Hubby wants to "breastfeed" too. Turn on or turn off?

Elizabeth - posted on 05/23/2011 ( 40 moms have responded )

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My husband frequently makes jokes about wanting to breastfeed too, especially when our little one is getting hungry or is nursing. He must average saying something about a dozen times a day. He thinks it should be a turn on and doesn't get why I'm offended. I'm disturbed because he is turning something innocent that my son is doing into something sexual.
Anyone else out there experiencing these types of comments? How do you feel about these type of comments? I'm curious to see if I'm in the majority or minority.

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Johnny - posted on 05/24/2011

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It took me a while to get used to my husband playing with my breasts during the period when I was first nursing my daughter. But knowing how much he enjoyed it, I tried to stick it out, figuring I'd get over the creepy weird feeling soon. And I did. Probably by 4 or 5 months of nursing, it didn't bother me in the least. It was sort of a process of getting used to them being "multi-functional". It's kind of like thinking about your vagina. It passes menstrual blood, babies, and has intercourse. That's way weirder than breasts if you think about it.

Dana - posted on 05/23/2011

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Um, that's really creepy... He thinks it's a turn on for you and he wants to experience it? I'm confused. And grossed out.



Edited to add* When I breastfed my boobs were not sexual in any manner. I actually didn't even want my husband touching them.

Krista - posted on 05/24/2011

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He sees my breasts as sexual and he wants me to know that they still excite him. I think that he maybe jealous because his plaything has become his son's restaurant.

That's very possible. He probably just really misses your breasts, too.

From what I hear you saying, you're not completely averse to the idea of him accessing your breasts in a sexual manner -- it's just that his timing (and his incessant nagging about it) is turning you off.

If that's the case, you may just need to be more clear with him, and say something like, "When I'm nursing, and you make comments and leer at my boobs, it gives me a serious case of the squicks. It'd be like you trying to make love to me, with a picture of my parents over the bed, staring at you. I'm up for some fun with you, but you've got to time it for a time when I'm NOT nursing, okay?"

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/24/2011

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When I am BFing, just touching them is uncomfortable. Too sensative. When my daughter is weened, and the milk dries up...he can have at them. Occasionally they are not too bad, and he can play with them...but for the most part...yuck.

Jenn - posted on 05/24/2011

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So he does NOT want to breastfeed too then? He just wants to play with your boobs? I'm not seeing the issue then. When I breastfed my boobs were still in play when we were gettin' jiggy with it. ;)

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MJ - posted on 10/01/2012

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You are probably right. I should be a little more considerate of such a confusing time for him. It especially doesn't help that he is currently deployed and he is probably just trying to make the best of it. Thank you for everyone's help and support. I'm here alone, experiencing this by myself and dont feel like i can turn to family and friends when hubby and I have little agruments especially when I feel disappointed in something he has said or done. Thanks, again.

Elfrieda - posted on 10/01/2012

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@MJ

You know what, he's probably just trying to wrap his brain around having a baby at all, and being scared about how your relationship will change. I think if you ignore the comments (not ignore-ignore, I mean use your teacher glare-ignore) and focus on helping him take care of you and bond together, he will settle down soon, and when the baby actually comes it really is so amazing that the baby can make more baby out of nothing but your milk, I think he'll be making comments about that.

MJ - posted on 10/01/2012

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Thank you, Robyn. I really appreciate another opinion, and one that is on the other end of the spectrum. I do agree... that it is just a joke, but it has come up several times and he is constantly making sexual remarks about it. I have let it roll off my shoulders several times previously but it just got to me last night. I am 14 weeks pregnant so we haven't actually gone through the experience first hand but him joking about it makes me even more uncomfortable and nervous for when the time does come. I mentioned how it bothered me and it grosses me out and we got into a stupid fight about it. He was not at all understanding hence me asking if i was being unreasonable. Your post means a lot to me and does allow me to take a step back and let up on the remarks (a little) although I guess I'm just really disappointed that he is not being more of an adult and sensitive towards the topic. I just felt like something so innocent and vulnerable like providing full nourishment for our baby shouldn't be made so sexual and vulgar? Thank-you, once again!

Robyn - posted on 10/01/2012

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I personally think you are reading too much into this, and caring too much over something that is just a joke. He might be getting uncomfortable with the fact that baby is sucking on his wife's nipples and being a "man" doesn't truly understand it. So, he thinks humour is the next best bet to get around his uneasiness. Maybe I am wrong, but that is what it sounds like. Just tell him, it grosses you out and that should be that, move on. Don't dread on the small stuff. With all do respect of course. Enjoy baby :)

MJ - posted on 09/30/2012

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Thank you! Gosh, he is usually such a sensitive guy and does not usually make "typical man" remarks but he has just out done himself with this topic. It is so disappointing and gross to me. I dont have anyone to talk to because I dont want family/friends to place unnecessary judgement when this is not usually the type of guy that he is. I had to make sure that I was not being unreasonable and TOO sensitive on the subject.

