Any suggestions on terrible two tantrums

Joni - posted on 05/20/2010

When he has a tantrum, he goes in his room for 2 minutes..even though he is not 2 yet I feel that the time is a good amount. He usually will want a hug and then he can come out to play.

Vauny - posted on 04/27/2010

when my son does that i place him on the wall with his arms behind his back and tell him he has to stand there for the 3 minutes that he gets since he is 3 now, always the time is the age, and hte reason for the hands behind the back is so they dont play i learned that the hard way, pealed paint on the wall (lol), and some times i stand there to make sure the time out is done, and then when he is dont i tell him to sit on the couch, and then i ask him why he threw a fit??? and some times he doesnt want to tell me so i tell him that he will have to go back to the wall for another time out if he keeps refusing to tell me why he did it, and he will tell me the reason and then i tell him he cant play for 30 minutes to an hour (depending on how fast he tells me why he did it or how back the tantrum was) and i make him sit for the time, and when he is done i ask him if he liked sitting there and time on the wall and not being able to play with his favor toys? he tells me no i didnt know it momma, and i have only had to do that 3 times in 1 year so it works they hate looking at a wall and then not being allowed to play afterwards. Good Luck

Erin - posted on 04/27/2010

We tried spanking and yelling.... neither of those worked. My daughter is SUPER strong willed! Now we do time outs and they work AMAZINGLY! Everytime we do a time out I'm so shocked by how fast it works! If my daughter doesn't get her way she'll start with the fit and throwing things... If she throws something I tell her to go pick it up if she doesn't i'll tell her shes going to go in time out (which is just sitting her in the chair) if she doesn't pick it up and keeps the tantrum going i put her in the chair and tell her she can get up when shes ready to pick whatever the item was up. Usually this takes about 20 seconds and she stops crying and says ok and goes and picks it up. Sometimes it takes longer but it really has worked for us!

Patricia - posted on 04/26/2010

our girl is just the same!! she has to stand with her face to the door for two minutes, and then she is calm, but indeed it's a terrible age! :-)

Claudia - posted on 04/25/2010

My daughtger understands time out and will stop crying just mentioning that she will go into time out.

Brooke - posted on 04/22/2010

Thats exactly what I do Lisa :)

Kelly - posted on 04/22/2010

hi my daughter isnt quiet 2 yet and started the terrible twos tantrums we use time out and it works believe me its not easy but thats how we get through them.

Nikki - posted on 04/21/2010

Absolutely!! Check out this article i just read not too long ago, let me know if its helpful! :-)
http://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoo...

Kylie - posted on 04/20/2010

oh and when he stopped I asked him why he was upset/angry and he would tell me and I would tell him I like big boys using their words. he was a good talker though......

Kylie - posted on 04/20/2010

This may sound mean but my eldest son usedto throw the most shocking tantrums (mainly screaming) and mainly at shops. I used to tell him people are looking at you and to scream louder and get all his anger out. he would stop almost instantly. reverse pshycology lol. I had a lot of mums look at me funny when I said that but when they saw he stopped i got a bit of positive feedback from them.

Holly - posted on 04/17/2010

Their is a great video/book you can get from the libary called The Happiess Toddler on the Block. It is by a Dr. and he talks about how to handle and tame children's Tantrums.

I find that when my kids start to throw fits they are either hungery or tired and when those problems are taken care of they are happy and not as likely to throw a fit.

Kelly - posted on 04/17/2010

I put thomas in his room when his throwing a tantrum and tell him when he has settled and ready to talk to me nicely to come out to me and get a cuddle

Nicole - posted on 04/16/2010

LOL I can see where that would work with drunk adults!! and I understand a bit more of how your doing it and it is diff. then what the family I nannied for did. I would still say to use caution, My personal opinion as to why I won't do it, is becuase I feel that kids need to learn to control their emotions and feeling, even at a young age my son is already starting to control them! Not saying he never gets upset, but he's learning how to handel the anger. and "I" feel that by distracting them they are not truely learning how to control it....but that is my opinion, my thoughts, if that works for you that's great please don't feel like i'm saying what your doing is wrong! LOL (i'm always affraid I'm going to offend someone)

Conney - posted on 04/16/2010

It's funny how we all have pretty similar tricks of the trade. I agree with most of you. For my son I usually either have to jsut ask him if he wants to go to corner or he'll actually shut himself in a room or bathroom and refuse for anyone of us to enter . He'll cry it out and comes right back out laughing and smiling typically within 2 mins and comes running for a hug. I think they just have to get it out of their systems as long as we don't cave, he accepts this reality. As for being outside when tantrums starts, I usually find that pointing to a bird or a cloud or an airplane helps to divert the attention and totally not focus on his tantrums. Kind of like just changing the subject but you are actually not ignoring him .

