I can't get my son to fall asleep on his own. I have to put him to sleep everytime. I'm exhausted.

Koral - posted on 02/18/2010

my daughter did that at first but when she new how to hold her bottle she just stated putting her self to sleep but my son is a mummys boy he only started putting him self to sleep when he was 11 months old i used to have to rock him to sleep but he did hav really bad colic and stuff but no excuse here i guess i let it get out of control for too long but now i am faithful he goes to sleep by him self and is 1 and is finally sleepin through the night yay

Dominique - posted on 02/18/2010

I moved my daughter into her own bedroom, into her cot from 5 weeks. She slept through from 9 weeks (from 6pm - 6am) She is now 13 months and still does this.
I believe that the trick to getting anything right is persistence and patience.
Firstly, move your child into his own space (if that is an option). Keep his night routine exactly the same, at the same time every night. Bath, bottle, bed!! No playing!! Talk softly, calmly and encourage quiet time.
Give him some sort of comfort - be that a dummy or a blankie or a teddy bear - what ever is he is attached to. Play some soft classical music (make sure that the classical music is not stimulating but calming - preferably a baby specific CD), say good night, and WALK OUT! Close the door behind you. If he starts screaming and crying, let him cry for 1 min - go back in, dont pick him up, try calm him in the cot with just your voice and your touch. Once he is calm, walk out again. If he cries, let him cry for 2 min before you go back in. Repeat over and over again until you are leaving him for a full 10 mins before you go back in. The trick to this controlled crying is to be persistent - you know he is going to try but dont let him win!
If after the full 10 mins of crying, go in, calm him down, pick him up and rock him or what ever you need to do to get him to sleep, eventually he will cut the time down and down and finally fall asleep on his own. PERSIST!! You may need to do this for a few nights, even a week or two, but it is worth it.
For more information, visit the babysense group on facebook - their information is invaluable - if you can get your hands on their books - sleep sense, baby sense and toddler sense, you are even more fortunate!! They helped me survive! They are South African authors but they should be available on line. Alternatively, post a message on their wall - they ALWAYS reply. All the best!

Angie - posted on 02/17/2010

I am in the same boat. Im a firm believer that babies should only cry if they are hurt so I
was desperate to find a kind idea. I found the No Cry Sleep Solution book and it is amazing, an easy read that makes total sense! Its by Elizabeth Pantley

Nicky - posted on 02/17/2010

We have a similar situation... We have a 13 month old and he still sleeps in bed with me. Bad I know. I put him to bed in his own cot at about 8pm, but I have to rock him to sleep as he wont go down on his own. He always wakes up at midnight for another small bottle of formula and then will not settle again in his cot, the only way he will sleep is in bed with me. This is driving me and my husband crazy as he has been sleeping on the sofa for months now. We are at our wits end as I cant see him ever going to sleep on his own. Its my own fault for making him this way and tiredness is the thing here. I know he will sleep easier with me and so therefore do that for an quicker result. Full time work and being a Mum is hard work!!! Advice please??!!

Jennifer - posted on 02/16/2010

my 13month old daughter is in her own room now before my next child comes and she used to be the same but now i jus wait til 9 pm put her to bed with her dummie an milk giv her few small toys an she drinks her milk plays a little then falls asleep but somethimes she can do all that an still be awake an crys but i just make sure she as her dummie wit her an let her cry otherwise if i get her out she wil think she can do it every night then and it works, i do go in sometimes tho an cuddle her if she is stood up den ill lie her down but ill never get her out

Amanda - posted on 02/12/2010

Christina - We transitioned our daughter to a toddler bed at 18 months. For the first few weeks she did very well and stayed in her bed without any problems. But then she suddenly seemed to realized she had the choice to get out of her bed and leave the room! We have doors that slide into the wall so adding some sort of a lock or babyproof handle to the knob was not an option. So we did what we always do when she's disobedient. We spanked her bottom. I know a lot of people are against spanking of any kind but it works very well for us. We do not do it in any sort of a terrible rage nor do we do it hard enough to leave any marks. But we are stern and she knows we mean business. Now that she's 2 she's so much better about going into her bed and staying there. She still has some bad nights but one spanking always does the trick. Just a thought for you in case you're interested...

Amanda - posted on 02/12/2010

Melanie - Our kids share a room and we, too were very nervous about the new baby crying in the same room as our toddler. The first few nights she woke up everytime he cried, so it was tough. But it didn't take very long at all for her to get used to his cries and sleep right through them. He would get so loud some nights and we were truly amazed how she slept right next to him and never even stirred! We're expecting our third baby in about 3 months and they will all continue to share a room. It's really nice to know we shouldn't have to worry too much about the crying this time around!

