Anyone expecting baby #2?

Carolyn - posted on 01/29/2010 ( 159 moms have responded )

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My son is 18 months and I am currently 5 months pregnant. I'm wondering if any one else is currently in this position (or has recently been through it) and has any thoughts/suggestions/worries about how to deal with a busy toddler and a very dependent infant?
I'm really excited about adding to my family, but also a little nervous about how I'm going to manage it all :)

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Jessica - posted on 02/26/2010

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I been through it my son was 2 months old when I found out I was pregnant again. At first I was scared and nervous becaue I would have have 2 small kids but it actually didnt turn out bad my son loves his baby sister he is a great helper. She is the first person he kisses when he wakes up and the last person to kiss before bed. He is though very protective over her which shocks me at times because he is only 1 and 8 months and she is 8 months. I would definitely keep him involve i dont ask him to get alot of things but I do let him try to feed her and try to play with her. Never yell at them when they are trying to touch the baby as a newborn instead guide them on how she should be touched...

Erin - posted on 02/05/2010

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My daughter just turned 19 mos, and I'm 5.5 mos pregnant, and I certainly have the same conerns. I'm the youngest of 4 girls, each 2 years apart, so my mother went through the same thing several times! One of her small but very helpful suggestions is to make sure you have a present for the toddler "from the baby" to give when they first meet. Nursing is very very helpful in that you'll be able to use one arm instead of two to feed the newborn, so you can do so while sitting and playing or reading with the toddler. Carriers as well - most newborns are pretty darn content when they're close, so a good supportive carrier should cut down on the crying and keep your hands free to play with/change your son. Basically just stay focused on giving as much attention as possible to both children, but don't be afraid to tell your son that the baby comes first, just like he did when he was born. And be ready to accept whatever help comes your way! Toddlers typically love to get praised for helping, so dole it out as often as possible, and it will do you both good! It may not be realistic to expect your son to be potty trained before the baby comes, as you don't want to push it before he's ready. (My daughter is showing zero interest when mumma's on the potty so far.) If you haven't considered cosleeping you may want to look into it - cosleeping was the only way I got any rest with my first, and leads to calmer more content babies (and mummas!... like all closeness). Freeze as much food as you can once you get closer to your due date. And plan on letting all of the household chores fall on dad or helpers! It's going to be very difficult, but it will fly by. Best of luck to everyone!

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Kristi - posted on 07/06/2012

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My daughter is 21 months old and I'm 4 months pregnant I'm alittle nervous about a new baby as well in the picture I just hope she isn't jealous. She loves looking at the baby's sonogram pic. And she kisses my belly. I'm gonna let her help with feeding and stuff like that so she doesn't feel left out.

Marina - posted on 04/09/2010

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My little Emma is 21 months old and I'm 21 weeks pregnant with our 5th child. We are happy our family grows!

Allison - posted on 04/08/2010

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I have a 20 month old and a 2 month old, and while it is really hard, it is doable! My toddler likes to help with the baby. Just make your toddler your special helper!! That is an enormous help because then they will follow you in for diaper changes and bottle making, etc. And make sure you have a good double stroller!! A tandem stroller, not a side by side!! Good luck and enjoy them!

Ana - posted on 04/08/2010

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I have a 21 month old and I am going on 36 weeks of pregnancy tomorrow Firday!

What are you having? I have a little girl, and expecting another girl! :) Excited and nervous all at the same time... my little one is very sweet baby and she loves and kisses, rubs my belly.... etc, but I am wondering how she will really react once she sees the baby!?!!!

Meghan - posted on 04/08/2010

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I have a bigger age gap between my two but it doesnt make it any easier. For me my then 5 yr old went back to being a "needy little one" then first few months was easy it didnt get tough until my little learned to walk and now the challenge is higher that hes turning 2 and the other is turning 7 and still crave total undevided attention. you will be fine i think its easier to have them closer in age. good luck and congrats!

