Where does your baby sleep?

Romance - posted on 09/08/2010 ( 39 moms have responded )

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My daughter is not picky on where she sleeps but she will only sleep if someone is next to her. At what age will this stop? She also still drinks milk/water throughout the night no matter how much we feed her during the day she will cry cry cry if (1) someone is not next to her and (2) she doesn't get milk/water...

Any advice???...

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Naomi - posted on 09/09/2010

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It really depends on what age she is with regards to needing a drink in the night. If she is able to find the drink cup/bottle herself in the night for a drink you can try leaving a non-spill sippy cup in with her. My 5 year old has one next to her bed everynight so she doesn't need to wake us.

With the sleeping you could try the move further away from her each night... as in,
Night 1- 30cm away from her
Night 2 - 50cm away from her
Night 3 - 1 metre away from her
and going slowly further away till you are in the doorway then outside it. And if she has trouble with a certain distance one night, then stay at that distance until she is comfortable with it. This method also works better if you are facing away from them and not responding to any talking from them. We had to use this one for our now 5 year old as she needed us to lay in bed with her for up to an hour to get her to go to sleep when she was 2.

I would also try to only tackle one thing at a time, then she won't be too scared that everything is changing at once.

Hayley - posted on 09/17/2010

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And just for the record I totally disagree with the Cry It Out Alone method. Cortisol bad; love good. :) Transitions + gradual = smoother.

Samantha - posted on 09/17/2010

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My son is almost 21 months and sleeps with us. He has from the beginning. He has always breastfed and still does throughout the night. Him sleeping with us has been a huge factor in allowing me to continue breastfeeding. He has his own room and his own toddler bed that was a crib that he has periodically taken naps in and/or plays in. He knows where his room is, but also knows that at night, he sleep with mom and dad. We have a nighttime routine, he brushes his teeth with us, gets his bath, etc. He naps by himself during the day usually once in the am and once in the pm perfectly fine unless he's sick or overly tired, then likes someone to lay with him. As much as I miss the days of cuddling just with my husband and the hassle it is to get up out of the bed and go somewhere else to have sex...I wouldn't have it any other way. Our son is with us, safe, we can hear or see if he needs something or is ill.

Everyone has to do what works for them, and my method is probably easier with just one child, but I know my husband and I both slept with our parents until around age 7 or 8-didn't seem to have a negative effect on anyone. At some point our son will mature and stop nursing and want his own space and will sleep in his bed all the time, until then...I am fine with him being my baby and knowing he's next to me where he's happy and comfortable.

Elena - posted on 09/13/2010

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I wouldn't recommend giving her milk during the night, if she has teeth. The milk sugar sits on them all night and can cause her to have serious dental issues later. I stoppd giving my daugher anything at night after she was weaned from the bottle. I rock my daughter to sleep then put her in her crib. She shares a room with her older sister so I began putting her in the bed with us when she would wake up as an infant. However, she's 20 months old and will still wake in the night. I still put her in the bed with us, because she's only little once and she's the last we will have. I love to snuggle with her. I DO worry about when she transitions to a "big girl" bed, but figure we will just cross that bridge when we get to it. Good LUCK!! :)

[deleted account]

yes what the previous poster said - i have heard it works. here is a link to the explanation from the Supernanny - http://www.supernanny.com/Advice/-/Your-...

we haven't tried it yet, i am fine with snuggling with my little girl, since she's only small once. we did that growing up too, and my sister couldnt WAIT for her own bed by the time she was a preschooler, so some kids will transition easily on their own, too. you never know - good luck!!

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Melissa - posted on 06/23/2012

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My 4 year old slept with us until she was about 3 and at 2 my little one is still with us. We talked to the pedi about it and are all in agreement that they stop when they are ready and confident. They are only little once and for us if our babies want to cuddle with us for a few years then thats fine because in 10 years I will be so thankful I had this time with them. My husband and I love to just sit and watch them sleep they are so beautiful and its just pure bliss for me to know that my baby is happy and content next to me. My 2 year old also still has her bottle she usually wakes up once or twice and I get up and feed her give her a drink of water and put her back to sleep we use floride treatments on her teeth to protected them and shes happy which makes us happy. we are not in a rush to get them to grow up.

