Opt out of surgery?

Kristen - posted on 03/01/2013

My son's were born Jan 05th and are seven weeks old. I'm very confused and scared. My son Malachi was circumcised today and son Ezekial is going to be on Tuesday. After Malachi's circumcision, the Dr. (whom also delivered them) told me he had Hypospadias, then said he shouldn't have been done, blaming his Pediatrician, for not knowing. Yet I had a high risk twin pregnancy with sonograms every two weeks by specialists or so I'd thought. After delivery the hospital had the Pediatrician check him out, and all they ever said was his brothers iron was low, nothing about him. They were both checked before release again. They have seen my Dr. for there two week and due to go back on tuesday for there two month. The Dr. circumcising him said first that she had no idea the severity and didn't know why they didn't circumcise babies with it, are Pediatrician can answer that. He bled and wouldn't stop, his poor penis looks like raw bloody hamburger, I want to vomit and cry, and am very pissed at the nerve and lax of these so called Dr's. Not one of them ever noticed or checked him for birth defects. Then trying to blame the pediatrician when she should have noticed this as well before removing the foreskin, and her I didn't notice until half way done and then I had to continue, was as stupid as right now I think she is. I am taking him to the Pediatrician tomorrow, but of course he didn't notice either. But now with the skin removed what if he needs surgery, should I not do his brother in the hopes as weird as it sounds might be able to help him out as they are twins (but only fraternal) or is surgery not an option, what has she done to my son. I need answers and trust no one. What to do...

Lynn - posted on 01/23/2012

very interesting informaiton. I have a son that has hypospadia stage one; teh hole is just on the underside of his penis and we are debating surgery. I know surgery ahs come a long way, but the success rate is at 75% meaning many have to undergo several surgeries for repair. If the hole was further down the shaft i dont think it would be as hard to consider and I dont think it is that big of deal. My son was circumcised so there is not a lot of extra skin to perform the surgery. The urologist did nto seem concerned with this and I dont really know. I have been doing lots of research adn would interested in the site where you can talk to men that had the surgery and did not have it. I am not sure what we are going to do, but once you perform surgery it is permenant and no going back. I think i can instill good education on this and let him know so that it is "normal" in his eyes so that confidence should not be a problem for him. Just curious if there are any moms out there that had it done and son is older with no need of repeat surgery; or mom's that have sons that are older to find out what they would have decided if given the choice etc...

Nonny - posted on 07/11/2011

My son was born with mild first degree hypospadia. His urethral opening is 3/4ths of a millimeter off center. He also doesn't have complete foreskin. No chordee.

I did a great deal of research when I was told that he should have surgery to correct the defect. I went to a message board populated by men who had the defect and I was given a resounding, "NO NO NO do NOT do this to your son PLEASE! Opt OUT!" I held conversations with many of these men post op as a child, post op as an adult and never operated. The men who had the operation as a infant REMEMBERED their surgery REMEMBERED the trauma. The men who had it older were unhappy because of decreased sensation and fondly remembered the time before they had the operation. All of the post op patients later in life complained of a lack of sensitivity. Many post op in infancy also complained of a lack of sensitivity.

My son, now at seven years old, pees standing up just fine, the stream splits a little and he does look different, but my husband and I have instilled in him a sense of self esteem.

I know its hard for some people to talk to their children about their private parts. We as mother's would like to just ignore it. He knows his penis is different from his Dads, but it just doesn't matter. I've worked hard to teach him that people who don't accept him for who he is or what he can't change, are not worth being around and that he shouldn't be cruel to others as well.

I think having hypospadia surgery to correct something simply cosmetic is not fair to a child. Did you know some of the complications of the surgery MAY leave him sterile? Unable to achieve and maintain an erection? Unable to gain pleasure from sex?

I honestly don't want to think of my son as a sexual being, but someday he's going to grow up and have a wife and I want him to experience the fullness of life.

So which do you think is worse? Your son having a bit of self esteem issues because his penis is different. OR having deeper issues with his future relationships.

Also really don't fool yourself into thinking that having surgery on sex organs isn't going to affect your kid psychologically. It can and DOES.

Jacque - posted on 02/03/2011

I would think that if everything looks normal that opting out would be best. But if it does not look normal this may cause some major self esteem issues later on in life and if I could afford it I would do it

Jamie - posted on 01/03/2011

I had been told since my son was born he'd probably need surgery for his. When he was about 9 months we saw the urologist and he gave me the best news yet--no surgery was needed unless I wanted to do it. My son has mild hypospadius and functions normally. He does pee in a slight angle however but I was told it's fine as long as you show him how to manage it. I stand firm in not having the surgery and the urologist agreed and had said I'd only being doing it for cosmetic reasons.

Elizabeth - posted on 12/07/2010

Our ped. urologist does about 5 of these surgeries a week. He told us to do it now mainly so our little guy does not feel different than others. He said that he has had to do this surgery on a lot of kids that are pre-teen or older that are now suffering psychologically because of not having it done younger. I'm no taking the chance

Anthea - posted on 05/29/2010

Hi Nicole, so have you gone ahead with the surgery? My son now 10 months old is scheduled to have his repair don on the 14th June. He also has mild hypospadias but has slight chordee as well. We are doing the surgery to avoid psycological issues when he is older but I am also freeking out putting the little man through this in case of complications etc. Its so tough!

Stacey - posted on 05/09/2010

We just opted out of the surgery. The Urologist gets alot of $$ to do it, and we felt she was pushing that way due to this. I have reached out to a few people who gave me different insight on the topic-we will wait until potty training age to see if we can teach him to aim properly before thinking about the surgery then. I really don't want to do anything to him that may effect the sensitivity to such a sensitive organ-If it was moderate or severe though, we would have done it.