Sonja - posted on 04/16/2010

My first rule is don't cave to whatever the tantrum is about. I'll try to talk to my little girl and say I understand she's upset but she can't have/do what she wants to do and why. I always hold her tight until she calms down. I find if I don't do this she seems to get really worked up and is probably getting frightened and frustrated by the emotions she can't expressed. I find if I hold her and distract her it only lasts a minute or two, if I leave her she can get really worked up and is still going well after 30 minutes - just not worth the stress.

Suvi - posted on 04/16/2010

I use ignoring or time out; sitting on the "bench"- which in our case is bottom stairs, (at first behind a gate, now he stays there with the gate open) for a minute or two, without any attention. At the worst times in the beginning he might have been on his time outs 10 times a day, now I usually only have to say: "Do you want to have a time out?" And he shakes his head and stops crying at once. :) Really works for us!

Sheri - posted on 04/16/2010

I get what you're saying Nicole about my technique, except that it's not actually a technique that is meant to distract them and get them interested in something else... when a child is having a tantrum, they're sort of stuck in the upset mentally. I'm sure you've noticed times when you've gotten upset that the more you continue to be allowed to stay in the upset, the worse you feel because you get stuck in it mentally. Believe it or not the technique I described above actually works with upset adults and even adults who are drunk. It gets them back into the present moment and actually enables them to focus on what you're saying. It doesn't get them interested in something you're pointing to, it just gets their attention "unstuck" from what was causing the upset. After I get my son to look at a bunch of different things and make very sure that I thank him or tell him good job after he looks at each thing, he is actually then able to pay attention to what I'm saying and actually really hear me. Try explaining something to an upset toddler - doesn't usually work unless you get rid of the upset first. We're usually not at home when he has most of his tantrums (we live in NY City and go to all the playgrounds in Central Park or his play gym, etc) so I rely heavily on this technique because I wouldn't be able to just ignore him or send him to another room since we're not at home. All I know for certain is that I've had tremendous success with this technique with kids and adults who were extremely upset and if you continue the technique until you see that they are feeling much better (or they tell you they are) and don't stop while they are still upset, they will feel so much better and be stable and able to listen. I always feel better about doing something to proactively handle a problem and my son is a very happy little guy!

Nicole - posted on 04/15/2010

I've got a son, as soon as he started telling me NO he started getting smacked on the cheek. Not hard, there's not even a pink mark, but he doesn't do it as often anymore, hardly at all since he gets smacked and a time out. he does start to throw tantrums but I give him "the look" and he knows it will not be good for him if he does it!!!
To Sheri D: I was a nanny and they distracted their kids when they started tantrums, and it didn't work out for them in the long run, cause they couldn't hold their attention to talk about it when they got a bit older, so I would advise to just be carefull with that one!
and like Lucy A does whenever the kids I nannied for started to throw a tantrum I'd put them in their room till they were done! if they wanted to throw their head back I'd let them do it! they aren't going to hurt themselves to bad and they'll learn not to do that anymore! maybe I'm a rough mom but i don't put up with it!!
Good luck to all of you!

Micki - posted on 04/15/2010

i just walk away and then i say everybodys looking at you and they think your funny when you do that

Tamra - posted on 04/15/2010

Typically I try to use empathy and say "I'm so sorry you are frustrated that you can't do X" and hug him. I also try to distract him with humor............. I typically will be firm as well and say "that is not safe, so I'm sorry you cannot do it" and then distract him.

Brandy - posted on 04/15/2010

I have done some research on the benefits of sign language with young kids and have decided to teach it to my son. I went to the library and checked out some Signing Time DVD's. He loves watching them and tries to do a lot of the signs and sings with the songs. Also when he wants something or I can't understand what he is saying (he is 21 mo) I take his hand and ask him to show me. He almost always shows me and I will either give it to him or explain to him why he can't have it. Also there is a good book called "Have a New Kid by Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman, he also has other good books on child behavior. Other than that my son decided a few months back that he was going to try to throw some tantrums and I just ignored them. It was also close to bed time when he did that. Good luck.