Shawni - posted on 11/14/2010

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it wont stop unless you make it stop, my son was the same but at 8 months i had to leave him to cry coz they dont need feeding at night after 6 months, and he used to sleep in my bed the only way i got him to sleep through the night was by leaving him to cry at night after a few nights he just went to sleep and now he actually enjoys going to bed, sometimes you just have to be tough with them

Amanda - posted on 11/12/2010

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I had the same problem with my oldest who is now 7. He HAD to have something to drink and refused to sleep without me next to him and if he were to fall asleep in his bed he would get up in the middle of the night and find himself in my bed. I had a hard time breaking this habit but once my oldest daughter was born and he was 3 I was able to quit cold turkey with the drink, and would repeat putting him back in his bed over and over again and with a newborn and him gettin up numerous times a night it was about 3 or 4 nights of no sleep but it was well worth it! I learned that no cups or bottles in bed, and not one of my 3 daughters ever had anything to drink and they all always slept in their own beds in their own rooms. Thankfully I learned because yes it's a hard habit to break but well worth it when you do! Now bedtime and nights are way more peaceful!!! Good luck and patience!!! :)

Billie - posted on 11/10/2010

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My daughter co-slept/slept in her bassinet next to me until she was 4 months old, it was very helpful because I was a first time mom, my husband was deployed, and my daughter was strictly breastfed so it was the perfect solution for us.



Once she turned 4 months old she had outgrown her bassinet so I decided it was time to get her in her crib before she got to be much older, I didn't want her sleeping in my bed full-time. So my daughter slept in her crib from the time she was 4 months old to about 17 months, that's when we switched her to a toddler bed. She was ready and we're expecting baby #2 so that was a hurdle I wanted to tackle before newborn sleepless nights again. We started out with our bedroom doors open so she could come wake up mommy in the night if she woke up but that became a routine, so now I have a baby gate up in her doorway so when she wakes up in the night sick or in the morning she can open her door and I can hear her all through the house, but she cannot leave her room on her own. I love this arrangement because our bedrooms are also on the second floor so I don't want her to wander and fall down the stairs.



You shouldn't let her have milk at night, it sits on the teeth and can actually rot them. You have to be firm. A child crying is not the end of the world and they won't hate you for an eternity for making them cry.

Kelli - posted on 11/10/2010

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My only advise is to take steps to change the routine. It is HARD but you can do it. Reese would want his cup when he goes to bed and would cry for it. He was constantly wetting thru his diaper during the night because of the amount he was drinking. We are now making sure he gets something to drink right before bedtime but not a full cup. If he starts crying or calling me or his daddy we go in there and just pat his back and talk to him then leave the room. I'll admit I am a "let them cry it out" kind of mom. If I know there is nothing wrong other than him wanting his cup I do let him cry it out. It doesn't last long and he's out like a light within a minute or two. I'm not perfect, so I do cave at times and will bring him a cup. But again its about a 1/4 of what we use to give him. We have never been ones to sleep with our kids or let them sleep with us. We both work and wouldn't get a good night's sleep if we had started letting the kids sleep with us. We fortunately don't have problems there. The oldest one (8 years old)does sleep with one of us on occasion as a treat: movie in bed with Dad and Mom, etc. If he doesn't fall asleep watching the movie, he'll ask for one of us to take him to his bed. Reese will come get us and lead us to his room if he's ready to lay down before its his nap time or bedtime. If you take steps to teach her that this is her room and where she sleeps she hopefully will take to it. Try to make it a fun transition for her: let her sleep with an appropriate bedtime toy- dolls, stuffed animals, or get a cute pillow (Reese loves his safari pllow that he sleeps with and grabs it up when he's ready to lay down).

