Jenny - posted on 04/25/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )
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Let me just start by telling you that every labour is different, and every person responds to contractions differently. Someone, whom I will call TORI (lol) told me that contractions didn’t hurt. Maybe she didn’t think it hurt, maybe they didn’t hurt because Troy never went down her birth canal, But I would be LIEING if I said that I thought they didn’t hurt. Some people whom may have given birth without drugs, would say, ‘Oh my god, what a pussy, she had an epidural at 4cm”, But let me tell you something; Some people may say that it’s the woman’s job to endure labour to the very end without drugs, but a very nice nurse (one of the VERY few) who I first talked to when I was in Triage, told me that there’s no reason to go through all that pain, and to take advantage of technology and have the epidural. Which became a VERY good point to me, when I reached 3 cm.
I had lost my mucus plug on a Wednesday, which would be January the 2nd. I went to the hospital a few days later because I thought my water broke. But let me tell you, you will KNOW when your water breaks; So they sent me home an hour later. So here I am, GIANT, and waiting and waiting for this giant baby to get out of me. Tuesday the 8th of January, I started having contractions at 3am, they didn’t really hurt at first, they were kind of like a very bad menstrual cramp; I was still trying to go back to sleep over and over. I was like excited but scared and I just kept getting up and walking around and getting up a bunch of times and thinking
“I should probably wake Josh up and tell him” but I decided not to. So at about 5am, when my contractions were consistently 5 minutes apart, I went to the hospital, just like they tell you to. Apparently I had missed the memo that Chatham nurses are BITCHES, and they pretty much MADE me go home AGAIN. I mean she was all
“ I’m not saying you HAVE to go home, but blah blah”, I don’t know if anyone’s ever worked at a place that’s unionized, but it’s sort of like this: We can’t fire you, but we can treat you REAL shitty until you quit”. The nurse was basically acting like “We can’t kick you out, but we can be real bitches, until you want to go home”. So I just went home, at about 7:30am. So I go home and lay on the couch for a while, and they started to get pretty bad, so I went and laid in the tub. The phone rings and I’m in the bathtub and I pick it up and it’s Tori. She’s all “ Yay, you’re in labour!!” and I’m all “You LIAR!!”. So I talked to Tori for maybe an hour and that really helped pass the time, because I couldn’t feel any contractions when I was distracted talking to her. So a few hours later I get out and contract every 5 minutes. At around 9:00pm, I started having to pee REAL bad every like 2 seconds. The last time I was sitting on the toilet cause I thought I had to pee, when it felt like a small balloon popped in me, and a small gush of fluid came out. But that’s almost what happened last time, so I’m thinking,
“Was that my water breaking…or…what?” and so I stand up and go to walk to my bedroom (for some reason?) and a little more fluid comes out, so I’m like “ Hmm… it’s probably not my water breaking…”, So I go to my bedroom to change my pants, and low-and-behold the fuckin dam breaks and there’s a giant fuckin river all over my bedroom floor. I’m like “Ahhhh!” and I grab a towel and throw it on my floor and stand on it. It stops for a bit so I’m like “ okay that was it, and I put a different pair of Pj’s on. This was about 10:45pm, and I go into the bathroom to clean up or something and it starts again, so I’m standing in my bathtub, soaking wet like “Ahhhh!!..”. So I put probably the 4th pair of pj’s on, and we get in the truck and drive to the hospital, I get to the desk and their like,
“Are you the little girl that called earlier?” and I say “yes sir” and they bring me to the famous triage again. SAME bed that I was laying in twice before they sent me home before. By this time it was like midnight and my contractions were a good 2 or 3 minutes apart. I’m laying in the bed, and her head must have moved up away from my cervix, because the floods come again but like 10 times worse than before, litterally making this giant puddle in my bed and I’m sitting there like “ewwww…” and Josh and my mom are laughing at me. I don’t think they believed me to how much it was coming out. The nurse comes back, and here I am sitting in a giant puddle of my own fluid, my pants are soaked, my underwear’s soaked, I was wearing a pad that was now like a giant poof of gelly crap, I went through all the sheets, two of the water proof pads, and right down to the plastic mattress. So I stand up and she starts taking all the sheets and stuff off. This is where I kind of loose track of time, because there’s so much going on, that you don’t really pay attention to what time it is. Trying to remember all this now, it’s almost like a big blur to me. So a few hours later or something, another nurse comes in and says,