Candance - posted on 02/18/2010

my son had mild and had his surgery at 6 months...we had a rough few days after the surgery but he was fine after a few days of pain cause mommy was scared to give him too much medicine...glad we got it done young so he won't remember.

Ashlea - posted on 02/15/2010

My son is 5 months old and has a "mild" case but I've noticed his hole keeps moving further down as he gets bigger. His doctor says it's probably going to get worse rather than better. Which worries me. I found out through my husband that his dad has had 5 SURGERY'S to get his fixed and he remembered it as a kid. I am too also worried what kids might say, how potty training will go, and especially if it will effect him having children. He's a redhead and he's most likely going to already get picked on but I would really hate for him to be in the gym locker room getting made fun of for this problem. I think that if the doctor says he would have it done I probably would. How young do they do the surgery?

Janet - posted on 01/02/2010

If it is mild and he won't pee on his feet , find out if he can make a decision himself later in life.



After the second op our urologist said if we didn't want to put him through another op he could do it later in life if it bothered him, it would just be more uncomfortable. We later opted for him to have another op and it worked which is a relief.

Lisa - posted on 06/10/2009

My son is a year old now. The surgeon said that it is a real mild case. That most parents have the surgery done anyway. That it was up to my husband and I if we wanted to do it. It is purely cosmetic. And I, too, told my husband that since he was a guy, he could decide if it was necessary. We declined so far. Our pediatrician agreed with us. He pees in an arc, I should know since he has hit me many times! I am a little worried about what others will think when he hits puberty. All I know is what they said could happen sounded far worse that if we didn't have the surgery. That it could re-open or have to have the surgery again later on.

Jaclyn - posted on 04/10/2009

My son had the surgery 3 weeks ago. It went smoothly and he was back to his normal self the next day. We thought he just had chordee but the surgeon discovered he had hypospadias as well during the surgery. I didn't want my baby to have surgery but I had to make sure he could have a normal sex life when he's older. His chordee was becoming more pronounced as he was growing.

Shirley - posted on 04/05/2009

My 10 year old son has mild hypospadius,and when he was born the doctor told us he would need an op once he was out of nappies ( to prevent infection) otherwise he would pee on his shoes if he stood to pee. As he wasn't dry at night until he was 6, after much deliberation we decided not to have the op, as it doesn't seem to cause him any problems when standing to pee. The only thing that's beginning to bother me now is, will it affect his ability to father children? no one has ever spoken about this.

Lindsay - posted on 04/04/2009

We're opting out of our youngest's surgery. Our middle son had the surgery a little over a year ago and it was a nightmare, lots of post op/recovery complications. If it hadn't been for the chordee, I would have left his alone as well. My husband and I have fought a few times over this, but mommy won ;) 

The pediatric urologist we had our consult was pushing pretty hard for the surgery...he didn't understand why I didn't jump at the opportunity to "fix" this...

Cheryl - posted on 03/06/2009

My son also has mild hypospadias and surgery has been recommended whenhe is 12 months old (now 4 months). I haven't done much research yet... What complications are you worried about?

Nicole - posted on 01/16/2009

thank you all for much for your reply's about experiences with your children. My son is 6 1/2 months right now. So my husband and I will probobly need to sit down again and possibly have him see another urologist. Then we'll have to make a decision. Thanks again

Darlene - posted on 01/16/2009

My son also had mild first degree hypospadias, and we did decide to do the surgery.  The pediatric urologist we were referred to, at MacMaster Children's Hospital in Hamilton, Ontario, indicated that the surgery was partially for "cosmetic" reasons, but more importantly was for his "future reproductive capability".  The way it was explained to us, was that with the position of the opening slightly under the tip, as opposed to at the tip, it could have affected his ability to have children later in life.  So, at 14 months, DS had his surgery.  He recuperated VERY well and VERY quickly!! The day after he had his surgery, with a catheter in - he decided to climb up on the dining room table for the first time!  Needless to say, it took us longer to get over it than he did!

Good luck with your decision!

Julie - posted on 01/11/2009

My son who is now 12 also had a mild hypospadius. At the time the pediatrician would not circumsize him because they may need the skin to repair...if we decided to do so. My son had the surgery scheduled 3 times and each time he developed a fever , he had an asthma attack and lastly he ended up with meningitis. His was very mild , but what we ended up with was the fact he wanted to be circumsized as he was different. So last spring at the age of 11 we ended having it done anyway. It was so much more difficult as an older child then if he had it when he was a baby.

Celia - posted on 01/10/2009

When my son was born, the doctor said he had mild hypospadius. There wasn't any obvious deformity and him being my first (and only) child, I had nothing to compare it to. Since my husband has more experience in that area, I kind of let him take the lead with the urologist and we opted for the surgery. Benjamin was peeing downward just a little. I couldn't figure out why that was a big deal.

My husband was concerned that when he hit middle school age, other boys might notice (especially if he had to sit when peeing to avoid a mess). My husband and I are both teachers and knowing the "teenage beast" as we do, I agreed. I must have asked the urologist a dozen times for reassurance that Benjamin wouldn't have anything to hold over my head with when he was older...I didn't want him to have any troubles later in life in that department.

So here we are, 8 years later and I'm happy we went through with it, even though he had to have a minor procedure just over a month ago to have the opening enlarged a bit. Everything went well with that...now if he'd just put on the vaseline like the doctor wants him to, we'll be in business. 

Trust in whatever decision you decide for your son--it will be the right one for him.