Abug1978 - posted on 04/07/2010

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You will be okay. My twins were 26 months old when their little sister came. The best advice that I can give to you is that when the baby is asleep, pay as much attention as you can to the older one. The twins were okay with me being with the baby as long as they got lots of love when she was napping. Also try to get your older one to help out, just be careful because an overhelpful toddler can sometimes be over agressive. Now that my girls are almost 4 and almost 2, it has become a lot of fun. Good luck!

[deleted account]

Yes, my daughter is 21 mo. old and I'm 6 mo. along, so I know the feeling! I'd appreciate suggestions too....I'll be working full time (after 3 mo. leave), so I expect to be going a little crazy. I'm nervous too!

Kylie - posted on 04/07/2010

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Hi i am currently in your position but im just 18 days away from my due date so alot closer to the end. I found out i was pregnant with DS in August last year and my boy Brock had only turned 1 the month before and i will tell you that i was worried cos i felt it was too soon and i am feeling excited but anxious as to having 2 so close.... But at the same time i figure if i get them out the way early i am still young and can then focus on a job without worrying about taking maternity leave in the future and i will be in my late 30's when they are teenagers so still able to live my life.

Tanya - posted on 04/06/2010

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Congratulations! Take a deep breathe and repeat after me... "it will all work out great!". LOL My kids were not as close together as yours, but I still had that same nervous "how will I do it" with every pregnancy. Somehow kids and parents always adjust to make room for the next addition. My biggest bit of advice is to make sure you pay attention to your first child when the baby is AWAKE, and not only during naps. Otherwise, your first child will feel like the baby being awake is a bad thing. There will be plenty you can do all together... one of the greatest is reading!

As for housework, chores, etc.... take advantage of every person who offers help...tell them exactly what they can do to help you out. And except for the basic, sanitary stuff, don't worry if there's dust and cobwebs and finger-printy windows...plenty of time for that stuff when the babies are grown! :)

Enjoy!

Holly - posted on 04/06/2010

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My daughter is now 20 months and I have 6 week old twins. We helped her get ready for the twins by giving her twin dolls for Christmas and called them by the kids' names. When they arrived, she loved them from the beginning. It is tiring, but I am thankful our kids are close in age.

Victoria - posted on 04/06/2010

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It is hard and very time consuming but my son is 21 months and my daughter was born when he was 18 months. i think they will be best of friends being this close in age.

Quintayla - posted on 04/06/2010

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I just recently had a baby, she is 8 weeks and my son is very good with her. he says my baby! it is very surprising to c that he hasnt been a big problem but he has done alot of crying now that she is here but he trys to feed her and tries to be helpful.

Lines - posted on 04/06/2010

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I have a 3 year and 9month old and a 19 month old. I am pregnant with my third. I am 6 months pregnant. It's been a roller coaster. Due the my husband is deployed. I am due t he 19 of July.

Linda - posted on 03/27/2010

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hi i hav a 20 month old and a 13 wk old i didnt find it that difficult when my 2nd was born, my eldest neva lost any attention when people came round they gave him jus as much attention as the baby now 3 months on the thing i struggle wit the most is my eldest wantin to cuddle my youngest no matter where he is on the floor in his chair he jus trys to climb on him for a hug or a kiss

Kerryann - posted on 03/25/2010

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hi there i have 5 children they r aged 11,7.3.20mth and 4mths so as u can guess i have a very busy life but its so worth it to see there smiles everyday, its not to hard keeping a toddler happy when u have a new baby as u can inclued them in helping with nappy changing n other stuff for baby they love it n ur still spending time with them with a little help from them to lol, if u wont to know anything just mail me and im sure i can put ur mind at ease hope all is going well

Gillian - posted on 03/24/2010

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My daughter is 20months old and I am currently 22weeks pregnant, there is going to be exactly 2 years between my two. I also have the same concerns as you, but think lots of people do it (some with a smaller gap) it is going to be hard to start off with, but hopefully will get better as time goes on. Good Luck

Jennifer - posted on 03/24/2010

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Hi .. It will be ok... I have two girls 11 months apart... lol yeah I know.. also have a son graduating High School... Make sure you spend one on one time with them, lots of art projects with the older one. We do your baby can read program, and go to classes at the park district. Going to the grocery store will just drive you crazy. I go alone or with my oldest. Its hard I'm not going to lie, but it is so worth it. Start teaching your oldest how to be nice and play nice with their dolls nicely. But above all remember they are both babys really and need lots of time and love. You might want to start lifting arm weights!!! I seem to carry them both around alot!! Good luck and its ok to cry at times!