“ Dr. Sing (who wasn’t my doctor, but was on call) said we’re going to sedate you, and you can give birth tomorrow”. So this was after I had my IV in, because I’m Group B Strep positive(Don’t worry, I don’t have some STD or anything) and if you know me, you know that weirdly enough, I’m TERRIFIED of needles, which you wouldn’t think from my history of self mutilation, but I am. I was litterally sweating and shaking and almost crying, so when their like “We’re going to sedate you” I’m thinking “SWEET” because the contractions weren’t THAT painful, but I mean….they were painful. They weren’t that painful compared to later in this story, but they were still painful, and they were a good 2 or less minutes apart now. So then they say “ Yeah we just give you a needle in your thigh” and I’m like “ UGH” cause I hate needles, but everyone’s just like,
“Do it, do it” so I’m like
“fine”. So a semi-nice nurse ( I only say that because she used a wheelchair) wheeled me into a different room down a “quiet” hall to sedate me. She’s like,
“ It will start to make you really tired and it will knock you out and all this”, So my contractions are pretty bad by now, and I get in the bed, laying on my side, which I did not MOVE from, that entire night. She sticks me with a needle, and she said “Okay get some sleep you’ll start to feel it in like 10 minutes”. So they turn off the lights and I’m waiting.. And waiting.. for it to kick in. And guess what? It never does. So I lay there all night, in which my contractions are every 2 minutes, and her head is starting to go under my pelvic bone, which fuckin HURTS. This is when my contractions started getting REAL strong, and I’m laying in there like almost crying every time I have a contraction. At some point the nurse came in as I was having a contraction and said something to me that I don’t remember, and I say,
“ It’s not working I can still feel everything” and she basically said,
“ Get some sleep” or something and left again. So as she’s moving further and further under my pelvic bone I can litterally FEEL this GIANT head right above my pelvic bone, just above my crotch. I put my hand on my lower stomach, and there was this giant bump above my pelvic bone. I had to arch my back, almost to the point of where I was doing like the London bridge thing, every time I had a contraction because it hurt so bad. I remember like going in and out of sleep kind of, and at some point it’s morning, probably 6 or 7 in the morning. A different nurse, who is a MORON, makes me WALK all the way to the birthing rooms, which at that point, seemed like a fuckin MILE away. I was contracting every like 2 minutes still, but they were increasingly getting stronger and stronger. I don’t remember if they checked me before or after they moved me to a birthing room, but I was approx. 3cm, I think. So I’m in the birthing room, and my labour nurse comes in, which THANK GOD was a nice one, and she says their gunna start me on Oxytocin. Which I’m pretty clued in on all that crap cuz I watched birthing shows on satelite my entire pregnancy, so I’m like” SHIT” cause I know that Oxytocin makes your contractions HARDCORE. And she’s like
“ And then we’ll get you your epidural” so I’m like thank god, but at the same time I’m like AHHH because, as if I’m not terrified of normal needles enough, this one gets stuck in your SPINE. It’s like .. A nightmare from frickin, Jennyville right there. So an hour or something later, the anestigiologist or however you spell it comes in and he’s really nice, explaining everything like what he’s going to do and stuff, and my contractions are like REAL bad. I’m 4cm now, and it’s probably around 9 or 10 in the morning. They get Josh and my mom to leave, and my nurse tells me to put a pillow on my stomach and lean over it. Well let me tell you, this was probably the most painful part, because with my contractions I had to arch my back, and you have to lean over, REAL far for the epidural. And it didn’t really help that I’m short, so she was making me jam my face into this pillow that was so thick, I could BARELY breathe, for like 5 minutes. It felt like an HOUR he was picking me and poking around but it was probably only 5 minutes.
