temper tantrums

Amy - posted on 12/07/2008 ( 21 moms have responded )

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Hi, my name is Amy and new to circle of moms. I have a 17 month old daughter, Skyler. The last couple of weeks when her Dad or I tell her no she throws herself to the floor, bangs her head on the wall, and screams uncontrollably. She has even gotten hurt during one of her tantrums and got a bruise under her eye. Does anyone else have this problem and does anyone have any ideas how to handle it. What works to break her from doing this. HELP!

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[deleted account]

Ah yes we are dealing with this as well. Corbin hates the word NO already LOL. He also does the head banging when he doesn't get his way. Its so frustrating.

Wendy - posted on 01/15/2009

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I am also dealing with this issue. I find it extremely difficult to ignore my son. His cry makes be feel very panicky so, that is what I struggle with the most. I have read about trying to distract them with something else but I worry about rewarding him for bad behavior. If I give him something that is more exciting while he is in the middle of a meltdown, isn't that letting him know that its ok to act this way? On the other hand, when he is having a fit about something, all I want to do it hug him and make him feel better. This, however, has not worked for me. It seems to make him more angry. He did throw himself backwards once and, of course, we ran right over to him. I am not sure this was the right thing to do because it gave him attention when we were trying to ignore the meltdown. I feel like I am in a catch 22. I certainly want him to feel that it is ok to get frustrated and let his emotions out. He isn't talking so he needs to have some way to vent. I just wish it didn't have to be so painful for the both of us. Anyway, I am working on taking him to the pack-n-play with nothing in it and let him have his fit while I sit quietly within his sight and try as hard as I can to fight my urge to go and pick him up and hold him.

Lisa - posted on 01/14/2009

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As a mom of a 18 month old and an 8 year old, their tantrums seem to be the same!  I have found that making sure they first not going to hurt themselves where they are and then leaving them to do their tantrum is the best.  And with everything consistancy is the key.  Usually there is an underlying problem (be it that they are hungry or tired) and then on top of it frusterated that they can't get what they want.  I also have a home daycare and find if one child is tantruming I make a point to concentrate on the rest of the group and eventually the one having the tantrum will realize everyone else is having fun with out him/her.  Sometimes this does backfire and makes them much more angry.  My one other piece of advice would be that you not send them to a room that they associate with sleep, potty or other important needs.  This will only make them not want to enter this place on their own.  Usually to keep them in a neutral room is the best.  All the above comments have been so great because I know it's the age not just me!  Thanks to everyone for that!

Gina - posted on 01/14/2009

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My oldest, who is 4, use to hit himself in the head when he was mad. We use to react to it, then my SIL told me to ignore it and he would stop. It worked. It was hard to do since it looked like he was hurting himself, but he was getting more attention from us by doing that to himself.

My daughter who is 17 months doesn't like to be told no either. She usually starts crying and runs towards the wall and puts her head on it and cries. She was throwing herself on the floor at first, but she hit her head one time and it must have hurt, so now she is more careful.

As parents, we have learned to ignore it and hope that it stops. Once my oldest started to talk more, his tempers lessened and I have started to notice the same with my daughter.

It is never easy to watch you kid do something that looks like it hurts them.

Melissa - posted on 01/12/2009

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WOW! my 17month old is acting the same exact way. Just yesterday he threw a fit when I asked for my cell phone back nicely, he then threw it on the tile floor and is now broken. I then immediately put him in timeout but he just threw himself on the floor and would not stop crying, but then i sat there and told him calmly not to throw things that its not nice. not sure what else to do, i too need help with this.

Gina - posted on 01/12/2009

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My son began having tantrums a few months ago.  he still has them occasionally now but they usually when he is most tired.  whenever he does this i tell him that i understand he's upset and walk away.  it usually stops within moments.  i never  refer back to the tantrum afterwards because i don't want him to think that that is an acceptable way of problem solving. 

Gina - posted on 01/12/2009

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My son began having tantrums a few months ago.  he still has them occasionally now but they usually when he is most tired.  whenever he does this i tell him that i understand he's upset and walk away.  it usually stops within moments.  i never  refer back to the tantrum afterwards because i don't want him to think that that is an acceptable way of problem solving. 

Amy - posted on 01/06/2009

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Bronwen is right, ignoring them helps! My first's tantrums got really bad and loud! So we just started her "naught corner" as going to the bathroom. I tell her until you stop this, you're going to stay in the bathroom, and if she screams, I tell her that if she screams again, I'll close the door, and I follow through. As soon as she stops, I go back in and get her to sit on my lap and talk to her.

Kyrah is starting to have the same treatment now because sh'e also big enough. At the moment she goes into her cot (safe, soft and she has to stay put). Mostly the crying stops and she has a little lie down. She doesn't fall asleep though...

Bronwen - posted on 01/06/2009

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Quoting Amy:

temper tantrums

Hi, my name is Amy and new to circle of moms. I have a 17 month old daughter, Skyler. The last couple of weeks when her Dad or I tell her no she throws herself to the floor, bangs her head on the wall, and screams uncontrollably. She has even gotten hurt during one of her tantrums and got a bruise under her eye. Does anyone else have this problem and does anyone have any ideas how to handle it. What works to break her from doing this. HELP!



