Carla - posted on 09/15/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )
I woke up at 4:30, switched on the kettle. I notice there is no milk or bread, what will my kids eat today? My stressed husband ate all the leftovers some time during the night. I just wish God will show me how to help him. I miss being held at night especially during winter.
Anyway, I grab my boots, my hubby’s fleece jacket and pop out the door. Its cold and pitch dark. Stop at the garage and get what we need, grab a couple of disprins. I have been fighting this headache for days now, as the guy behind the counter rings up my items I tear open the disprins and shove them in my mouth. I pay him, thinking that it is daylight robbery having to pay R20 for 2 litres of milk. I dash to the car and drive home.
Start running my bath water, switch the kettle back on and make my self a deserved cup of coffee. Enjoy that with a cigarette (bad habit I know). Then I turn my focus back on my beautiful family, I make “mielie pap” (cheapest way to keep the hunger pangs at bay). I then feed the cat and tend to my bath water. O my goodness, its almost 5 o’clock and I am still in my pj’s. I jump in the bath, jump out and get dressed. I hardly put any makeup on, like my mother used to say, as long as you have mascara and a bra you will be ok.
I am dressed and ready to go to work; it is 5:33 I will make it in time.
Back in the kitchen, I switch the kettle on, stir the “pap” and remove it from the heat. Make coffee for my husband and think “ I was doing some work last night, I am sure one more cup of coffee and getting to work a little later will be ok, after all I do not get paid for the extra hours I put in.”
I go sit down on my husbands chair in front of the computer, light a cigarette and take sip of my coffee. I start typing him a letter on his computer, listening to his snoring and wondering how tired he must have been when he eventually dropped his big body on the couch. He still has his shoes on…
I notice the time 5:44. Take one departing sip of my coffee and on my way to work. It is still dark out, and hardly anyone awake yet.
Get to work start the laptop and catch up on some personal emails
Time for a break, I get my self some coffee and step out on the balcony, what a beautiful morning!
As I stood outside on this chilly morning, enjoying my coffee and cigarette; I notice as the sun rise what a wonderful God I have. He must be in a good mood today; he is painting everything with gold. From the things He created, even the dead trees, the highway, all the corporate buildings everything is painted gold with the sunrays.
Suddenly it strikes me; I have been searching so long for something else other than IT, other than a desk job, something where I can be with my family every second of the day.
I want to be a mother!!!! Yes that doesn’t make any sense since I already have two kids. But look it up the word mother means “look after”, “care for”, “protect”, “nurse” and “tend”. It does not say, drop your kids off at crèche and leave them in the care of other people for 9 or more hours. This to me means I have to be there. Not at the office!!!! Being a mother is being involved.
How many woman out there, like me started young with career aspirations and Big dreams, thinking that if they can make it big in the cruel corporate world they will be a great mother that can provide for their family.
What happens then, you have children. What a rude awakening!!!!!! The minute you hold your fist child in your hands you realise that being a career woman is not the answer. You still manage to get your self to work after your maternity leave, some are luck, they get 3 or 4 months. But many get only 6 weeks like I did. WOW! It kills you!
You cope, and soon you think; well, it’s not that bad, it’s only a couple of hours a day that you are separated from your gift from God. Then it begins, you get to the day-care one day, and they tell you your child had his first laugh. Fighting to keep the tears back you make yourself feel better by convincing yourself you are not the only one and in today’s age it is normal to let some stranger raise your kids.
So you miss many milestones, but having only one child you also get to spend Quality time with him. (How do they say; Quality is better than quantity). A different subject for a different time.
Then the second child comes along, in some cases the years apart from your two kids are well spaced and you still have your quality time with both your kids. In my case, it was a 2 year difference (both your kids are still babies). Six weeks at home and back at the office.
Now, it starts!!!! You realise more and more that being a mother is not working full day and being able to buy things. It is being at home, cooking and baking cookies with your kids. Being there to kiss the bruised knees and looking for fairies in the garden. Finger painting and mud fights.
Mothers where put together by God not to ever grow up! We are emotional beings and built to be with our children. We consist of playful ideas and childish games.
So what if it’s not possible? So many homes today need two incomes to stay alive and provide for their families. The thing is we corrupted ourselves always chasing bigger things. Thinking, if we could just buy a bigger house, a bigger car, more expensive clothes and expensive educational toys for our kids we are giving them the best we can. Then we realise, with mommy at home this is not possible and she goes and finds a job, to help with the financial burden. Now, today; it is the norm!!!! WELL, IT SHOULDN’T BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After many tears and prayers, God gave me word. He gave me Proverbs 31:10 – 31. Ahhh, the famous proverbs woman, who does everything. She works hard from before dawn to late in the night. So after reading it, things still didn’t make sense. So I read it again, and again and again. Then I prayed some more and read it verse for verse analysing each and every sentence.
Finally! I found what I was looking for.