Brooke - posted on 11/09/2010

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My daughter decided at about 18 months that it would be a great idea to start coming in and sleeping with mummy and daddy. She refused to sleep anywhere except in our bed with us. If we attempted to put her in her own bed she would let out this blood curdling scream! I left her there for the first week or two. I would just make her stay in bed, but she couldn't even cry herself to sleep. She was genuinely afraid! We tried everything, laying down with her in her room, reading her book, having a nice warm bath with lavender, the light on, her toy fish tank that played music. NOTHING worked. In the end I brought her to bed with us. She stayed in bed with us for about 3 months. She is starting to grow out of it now. She still some nights will sleep with us but I do get her to go to sleep in her own bed at least half the time. But she will still wake up at 2am to 5am and come into our bed.
We have grown to love it though, it seems odd to not have in the bed with us, we love our cuddles. But it is a habit that need to be broken, both my fiance and I slept with our parents for years. He stopped about the age 10 and I would sometimes sleep in my mums bed until I was 14 and if she hadn't passed away then I would probably have still slept in the bed with her.

Angel - posted on 11/08/2010

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My daughter has slept in her crib since she was 5 months old, sleeping through the night as well. I did some CIO at naps, for 5 minutes then 10 minutes...I have always put her down awake as well because learning to fall asleep on their own is a life long sleep skill!! Now she loves her crib, naps and bedtime aren't a problem. She may not fall asleep right away, but who does? She is happy and content. It's harder as they get older, but not impossible. You will have to let her cry for a few nights before she gets the hang of sleeping alone. It's become a sleep prop for her, she can't sleep without it. Maybe you could use a favorite stuffed animal, doll or blanket and focus on sleeping with these instead.

Shea - posted on 11/07/2010

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I have a 21 month old who sleep in his own room we went through this stage, maybe this may help?
We kept to the same routine only at night our count down clock as we called it started at 6pm and finished by 8.30pm, i start with dinner, then a bath, then P.J's with slippers ( as he knows outside shoes means play time)i then let him play for 30 minutes then ill start cleaning up his mess, which i also get him to help, milk bottle also shows him that its bedtime, as he mostly drinks water or water and juice through the day, but what i have found to help this all work for me is to involve him with all the bedtime process, getting his dummie ( yes i no ) saying goodnight to mummy and daddy, then he will walk off to his room, i put on his night time music C.D, put him into the cot, kiss him and walk away saying goodboy oh what a good boy. within 10 minutes he is asleep.......

now this only happens because no matter how much he cryed while learning bedtime, i kept to the routine....and within 2 weeks he had lernt bedtime....

its ok to sit with her while she falls to sleep but try not talking to her or even looking at her, show her that mummy is no fun at bedtime lol.. within the first 2 nights when she wakes ups crying looking for you go to her tell her its alright, she will fall back asleep but probley will again wake up, after the 2-3 days dont sit at the cot sit at the door way again no talking no looking, when she wakes up only go in once the next time just stand outside the door so you no she's ok she's just trying to get mummy to fall for her crys lol...after a week no staying in the room when she falls asleep stay at the door way and just tell her its alright bedtime, when they start to learne that your not gone your just in another room she should start to get used to falling asleep without you.... after 2 weeks if not working but you kept to the same routine nothing wrong with trying it all again in the 3rd week.



also theres nothing wrong with milk water bottles..

Kristine - posted on 11/05/2010

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my daughter has slept with me from day 1 until now, there are times when she wants to sleep alone and i let her:) she sleeps in her room but most likely will wake up looking for me. Like the other mom said, they are only little ones and im just profiting from the time they love to cuddle because we all know that when they grow up we are the ones who will be looking for them:)

Amanda - posted on 11/02/2010

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My oldest was like this!! He had to have a drink and I or his father would have to sleep with him until he fell asleep!! It was a very hard habit to break but as soon as my oldest daughter was born when he was 3 we took the cup away or would just fill it half full and he would just end up throwing it. We also started telling him a goodnight story and tell him that since he was now a big brother he had to sleep in his big boy bed! It worked great!! But if you don't have another baby to use try making a fun bedtime routine or a prize chart! My little ones always love them! Hope that helps!