Hi Amy



To put a stop to it (first make sure she is not sick) then if you are at home put her on the floor and just leave the room immediately.  Let her come out to find out where you have gone and give her a cuddle when she comes to you. The best thing to stop a tantrum in its tracks is lack of an audience. If you are out - then walk away a couple of meters and turn your face away from her (I peek out the corner of my eye to keep an eye on my bubs) You and your partner just keep talking to each other and ignore her. Believe me other parents understand and if they dont then ignore them! Try it - for me it worked on the 3-4th time (at home) and the first time when I was out. But hang in there the tantrums are so hard to bear.



best of luck



Bronwen



 

Ashley - posted on 01/04/2009

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I have a 17 month old daughter, Jazlyn. She does the exact same thing plus she likes to throw items and beat on her two older brothers. When she acts like this I just let her. When she first started I would try to talk to her or pick her up or even give in to her. Now when I ignore her she stops and just resumes whatever she was doing before the tantrum

Emma - posted on 01/04/2009

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my daughter is exactly the same 17 months old and i swear she is going through the terrible two's already when we tell her no or don't let her have something she wants she screams bangs her head of doors walls the floor anything she is nearest to at the time i think the best way to deal with the situation is to ignore it obviously if she's hurting herself to bad move her pick her up or something but if you pay too much attention to it she will do it all the more i think we're just both gonna have to ride it out and hope it stops soon

Sara - posted on 01/03/2009

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Wow, do kids have some kind of link at the same age? haha. My daughter Alaina is definently a firecracker! She is 17 months old and just started doing the same thing. Sometimes nothing will even happen to her and she'll just start screaming and throwing a fit for no reason! First I tried to find out what was wrong with her, but that wasn't working so now I just ignore her and it hasn't really gotten any better...but it's not worst...lol.

Shannon - posted on 12/23/2008

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Ignore them!! My 17 month old started this around 14 months. I would ignore the tantrums. He doesn't have them as often anymore.

Tracey - posted on 12/23/2008

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Well, at least we know we aren't the only ones! I see this is a common 17 month old activity.

I decided if he's throwing a tantrum over something silly (can't get or do what he wants) to just walk away. If he's doing it in his room, I turn off the light and leave telling him that he's acting silly and can come out and play whenever he wants. Sometimes he'll stay in his room and fuss a little more but usually just comes right out with no sign of the previous tantrum.

I suppose it's normal for them to start testing the waters...if we're consistent then it should "end" sooner rather then later. We're already noticing a difference in mine and we've been "ignoring" the behavior for about a week now.

Good luck!

[deleted account]

My son is doing the exact same thing these days.....and he will bang his head on anything that is near him when he's angry. I've been picking him up, kicking and screaming, and move him away from furniture......and let him flip out by himself. I sit and watch him.....and he eventually will stop and come over to hug me. It's like he just wants to get it all out of his system.....and honestly.....I'd don't blame him.....If it was socially appropriate.....I might would do it too! Ha!

Christina - posted on 12/10/2008

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Hi. My 17 month old son has started doing the same thing. He hits and throws himself around kicking and screaming. Honestly, I find it adorable but I know its nothing to smile at:)... It seems to me he is trying to communicate how hes feeling, but he cant talk yet. Frustration in not being able to do and look at what you want can be a hard thing to take. I try and put things away around the house that I know he cant have, to avoid any extra tantrums. If he is throwing himself around I usually hold him so he doesnt get hurt, talking to him softly in his ear.

If he doesnt stop, I let him enjoy his tantrum alone with a blanket and pillows.

Sometimes hes just plain tired and needs some milk. He just doesnt know it yet! lol.

I hope this helps a bit. Im still in training too:)

Trista - posted on 12/09/2008

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My daughter Leviana does it too. I just ignore it and walk out of the room and she stops almost immediately. I have noticed that when my husband gives her attention during one of her fits she keeps it up and gets more exaggerated. It seems like it is for attention.

[deleted account]

I am having this problem too exactly. I just walk away and leave my son to throw the temper. He usually stops but it hasn't stop from continuing on if that makes sense. So I'm looking for advise here too!

Dena - posted on 12/09/2008

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Carsyn has started hitting herself, but I think it's because she's teething. I remember my sister throwing tantrums when she was a baby. She would bang her head on the floor. She is 31yrs old now and shows no signs of damage.



I'm sure children get frustred and don't know how to show thier anger. I would try talking to your little girl and tell her you understand she's mad. She might not understand you, but she'll understand the calm in your voice. Keep reassuring her that it's okay to have these feelings and give them a name for her.



Most importantly, don't talk to her while she's throwing a tantrum. Put her in a safe place, like her crib, but don't talk to her. She'll learn that throwing a tamtrum is no way to get her attention

Maryanne - posted on 12/08/2008

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my 17 month old son jj does the same thing to me. I think his tantrums may be related to being tired, sometimes I can give him milk and put him to sleep, but it does not always work and I too need help.

Melissa - posted on 12/08/2008

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I am having the same problem! the only difference with me is that when my daughter throws a tantrum, instead of hurting herself, she hits other people. She will hit anyone who gets too close to her, she will hit our dog or cats...etc. today at my Grandma's she picked up a heavier toy and threw it at my Grandma's wall. What I do is tell her no and try to give her a time out whenever possible. It doesn't alway work but it will usually calm her down. It's very frustrating to say the least and if anyone else has any other ideas to help with this I would love to hear it too!

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