new.. and looking for guidance

Yocheved - posted on 10/23/2009

Jennifer, Jew's come in all colors! Look at my picture. I too am Jewish and now live in Israel, so don't worry about the color of your skin, just about your desire to know about your heritage. It is a beautiful history and you don't have to go to a reform shul to learn. go on line and read first. Try Chabad.org. they have a wonderful web site that is very informative. And remember you are a Jew based on your mother, so you are as Jewish as any other Jew out there! Good luck and email me any time with any questions, I'd be glad to help. Shabbat Shalom, Yocheved

Sumor - posted on 07/22/2009

Wow! You have a lot of awesome replies! i just want to tell yo to not worry! It is hard to explain being uncomfortable about going where you know you should be able to go because of how you look but don't let that stop you! I attend a conservative synagogue and I visited many place before I found a place I liked. Some places WERE a bit weird because I am not Ashkenazic (nor ashkenazic-looking), but that was THEIR problem. One place, this little girl didn't want to hold y daughter's hand during a kids shul . that was mildly painful for both of us but I saw it as a reflection of that child's parents and not the whole synagogue. Anyway, there area acouple of hard core, traditional books (like To Be a Jew or To Pray as a JEw) and there are more user friendly ones. there is also a site that I like very much called Bechol Lashon (in every tongue) that focuses on Jews who look like us that do not have the stereotyped look. I think it will be hard, though, to instill your child with Jewish values and the desire to embrace and live in a Jewish manner without practicing yourself. Eventually, even if you send her to day school & the like, she is going to start to ask why aren't YOU lighting the candles or keeping kosher and the like. She is going to want you to participate too because you are going to be teaching her that this is what she is supposed to be doing according to G-d. she will do that because she loves you and it will be hard to explain to her why you do something different than she. Finally, (wow! my comment is beaucoup long!) don't worry about money! every body is not rich! :) Plus, you don't have to join if you don't want to AND no synagogue should deny you membership because of financial reasons. Every membership packet should discuss what levels you are able to give and you can talk to the Rabbi about that (& only him). As Patrizia said, you are 100% jewish, baby, and this may just be the greatest time for you and your daughter to discover the traditions that weren't as strong in your childhood. i hope this helps! visit Bechol Lashon's site too! they have a manhattan club with activities! http://www.bechollashon.org/

Sally - posted on 07/21/2009

Hi Jennifer. Hopefully by now you have made some contacts in your local community. I just wanted to let you know that you "look" Jewish to me. My son is adopted from India. He is considerably darker skinned than you are. If you dress the way you are dressed in your picture, you could enter any Orthodox shul/synagogue anywhere and fit right in. Welcome home. There is much to learn and NYC has probably more Jews per capita than anywhere outside of Israel.

Lisa - posted on 04/30/2009

Wow, I have only been here 5 minutes and already love this site. Jennifer, I wasn't raised knowing about my Jewish ancestry. Infact my father was a non-denominational pastor. (Yes I am a Messianic Jew, and no I won't try to force my beliefs on anyone. God brings each of to him in his own time and place and in his way.) Does that make me less of a Jew? Nope. My Mother's family hid who they were for years due to persecution in other countries. Didn't find out until the first Gulf War. Shocking way to find out something that important.

What I would like for you to know is that You are a Wonderful Mom! You are seeking to give your children their heritage. Learn with your children. You will find that not only can this be an incredible learning time together, but a bond that will strengthen your relationship with your daughter and sons.
Blessings
Lisa

Gabrielle - posted on 04/03/2009

Jennifer, I'm not in NY, so I can't help there, but I hope my profile pic shows you that Jews are all flavors. My mom's Latina and my dad's white. At their reform temple in LA, yes, it is mostly white, but there are also Asians and African-Americans and Latinos there. I have been to Israel and met Ethiopian Jews. A co-worker is descended from Ladino Jews, from Spain. I know all about not "looking Jewish", but the first Jews weren't the Ashkenazic Jews we're used to seeing in the U.S., anyway. They probably looked a lot more like you.



I think it's great that you want your daughter to know about her heritage. A reform temple may be less concerned about ensuring she actually becomes religious, but Chabad is also a wonderful organization. Outreach programs are also great, and probably very used to getting questions like yours. Hope you find something great.

Rivka - posted on 03/29/2009

another good thing about chabad is that you can go there and not worry about having to pay hefty dues. they will accept you and not ask for any membership fee.

Ruth - posted on 03/10/2009

I was a Membership Director for many years at a "fancy" synagogue. It's just a building. Jews come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. There is no one way to be a Jew. Jewish Outreach Institute is a wonderful resource if you don't feel comfortable going to a synagogue. Their programs are designed for people just like you - someone wanting more information about Judaism. They are based in Manhattan. The website is www.joi.org. They are very helpful and you should feel comfortable asking them any kind of questions that you want. They have many free programs that are open to the public. I hope you find what you are looking for and take the opportunity to help all of your children find their Jewish way.