Kathy - posted on 03/24/2010

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I have a 5 year old and 20 month twins... All boys!!! Don't worry, you just somehow figure it out and it all works out. The key is to relax and let people help you, don't try to do everything yourself! :)

Stacy - posted on 03/23/2010

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My son is 20 months and I am 5 months pregnant and I have been feeling the same thing you are. I have been telling my son there is a baby in mommys belly like you but much smaller and he always kisses and rubs my belly with me. He feels involved already and I think its a good start so try doing that with your son for starters. I also show my son his old crib and tell him that his baby brother or sister is going to be sleeping in it in a little while and he smiles like he knows which is so weird. haha Just keep reminding your son and showing him your belly and stuff like that to get him ready and hopefully it works out for you! I certainly feel like it going to work for me so far until the time comes so who knows.

Shelby - posted on 03/23/2010

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wow; so many responses! don't know if anyone will read this, but i have 3 kids under 3, all of them were preemies, the last 2 in the NICU for weeks/months. the best advice i've received;

1) have gifts for your son that he can open whenever baby gets a gift. the attention a new baby receives is hard on the older one, and it CAN be balanced out if you're intentional about it.

2) have a "nursing" basket of favorite toys that your son can only play w/ when you're nursing. this helps him not to loathe nursing time.

3) encourage independant play time starting now! whether it's 10 minutes in a pack n play w/ one toy, or 20 minutes in his room alone, he needs to learn that life is ok even when mommy is not playing WITH him. if you start now he won't see the baby as the one responsible for forcing him to play alone, it will be something he's already learned is part of real life. good luck!

Anoechka - posted on 03/22/2010

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my son was 16 months when his little sister was born.. he was very distant from me. after about 3 weeks he started to come to me and call me mommy again and he started to show intrest in his little sister. he is mow like a boddy guard were ever i take her he follows. at creche also no kid is aloud near her or he will make a big thing.. you just need to tell him its ur brother /sister.. and call them by there name teach him there name and tell him to hug the baby and say hello to the baby as often as you can.. also tell him to talk to the baby. it will help him feel important and that he wants to spend more time with you and the baby cause it would be fun.. when the baby is about 3 months tell ur son to sit down and put the baby on his lap. ask him to hold the baby but keep your hands very close. he will warm up to the idea of the new infant and he will start hellping you by bringing bottle to you and a nappy if you ask him also the dummy... he will be more comfy with the idea of a nother child.. you will be then giving both the same attention at the same time,

Christianne - posted on 03/22/2010

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Not yet. I am going to try in October. But in my playgroup (about 22 kids), 5 of the moms are pregnant!!!

Brandy - posted on 03/21/2010

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Wow! I'm glad I'm not the only one who was getting nervous about having more kids! I have a set of twins that are 20 months and I'm just about 3 months pregnant with baby #3 (maybe #4 also!) and I'm just a wreck of nerves! Glad to see so many others who felt nervous and still survived through it! Wonderful positive reinforcement for me!

Jennifer - posted on 03/21/2010

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well hun,

I have 3 beautiful girls but i'm on number 5.another girl so i'll have 4 girls under 4 my youngest is 20 months and thats olivia.

