi - posted on 09/07/2010

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"an OLD woman"

Ummm, not all grandmothers are "OLD". As an example, I am 41, I wouldn't say I am "OLD", but I am old enough to be a grandmother (I am not one, but I am potentially old enough to be one).

Charlie - posted on 09/07/2010

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I never said your breasts were sweaty that was your comment i merely stated that one womans breasts are most likely as clean as yours.

"if i was to walk into my local nursery or hospital and attempt to feed another womans baby would u think thats moral???"

Most parents for any reason would like permission first but if you asked a mother in a hospital whos baby was starving if you could attempt to feed them i would say most would be appreaciative , perhaps not in the western world where breastfeeding has become this possesive gift , where breasts are oversexualized and thus named tits .

But we are talking about our mothers not just "an OLD woman"
I personally wouldnt need anyone to feed my child , i have plenty of milk but if it came down to it , yes i would let my mother , MIl or sister feed my child .

[deleted account]

wet nurses HAVE MILK and its their choice, to have an OLD woman with NO milk in her breast to just start breastfeeding to me PERSONALLY is freaky and wrong, if u want ur child to be breastfed by a complete stranger thats ur choice but i would do everythin i could to satisfy my own baby myself whether it be bottle or bood, and for ur info my tits are fine clean healthy and not sweaty!!

[deleted account]

its unhygenic as its another womans boob, no milk provided! just sweaty boob, and its immoral because its not her child, not her responasability and not her place, if i was to walk into my local nursery or hospital and attempt to feed another womans baby would u think thats moral??? or right cos i dont! but if thats what that family prefers then fine, as for the hole emergancy thing NO way, i looked after my sisters 8 month old child for two months cos she was ill and i never once concidered feeding him myself, i gave him formula, he is now an extreemeley happy and healthy child!!!

[deleted account]

i think its gross i would go mental if someone even my own mother put their nipple in my babys mouth and i am a breastfeeding mother.

Brittney - posted on 09/07/2010

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Ick, I'm sorry but if my mom or my ex's mom did that i would drop kick them. It might not be gross for some people but it is to me!

Dana - posted on 09/07/2010

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Immoral and unhygienic? How do you figure?

Also, we don't even know the whole story. For all we know the Grandmother has the baby because there was a family emergency or the mother had to be rushed to the hospital. Who knows really.

[deleted account]

absolutly discusting! i think its a terrible thing to do, breast feeding is a personal bond between mother and baby, in all fairness i think if the baby wont take a bottle then he/she shouldnt be staying over anyones house, its irresponsible! my 2nd child found it difficult to come off the breast but i persisted, yes she may have cried a bit more then usual but i expected that, she was on a bottle in 2 weeks! maybe if the mother took the time to wean her baby off the boob and make sure he/she was happy on a bottle then she wouldnt have this prediciment. no one should breastfeed someone elses baby EVER its unhygienic and down right imorral!!! :)

Micha - posted on 09/07/2010

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On one hand, I think if it was the only thing that would sooth the baby, more power to her, you know? But, at the same time, I think BFing should be reserved stictly for a mother and her child.

[deleted account]

Jessica, I already posted earlier about your comment. My mom? FINE.....my MIL or a babysitter? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I think it depends A LOT of a persons relationship with someone. I trust my mom 150%.....she's the only one I trust completely with my daughter.

Dana - posted on 09/07/2010

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If my baby is screaming, crying and can't be soothed, then why would it matter who did it?

Jessica - posted on 09/07/2010

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So many people seem ok with it.
God help my mother or mother-in law if I ever find out they have done it though I will be grossed out and disgusted.
Breastfeeding for me was an emotional bonding experience that I am the only one that got to share with my son. In my opinion its a mother and child thing and thats it.

Would anyone have felt different if it was their mother in law instead of assuming it was their mother?
or how bout if it was someone not realated babysitting?

Jodi - posted on 09/07/2010

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Personally I am not fussed by it. I figure "whatever works". I guess that's a bit of my parenting philosophy anyway. If it works for my kids, me and my family, I'll give it a go.



I did breastfeed AND formula feed. Again, just whatever was right for my kids.



But then, I'm old enough to be someone's grandmother if I had chosen to have kids a little younger, and then those kids decided to breed shortly after high school, and I only finished breastfeeding my youngest 5 years ago. These days My boobs are plumper than they ever were, so no saggy dried up old boobs here.......not yet anyway.



But seriously, even the thought of my own mother doing it doesn't bother me.

Jennifer - posted on 09/07/2010

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laura ? what funny is that i pretty much AM that character minus the co-sleeping and i exclusively express milk for my son because i never got him to latch. as i was watching that movie, and they were making her sound crazy i was saying to myself "...uh ohhh...."

surprisingly, there are more positive comments here, than this post received in the breastfeeding community, and waaaayyyy more than the post on the welcome page. i would really like to know of all the people in the welcome page post, who breastfeeds and who bottle-feeds because that plays a very large role in opinions.

i bottle feed breastmilk but i am very much so a lactivist, and all around pro-breastfeeding and this really doesn't bother me. a woman's breast is the ORIGINAL pacifier and for a breastfed baby, will most likely work way better than a plastic one. sounds to me like grandma had the best interest of the child at heart....now, if grandma has some sort of breastfeeding fetish we don't know about, that's clearly another story :P

Ashley - posted on 09/07/2010

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My mother and I actually had this conversation when I was bf my boy. My Mother never bf any of her children so I think if would have been really weird for her. But I do think after seeing me do it she feels kind of guilty for not giving it a go. I think as long as both parties involved talked about it and dont have an issue with it, it should be okay. And if you havent talked about it grandma should pick up the phone and say "Hay your babe is not happy at all, wont take a bottle, I was thinking of letting him/her suck on my nipple to sooth him/her if you are okay with that. What do you think?" I think it would creep me out if anyone but my Mom did it though, ie my husbands mom. I dont think I would be cool with that. I dont know why but meh.

