My husband is anti Jewish schools...

Chana - posted on 11/04/2012

I can't agree more with your husband. I'm sorry. My ex-husband and the father of my children was raised in Israel. I was raised in California and went to public school. I graduated at the top of my class and when to college where I was on the Dean's list with a 4.4 gpa. I know where Turkey is and I know who Galileo was. I cannot say the same for the Jewish school educated kids I have met.



If you are in or near a Jewish community, keep your kids in secular school unless you are raising rabbis and housewives. There are many after school programs available to Jewish kids through local synagogues

Natalie - posted on 06/05/2011

My husband said the same thing. Then when it was time for Kindergarten, we took a tour of a local day school. He was so impressed, He said he wanted our children to go to this school.
Since that time I have learned about the benefits of a dual language curriculum. There was an article in the NY Times recently about this that could help your argument.
Take your time and deal with the issues as they arise. Good luck to you and your husband.

Sherree - posted on 05/31/2011

Dear Tifanny,

This is indeed a challenge when wife & husband do not agree..

I am glad to hear that you had a positive experience. and sad to hear of Anna's bad experience. And a mazel tov to Sally!!!!!

I too considered sending my children to day school (I did not personally have that opportunity.) My husband did not want to send our children to day school (he did have experience attending a private religious school in elementary grades.) As it turns out, we could not afford to send our children to day school; and an additional challenge would have been the long bus ride to the next county where the school was.

Our three children were enrolled in public school (and my children do thank me for that.)

My children received a good Jewish education. Our children attended the Hebrew School program at our synagogue - where I am also a teacher. While it is true that our part-time Hebrew School children were not as fluent in Hebrew as the day-school kids, our children are adept at T'fillah, and leyn fine as well. ..and as for Hebrew fluency, my son is minoring in Hebrew in college (happy momma!)

There are many experiences - both good and bad - that we have heard regarding sending children to private school. ..one of the challenges to consider is the location of the school - is it near enough for your children to have a chance of maintaining social interaction outside of school hours.

If a compromise is a part-time Hebrew School, check out the posibilities. As a teacher I can tell you that there are some good programs out there. As a private tutor, in addition to offering additional support to the Hebrew School student, I also have students whose families are not yet affiliated and I support them by offering interim education while they are in the process of which education direction to go in.

I am glad that you have time before you need to have this resolved. Your child(ren) will benefit most from the support and nurturing you and your husband give them.

I wish you all the best ♥

Sherree

Anna - posted on 05/14/2011

Tiffany, I'm glad your experience of going to a Jewish school was a good one. I, however, had a very different experience.
I moved to the states (from Russia) with my parents when I was 10 years old. I didn't speak a word of English or Hebrew, but my parents sent me to an Orthodox school since that's where my cousins (who practically grew up in America) attended since pre-k. I was picked on mercilessly.
Most of my classmates came from very wealthy families, and my family didn't have any money. I also couldn't communicate, so they assumed I was dumb. I didn't get that "family" feeling that Sally described. I had no friends, and no good memories associated with that school. I was surrounded by "brats" that had no tolerance for diversity. To sum it up, those where two worst years of my life.
I don't blame my parents for sending me there though. We are not very observant, but at the very least I learned things about my heritage that I would not have learned at home. Since I was picked on, I also learned to speak English in record time without an accent.
I plan on sending my daughter to public school, but I definitely see some form of Hebrew school in her future. Although we are not very religious, I think it's important for her to know who she is. And, if she decides that she does want to learn more I would consider sending her to a Jewish Day School, assuming it's a financially feasible option at the time.
You still have some time to decide before your daughter is ready to go to school and I hope you and your husband can come up with a compromise that will suit you both. I just wanted to share my experience, because that's the side that doesn't usually gets heard.

Dvora - posted on 04/14/2011

Tiffany...this is a tough one. When a married couple isn't on the same page of something they want for their kids, it's never easy. I have helped people with this before. Private message me and we can talk. I may be able to help you.