MJ - posted on 09/30/2012

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okay, I dont know if anyone is still on here but I googled this because I feel alone and guilty for feeling offended and annoyed. My husband is constantly making jokes about breastfeeding i.e. being jealous that the baby will have more "tit time" then him, sharing milk with baby and just referring to my breasts and the milk as "titty milk." I just feel like something so innocent and going through such a vulnerable experience for the first time should not be made a joke ALL the time. I am able to take a joke, dont get me wrong but sometimes, enough is enough and I have expressed my nervousness about such an experience. I dont care if he "tastes it" ... that is not my issue and thats not what he is curious about... I dont know... am I being TOO sensitive? do I need to relax about the situation?

Sharon - posted on 05/26/2011

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omg no - gross.

Sorry my "manly" image is of my husband tenderly feeding our child with a bottle.

It's NOT a turn on.

[deleted account]

Haha Kelly my hubby got an accidental taste as well - I started leaking milk at around 18 weeks with this pregnancy and we just didn't think about it - he said it was sweet too maybe that's why babies like it so much?

Merry - posted on 05/25/2011

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I agree kelly, also I think men find their women sexual when we are maternal, I mean animals are attracted to mates usually based on how well they will reproduce, so I've heard men like women with broad hips because this means they are good for birth ;) idk, matt adored my pregnant body both times, he found it very sexy that I was carrying his child and still thought I was totally hot up until delivery. And of course now two weeks post birth he is having a hard time keeping his hands off me! I think it's annoying to have him all over me, but also so flattering and I'd rather him be all touchy on me then to not be attracted to me, so I don't complain! Much :)

[deleted account]

John got a taste of mine too....it was an accident for us--we were just really into the moment and he forgot they were multi-functional at the time. Probably don't want to go into much more detail than that, but afterward he admitted that it was weird, but he'd been wondering what it tasted like (apparently it's sweet).

John loves my breasts, I don't know why they are sexual for him; he loves my legs and back too--all sexual spots, none of which are "off limits" just because they have a dual purpose. Actually, that could be why men find them sexual--breasts do something no man can do on his own....even when they are not doing that, they still possess the ability to, which is kind of cool for a guy.

Merry - posted on 05/25/2011

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Ok so I'll be the weird one, matt has tasted my milk, from tap. He was curious how it tasted and I said go for it. Lol it wasn't like he drank a whole boob full, he just wanted a taste and I saw nothing wrong with it. One time, and that was it. Idk if that's weird or not but I felt it was not something to get worked up about. Heck I drink my own milk when I'm sick with a sore throat and it relieves the pain instantly!

As for breasts being sexual, sure he adores them! He would touch them all day if I let him :) I've been breast-feeding over two years now and will likely be continuously breastfeeding one child after the next for years to come! If I said no boob play while I'm breastfeeding that could belike 8 years or so! (4 kids, two years between each, two years min bfeeding each) so when I'm feeding, he might watch, but it's always in admiration of me and he often comments how good a mom I am for giving over my body for our kids. But when we have sex, he loves boobie time! Sometimes I say no, and he always asks, but most times I'm ok with him having fun with them during sex. every piece of my body is open for being sexual to him, and most parts have functions for my kids to so idk, I figure breasts have to be both functional and sexual if anyone is going to happily breastfeed each child as long as the child wants.....and without making hubbys eyes wander elsewhere :)

So, my boobs are both and I think that's a good thing for us. Keeps our marriage strong not to let the kids take away from our sex life!

Oh and my friend irl said she can't orgasm without nipple stimulation and she b fed her son 15 months and is now b feeding her second son, so she also let's boobs be fun and functional!

Jenn - posted on 05/25/2011

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Ummm.....isn't it weirder and grosser that we drink milk from a cow's tit? I guess I don't see it as a big deal. If Brian had asked to taste it, I would have let him. Not that it's a turn on to do that, but why not? I don't see how it can be OK for the baby to drink it, but for a grown up to taste it is gross. Maybe I'm the weird one?

Jamie - posted on 05/25/2011

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NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!!! Dh joked about it before and just thinking about it is gross. I've never thought of boobs as sexual object and don't understand why a man would. To me they always have been and always will be meant for the nourishment of a child.

Jenn - posted on 05/25/2011

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My husband joked a few times but he was very obviously joking. He had no real interest in tasting my breastmilk. He got his share from his own mama when he was a baby :) A weirdo guy friend of his, however, found a bottle of pumped breastmilk in the fridge of a friend's house (I left it there accidentally) and wanted to drink it. FOR REAL. Fortunately, the other friend told him that was effed up and curtailed the taste test. Gah. One thing for a husband to want to sample the mother of his child's...but another for some freaky guy to want some of his friend's wife's boob juice!