Ez - posted on 09/07/2010

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I think as long as all parties are comfortable with it, it's a wonderful solution to the problem. Personally, if my baby was not consistently taking a bottle I wouldn't leave them, but in the case of necessity I have no problem with this.

Stifler's - posted on 09/06/2010

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I have that movie hahaha I don't think I've ever watched it all the way through though.

Isobel - posted on 09/06/2010

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Away we go...and I LOVED it, I actually thought of COM a lot while I was watching all the different parenting styles :)

Stifler's - posted on 09/06/2010

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My MIL told me she babysat Damo's cousin once who was breastfed so her mum could go out for once and they left a tin of formula but she didn't want it and she ended up putting her on her own boob. The mother seemed to be okay with it and they laugh about it now. I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

Charlie - posted on 09/06/2010

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LOL my mother has the body of a woman in her eaely twenties so no liver spotted boobs there , i would have no problem with her doing this , i would also have no problem with her breastfeeding my children if she had milk .

Barbara - posted on 09/06/2010

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I agree with Katie in regards to Sara's link. I would be OK with the grandma thing, though.

[deleted account]

My kid wouldn't be back to Grandma's house w/out me. Of course, if my kid was that upset.. anyone who watches my kids KNOWS to call me. I never had anyone watch my kids for long term as an infant anyway though and my son (2.5) is old enough to be reasoned w/ and distracted until I can come back.

Isobel - posted on 09/06/2010

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ooooh...what was that movie with Maggie Gyllenhaal? She's the mother earth hippy who doesn't believe in strollers and goes around breastfeeding other people's kids LOL awesome movie :)

Amie - posted on 09/06/2010

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My parents or in-laws just call if something's wrong and the baby can't be consoled. Though when they were that young and BF'ing I didn't leave them.

When we switched to bottles, my MIL took over that duty for us because our babies took the bottle better from her then from either of us. She's also very calm and patient with all kids, she toughed it out and never resorted to putting her boob in any of my babies mouth.

I have issue with this because it does not seem like something that was discussed beforehand. It's no different to me then a grandma or someone else using a paci to sooth a child without asking first.

Jaime - posted on 09/06/2010

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While I don't think it's disgusting or creepy, I agree that the parents have to be okay and comfortable with grandma breastfeeding. I wouldn't have an issue with family members, but babysitters and nannies are a whole other story...that's a bit 'hand that rocks the cradle' for me.

[deleted account]

I think it's fine providing the parents are ok with it. It's considered a normal practice in many traditional societies. Whatever works is good.

Natasha - posted on 09/06/2010

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I don't think that its weird or ick.
I do think that the grandma should have spoken to the mother first, and that it was detrimental to what the mother was trying to achieve, which was bottle feeding her baby. depending on the age of the child, there has got to be a different way to sooth without resorting to lets just shove a boob is your mouth.

Jenni - posted on 09/06/2010

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That would probably be pretty gross walking in and seeing my baby with my mom's boob in her mouth. But then again, I've seen my son put a long deceased insect in his mouth and year old cheerios he found at the bottom of his toy box. It reminded me that it has been awhile since i cleaned out his toy box and should probably get on that. :o

[deleted account]

I'm glad it worked out for the mom/gradma in this situation. I shudder to think of the results if the mom wasn't so OK with the idea of grandma giving a boob to use as a pacifier. Yes, in many coutries and tribes, it is customary to nurse another child. In most modern-world countries, it's not the case and would be viewed as extreme. If this happeend to me I would be pissed as all hell and would sever all ties with anyone who did that to me and my child.

JuLeah - posted on 09/06/2010

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Good move grandma

There are ways she can nurse if she wants to

Put breast milk (yours) in a bottle attached to a tube that is attached to the nipple ..... it sounds complicated, but it works ..... in many countries women nurse a hungry baby, maybe not their own, just the one crying in that moment

[deleted account]

Kati, I totally agree. At least the grandmother had the baby's best interest at heart when she did it. The nanny was totally out of line.

In the case of the grandmother I think it's weird, but I don't think it's icky. Maybe because most of my family breastfeeds. Maybe because my cousin, who was adopted and allergic to formula, was kept alive with the help of wet nurses.

[deleted account]

Sorry-it creeps me out. I would never expect anyone but me to nurse my child and would be friggin pissed off if someone (my mother or a friend or some random wetnurse) nursed my child other than me. Sorry, but it does gross me out and I would be so uncomfortable with that scenario. There are other methods to soothe a crying infant, but sticking them on someone else's boob is not my idea of soothing. So what happens next time they go for a visit and baby is crying. "Here Granny, pull out your built-in pacifier?" Nope...doesn't work for me in the slightest.

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