Sleeping with my 23 month old boy...

Jennifer - posted on 07/09/2010

I've been thinking about this for a little while now, because when my husband and I became seperated, I moved in with my Mom and had to share a room with my son, which at the time was only a few months old. I tried the crib thing, believe me when I say that, because I read all of the books, wrote down sleeping schedules daily, but he cried and cried. This went on for over 3-4 weeks. So needless to say, we've been co-sleeping since. And now he is almost 2. Since I don't have another room to call his, I would suggest since you just moved into a new house, to spend a lot of time in there with him. Play with him, draw/color in there with...whatever it is you two enjoy doing together try doing it in there. And then for nap time, lay with him in there until he falls alseep. And at night do the same thing. Pretty soon, I think that he'll think he own room is a pretty safe and fun place to be in. And then when laying him down at night for bed. Start slowly, like just sitting on the edge, and then move to a chair closer to the door, and then sit at the door, and if he still is getting up. Don't talk to him, just lay him back down, rub his back or face if he's upset until he calms down a little and just continue to do so until he'll fall asleep and stay in there on is own. But PLEASE DON'T FEEL GUILTY about co-sleeping with your child if he's not feeling safe. It just means he loves you and proves that he feels a close bond to you and knows you'll always be there for him. Treasure this time, because before we know it he'll be kicking you out of his room for some privacy! :)

Rebecca - posted on 07/09/2010

Why do we need to feel "guilty" about sleeping with our kids. I think if you were to focus on what you want your child to learn about you and the family- that is-that you are the constant thing there for him when there are changes going on his life- and that he can feel safe and confident in being able to come to you for reassurance about his emotions. This is a trait I would LOVE to have from my child when he is 16- so I would let him experience it now. He won't be in your bed forever- and this time of being close to you- may develop the bond of the family unit while there are other changes going on. Talk to him, move him once he is asleep, go to sleep with him in his bed then move yorself- there is no correct answer- only you know what will fullfill his needs developmentally and help you family to thrive in the long run. Go with the flow- and good luck- don't forget to enjoy him and o not get cought up trying to follow other peoples rules.

Mandy - posted on 06/09/2010

I used to laugh at my ex when he'd say things like, "I tried to do XYZ but he wouldn't let me..." about our then-toddler aged son. Sure, they're loud and stubborn, but the bottom line is we are the parents. Of course, that being said, there are times when the child's request is simple enough that meeting them halfway is better than drawing that line in the sand. In this case, it's a matter of what works best for your family.

When my son was about the same age, we went through something similar. I'd put him to bed in his room, but he would wake up after I fell asleep and crawled in with me. I tried closing his door, but he pounded on it for hours; I switched to a safety gate and he screamed non-stop- until it was time to go in the mornings. (He would then sleep all day at the sitter while I was at work.) All the neighbors complained, pounding on the floors/ceilings, shouting obscenities at me, and even calling the property manager/security. I ended up letting him sleep with me for the sake of my own sanity. He eventually stopped on his own... haha, after I moved somewhere else.

So if you want him in his own room, be mentally prepared to draw that line in the sand and stick to it. But if not, they do eventually stop on their own. Now, the kid doesn't even want to sleep in the same hotel room as me on vacation! ;)

Angii - posted on 06/08/2010

Its natural for children who under go a change in their environment to need a period of re adjustment. Its not that your child is over powering your authority or anything such as that. The main thing to remember is that they are only still young and learning to cope with changes. How you deal with it affects how your child cope with changes in future. We went through a very similar situation where we had repairs done to our house and had to move out for two weeks. When we got back home their sleep time routine was all over the place. Normally we would go to bed at 7 (the boys) and then I would read to them we'd sing songs or rhymes etc. And then I would tuck them in kiss them good night and they would fall asleep by themselves. I thought that this is what would continue when we got back home. NO WAY..took me 3 weeks of retraining them to this routine. The key is to stick to it. I would instead of leaving the room just sit with them until they fall asleep and gradually left a few minutes before etc.
Its sometimes easier to just let them sleep in your bed because it causes less stress for them (and the mum) Im very guilty of that too. But stuck to it and it paid off in the long run. Good luck with getting your bubs back into his routine

Brandee - posted on 06/08/2010

I am reading a book about discipline for young children and the author states that he always thought it was funny when parents would say "My two year old won't let me...." That means that your child has too much power in your family and you need to regain some of that power back.. I have used and will continue to use the stay in bed technique that Super Nanny uses.. Yes my child cries and yes I want to cuddle him during those times, but in the long run the success of him sleeping in his own bed has been worth the tears.. We are having some issues with sleeping since he started daycare, but I am keeping our bedtime routine very consistent and hopefully he will pull through in a couple of weeks.. If you don't want the child in your bed, then don't put the child in your bed.. The book is called Beyond Time Out from Chaos to Calm by Grosshans and Burton.. I would recommend it.. Make up your mind and stick to it no matter what.. We are here for support!!