BITING AND HITTING!!!

Stephanie - posted on 03/09/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Help my 20 month old is a severe biter and hitter. She is not in day care at all and she only does it to herself and me! This is a recent development since she began visiting her biological dad!!!

What do you think and what should I do???

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Stephanie - posted on 03/31/2009

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The problem is that I have a restraining order against him because he has been violent towards me! SO us talking doesnt really happen!!!

Mary - posted on 03/30/2009

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is it mandatory that she goes over there? If not then stop the visits all together. If it is then see if you can get supervised visitations for her with him. Tell the courts what is going on and what you think might be happening. This is the only way to get supervised visitaions. If the biting and hiting started as soon as she started going over there then it might  just be that she is not confortable with him yet. You need to talk to him as well.

Marissa - posted on 03/30/2009

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My middle son is going to be two on July 15. We had to have a meeting at his daycare because he was doing the same thing. His issue is that he is very strong willed and if things don't go his way he gets frustrated, and then will hit or bite to vent this frustration. We did teach him that he has to use gentle touches and that biting is not acceptable. Sometimes he just feels the need to bite, and when that happens, he now gets a stuffed animal to bite on or a washcloth. This has seemed to stop our issue. He also knows that if he doesn't like something, he has to say no, or no thank you, etc. Usually sets him off is his older brother. Finding the triggers can be a big help as well. It is a stage, so don't worry.
If you are concerned for your child's safety, you can go back to court and ask to have visitation revoked. Talk to your pediatrician, document EVERYTHING! Maybe a child psychologist can help. If need be, call Child Protective Services and have the father investigated. You are your child's best defense against hurtful and harmful things.

Stephanie - posted on 03/30/2009

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I a, almost positive that it is that she is uncomfortable or something (God Forbid) is happening to her while she's over there!!! I just am at a loss as to what to do to stop her going over there!! Any ideas or suggestions???

Mary - posted on 03/30/2009

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My 5 year old went though this stage as well. The only way we got him broke from it was by doing it back to him. My 20 month old tried this a couple of times but has reluctently decided to stop. The biting and hitting might be a sign that she is not comfortable about going to the fathers house. And having only a small verbal vocabulary, can't tell you any other way,

Mary Lynn - posted on 03/28/2009

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Our daughter only does it out of frustration. While we say 'no hitting' or 'no biting' when she does it, we also in a very firm and somewhat loud voice say UNACCEPTABLE. It sounds like a big word, but its the tone and our expression. She knows she has done something 'wrong', but we feel like she hears NO to so many things, it kind of loses its meaning. She invariably then wants to be comforted and then in a caring voice we explain that biting and hitting hurt and its not nice. I'm assuming that with age she'll find a more appropriate way to express frustration, so the best we can do until then is teach her and hope no one gets hurt in the meantime.

Leslie - posted on 03/20/2009

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Its nice to hear that others are struggling with this issue. My son is 20 months and will hit or scratch and kick. He has resorted at times to slapping the walls and the dog (poor dog) when he is furstrated. I know that this is what it is but, none-the-less, it is a hard thing to deal with and correct. I try to help him out with words to describe his feelings, really basic emotional words, but like the first response stated, it is normal behavior and will pass.

Kathie - posted on 03/19/2009

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We are at that stage too. This is our approach. If one of us is holding him when he does it, we immediately say "no" in a firm voice and put him down. We also grab his hand and show him "soft touch" with a soft voice. If he hits his sister or us with something in his hand, we say "no" and take the item away. Of course he pitches a fit, but we learned with the first one that consistency is the key. Good luck!

Rebecca - posted on 03/18/2009

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i got that problem with mine 20month old daughter,and she is not as daycare.

i see she does it when she is tired ore frustrated.and when she is gelouse of her stuff.

it wil pass as mine friends told me.as soon as they start talking.it pass around 2 i think.



new situations can cost this behavour too.she is just 20months,new person in her life.

give it time,talk to her.always explain everything to a child.



god luck

Jennifer - posted on 03/16/2009

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We have had to deal with biting a few times ourselves. I tried lots of different tricks, but the one that worked the best especially when he pre-verbal and I was nursing was to hook my thumb behind his front lower teeth/gums and curl the rest of my hand underneath his chin so that I was holding his lowerjaw and give it a gentle/delicate but firm small jerk down and tell him firmly, "NO! No biting" This was the easiest way to communicate to him what he had done wrong and not to do it again. Then we always hug and love after correction. He did not like being handled that way and it took the correction to the same place where the "crime" had been committed - His mouth! Later he would try to give my husband a love bite on the leg and has drawn blood under the skin. My husband used the same technique and Jojo stopped with those love bites too. We immediately showed him other ways to show affection with kisses and hugs and snuggles and silly faces. But we were dealing with more of an exploritory biter as he was trying to learn proper behavior. If yours is hitting and biting a lot then there are other emotional issues she needs to have addressed as well as the change in behavior. I would check with your pediatrician about what they would recommend for her emotional needs.

Kristin - posted on 03/14/2009

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I have a 19 month old that is a biter!!  She is far worse than my oldest daughter was at that age.  I don't know your feelings on spanking but that seems to work with us.  We never spank out of anger and we always explain why she is getting one.  I also make her apologize to the person that she bit.  Once she has done that then I give her a big hug to let her know that I still love her but I don't approve of her behavior.  Just a side note, I would NEVER use the child's bed for punishment because when it comes to lay them down for nap and/or bed time they may think they are being punished.  Hope my advice comes in handy.  Good luck!

Jaime - posted on 03/09/2009

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I have a 19th month that does the same thing! According to parenting magazine it's normal and will pass, it's just frustration they can't express. Mine actually has bitten her 6 month old sisters head...i thought she going to give her a kiss. I have no suggestions since nothing has worked yet...just keep saying no and doing timeouts, sending to bed? Parenting magazine did suggest teaching them words that help them express their feelings...ha.

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