This kid is overwhelming!

Amy - posted on 05/09/2010 ( 34 moms have responded )

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So Noah's 21 months, and an absolute doll. He's super smart, can communicate basically everything he wants (lots of it in full sentences..."Where'd Daddy go?" "Help me, Mommy." etc.). He's pretty clumsy, but it kind of makes us laugh sometimes. BUT HE'S DRIVING ME CRAZY! lol I know it's probably the age, but when he doesn't get what he wants, he lets out this kind of screech, and it makes me crazy! He doesn't sit still for longer than 30 seconds, it's stressful to take him to restaurants, and he spends the majority of his day whining. It's not the full-on tantrums, it's just a constant whine! He's my first, and he's always been sort of high maintenance, but this might be the death of me! haha I have an 11-week-old, and Noah loves him to death, but he whacks him in the face! Noah has started hitting when he gets mad, and it just seems like he has a constant frustration that he doesn't have an outlet for! And I don't know what the frustration comes from! And I know you shouldn't compare babies, but my niece is 10 weeks older than Noah (born May 2008), and she has sat quietly through church 3 weeks in a row. Noah can't sit quietly for 1 minute! And if we try to make him, he lets out the screech! He won't share with her, he just screeches if she tries to touch his toy or his cup. Sometimes at the end of the day, I'm just so frustrated, that I want to screech! lol



Mostly, I'm just looking to hear that A. I'm not alone, and B. if you have older kids that have gone through this, how you fixed it! C. If your kid doesn't do this, what are your discipline tricks? Anything helps! D. Some encouragement! lol



Thanks mommas!

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Taryn - posted on 05/20/2010

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My son is extremely active too. However, I'm a young mother (22) so I really have a lot of energy to keep up with him. However, I love restaurants.

What works to get my son sitting like a good boy, being quiet, and not throwing toys across the place- that magic little waiting room in the front! The benches for patrons who are waiting for a table is a GREAT time-out spot. I take him to the front and sit with him and clearly explain "You are going to sit quietly here or you will sit nicely at the table and have a fun time out to eat. You decide and tell me when you are ready to go back to the table." I usually wait until he has been sitting nicely for 1 minute and then ask if he is ready to go back.

If the place is crowded or busy and those benches have a lot of activity, you can also resort to the bathroom. No kid wants to sit quietly on a changing station or sink.

But like with everything, you need to BE CONSISTENT. If he acts up at the table, take him right back out. You might have to trade off with whoever is with you to get your meal down, but I swear it won't take more than one trip out without results. Soon, you will be able to take him out to eat without any removal, or at least only one per trip.

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My first two, now 9 and 7, went through, and still go through, sibling rivalry. The younger would bite the older when he was a toddler, but he was a late talker, so this was his "I'm mad" speech. We nipped that in the butt right away. (I bit him back after he broke skin on his big brother.) He never bit anyone again after that. The older is now the instigator, a tattler and irritator, almost a bully (verbally) to his little brother. I never acknowledged the screaming or tantrums. If we were in public, then I would let him finish it out in the car. When it was over, I would finish whatever it was I needed to do and go home. Recently, the younger one had a full-on tantrum (at age 6) in my kitchen. I made him keep kicking the floor and waving his arms around like a madman until he couldn't move them anymore. Not a problem anymore. I encourage my sons to talk it out, not scream it out. Now, as for my 22 month old, he's a good talker, and has been chatting for awhile. But, lately he's totally attached to mama, and won't cut me a break. He throws fits of whining and screeching too. I don't acknowledge them most of the time, but as I have recently returned to the work force, I sense that some of his troubles are both the terrible two's and my absence. My experience is that kids that are really good communicators still can't communicate their feelings, because they don't understand what they are. They can talk about cat, dog, milk, cup, book, etc.., but they don't understand happy, sad, mad, confused, hurt. The screeching comes from not knowing how to communicate that. Discipline, and helping them to understand that they can TELL you how they feel have to go hand in hand. Read lots of age appropriate books to him, and when YOU have feelings that need to be expressed, use your words and express them to him so he learns from you. That's it, that's all I got, that's what I've learned. Other than that, welcome to the terrible two's... the term was coined for a reason!