Cynthia - posted on 05/24/2011

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i'm 37 weeks pregnant and i all ready feel like i dont want him to even touch mine. i told him that as long as i was bf they were for the baby not him.

Kate CP - posted on 05/24/2011

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I'm always worried that if he plays with them he'll get squirted in the eye and then I'll be embarrassed and he'll be grossed out. I can get some distance with these puppies, lemme tell ya. ;)

~Jennifer - posted on 05/24/2011

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next time he says something, walk over to his coffee cup and shoot some milk in, hand it back to him and say "enjoy!"
....that should give him something to think about

[deleted account]

My hubby made the odd comment about trying my breast milk when I was pregnant first time round, that really peed me off as it creeped me out a little. So I spoke to him about it and he was only joking and didn't actually want to (boy was I relieved lol).

I wasn't comfortable with him playing with my breasts while I was attempting to BF so we avoided breast play until I had stopped BF as for me I couldn't separate the two things in my mind (while I was BF, now I'm not I can).

Kate CP - posted on 05/24/2011

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The idea of a grown man nursing on me is just creepy. No...no thank you. Not a turn on. Definite turn off. Yuck.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/24/2011

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Hmmm....I once jokingly asked my husband if he wanted a drink...his responce??? No thanks, "I will suck on them when you are not breastfeeding anymore" He has no interest.

[deleted account]

I agree the timing is odd...and the frequency of comments, that would freak me out a little--I don't want to think about sex when I'm feeding my son.
That said, my breasts were still very much a sexual turn on for him during the time that I breast fed, but not while I was actually feeding, just at night or when we were intimate. I never had much for breasts, so I was happy that they were bigger and felt quite pretty with them....

Stifler's - posted on 05/24/2011

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I remember having really engorged breasts when I stopped attempting to breastfeed and it really annoyed me that he wanted to touch them.

Nikki - posted on 05/24/2011

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Yeah that would creep me out and annoy the hell out of me. Have you told him exactly how you feel? My hubby didn't want anything to do with my boobs while I was breast feeding which is just the way I liked it. Cracked nipples, thrush and either a baby or a pump attached 24/7 did not make for a sexual scenario.

Becky - posted on 05/24/2011

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I would find it annoying too. I don't like my husband playing with my breasts while I'm breastfeeding. When he won't leave them alone, I want to slap him. (I don't.) Sometimes he tells our son those are "his boobies." That bugs me actually. No, they are MINE! I don't know why I have this possessive thing over them. Maybe because I've either been pregnant or breastfeeding since a month after we got married and I just want my body back to myself!!

[deleted account]

My ex mentioned it while I was nursing our girls. It definitely wasn't even close to being on a daily basis though. It still annoyed me.

Tah - posted on 05/23/2011

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Okay, so your husband is still turned on by your breast and he tells you that, is that the problem? I have to remember what post it was where some breastfeeding moms said their breast are still available sexually for their husbands when they are nursing, and that's how I am as well. Shoot, I was just glad he still looked at me in that way when I was feeling fat and rundown...but everyone doesn't look at the fact that their husband still wants them as flattering so just tell him how you feel.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/23/2011

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I guess I didn't make myself clear. He doesn't actually want to nurse. He sees my breasts as sexual and he wants me to know that they still excite him. I think that he maybe jealous because his plaything has become his son's restaurant.

I'm a little embarrassed because this is getting much more personal than I had expected. I had told him that other nursing moms would feel the same and was hoping for something to back that up. Maybe the responses so far will show him the light.

Katie - posted on 05/23/2011

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If he's mentioning it that many times a day I can see it getting tiring, but I don't think it's all that unusual for him to want to be a part of something that has become such a big part of your life. Breasts are breasts to men, they don't have a time when they are sexy and a time when they aren't. If you aren't into it then you aren't and he needs to respect that, but I really don't think that it's an overly rare desire for a new dad.

[deleted account]

Well, just thorwing this out there, but there are men (and women) that jsut have all kinds of fetishes. Perhaps your husband never thought of nursing off of you until you began nursing your son. It can get serious, and impact a marriage. You may want to read a bit about breastfeeding fetishes and confront your hubby if you see some red flags.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/23/2011

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I do have a little problem with thinking of my breasts in a sexual manner but I could overcome that. Its just when he tries to put them in a sexual manner at a time when my son is hungry or nursing.

Krista - posted on 05/23/2011

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Yeah, that'd grow a little tiresome, especially where it's so frequent.

It almost sounds like feeding off of your breast is something that he actually does want to explore. And I have heard of some couples doing that. Or, he might just really miss your breasts, and is willing to deal with the milk. But if you're not comfortable with it, you need to let him know that right now, in your head, your breasts are solely for feeding the baby, and that it just weirds you out too much to think of them in a sexual manner.

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