Vanja - posted on 04/15/2010

Hi... Try to find out what triggers her tantrums. Is it: tired, hungry, overstimulation (eg shopping centres - we had that with our daughter and didn't take to them for some time)... There is a difference between those and the "not getting it her way" tantrums... It's a good idea to keep a diary of what triggered her tantrums and than work from there. If it's manipulations, by any means don't give in and give her what she wanted, as you'll be in a dangerous game... You doing good by keeping her safe, waiting for her to calm down and then talk about what happened. Hang in there, it will pass... Cheers. PS: Good book/reference is "Terrific Toddlers" by Pinky McKay

Sonni - posted on 04/15/2010

I have to agree with Tiffany and Lucy when me and my son are at home I usually just ignore the behavior until he realizes that he needs to try a new tactic. But I've noticed that when in public he is more defiant. What can I do?

Tiffaney - posted on 04/13/2010

Best advice I got was to ignore the tantrum but not the child. Pretty much that means know whats going on but don't let them know that you are paying attention. Ignore it and when they realize there is no audience they will move on.

Megan - posted on 04/13/2010

Going thru the same thing now with my daughter. Just flew in from our vacation and it was a nightmare of 15 hours of travel. She would throw a fit on the plane in the car, at the hotel. I have tried everything from re-direction, to holding her during the fit and letting her cry it out. Nothing seems to work right now she can go on for 30-45 minutes. I just know that with my older child it will pass once they have built up their language. But boy are these times tough.

Lucy - posted on 04/13/2010

I probably sound a little harsh but I generally put my son up in his room when he has a tantrum so that he learns that he gets no attention at all. Once he has settled down, I go up and get him, give him a cuddle and we go on from there. I find that giving him no attention at all is the best way.

Sheri - posted on 04/13/2010

I actually learned a simple technique that works every time to quickly calm my toddler down from a tantrum, so his never last for more than a minute or so, but are usually handled in seconds. It's easier if you pick your child up to do this, or hold their hand if possible... simply walk them around wherever it is you happen to be and point to an object and say "look at that tree (or whatever you are pointing to)", they will most likely look at it... then say "thank you, or excellent (just something to acknowledge them"... then point to something else and say "look at that pillow (or whatever you point to)... again acknowledge them with a "good job" or "thank you"... and just keep doing this until they are feeling better. It truly works, and I swear it usually only takes less than a minute before they are feeling better and probably forget what they were even upset about. It's just a way of re-directing their attention away from the upset so it doesn't get blown out of proportion... kinda puts them back on track. My son has never even gotten to the point of screaming on the floor or anything crazy because I nip it in the bud with this simple technique. Try it!

Carmen - posted on 04/12/2010

My daughter throws mad crazy tantrums, she arches her back kicks her legs and screams. if she's not in danger of hurting herself (no hard floors items to fall on her) i generally let her play it out. this might last from a few seconds to a few minutes. Afterwards she usually asks for a hug. I think mostly she gets frustrated because she still lacks the language to express how she feels or what she wants. Lately she's been throwing less and less tantrums, when they were bad I would leave the room for a little bit (as long as she was safe to be alone you know) and collect myself. Good luck and like Lisa said, this too will pass! Blessings!

Lisa - posted on 04/12/2010

Sometimes they are just in a mood, thank goodness this stage doesn't last long. I think it's the Leo in them, that makes them so stubborn. My older 2 girls were nothing like my baby girl. Sometimes they like to push your buttons. Children are the greatest joys in life, they can also be the biggest stresses but I wouldn't change a thing! Just try to take a deep breathe & count to 10! This to shall pass!

Heather - posted on 04/12/2010

Thanks Lisa! Yesterday I did that and she went on for about 30 min and I went to talk to her twice and asked if she was ready to calm down and she still continued. She finally calmed down when her dad went in to talk to her. I will keep working on it

Lisa - posted on 04/12/2010

I try to ignore the bad behavior. It's a lot easier to ignore when you are at home then if you were out in public. I just always make sure that she is safe when she has her tantrums.



For instance she likes to throw herself on the floor if she doesn't get her own way. I just make sure she doesn't hit her head on the ground when she goes down. I let her do her "thing" & when she is done, I ask her if she is better now & give her a hug a kiss. I try to explain to her why she can't have or do something that might harm her. Eventually she'll understand what I'm saying to her. It just takes a lot of patience.



Good luck

Lisa