to let him cry, or not to let him cry... that is the question.

Chels - posted on 07/24/2009

I'm having these sorts of troubles as well. Sawyer will go down pretty easily (I put him in his cribby when he's drowsy and he'll turn over and snuggle himself to sleep) but inevitably, he wakes a few hours later. There are times when he's just crying out in his sleep, and those times do not require me, but other times I can tell that he is going to continue elevating and crying until I go to him. Normally, he just needs me to change him or give him his binkie and he's fine, but sometimes he's waking like this 3 or 4 times between 2-5 am. I don't think I have the strength to let him CIO b/c he goes into hysterics, which I don't feel is healthy emotionally or physically. For now, I'm just trying to soothing approach- I quietly enter, give his binkie, change him if necessary and get the hell out! No matter what, I think it's important to remember that we are all doing the best we can, and that alot of this stuff is trial and error. We're all stumbling through parenthood just doing what feels right in our hearts, and knowing that I'm doing my best makes me feel a little better.

Michelle - posted on 07/22/2009

i think it is down to you and what you believe is best for your baby. there will be a difference between his cry when he just wants you to pick him up and when there is something wrong so what i did with my son was leave him till he got upset rather than just winging then picked him up cuddled, kissed n sang him till he was calm then put him back dwn he is now nearly 6 months n gets himself to sleep most nights but every baby is different so do what you believe is right x

Michelle - posted on 07/16/2009

As long as bub is warm, dry and full, let him cry. Pop him in his crib with a nightlight in the room and a baby monitor after his bedtime routine (if you have one) and he'll be fine. My eldest started refusing to go to sleep until 11-12pm every night at 6 months and my husband insisted that we try the cry it out method as the gradual soothing wasn't working for us. It took 3 nights of crying, starting out at an hour then coming down to 5 minutes on the 3rd night, and she was fine with her set bedtime. She's not clingy at all, and rarely throws tantrums. My youngest has not yet had sleeping problems, she starts getting grizzly after her last feed and we put her to bed. She's never been upset about it and its the only way she'll go to sleep for the night.

Jennifer - posted on 07/16/2009

Yay! Leticia, I'm so glad there is someone out there who agrees with me. Listening to your baby cry is horrible, but now my little one sleeps without a problem. He also fusses for a few minutes each night, but it's a little fuss, nothing big and falls asleep on his own and doesn't wake up until morning. And, when he wakes up, he's happy and so smiley when I get him.

Leticia - posted on 07/16/2009

I was really reluctant to let my baby cry, but she's been a terrible sleeper pretty much from birth and after 2 months of trying every other way to teach her to settle herself, I had to try letting her cry. I found it worked quickly and she still woke up just as happy as when I was settling her. I can also highly recommend the book Healthy sleep habits, Happy child. My daughter still grizzles a little bit sometimes when we put her down (but mostly goes off to sleep on her own without a sound) and I can now tell the difference between a really distressed cry and a putting herself to sleep cry (although when we first left her to cry herself to sleep it was a distressed cry the first couple of times till she learnt we wouldn't come back in). I now strongly believe that for many babies you have to let them cry to learn how to sleep well.

Anna - posted on 07/14/2009

My son varies, he started teething at 8 weeks his first 2 teeth punched through by 10 weeks and since then he's been a mix between self soothing and requiring soothing. I don't mind being there 100% for him rather than have to listen to him break into hysterics but there are times when I put him into his cot just to get the last few things done before bed time and come into the room to find him sound asleep. You can't spoil a baby IMO it's all up to you go about things asking professionals is helpful but they don't know your baby like you do, go with what your gut tells you.

Joanne - posted on 07/14/2009

You got it right that everyone has their own very strong opinions on this. I am one of those soothe them moms. I believe that at this age babies ONLY have needs. Their wants ARE needs at this age and crying is the only way to tell you. Plus I've seen some interesting arguments that say when a baby cries and their needs are not met, their brain floods with cortisol (stress hormone) and it may predispose them to stress related problems later in life. But, in the end, you have to decide what works for you. I support any mama who listens to her own instinct and tunes into her child and does what feels right to her instead of listening to all the so-called experts.