Jessica - posted on 09/22/2010

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HI, our son is 19mths-I was holding my son to sleep untill he was 1 yr old... i realised i had to stop, if we are to have another child. i started sitting in his bedroom with him untill he was asleep. i slowly moved to the door way a now he gose to sleep in a single bed all by himself... we give Zac a zippy cup of water on his bed side table so he can reach it..
hope this helps :) xx

Kery - posted on 09/21/2010

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I am the same as a few other girls on here. My son is 20 months and sleeps with us. I also have to lay down with him to fall asleep. He has a toddler bed in our room which he stays in till about midnight then climbs in with us for the rest of the night. I dont mind at all, if thats where he feels safe and comfortable then so be it. My older boy who is now 13yr did the same thing and he just slowly grew out of wanting to come in with us.

Sandra - posted on 09/21/2010

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why dont you try putting her in a travel cot beside your bed that way she will still be able to see you but not be right next too you and when she gets used to that you could introduce her to her own room i give my little boy a beaker full of flavoured water every night when he goes too bed and he is 20mths plan to stop that when he is 2yrs old

Hayley - posted on 09/21/2010

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Whitney, he'll get there. If you put him down in his bed and move him back there after he visits your room, then that's just the right thing. He starts and ends his night in his bed. Eventually he'll just sleep right through and not visit you. But it will be gradual. Some time he will sleep through and then he won't. And then he will. Gradually more often than not he will stay in his bed. That's what we did with our LO transitioning to her own bed in our room. Moved her there after she fell asleep. Then after she was used to waking up there, we started her there and she'd come to our bed and we'd move her. She did eventually just stay there. So it will happen, just be patient. :)

Whitney - posted on 09/21/2010

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I moved my 20 month old in to a toddler bed about a month ago.He does really good going to sleep in it and staying in it the entire time he takes a nap.But he won't stay in it all night.When he does crawl into the bed with us in the middle of the night,I just wait until he falls asleep and I put him back in his bed,any ideas on how to keep Aiden in his bed all night??

Tiffany - posted on 09/20/2010

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For a week life is going to be rough ...and if you have to baby gate them in there room...and buy a toddler bed ...then do it...they must learn to sleep alone it is so hard to break them passed 2

Katrina - posted on 09/20/2010

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My daughter slept with us for the first 6 wekks. Then when I went back to work she went into her own crib in her own room. When I took her off the bottle she stopped getting a cup at night. It was a fight. She cried and cried and cried. I gave in sometimes but then she just stopped. She still asks for her cuppy when she goes to bed but I tell her No You dont get your cuppy in bed. Seems to work for us. GOOD LUCK

Danielle - posted on 09/19/2010

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my son is 20 1/2 mths old and ever since he was born he has slept in his cot in my room.. have now transfered his cot into his own room.. and he is fine with it...which i didnt think he would have been!!..mayb get a lil glow worm toy that plays lullabys or something as my son has a seahorse which glows and plays music... he absolutely loves it and it helps him sleep

Adrienne - posted on 09/18/2010

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I wish I had advice for you. It was never a problem with my daughter as I never allowed her to get used to the idea that mommy or daddy were going to sleep with her. She slept in her basinnet in our room and then transferred to her crib, never with myself or the hubby. She has always had a favorite stuffy to go to bed with and a consistant bedtime routine. of course getting her to stick to the routing was a little fuss but she got over it. She cried, went into comfort her but never removed her from her room, put her back down, repeat. It will be tiring the first couple days but it will be worth it in the end. Good luck on whatever route you decide.

