I want another baby, but my husband won't even talk to me about another baby...help?

Erin - posted on 10/20/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Our daughter is 15 months old. I want to have another child...my husband didn't want any children, but our bc failed and we got blessed with our daughter. I have tried to start conversations with him about another child, but he always says 'No' and walks out the door. I just want to be able to conunicate about this. Any suggeswtions on how to get my hubby to talk about baby #2?

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Jennifer - posted on 11/27/2013

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My hubby and I are high school sweethearts. We have been together a total of 21 years and married for 9 of those. Our little girl was a result of overconfidence from my endometriosis (2 surgeries) and antibiotics while on birth control. After our wonderful surprise I got mireana put in, worst mistake ever! Maddy is now 4 and I am 37 and I do not want her to be an only child. I am an only child and my mom is too. I know the horrible decisions an only child has to make later in life. My hubby did not ever want children but he loves our little girl more than life it's self. He has hinted a few times about a 2nd child but I want it to be his decision and not a surprise like last time BUT I have an expiration date here. I want to just scream I want another baby but that would not be fair to him but in my mind being an only child is not fair to our only child and she pleads for a sibling. No idea what to do. I do not speak up for myself and when I do I get hysterical. If it's meant to be it's meant to be.

Erin - posted on 10/27/2009

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Thanks everyone for your comments...I have found helpful advise from all of you. I haven't brought up the convo since I posted this, but think I am gong to try again some time soon. I also hope that everything works out for those of you who are wanting more children. Thanks again for all your help and I am open to any other advise you might have.

Sarah - posted on 10/26/2009

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Did you marry him knowing he didn't initially want any kids? If so, I'd advise to be careful how much you push him-he may agree but eventually grow to resent you for pressuring him into having more. If he married you open to the idea of kids then maybe you two can come up with when would be a good time to discuss more children, or to at least talk about why he doesn't want to try again. That might open up a door to get him on the same boat. I hope that's helpful.

Heather - posted on 10/26/2009

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My husband already had 2 sons before we got married. He did not want any more at all. Until he finally realized how important it was for me. I always wanted atleast 3 children. My son is now 15 months old and I want another one so bad. It took me making him sit down and talk with me, but I ended up having to basically not talk to him at all until he talked about what i wanted. Anytime he wanted to talk about anything I just wouldnt talk back. My theory on it is, if you want me to talk to you about something important, then what I want to talk about is just as important. Not saying to be childish about it, but sometimes you just have to make him talk. There may be more to it than him just not wanting another child. Issues like this, I believe should be discussed with both the husband and wife, because the decision on whether or not to have another child affects the both of you.

Cailie - posted on 10/26/2009

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I am in your same boat! my son is 15 months old now and i have never wanted just one and my husband has always konw that. so now that the time has come to talk about it it ends in tears and hurting hearts afterwards. as i write this mow my heart is hurting and my tears flow freely! I know that we can not afford another due to the increase of day care, food, toys, ect becasue we are barely making it now. i see his side and he sees mine but we just can't find anymore money and we are on the low side of niddel class so we can't get any help even if i don't work. i wish that i could give you adviceon how to have #2 but all i can do is let you kwon that you are not a lone...good luck!

Hayley - posted on 10/25/2009

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I would sit him down and tell him you need to talk to him about it, its making you unahppy not being able to talk to him about it and say to him that you should be able to discuss freely anything that affects you both in your marriage and lives. You need to reach a decision together but I think if you're that set on having another baby I don't think you'll ever change your mind and the issue will eat away at you and make you unhappy.

He needs to face facts that you need to both talk together about it. Harsh but fair :)

I hope things go well for you both and things get resolved.

xx

Emma - posted on 10/24/2009

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Im in the same boat! We've got a 15 month old boy! He's growing up sooo quickly! I've been feeling very clucky for the last couple of months but I think it's because my little boy isnt a baby anymore, he seems so grown up! My hubby is always saying that 1 bub is enough for us but I dont agree! I think if you want another baby, you should tell your hubby that you are serious about it and how much it means to you! There's not much you can really do if he doesnt want another bub! Hope he gives in for you!!! =)

Noemi - posted on 10/23/2009

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Communication....thas all I can say...TELL him you need to talk about this..find out exactlly why he doesnt want anymore...maybe he has legit reasons that maybe you havent thought of. My husband is the same way kinda....but eventually he talks when he understands that Im frustrated cause I dont know what hes thinking and I cant read his mind...:) talk it out...but I will say that its always better when both parents agree on bringing another child into this world....cause if he feels obligated or whatever..he may resent you or the child later....so talk things out...:)

Chanda - posted on 10/22/2009

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Oh honey I feel your pain. I am currently in the same situation. We also have a 15 month old daughter b/c of a failed bc. My husband is an only child and I am the oldest of 5. I have always wanted a big famiy. All I can tell you to do is just pray about it. Hope everything works out for you.

Marla - posted on 10/21/2009

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I am sorry. I am not sure what will help. My husband and I get like that sometimes. It seems that he only responds when he finally realizes how important it is to me and how upset his behavior makes me. You aren't the only one facing this so just hang in there. Communication is important but most men are not very good at it. Good luck!

Erin - posted on 10/21/2009

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Marla,

Yes he does repond well to my daughter...she is his whole world. She loves her Dada too. They have so much fun together, and she is always wanting to be with him. I have not mentioned counseling, but I am sure he will not want to go for counseling. Yes I know why he doesn't want children...he always tells me...(when Haylie is cranky or having a bad day he always says 'how do you deal with her? And you want another child?) He has mentoined the expense also, but he got a new job about 2 months ago and is making more now then he had been at his old job. I just wish he could talk to me instead of just saying 'no' and walking away. We should be able to talk about anythin in our marriage...we share our entire lives, but yet we can't talk about more kids? I don't get it.

Marla - posted on 10/20/2009

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Have you tried telling him how important it is to you? I am working on getting a fourth out of my husband so I understand the "NO" thing. He was like that after each kid. Is he open to counseling? A lot of time if I mention it my husband will give in and talk to me so he doesn't have to go. I am not sure what your situation is but if it important to you keep trying. Does he respond well to your daughter? Have you asked why he does not want children? Hope this helps.

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