Patrizia - posted on 03/04/2009

hi, i'm new here.. i was just reading your post and just wanted to add a few things to the answers already given.

According to orthodox law if your mother is jewish you are 100% jewish and so are your kids, therefore you could go to any jewish community orthodox or reform... the colour of your skin is irrelevant.... I live in israel and have come into contact with jewish women of many races (black, philippino, ect) ...  I agree with the answers already posted, phone a few places, talk to the rabbis, I'm sure you will find one that is wecoming and that you feel comfortable with.

I'm not religious myself (more traditional) but I know that the lubavitch chabad movement accepts all jews (according to orthodox law) from all background

Chabad is a very non-judgemental and accepting organization (they are ultra-orthodox) but in your case as your mother is jewish they will consider you 100% jewish too... their website is also very informative, you may want to take a look http://www.chabad.org/

I love the fact that you want to teach your kids the jewish culture and wish you lots of luck in your journey.

Dvora - posted on 03/02/2009

A great web site to go to (it's actually rated at the #1 Jewish web site on the internet) aish.com They have lots of stuff to help parents who want to help their kids be more educated.

Emily - posted on 03/02/2009

Anita Diamant's books are also great resources and may be a good place to start if you feel you're not ready to go to a synagogue just yet - your local library will have copies (How to Raise a Jewish Child, Living a Jewish Life, Choosing a Jewish Life). They're very accessible.  Several years ago I went to an event called "Funny, you don't look Jewish" that involved a round-table discussion of issues of Jewish identity related to race.  It's a big issue and as more Jews adopt children of colour, marry people of colour and welcome converts of colour, it's becoming much more mainstream.  I would think that in New York there would be several synagogues where you and your children would feel comfortable.

Dvora - posted on 03/01/2009

Did you get my message. I sent you one explaining that I can help you. I hope. I have a group on Facebook. Look it up, it's called Torah and Talk. Let me know if you are interested. I think it might be exactly what you are looking for.

Melinna - posted on 02/28/2009

I agree with Lori...call, talk to a rabbi...see if there are any services that welcome toddlers. Any synagogue should welcome anyone who is interested in learning & participating, no matter what. That being said, I know this is an ideal, and isn't always embraced...but if you don't ask, you won't know.

Lori - posted on 02/27/2009

Why don't you call first?  Tell them what you want/need and see how it goes.  I bet you're not the only woman of color to walk through their doors. 

Hopefully, it will click for you.  If not, don't give up.  There were many other temples listed at urj.org in NY; I just don't know the geography.

Jennifer - posted on 02/27/2009

I am so scared that I will be looked at funny... I looked at the pictures that they had on their website... I dont look like them.....

Lori - posted on 02/27/2009

Don't let that stop you from searching your roots.  Any temple worth its salt should embrace everybody.  Yes, they need money to operate but that's secondary to teaching children.

Jennifer - posted on 02/27/2009

I just looked it up.. it looks very fancy.... I am of very modest means... meaning I am on welfare and could not even contribute/donate anything.  I want for us to be accepted based upon my willingness to teach my daughter...

know what I mean...

Lori - posted on 02/27/2009

I don't know if The Riverdale Temple is far from you (I just found it on-line).

http://www.riverdaletemple.org/

4545 Independence ave (246th Street at Independence Avenue) Bronx, NY 10471

From their website:  "We are an inclusive, welcoming community of Jewish and interfaith families, young and old, married and single, gay and lesbian."  You won't raise any eyebrows.

Let me know if I can help with anything else...

Jennifer - posted on 02/27/2009

she is 16 months old and we live in bronx, ny... not far from manhattan..

I just dont want to raise to many eyebrows in the temple...

a reform temple... there must be some in nyc....

Lori - posted on 02/27/2009

I would say that if you called just about any reform temple (that's what I know best) they'd be able to give you guidance/direction. Here is a link to some on-line resources (again, it's what I know) http://urj.org/educate/parent/.

BTW, how old is your daughter and where do you live?  And who cares what someone looks like?  We're all G-d's children.

Jennifer - posted on 02/27/2009

hi... is that something that I can do, w/o actual training? 

would I be able to go to a  and ask questions?  would they even let me in... as you can see by my pic, I dont exactly look "jewish"... know what I mean???

I am not trying to offend you or the religion...

I need some sort of guidance when it comes to this....

Lori - posted on 02/27/2009

Depending upon her age, there are lots of wonderful books to share - some libraries are better than others or look in Barnes & Noble or even used book stores.  You can also start a tradition of lighting shabbat candles on Friday nights - a beautiful role for Jewish women of all ages.  You don't need fancy candle sticks and you can find the blessing either transliterated from the hebrew or in english on the internet.