Amanda - posted on 02/12/2010

Christin - How long does your son cry before you go back to him? He's old enough now to know exactly what to do to get your immediate attention! I'd definitely look into trying the cry it out method to get him to sleep on his own. Also it may help to move him to his own room. Do you have another room to move him to? He associates your room with you (of course!) so maybe if he's in his own room with his own things around him he will learn to calm himself better. As far as the standing in the crib goes, we've gone through this phase with both our children now. The only way we could break them of getting right back up and wailing at the crib rail was to lightly spank them and lay them back down. We realized they would not go to sleep if they were not laying down...and they got WAY more worked up while standing. Starting this routine at 9 months or so when they started pulling up worked wonders for us. We also make sure to have a nightlight in the room and soft music playing each night.

Christina - posted on 02/12/2010

i have been latley having trouble with my 22 month old hes now starting to be free in his room because hes in his toddler bed now and he wakes sometimes at night and he never use to until now after being able to be free well we put a lock on the outside of his door because theres no way he will stay in there to sleep and i am pregnant with my second child and i have 2 months left and i need to get sleep before she comes please help anyone have this same problem?

Andria - posted on 01/07/2010

Thats a great idea. the only thing is our spare bedroom was turned into his room and there is no room for another bed. His crib and dresser and toys take up all of the room. Thank you for your advise tho. much appreciated. Would love more feed back from all of you. I love this site!! :)

Tabitha - posted on 01/07/2010

my daughter will be one next week and ive had her in the bed with me since i had her. and ive tried putting her in her crib and she would freak out. now we are weaning her from breastfeeding and my husband actually came up with the idea to put her in our spare bedroom and have her sleep in that bed which is a full size bed. and we tried it out and she does great in there all by herself!!! i was a little nervous at first but its working out great for us. maybe the crib makes him feel trapped. im not sure but maybe this will help you

Andria - posted on 01/07/2010

My son Myles just turned 1 yesterday. He also has been sick since the day he was born with colic, thrush, and multipule ear infections. Its to the point now that I have to lay him down in our bed til he falls asleep and half the time I fall asleep until my husband comes in. when we try to move Myles to his crib he wakes up instantly and throws a fit til he is in bed with us again. Good luck with what ever you do to rectify the problem of him not sleeping alone. I wish I knew what to do. Didn't have this problem with my other 2 kids.

Melanie - posted on 01/07/2010

I have the same issue. I have both a almost 3 year old and 11 month old who do not sleep on their own. They share a room which kind of makes it hard to do the sleep training, crying it out thing with the little one. It does bother me to hear him cry when I have tried it for a few minutes at a time. He gets so mad and worked up and then starts not being able to breath or calm down. So I go in and get him. I am so afraid of him choking or stopping breathing all together when he gets too upset.
We are moving to a bigger place in a few months. I want to get them both sleeping in their own beds and without me. I am getting tired of having to sleep with them, and since there is no room in the mommy/daddy bed for all of us, Daddy sleeps alone which he is getting tired of too.
This is one area we definitely need help on too. I can surely feel your frustration and pain!
Here's to both of us being able to get our kids finally sleeping on their own!! All the best.

AMANDA - posted on 01/07/2010

I had the same issue since my son sleeps in the same room as I do. I had to start putting him to bed an hour before I intended to turn in for the night so that he could cry it out and not keep me up. After three days he officially slept through the night and now he goes down in three minutes flat. Keep your bedtime routine the same just bump it up and if you are totally adverse to the cry it out method... dont be! lol I was and I suffered for three months with lack of sleep. As long as you keep your monitor on while he sries ( keep it on low) you can differentiate between an "I am angry" or "I am hurting/ something is wrong" cry. Best of luck

Jacqulyn - posted on 01/06/2010

i leave a few small things for kaleb to play with in his crib. i turn off the light give him his sippy cup and a pacifier and he might play for 10 or 15 mins but typically he goes to sleep without a hitch.

STACY - posted on 01/05/2010

i know it hurts but you have to let them cry otherwise they will never get to sleep on their own i put music on and it takes about 10 minutes and she cries but then she gets exhausted and falls asleep.

Dena - posted on 01/05/2010

Mine won't go to sleep on his own either. He's been sick all winter, so I feel bad letting him cry with ear infections, but as soon as he's well, I'm going to have to. If he wakes in the middle of the night, he can't get back to bed unless I go in and either rock him or give him a bottle. It's killing me. I am so tired too! With my 4 year old, at 13- 14 months, I started putting him in the crib and letting him cry. I'd go in every 15 minutes, tell him I love him and give him his binky and say good night. Each time I'd wait longer to go in. I think it took like 45 minutes the first night. Over an hour the second night, then it got better. We didn't have any trouble with him after that. Even when he got his big boy bed at 2, he was good. I have to try again with this one. It breaks my heart to hear him cry, but he has to learn how to sleep on his own! Good luck in whatever you decide!!