Amy - posted on 03/21/2010

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I am 36 weeks prego with #3. My oldest will be 4 in May and then my second child will be 2 in July. I went through all of the nerves like you are when I was prego with #2. I was so worried how my oldest was going to deal with me giving a lot of attention to a new baby and how was I going to be able to give her the one on one time that I really wanted to be able to give her, as well as, how was I going to keep up with a toddler. It was a little bit of a challenge at first, but I quickly got adjusted to having 2 little ones and it soon became second nature. I am starting to get the nerves with #3 soon approaching and I have to remind myself that I am a mom, and it is in my nature to be able to care for all of my children, whether it is 1 or 10...we just know what to do. Yes, the nerves of the unknown are scary, but once the baby arrives we just kick in to overdrive and soon we get ourselves into a routine of sorts that works for our family. My advice to you is: enjoy your pregnancy and the time that you have with your child now. And when the little one arrives, cherish every little moment, because they grow up way too fast. Congrats on your upcoming arrival!

Ranjana - posted on 03/21/2010

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We already have #2! He is almost three months old now. Things are a little crazy but so much fun.

Wendy - posted on 03/21/2010

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I have two daughters named Kayleigh and Addison. They are only 15 months apart and although some days I am crazy busy, I wouldn't change things for a minute. My oldest, who is now 20 months, loves her little sister and kinda looks out for her already. It's incredible. When the baby cries, her older sister tries to console her by saying Addy, it's ok, shhhh.... Even though I've managed well most days, I'm definitely not ready to add #3 to our family anytime soon!!!!

Amy - posted on 03/19/2010

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I have a 19month old and a 6 month old. It was hard for my son to adjust at first. I actually went to the doctor and said something is wrong he is so upset. He explained it to me in a good way. It's like your husband coming home one day and telling you that he loves you so much that he wants another one and here she is. It took him about 2 weeks but he is now very good with him. My 6 month old is not as dependent as my older child was, because he couldn't be. Have your husband help out a lot with your older child and give your older child a lot of attention when the baby sleeps. It may seem overwhelming at first but, after a couple months you will not remember what life was like with one. Good Luck and Congrats!

Staci - posted on 03/19/2010

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I got pregnant with my daughter when my son was 15 mos. It was hard, it's like having 2 babies, but the good news is, babies sleep a lot during the day and aren't really that mobile for 6 months or more, so you will have plenty of time for your son. The thing that I had trouble with was breastfeeding and sleep dep. There is a great product called a story reader (www.storyreader.com) that I would use to get through feedings and I would freeze sadwiches for my lunch since I didn't have time to make anything. I also packed snack bags for my son and shoved them in my dresser drawers, so if I was busy with the baby when he woke up from nap, I could put him on our bed with snack! Good luck, and everything will be okay!

Renee - posted on 03/19/2010

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I went through the same thing. My oldest turned two on June 24, 2008, and my youngest Truman was born July 17, 2008. Carter was an awesome big brother, so good with his little brother, and now that Carter is 3 1/2 and Truman is 20 months, they really love and play with each other. Don't get me wrong, they have their moments and sometimes their days, however for the most part, Carter loves having a playmate, and Truman just wants to be like his big brother. The other day I overheard Carter say, "Truman you are my best friend, " 25 months had never seemed so sweeter:) Take each day, day by day, as every child is different, but I really lucked out:) And let me tell ya, as much as I love Truman with all my heart, God knew what he was doing giving me Carter first, otherwise there probably wouldn't be two:)

Monica - posted on 03/19/2010

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My daughter is 20months and I am 18 weeks pregnant. I worry too but I am sure it will all be worth it in the end. My daughter loves playing with other children so we hope that a little brother or a sister will be a lovely play companion. Enjoy your pregnancy and your toddler :)

Elizabeth - posted on 03/19/2010

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hang in there. My first was 15 months old when number 2 arrived. I had no problems with sibbling jealousy. BUt....my second was 18 months old when number 3 arrived and in that case num. 2 DID show jealousy for a long time. But it is all doable. My advice to conserve your sanity and lower stress is hopefully you can devote yourself to the kids and not have to work AND be a mom when they are so little. For me, that would be super stressful.