Julia - posted on 05/13/2010

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I completely feel your pain my 22 month old is just the same way and that is why Im not ready for baby #2. I was really embarrassed about the hitting especially when he threw a toy at our friends head. I wanted to die! so I decided to just talk to him as sweet as I can. When He does something he is not supposed to, I go to him, take him away and say no in a nice way, after he stops I tell him thank you and good job. Ive done this for about a week now and I think its working. Its really hard to act really calm and sweet when they are misbehaving but its worth a try. I read in a magazine that kids take after you and how you talk to them so thats why Im trying this. Hopefully it works!!!

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Lingling - posted on 06/02/2010

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i have 2 kids in the same constellation as yours n whatever u r describing sounds very familiar... if ir son does anything u dunn like how about trying the silent corner.. sitting or standing.... for how ever long ur child has in years.... eg 2 year olds stay inthe silent corner for 2 minutes...n a 3 year old for 3 minutes... etc...

Stephanie - posted on 05/27/2010

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my son does the same thing, with the screech... drives me nuts!! but i don't know what could be causing it. my son still isn't talking, he likes to mimic sounds and one word you say out of a whole paragraph, but won't talk... and THAT is more frustrating to me then anything...

Jill - posted on 05/22/2010

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Poor thing...but know this...you are not alone. My son is 22 months old and has the same problem. He hits if he doesn't get what he wants. I have 2 teenage girls and my oldest one did the same thing. I have found that with Mitchell, I grab his hand before he gets the full "swing" going. I just look him in they eye and don't just glare. It actually works! He stops and he may "yell" at me, but he doesn't try to hit again. All I can say is that I know that this to shall pass. Kids this age have absolutely NO impulse control right now. As they grow and learn how to control their impulses, they will hit less (or scream or whine). Hang in there!

Vicki - posted on 05/20/2010

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my daughter is the same age and behaves much the same as your son these days, and as your can read from a lot of these replies, you're not alone. they are in the final phase of a developmental stage called rapprochement. i put a link about it below. breath deep and know that it will pass. : )
http://www.findingstone.com/professional...

Beth - posted on 05/20/2010

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I've noticed when my son acts like that he wants to see how we will react. Lots of times we will look the other direction and he usually stops. The more you pay attention, the more he will do it. My son as well does the hitting and falling to the floor when he's mad. I don't think its really anger as much as it is attention and not getting what they want. Lots of times we let him lay on the floor and just walk over him. Now being in public is a different story. He is usually pretty good. We've had to leave a few times if he was screaming too much or too loud. Usually something to drink or a pacifier does the trick.

Laurie - posted on 05/20/2010

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my daughter is the same way an she is 22months an i have a lil boy that is 6 months. She whines about everything anywhere i take her she screams an cries cause she wants to get down an run around everywhere. An when she gets mad she wants to hit or trow something. I dont know what to do either time out doesnt work an spanking just for that lil minute but she screams even louder an longer.

Danielle - posted on 05/20/2010

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Not alone. I sometimes look at my friends with their quiet little girls and wonder "What the heck is wrong with my boy." He, too, doesn't sit still. Can't take him out to eat without a portable DVD player which makes me feel like the worst mom. I'm constantly dragging around a million props when I leave the house so I have a backup.

But then I think about how boring it would be to have a toddler that isn't so active and fun and on the go. Yes, it's exhausting, but it's also so much fun. I know he's discovering the world around him and I love watching him figure it all out. Just yesterday he poured an entire bucket of sand on his wet hair. I swear I only turned my back for a second. We spent almost an hour in the tub getting it out. He sure does keep me on my toes.

Sarah - posted on 05/20/2010

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A, you re not alone
B please help me too, plus mine is semi violent when tired, awesome, plus he pushes kids at the playground...

Amy - posted on 05/19/2010

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Today Noah hit my niece (10 weeks older) because she took something from him. The last several days when he's done that, I've taken the toy (from both of them), looked him in the face and told him, "Do NOT hit Virginia." then spanked him, and put him in his room and left him in there until he calmed down. Then I go in and tell him not to hit her again, and have him tell her he's sorry and then give her a hug and a kiss. Today when I went in to get him, he said, "Noah no hit Ginia." (Her name's Virginia). So maybe something's sinking in? lol

But to add to the overwhelming-ness (it could be a word, right?), I was told after church on Sunday that he was hitting Virginia there (not surprising) and that he hit the other little girl in the nursery. Her parents were very concerned (a little over concerned, in my opinion - we're trying to fix the problem, and he's 21 months, not 21 years - he's not going to kill her! lol), so that's fun. sigh.