EMMA - posted on 09/17/2010

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my wee girl who is 19 months goes to bed every night, with a dummy and a tee shirt of mine that she uses as a "blankie" I think she feels comforted by my smell on it. She gives her big brother and dad a kiss, gets teethbrushed and most nights by 7.30 she is in bed and falls asleep by herself. I am very lucky she is like this my wee boy, who is now 5 was different he used to take a while to get to sleep and would need to watch a dvd in bed. We never started this with Sarah and she is a great sleeper, only having about 1 hour during the day.She still sleeps in her cot.

Hayley - posted on 09/17/2010

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Gradual change is the ticket. Gradual. Sounds like she wants closeness; nothing wrong with lying down with her and getting up after she drops off. See if you can find a Lovey for her; something that will help her make a transition (that's why they're called Transitional Objects) from having a person there to not having anyone but the Lovey. A favorite blanket or stuffed animal or one of your nightshirts (especially after you've worn it a couple of times and not washed it - she'll smell your scent on it and it might be comforting to her). Go to ONLY water through the night. Milk is bad for the teeth when it is used that way. Then there's no harm in the night bottle. Transition that to a water cup on a bedside table. Even adults allow themselves that. First go in after she's really sleeping hard, and take it form her and put it on the bedside table so she goes to sleep with it but doesn't wake up with it, but it's *right there* if she wants it. You can ask her "are you ready to just keep the cup on the table?" She'll say no the first few hundred times ;) but eventually she'll be used to not waking up with it, or waking up and taking a drink. The next step would be to say "now if you wake up and take a drink, try putting the cup back here on the table after." That will take time too, but will come eventually. Transitions that are non-traumatic take *time* more than anything. Patience, lack of pressure, respectful questions and actions, and just plain *time* are the key ingredients to a smooth transition here. HTH. Good luck! :D

Shy - posted on 09/17/2010

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My little guy is 19 months. He does great taking naps by himself, as long as he has his blankey and bottle. when it comes to bedtime, he needs either my husband or myself to be with him. Sometimes we sneak him onto his bed ... most times we just leave him with us.

Now, my oldest is 3 1/2, and he has his on and off nights. It all depends on if he's in the mood to sleep alone or not.

I don't know if its just a phase. Sure, I've had a lot of people to tell me that I should stop this "bad habit" now while the boys are still young. But I just can't have my babies cry in their room because they want to be with mommy and daddy. But that's just me.

Good luck with your decision and remember, every parent is different!!

[deleted account]

my sons 20 month an has been in his toddler bed for 4 months he's aslo in his own room, i put him to bed at 8.30 turn out his light and close the door then him untill about 7.30 next morning, when i first put him in his bed he just kept getting out, i just went bk in the room picked him up and put him to bed i didnt talk to him just kept doing the same thing over and over didnt even last a week and he was settled

Kattie - posted on 09/14/2010

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my daughter is the same way needs to sleep in my bed with me since her dad and i split, but that's one thing i cant get her to brake . what i did for her during the night is to have a water cup next to her on the night stand and i tell her wear it is and i haven't had a problem with that since .. But iam curious on how to get her into her crib again

Angie - posted on 09/13/2010

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Does she end up just sleeping with you every night? Has she ever been able to sleep in her crib, or is that foreign to her? It sounds like she's used to sleeping with someone, and having her demand met if she cries during the night. From all the advice I've read on different sites, I would say start a new bedtime routine with her- bath, snack/ drink, book, bed, lights out. If she cries, let her cry for 2 minutes, go comfort her without picking her up. If she cries again, same thing. The next night, wait 3 minutes til you go console her. The next night, 5. So on and so on. From what I have read, she will learn this new routine and will stop the crying pretty quickly.