Now I know how everyone thinks “ Wow, a needle in your spine, that must fucking hurt” which is exactly what I was thinking to, but really, the only painful part was when he was freezing my back. Which he did like 3 or 4 times. He tried to do the epidural down low, and he couldn’t, so he tried again up higher, and it was really weird because when he actually goes into the spinal cord, you don’t really HEAR, but you can feel this ‘pop’, It’s not a painful pop but it’s really creepy, like hearing your tooth rip out, when you get a tooth pulled. So I was like almost crying because I was bent over and stuff, and then once the epidural was in and everything I laid back down and my mom and Josh came back in. From there, the pain slowly began to fade away, and it felt like I was in a foggy daze, which is why from here on out, it’s REALLY blurry for me to remember. I remember that was I REALLY hungry at this point because I hadn’t eaten in like 2 days, and I was SO thirsty from breathing through the contractions. So I’m chewing on ice chips like it’s the greatest thing in the world. And I remember feeling my eyes being all droopy like I was drunk or something, and I was SO ITCHY. My chest and my neck was the itchiest I’ve ever felt and all I could do was scratch and scratch them. From there it was a lot of waiting..
I kind of feel like I was letting my mom down because she probably was wanting this really exciting experience, she probably wanted to help me through the contractions and the pain, but instead she just sat there and waited for it to be time to push.
Dr. Nasello was across the hall, and we could hear SCREAMING from across the hall and I’m thinking to myself “ Wow, she should of gotten an epidural..” So my nurse says “ You can probably start pushing if you want”, and I’m pretty sure it was like 2pm. Which come to think of it, it was probably ..12, or 1 …you know because she went on LUNCH… So my nurse goes on lunch and another really cool nurse comes in and watches me push for an hour, and she starts setting up all the delivery table and stuff. My nurse comes back and I’m still pushing every contraction, and they keep checking me, saying,
“ Yeah she’s coming down nicely” and stuff, and then my doctor gets done across the hall, and comes over. I don’t know if it was like half hour or whatever, but somewhere along the lines they put the stirrups up, which were like too far away for my short little legs, and make my bed lay down, so my head was probably a foot lower than my ass was. Then they tell you how to push and stuff; which they want you to put your chin to your chest, which is pretty painful when you have a catheter in your spine, and grab the sides of your legs and pull back on them, which my short little arms were having difficulty doing. But somehow I managed.
Now this part is kind of hard to explain because there was so much going on, you’re so distracted because there are people telling you to push, and breathe, and pull back on your legs and put your chin to your chest and all this. I kept wanting to put my face up to the ceiling and push with my back straight but they kept telling me to put my chin to my chest, but I didn’t want to because it hurt. It felt like you were bending over really far, and your back muscles were being stretched to your limit, but you actually weren’t even bending over that far. I couldn’t really see what was going on down there, but I’m pretty sure it didn’t really hurt when she was crowning, but more so when her head was half out, I think. Having an epidural, the whole thing didn’t really hurt, but it did. At the time, it wasn’t really a distinct pain that I could feel, like I couldn’t feel myself stretching or whatever, and it wasn’t like an “ AHHH!” or “OWWW” pain, it was more of a pressure, or like “ HOLY SHIIIIT”, Which I remember saying in my head when her head was coming out. But it all goes by so fast. Her head was stuck or something so they had to use forceps, and THAT kind of hurt, but not really. (See? Hard to explain) It wasn’t an “OWW” but it was definitely a “…aaaAAAAHHHHH!!!”. It’s almost like a pain SO painful, that it’s beyond being able to feel it, You know when you touch something SO HOT, that it feels cold? It was a pain, or pressure that litterally takes your breath away, which is probably why they keep telling you to breathe. But at the same time, when her head was out, and they were suctioning or whatever they were doing, it hurts so bad that you have to breathe and breathe and breathe just to like…just because you have to. I think it’s a reflex. I was actually pretty impressed with myself because I thought for sure I would be screaming bloody fucking murder, but SURPRISINGLY all those stupid movies and shows that JAM into your head that you need to breathe, came flooding back to me. But if you really think about it, I’m not a very vocal person anyway, so in that way, it doesn’t surprise me. I remember THINKING a lot more than saying anything. There was so much going on, all the nurses were talking amongst themselves, I remember that I kept asking