Tricia - posted on 07/14/2009

That's the awesome (and sad) thing about this age... everything is a stage, no matter how good or bad. Sure your baby needs you every second now, but when he's 9 he'll be embarrassed to even admit he knows you. Yeah, my little guy nurses to sleep and cuddles in my bed now, but in a few years, he'll be clamoring for a big boy bed if I haven't given him one already.

Shelley - posted on 07/14/2009

i am not a believer in the cry it out approach. i agree that if my baby is crying he needs me. my son happens to need me a lot at night and ive been tempted to let him CIO but when i did it for 1 minute....it took me 20 to calm him down after. Some babies are better self soothers than others and can accomplish this sooner than others but for me... it doesnt feel right and i dont think it would work with my son. Plus i have read that infants heart rates can reach 200 beats per minute when left to CIO...that doesnt sound safe to me... I am nursing him and/or rocking him to sleep...its a challenge at times but i have to believe that one day he will go to sleep on his own...:)

Amber - posted on 07/12/2009

I could never let my baby cry it out. I also know people who do let their babies cry themselves to sleep. They are much fussier babies than my son is. My son has never been left to cry and he rarely cries at all now. I know babies that were left to cry and now are kids and whine a lot. I think everyone needs to find what works for them, but I do believe that when your baby cries there is a reason.

Tricia - posted on 07/12/2009

Yes it takes longer for babies to learn to sooth themselves than to learn that nobody listens when they cry in their cribs. Your only options as far as this goes are tears or time. I personally don't like the tears. It makes me think of teaching kids to swim by tossing them into the deep end of the pool. It works, but it's not the nicest way of doing things. :-) But I do believe that fussing is different than crying. A few minutes of fussing is normal and not harmful. My LO fusses in the car as he goes to sleep. And even Ferber doesn't recommend just sticking your baby in a crib one night and letting him scream for an hour. If you're going to "cry it out," read his book on sleep training first. And ignore the Baby Wise people. They are crazies whose methods have been linked to a lot of child development problems.

Sarah - posted on 07/11/2009

At such a young age you really can't spoil a baby. They cry because that's their only way of expressing that they need you. Responding to your baby's cries teaches him that you are consistently there for him, and that he can depend on you. There's research out there about this, and about how babies form attachments. The stronger their attachments are at a young age, the more self-assured and independent they end up being as older kids. (Not to say that anyone's ruining their child by letting them cry it out- lot of people do it, and those babies turn out just fine). I agree with going with your gut. My gut tells me that my baby's crying because she needs me, and it's my job to find ways to help her fall asleep (usually I nurse her to sleep, and some day she'll grow out of that). Maybe there are ways you can help your baby fall asleep, and then transfer him to the crib?

JeriAnne - posted on 07/11/2009

thank you, ladies. i really appreciate the advice :)

Carmen - posted on 07/08/2009

My son just started doing this as well. He has been putting himself to sleep since he was about 8 weeks old. Within the last week he starts crying shortly after I leave the room. If I go in he quiets down but will not go to sleep until I lay on my bed with him and then he is asleep in under 5 minutes. I move him to his crib and he sleeps all night so that hasnt changed. I have tried to let him cry it out a little but I cannot handle once he gets into the high pitched hysterical cry. I think he has me where he wants me now:-)

Janie - posted on 07/08/2009

I was told don't talk to him and just do what is needed ie change diaper etc and put back in the crib and if he still fussed keep a hand on him or rub his back or belly etc.but don't talk. Hope it helps. Works for us.

Jennifer - posted on 07/08/2009

It is so hard because all of your friends who were parents before you think they are experts and all have advice and none of it is the same. I asked my pediatrician because I figured he was actually an expert. And, I stopped talking to my friends because I didn't want to be judged on what I did. My ped. told me to let him cry it out (said 5 months and 14 lbs was the correct time). At first, Ellis fussed a lot when put down. Took two nights of crying and now he goes down without a peep. I also have a video monitor so I can watch him and make sure everything is ok. Now we also let him cry it out in the middle of the night when/if he wakes up. It also only took two nights of that for him to start sleeping from 7-5:30 or 6. I also read the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child." It recommended cry it out vs. gradual soothing because it's a much faster fix and gradual can take a long time. I say read that, and go with your gut. So, sorry for the "expert" advise. I'm no expert, but this worked with my little one.