LANAE - posted on 03/18/2010

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I was in your EXACT shoes 2 yrs. ago! My boys are 23 months apart. It's nice to share with you as all my friends are waiting 3-4 yrs before their 2nd. It may require a little more help from daddy, grandma, aunt, or close friend. My husband worked from home until just recently so I was spoiled. My oldest probably watched a bit more cartoons than others for a year, but now it's getting so much easier! The saying is the 1st 2 yrs. is the hardest and after that, it's awesome: they play together, go through stages around the same time, and are built in friends for life (we hope!).That's when it all pays off! My oldest is potty trained and later this year my youngest will be, too.



So for the beginning of your newborn's life, it may be worth checking into a Mother's Day Out so you and the baby can bond more. We did that and it worked out great! Also, age appropriate shows and movies will bide you some time for a nap at home if you need one and may be necessary if you're exhausted from being awake half the night. And last, get out in the sun and get some natural vitamin D when you can. It helps!!

Just enjoy your oldest and give undivided attention to him/her while they have it. Read books about a sibling arriving soon so the understanding of what's happening is clear.

Hope this helps! Let us know how you're doing when baby #2 arrives. :-)

Lanae

Amanda - posted on 03/18/2010

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HI Carolyn, I have a 20 month and also expecting, I'm not exactly sure how I am going to manage a busy toddler and an infant yet but I'm sure you and I will be able to manage no problem.

Samantha - posted on 03/18/2010

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Firstly, Congratulations! I am currently 24 weeks pregnant with number 3. There is 18 months difference between my 2 daughters, & my youngest will just be turning 2 when our next is due. I actually found my 2nd much easier for the first 6 months, & found I was getting more done with two than with one! I know it sounds crazy, but it's like I was more organised & knew what I was doing 2nd time around. Alexis (my eldest), who was 18 months at the time was thrilled with her little sister & wanted to help all the time. Yes, there were some difficult times when they both needed me at once, but it's all a matter of proiritising which need is more urgent. I am finding it more challenging now that Alexis is 3 & Belinda is 20 months, as Bel is very headstrong & can be a quite a handful at times. But they're wonderful little people, & you will find your own rhythym with things. Best of luck!!!!

Sam

Melanie - posted on 03/17/2010

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I am in the sam e boat my daughter is 20 months and I am 20 weeks pregnant, I also have a 12 year old who is supposed to be going into highschool but because of medical issues he has the school is not equiped to help him, so he will be staying home doing the out of school program. I am very worried about myself because I tend to get so busy I don't take care of myself and I don't have family and friends who can help. I am worried about the toll it is going to take on me having a 2 year old with medical problems, a teen with medical problems being home schooled, and a newborn. I am excited and have almost everything I need for the new baby already but am also nervouse about the huge change and how it is going to effect my family. Thanks for asking this question adn thanks to all the mom's with great advice. Sorry I don't have any of my own yet. I f you want to add me to your circle maybe we can help each other as we go lol :)

Tonya - posted on 03/17/2010

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Hi am thinking the same thing!! My son it 20 months old I just found out i am pregnant will be 8 weeks on sunday and i am totally freaked out!!! Keegan is so demanding in what he wants already (at least he is ind.) I just don't know what i am going to do I am excited also but just the thought of having to share evrerything with two kids scares me

Kristen - posted on 03/17/2010

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I have a 3 mo old son and a 20 mo old daughter, 17 mo apart. She isn't jealous of him, probably because she was so young when he was born. My oldest is extremely active and it's hard to breastfeed and take care of her. Sometimes when they both want something I have to choose to attend to first, which is hard. It's difficult to get things done because they don't always nap at the same time. It's also very hard to go on errands so I try to do those on weekends or at night after my husband is home. I wouldn't change it for the world though... I've heard it gets easier as time goes on. :)

Abug1978 - posted on 03/17/2010

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I have identical twins that were 26 months old when number 3 was added. I had lots of anxiety about how I would manage. It was hard enough when the twins were born. Looking back one of the best things I did was that when Haley would fall asleep, I would put her down and make sure to spend time with the twins. It is possible to survive and now that the twins are almost 4 and the baby is almost 2, I am glad that they are close in age. I have said since our youngest was born that it would be rough for a few years, but in the end, it would be great. My brother is nearly 6 years younger than I and I really feel that even as adults we are not very close.