Nicola - posted on 05/18/2010

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Oh yes, I've got the same problem! Juliet is 22 months and Abigail 12 weeks. Juliet loves her little sister but hits when frustrated or Abigail's crying. She also takes toys away from her, switches off the music on her mechanical swing, wants her off the breast when feeding, etc! All a bit of jealousy and I am trying to deal with it by spending quality time with her when Abigail is sleeping. She also screeches when she doesn't get her way,. We do time out in the bathroom but remove any temptations, things she can get to and play with. She used to pull off the toilet paper when in there but we dealt with that with a smack on the hand when she did it and she stopped months ago. Now she'll just take one square when she wants one! Sometimes bed time is a screech time, other times she goes down happily. But she won't let daddy put her to bed and just wants mummy, also if she hurts herself, etc. I think it's just because of her little sister. She talks well (3-4 word sentences) and sings songs so sometimes if she's unhappy I sing with her. Good to know others are in the same boat!

Stephanie - posted on 05/18/2010

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I think most children are like that at this age. My daughter Dalia is 21 months and started throwing tantrums, hitting, and biting at about 16 months. I wasn't sure what to do and I asked her pediatrition about it. She said, That's why they call it the terrible twos and that I should start time outs. Fortunetly, I started that right away and it has worked wonders. You just have to be VERY consistant in the dicipline. I tell her now, and for the most part she listens, that if she behaves like that she will go on time out. She says no and will stop whatever she's not suppose to be doing. Thank goodness!! She doesn't have a brother or sister, but I provided daycare for a little boy who is about her same age, since she was 2 1/2 months old. So I'm thinking that might be part of the reason she was acting that way. Also, telling her that I will take away her favorite toys is something that has worked. She loves her baby's, tinkerbell doll, baseball and fish kisses books and as soon as I tell her that on of those are going to be taken away she's stops...lol! Luck, patience and consistency is what you need! :)

Tracy - posted on 05/18/2010

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My son is almost 22 months and has very similar behaviors. He is speaking in full sentences and knows exactly what he wants. He too has been high maintenance since he was born and continues to be. He started about a month and a half ago with his tantrums. He has begun to hit and bite, fortunately he takes out his aggressions on me. (I say fortunately because I don't have to worry about him around other people). I've noticed his aggression and whining get worse when he is not feeling well. His two year molars have started and his gums are inflamed, he has also been suffering from allergies. I haven't found any solutions for the whining, but I deal with it by not listening until he asks correctly. It may sound harsh, but as you said with Noah, he can speak and knows how to ask for things. I try as much as I can to walk away from him when he whines. As for the hitting, time out does not work for him nor does a little smack on the hands, but what does is when I tell him that I don't want to play with him if he's going to hit me. Or I take away whatever toy he is being aggressive with and give the toy a "time out". Good luck! And NO you are not alone :)

Kate - posted on 05/17/2010

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Oh Yes I have a 4yr old boy and 2 yr old boy and 1 yr old girl. The boys are at each other then playing nicely with the cars.. and the hitting thing oh yeah that tooo! Just two weeks ago the 2 yr old smacked my ear and put a hole in my ear drum.... fun fun... but its okay he got a time out and was more just tired. I tend to realize he is worse when tired or wants something. I let him make the schedule for our day. time outs are great, distractions with other toys... and luckily they adore their sister to pieces and protect her from everything. Thats a blessing. hang in there... its the only thing you can do.. Good luck

Amy - posted on 05/17/2010

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well praise the Lord for some encouragement! lol

So my mom got me another book to read..."The NEW Dare to Discipline" by Dr. James Dobson. That's what I'm reading now - I'll let you know how it goes!

Yolanda - posted on 05/16/2010

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Hahah...looks like you're not alone. I am sure there are lots of crazy babies out there that act the same way. My oldest daughter was very quiet, very cautious, almost serious. I thought that was normal, then number 2 came long. We call her crazy Calysta - that's exactly what she is. I've just come to the conclusion that it's all personality. Kids raised in the same family can be completely different. That explains the nature vs nurture argument! My youngest has always been a physical baby. She was jumping off the bed before she could even walk, now she slides down the stairs face first, climbs up on the table and hangs off the chandelier, eats dogfood, licks the toilet seat. She is a real handful. But she is fun and I know that's just her personality. If you can tell yourself hey, I'm actually getting a workout out of this, then you may feel better. He may also be misbehaving because your attention is with the new baby. That may be his frustration with the situation. Just know that they grow up fast and try to enjoy him for who he is (and get some sleep).