Tiffany - posted on 03/27/2011

Thanks so much, Sally. What a fantastic story. And what a wonderful son you have. Well, well, well done. Mazeltov.

Tiffany

Sally - posted on 03/24/2011

My son is adopted from India. I chose to send him to an Orthodox Day School, even tho we identified as Conservative. The main reason I chose the Orthodox school over the Solomon Schecter school in our community was basically because he would have been in only the first or second class ever of that school...I don't remember if his class was their first or second. The school was brand new and hadn't had time to establish itself at that time. My choice may have been different if the 2 schools had equal tenure in the community.
Anyway, my son was the ONLY dark skinned child in the school. He was THE diversity in that school, you could say. I don't regret my decision...he's 27 now and attended that day school thru 8th grade and then went to public high school in a district that was at least 30-40% Jewish, along with many Asian, African American, and other nationalities/ethnicities and socio-economic groups represented. I wanted my son to learn the "nuts and bolts" of the religion, along with a strong background in Jewish history and a sense of Mishpachah that I didn't think he would get at public school in his early years. Precisely because he WAS different than his classmates in color, I wanted him to know that his skin color did not separate him from his Jewishness.

As for the school producing "brats", well every school has its share of "brats" and his school had theirs. The smaller class size seemed to support a sense of working out differences, however. There really weren't the cliques that I saw growing up in a public school. It really was a family feeling and like any family, there are differences, rivalries, and competitions, but there is also a sense of "we're still family and we still care for each other."

I guess the most important thing was that my son has no regrets about attending that school. He is still friends with many of his classmates. He's been in the Army since he graduated from high school, so he's had his share of diversity and has close friends of every color, religion, and ethnicity imaginable. But he has a very strong Jewish identity. Over the years since high school, he's dated many women of again every color, religion, and ethnicity. I asked him a few years ago if he was serious about anyone. His answer was no, that he'd let me know when he was. He told me point blank that she would HAVE to be Jewish for him to even think of a serious relationship. Well, about 6-8 months ago, I got a call from him. "Mom, I met this girl. I really like her. We are REALLY serious about each other." I asked what she was like and if he was thinking of marriage. "Well, she was born in Israel, but grew up in Texas. She's not observant, but really is trying to become more observant and learn more about the practice of Judaism. We've been having Shabbat together and attending shul every week. We're even taking some classes at the shul together. She never had a Bat Mitzvah so she's studying for an adult Bat Mitzvah and wants me to help her. So we have been working together so she can learn her to chant her Torah Portion. And she's beautiful....." other descriptions followed, including a trip to visit his best friend from school...the boy I've always referred to as my son's brother from a different family. The wedding is scheduled for this Fall and I couldn't be happier for the both of them.

So, that's my experience with being the mother of a Day School student. Do they all turn out like that? No, but for us, it was definitely a good decision. My future daughter-in-law grew up with a strong ethnic Jewish identity of being Israeli. My son's experience began much differently. The result is B'sherit! Hope that helps.

Sally

Tiffany - posted on 03/17/2011

Thanks, ladies, for the feedback. Yup, I guess he married me and I'm a case study in Jewish day school education... My plan is to win the nursery school battle and hope like mad that she loves it and wants to go, with her friends, to a Jewish primary school. High school - I simply can't think about at this stage. It scares me too much :)

Be well.

Tiffany

Shelley - posted on 03/04/2011

wow. that's a tough one. well, if you went to one and he married you than maybe it means that they also produce some good eggs. try to introduce him to other wonderful people who went to jewish schools. maybe that will help.

Selena - posted on 02/28/2011

Hi Tiffany,
Maybe see if he'll compromise and let her go to Hebrew school during her primary years and then go to regular high school?
Also... are you a brat who isn't aware of diversity, difference or tolerance? Try showing him how Hebrew School enriched your life and how it will benefit your daughter's life.
At least you have lots of time to talk him into it ;)
Good luck :)