How do u deal with an angry child?

Erin - posted on 09/22/2012

I have a very angry 5 year old too. But it has gotten SO MUCH better. I had to change my thinking and strategy. The biggest thing I was getting from all his angry outbursts was frustration. When I got down on his level and validated his feelings....like for example saying, "Wow that would make me mad too, I'm really sorry you're feeling that way." Well, it made him do a double take because someone was saying to him, YES, I get it. YES, that would indeed be frustrating. And he usually sits and stews about it for a few minutes after that, but hey, no meltdown! I'm not just trying to make him stop the outburst anymore, I'm getting to the root of it. Oh, he still has his moments of course, life can't be perfect right? I've gotten into a better practice of just listening to him on a regular basis, just the random things he has to say....not just nodding and saying mmhmm, really engaging in the conversation with him. It's made a world of difference. It's a mutual respect between us. I listen to the things he has to say and he takes note when I need the floor. Another thing...a lot of times I've noticed he likes to feel like he has a modicum of control over his situation. I give him choices, or word things so that it sounds like he's in charge of the decision. I also thoroughly explain the how and why of the decisions that I am making for him. For example, he really wanted his bathwater at a certain level in the tub and was going into meltdown mode over it, but I said well let's take a look at it again and brought him into the bathroom with me. I explained somewhat how displacement works, that the water will get deeper when he gets in, that if it gets too high, it will just go down the top drain anyways. And then that was a whole list of new perplexing thoughts for him and we had a whole conversation about how these things work. In the end, he was calm, ok with his bath the way it was and we avoided meltdown. I always over-explain things to him because he needs that control and understanding of any situation before he feels comfortable proceeding. I think knowledge is power.....give it a shot! With your little man, I would try just picking him up and removing him from the situation. When he gains back a bit of his self control, validate his feelings. He's not going to hear you when he's seeing red. Keep things upbeat, positive and communicative the rest of the time and I think you will see an improvement! And talk about feelings during down time when he's not angry, read stories about feelings, etc. Well, I really do hope that helps! I feel like I have been walking in similar shoes to you and you should know you're not alone!

Kristie - posted on 05/17/2012

myson who is 9 has issues with anger towards his sisters. When he gets in their faces yelling I get in his face same distance he did with the girls, raise my voice a little and ask him how did that feel. It works for awhile he doesn't do it that often(ok when they touch his books or whatever and go in his room). My 7 year old is a whole different problem (what a sourpuss she can be) and Susie is usually prety happy little girl. Your son having special needs is there like some kind of toy or something to help cam him when he gets angry? Also when my little whirlwinds get in trouble, yelling, hitting, screaming, not listening we either make them stand in corner, or since we were in the Army we have them get in pushup position(or new thing gonna try is stand with arms out straight. That is not fun at all. Hope you find a way to help your son.