“ Can I push? Can I push?“ Because I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to or not, so they would stop and talk and do whatever, and I’d say “Can I push?” and then they’d be like
“PUSH! PUSH!” again, and they’d stop and do something and I’d say “Can I push?” again and they’d stop and say “PUSH” again. Then the student nurse was like “ Do you want to feel the head?” and in between breathing I said, “No” but in my head I’m thinking, “WHAT THE HELL, WHYYYY WOULD I WANNA FEEL A GIANT HEAD COMING OUT OF ME?!?!” and then at the same time I was thinking THAT, I was thinking “ GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!”, just like when you’re a little girl, and a bee is stinging you and you’re screaming “GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!”. In a way, I wish I would of felt the head, just because I didn’t feel any pain, and I couldn’t see her coming out, it’s sort of surreal that I actually gave birth. But at the same time, I’m glad I didn’t feel her head, because I think that would of freaked me out.
It’s crazy because there’s so many things running through your head, there’s so many people telling you what to do, and you’re pushing and breathing, and it all lasts probably 2 minutes. At the time, if another pregnant friend of mine would’ve asked if it hurt I would be like “ FUCK YEAH!” but now that It’s over, I don’t say yes, but I don’t say no. All I know is that I had an epidural, in which I couldn’t feel absolutely anything from my chest down, AND I had my nurse up my dosage right before I started pushing (because I’m smart like that) and it still hurt, I can imagine how much it would hurt if I hadn’t had anything. I probably would of shot myself in the head (which I was telling everyone at the hospital when they asked if it hurt or not). Which come to think of it, you kind of think, “ Why would you even ask that? I’m shoving a BABY out of my fuckin’ VAGINA, OF COURSE IT HURT” But I asked all my friends with babies the same thing when I was pregnant.
So where was I.. .. Well in the middle of giving birth, her head was stuck and stuff, yadda yadda… and then her shoulders get stuck, so as I was told, my doctor sticks her HANDS inside of me to turn her shoulders, which is when I was given my Vagasshole. But honestly, I didn’t even know how far I had ripped, until like a week after. Anyways, I’m like almost upside down, and apparently my baby is out, and she’s not crying or anything and I think I tried to lean up, to see her and the doctor holds her up and says,
“ Here she is” and I look and all I see are these tiny feet and two fat little legs, because she didn’t hold her up far enough, and I’m pretty sure she was holding her upside down. So they do whatever they were doing, and they bring her to the table where they give her oxygen and stuff and I don’t remember if she was crying but I don’t think she was, then like 5 minutes later (probably like 15 seconds) she finally cried. All the while, I was watching her, I still hadn’t seen her face, because her head was turned and they had the oxygen mask on her. They were apparently sewing me back together at the same time. None of that hurt either, except the last stitch, I could feel a sharp pain like for 2 seconds. Both my doctor and nurse was like “ That’s weird that you felt that”.
Anyways, the days after giving birth was a slue of all these different feelings, you’re whole ‘downstairs’ was numb so you couldn’t really feel the pain, but I could feel that I was EXTREMELY swollen. And the first few weeks was hard because you’re trying to get to know your baby, and learn what he or she likes, and you’re bombarded by people coming to see your baby. I remember thinking to myself “ What the HELL did I get myself into?!”. And it’s kind of funny, because when I was in labour, the nurses were checking to see how dilated I was every hour or so, and they would be sticking their fingers in me, and You know when you swim for a long time, and then you get out, and it still feels like you’re in the water for like a day after that? That’s kind of what I felt. I’m not even going to get into my experience with breastfeeding, because we all know how well that went.
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