Jennifer - posted on 09/13/2010

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I agree on the crying it out idea. My daughter slept in her bassinet in my room for a while and some nights she would sleep in the bed with me. My husband was gone for a while in the military and I felt more comfortable with her close to me during the night. Once he was home I moved her to her crib and had about a week of those nights one mother described, sitting in the living room listening to her and feeling horrible but I had to do it and it worked. After about 5 days there was never an issue when it was bed time. I always did what another mom brought up, I put her in her crib awake and she learned very quickly what she needed to do to get to sleep. Even now I sometimes hear her wake up on the monitor but within a minute she is back to sleep. Same thing goes for naps, I just give her a sippy cup of water and put her in her crib and I have no issues. I think you just really have to be consistent and keep in your mind you are doing what is best for them. Once they realize there is no other option, that it is time for them to go to bed and they aren't going to get you to come get them out and give them what they want then that becomes their habit. They know not to even try! LoL! My daughter has a little music box on the side of her crib and if she isn't necessarily ready to go to sleep just yet she will sit and play with that thing until she passes out! Good luck with everything!

Romance - posted on 09/13/2010

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Thanks everyone! I think I'm going to tackle the MILK issue first since I'm very worried about her teeeth. TOUGH LOVE here I come.......lol...all of the advice that was given was very helpful!

Shelley - posted on 09/12/2010

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When I was transitioning my son from a crib to a toddler bed, I struggled to get him to stay in the bed. He just kept crawling out and running around the house. Finally, i just stood a little bit down the hall from his door, and waylaid him every time he got up. For me it was a matter of stubbornness. I think he got up about 20 times that first day. Now, very rarely I have to sit in his doorway until he conks out.
It's a matter of being more stubborn than your child and incorporating a little tough love. They won't get hurt from not getting their way.
I did what Sara Wine did (I think my son was a little older at the time tho.) and it sucks, he screamed bloody murder for over an hour, and I remember just sitting on my loveseat gripping the cushions with tears streaming down my face. I knew I had to let him cry it out, but it was hell at the time. The longer you wait, the worse it's going to get as they get bigger and more set in their ways.

Sara - posted on 09/12/2010

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I started putting my son to bed still awake when he was 2 or 3 months old. I wanted him to learn how to fall asleep on his own. Now at 20 months I put him down for a nap and to bed without any hassle. He knows it's bedtime.

My advice would be to start her to bed on her own and don't give in. Of course she'll cry, but it wont last forever!

Santayana - posted on 09/12/2010

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I made this mistake with my daughter and she will still do this if I let her. However, I never started the process with my son and he is 20 months and feels more comfortable when alone in his own bed. If you don't break it now it can be an ongoing problem.

Carly - posted on 09/09/2010

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I have the same problem with Crystal. She was in a great routine and sleeping in her own cot just about all night every night, and then started teething at 13months and I just couldn't cope with getting up 10 times a night so she ended up in bed with me so I could soothe her without getting up. Needless to say I am now struggling like mad to get her to sleep through in her bed again and if she wakes up at night and I am not there she screams blue murder until I pick her up and if I try and put her back down she goes mad! So I guess we just have to bite the bullet and do what Alicia advised and do a sleepless week of getting her back to her old routine. I have been putting off doing it until we can afford to buy her her own little 'big girls' bed and get her back into a routine which will also be easier as I can then lie next to her for a couple of minutes until she goes back to sleep and then leave her again. Its a nightmare, but I guess will be worth it in the end - good luck to us!!!

Amber - posted on 09/08/2010

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My son has always loved his crib so I don't know about how to get around that. My neice is 8 and still sleeps with her mom. I think no matter what the issue you just go through an adjustment period that may be difficult. My son still had milk during the night in a bottle and I decided recently it just had to stop. I just stopped cold turkey. The first couple of nights he woke up several times and I just picked him up and rocked him while walking around and tried to soothe him in other ways it was difficult he really fought it at first but within a week he stopped fighting for it. He now is sleeping perfectly through the night and doesn't get up and ask for it or anything. It was definately worth that week that was difficult.

Alicia - posted on 09/08/2010

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You really need to grit your teeth and stop. It's extremely hard, but if you don't now, she will want to keep sleeping with someone for as long as you let her. You just need to be consistent with what you do and when you do it. There will be much fussing, we had issues with naps and we did the same thing. You will get a few sleepless nights, but it's well worth it in the end. I hope this helps a bit, good luck with her!

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