constant tantrums - are they normal? Advice/support please!

Marlize - posted on 08/26/2009

Hi Nicole,

To start with - breath in and relax! As I can understand, this is the middle child. This position in the family should be taken into considderation when looking at his behavior. Remember that children talks to us through their behavior since their language capabilities is not yet developed enough to tell us what bothers them. The older child that provokes him is also a problem and (even if it doesn't seem this way) the new baby as well.

He's very confused right now and also a little insecure. He doesn't know what is going to happen to him, since the new baby arrived and takes up more of your time. His father being away a lot is also part of the problem. Usually when a new baby comes into the family, mommy's time gets sucked up by the little one, and daddy takes on the prime role with the other children, which gives them security.

You mentioned that the older child was ill. This means that you had to divide your attention between the sick child and the baby. Now don't get me wrong here - see my point. I'm not saying that his behavior is anybody's fault. I'm trying to shed some light on your situation by pointing out possibilities.

You should remember that your little boy is very tuned into the situation at home. He can see that different behavior gets attention (The new baby crying and the older child being sick). The only way he knows how to show you that he's not feeling good, is by means of a tantrum. See his behavior as a way he wants to show you what he feels, rather than a problem which you can't deal with. This will also help the situation a lot.

My advice: make special mommy and daddy time with him. Something like an appointment - story time when you tuck him in, or something like that - something special. Secure his special position in the family, with love. This will also avoid future insecurity problems with regards to his position.

Show him that he doesn't need to fight to show you what he wants. You have to teach him this. I'd say that his behavior also have to do with his personality type, although he's still a bit young to determine the dominant type as yet. You can get an indication, though.

You just need to figure out what he wants and by this I don't mean that what the tantrums is about. Figure out what the overall message is what he's trying to tell you. Respond in love and not anger or frustration and teach him that one gets far better results by not acting unacceptable by rewarding good behavior.

One can alter any bad / unacceptable behavior by introducing good / acceptable behavior and then motivating this behavior with rewards. You also need to show him that bad behavior is not acceptable by using i.e. a naughty chair or something that he can understand. Be firm and consequent but loving and caring.

Show him that his behavior is not acceptable, but you still love him. While handling the behavior and introducing acceptable behavior, you should also determine the overall message, which will then be the reason for his behavior. Remember that, in addition to all this, he is still in the delightful two phase as well and his developmental changes makes him experiment with actions and reactions.

This is my opinion. Wishing you all the best! Love you little ones since they're blessings. Pray for them and guide them in love, to be the individuals they were created to be!

Warmest Regards
Marlize.
marlizedbr@yahoo.com

Claudia - posted on 08/25/2009

When he throws his tantrum, where does he do it?