Krisanne - posted on 03/17/2010

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I went through that 19 months ago only I was expecting twins my 2nd time around. My daughter was 20 months when the boys were born. Make sure you have help from family or friends and try to have one on one time with your toddler it really makes a difference when you do this then your toddler won't feel that they have to compete. I also would not trade the closeness in ages between my 3 they play together wonderfully. It is hard at first but once you get passed the new born phase you'll start to see the light at the end of the tunnel and really start to enjoy being a mom again.

Aubrey - posted on 03/17/2010

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My first was 14 months when the 2nd came. It was very hard as my first (now 20 months) has developmental delays and my 2nd was early and spent 2 weeks in NICU. All I can say is take it a day at a time. Make sure you get a little time each day for yourself. And find someone to talk to (a spouse, a friend, or a mom) that can listen when you need it. Good luck!

Kelly - posted on 03/17/2010

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I just had my second baby on March 1st. My daughter was exactly 19.5 months to the day! My son ended up being transferred to S.Louis Childrens Hospital and was there 7 days. My husband stayed home with the 19 month old and I stayed at the hospital (after i was discharged from my hospital) with my son in the NICU. Talk about being nervous about managing....!

[deleted account]

hi, i have 34 month old (nrly 3) Rebecca, 20 month old Hannah and im due baby number 3 in aug, there are 15 months between the girls but there will be 25 months between hannah and the new baby. Rebecca loved having a new sister, she 'helped' me by fetching nappies and wipes, by holding the lid of the bottle (or fetching me a muslin cloth or bib while i breast fed), i also made sure that rebecca and i did something special without hannah (while she napped which newborns do more than u remember lol) but then also in the few rare moments when hannah was awake and as she got older and able to play i made sure i made every effort to make them play together, games such as 'peek a boo', 'wheres becca gone', 'one for becca,one for hannah' (with building blocks etc) and now my girls are the best of friends and do everything together, hannah is like rebeccas little shadow (even though they are soooo different) main thing is not to panic, it doesnt matter if the house is messy, having two small kids is very hard, just enjoy them and speak to ur doc/health visitor about the signs of post natal/partum depression just incase xx

Tina - posted on 03/16/2010

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My son is 19 months and boy what a handful he is. We are going to be trying for another baby in the next couple months and I have asked myself (and fellow mothers) how can I handle another one when I can bearly manage the little monster I already have?? Don't forget how easy it was the first 3 months. How much they slept, how when you put them down - they stayed in the same spot! Women have been having children since the begining of time and God wouldn't give us anything we couldn't handle!

Joycelynn - posted on 03/16/2010

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i am six months pregnant and my son is 20 months and I totally understand how u feel excited and scared at the same time

Amy - posted on 03/15/2010

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Right there with you, girl. My son, Caleb, si 19months and I'm 4 1/2 months pregnant. My son is so busy I wonder how I'll ever go grocery shopping again once the new one arrives! I want to get Caleb adjusted to having a new baby so I'm open to suggestions on what worked for other people. It's very exciting and scary at the same time. I ahe my ultrasound tomorrow to find out the sex. We are so excited! You are not alone!

Sarah - posted on 03/15/2010

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My son is 19 months now and I am 15 weeks pregnant. I only have my husband with me since we are away from family for now since we moved for school. I am hoping that I will be able to handle both kids during the times that my husband works. And daycare is scarce where we are. But I am torn between working and staying home. I would love to stay home but we are not financiially stable to do that.

Carolina - posted on 03/15/2010

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same here, im 6+ mth pregnant and have a 20mth old daughter plus im a working mom :)

Lynn - posted on 03/14/2010

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I'm interested in any reply as well. I am going to be 20 wks pregnant on Tuesday and have a 19 month old. I met a mom this weekend with two boys 22 mos apart. She said the first few months were hard having two 'babies' but after that they started playing together and bonding so that they are the best of friends now. I have a girl and we just found out the next one is a girl, so I am hoping they are friends (at least as small children!) ;-)

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