When you take the proverbs woman, the first thing that is said about her is that she is more precious than any jewel. She works from dawn to dusk; everything that she does is from her home and out of love. Her family is taken care of. Her husband and children praise her. They are taken CARE of and TENDED to and PROTECTED and NURSED and LOOKED AFTER
We should be busy, but she is not working for money, in the sense that her livelihood depends on it. The money she earns she spends on beautiful clothes for herself. Note that she was in her home, where she belongs. Making a living while being a mother.
Women are built to work hard long hours, but this should not affect their relationships with their husbands and their children. We as mothers are supposed to be Christlike and live according to the Word. We are made to serve and love unconditionally.
Do you know why there are so many divorce and heartache in this world? Do you know why kids of today are so “grown up” and disrespectful and full of “issues”?
I know why! I believe God made this clear for me. According to the bible, the following was said.
1. Husbands love your wife as I (Jesus) love my church. Eph 5:25
2. Wives, respect your husbands and be submissive (this is not easy I know).
3. Make your self beautiful for your husband and submit yourself to him.
4. As the proverbs woman, we must run our households. She still had servents. NOTE: There are no slaves.
5. Love our children (you can only do this once you understand how God loves you as His child.)
6. Teach your children about God (this was taken out of schools)
7. (Pro 19:18) Discipline your children while they are young enough to learn. If you don't, you are helping them destroy themselves.
Us humans, who were created in the likeness of God! In his own image have disrupted the natural order and balance of things. Especially women!!! We wanted the same “power” as our husbands, whatever they can do, we wanted to do better.
There is an order, which was created by God. It is His law! As with physics, what goes up must come down! The order is as follows, once you grasp this and only focus on this, your marriage, your parenthood and your inner self will balance and you will be truly happy. If you don’t, it WILL go up, but down it MUST. (Now I sound like Yoda)
The no 1 in your life whether you are a woman, wife, mother etc etc. Is God. He is and He will always be! Then there is your husband, he is the head of your household. He makes the rules in your house and as long as it is in accordance with the Law’s of our Lord, you need to obey it and you need to enforce it. Your children are next inline. They are your gifts from God. Being a parent is an amazing privilege because it means God trusts you enough to take care of His children. So by following the guidelines and Laws in the Bible you are honouring God and you are giving thanks for your gifts.
I know, sometimes being just a mother and a wife is impossible, some of us have to work fulltime and be a mother part time. For some it is the perfect solution, for others like me it is the biggest nightmare. Finding a balance seems impossible. That is what inspired me to write this!
I believe God is calling me to work with mothers in this situation, there are always solutions! If your work is not your calling from God then it is not permanent. Currently you are exactly where God wants you to be. And if you are reading this, it means God probably has other plans for you and He is preparing you for those plans.
I think, the first and foremost issue is what can be done for those mothers and wives who do not have another choice and is currently working full time. How can we assist and enable them, not to feel that horrible guilt of not being with their families all the time (Guilt does not come from God! He is a God of love; He is the One that gives you the strength to carry on even if you do not want to. He is the one that puts you on Autopilot when you are too tired to focus.)
How can we give them the knowledge to find a balance, where can they find resources and help when they need it most? Not when the world is working and awake, Motherhood does not end by the close of business does it? For most of us that is when it starts. How amazing will it be to have a lifeline 24/7, just a call or a click away? You do have that, God is always there to listen, but I am talking about a physical one. Whether it is for advice, where to find that well known paediatrician. Someone to talk to when the world is asleep and your heart is torn and your head is spinning?
The second thing is, how can we enable mothers who would prefer to be with their children and still earn a sustainable income? Where can a mother go if she believes that the only place for her is in her home, and working office hours are out of the question. Those mothers that want to home school, and cook and be with their families 24/7 (that is me!!!)
The young mother, the teenage mother the “unplanned” mother. This happens and believe you me, just because you did not plan for this, does not mean it was unplanned! God never makes mistakes. Where can they go, feel safe and still be who you where meant to be. Your life does not end that day when you “pee” on that stick. It is only starting.
A sanctuary, with friends and true support, where mothers and mothers to be can meet, share stories, tears and solutions. A place where you can take a much needed break. A directory that you have access to in the middle of the night. I am talking about the Wonder Bra support we all need in our emotional lives.
This is my vision. To change the world, one mother and one child at a time. Just imagine how much easier it would be if women just supported each other? Is this possible? Sure it is! We need to go back to the old ways. Turn our focus away from the world and back to the book of life and on God who created us to be superwoman! We are all SUPER !
No one gives you a step by step manual that day in the hospital when you hold your baby for the first time. As much advice you get from people you know, no one tells you that life as you know it will never be the same! No one ever tells you that the emotions you experience are natural and that the feeling of love that you have at that moment is a little preview of how God feels about you as His child.
I am ending here; there are so many things I still want to share. But that is still to come. Patience is a virtue!!! Thank you for taking the time to read this.
From a MOTHER!