Michelle - posted on 05/16/2010

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You are not alone! My 23 month old, Grace, acts the same way. And I feel like a bad mother most days because I get frusterated also and have no clue what to do. I put her in time out when necessary, which helps for a little bit. But I can't put her in time out the entire day or I will get nothing done. So, you are not alone...

Anita - posted on 05/16/2010

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First things first.... I HEAR YA LOUD AND CLEAR!!! lol :)

Both my kids are doing this at the moment - my son has just turned 3 (12th May) and for some reason has decided to copy his little sister (22mths) and throw himself on the floor and whinge when he doesn't get his way. I tell him tantrums are not acceptable in my house and if he throws a tanty he has to go in the naughty corner for 3mins. He deliberately went against me one morning and put his toys on the kitchen bench (big no no in my house as they distract from eating and cause frustation) and ended up spending 10mins in the corner - told him no talking or an extra minute, etc - and the next morning he said with a smile "I'm not going to put my toys on the bench Mum coz I want to eat my breakfast" So all I have to do it threaten the naughty corner and he shapes up quick smart.

My daughter gets threatened with the corner or her bedroom and after some stubborn time she'll do what she's told :) They also get their inside bikes taken off them (they ride their bikes everyday so this is a bad thing to them) or I take certain favourite toys off them.

Its a really hard situation to handle at almost 2 as I find they don't fully understand the punishment and reasoning. But I didn't learn this until recently as my son now understands cause and effect. I was punishing him at 2yrs as well and unfortunately as he is my first he will be my test dummy so to speak for raising my daughter. I now know she's a bit too little to understand why she's punished but will continue to do it just not so harsh. There's only 14mths between them so she follows my son alot and tries to do the things he can do... hard hard hard but getting easier :)

good luck and I hope you get some helpful hints! :)

Bonnie-Fay - posted on 05/16/2010

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Hi,
Sounds like the behaviour of a toddler whose just got a sibling to me! Frustration is so normal at this age, though it can drive you crazy. My son is 22 months and is a chatter box! I try not to but end up comparing him to the quiet docile kids I teach and then discovered from one mum that she was worried because her daughter is so well behaved and never makes a fuss! She thought it meant her daughter wasn't developing properly and that my son was intellectually superior!!
They are all different but my mum likes to say that if they're a handful now, they're easy as teens and vica versa. That gives me hope.
Really all you can do is hang in there, because it doesn't last forever (so I'm told).

Good luck!

P.s. When my son just wants to make noise I sit him at the piano and he bangs the keys and sings until he feels better.

Cindy - posted on 05/15/2010

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Ants in the pants - sorry about this one. I get a sitter when I want to go out to dinner. I installed a playground in our backyard just to wear them out. Quiet time - all kids need an hour or more everyday to be quiet (do quiet activities - like reading a book, coloring, watching a movie)

Tami - posted on 05/15/2010

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My son is 22 months and is the same way, if he doesn't get what he wants, he screeches and/or tries to bite. He's usually like this mostly when he's tired but lately, it's after a nap even. I have been at a loss as to how to deal with this behavior myself, so thanks for this. You definitely are not alone. My husband asked me today if I still wanted to have another baby and I said, "Today? NO!" lol

Cindy - posted on 05/15/2010

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OMG Ladies. Do we all have the same kids?
I have the little boy who spoke clear sentences at 9 months - 5 or more words. HE loves to torment his little brother, until little brother screams. This has backfired on him - little brother screams before big brother can do anything and big brother gets into trouble. However - little brother used screaming to speak instead of words - drove me crazy.
What to do? Pick up a book on dog training, read it. Do you let a dog cry at you? NO. Do you smack a dog? No. Do you flick a dog? Nope. (But you want to)
What do you do? What does the Super nanny do? Ignore the bad - do not respond. And "Time Outs" The super nanny loves them.
Do not acknowlege the screaming, turn away, don't pick them up, tuck your hands in and walk away. When the child has stopped being "noddy" go to them and go to their level and ask them what you can do for them. It works.
Time outs - 1 minute for every year of life. Jonny smacks Jane, you don't yell, scream or do anything silly. Just take Jonny to the chair and set a timer. Sounds stupid - but it works. When the time out is done - Jonny has to say sorry to you and Jane. You need to go to the childs eye level and tell them what you did was bad - and not permitted.
Sounds so stupid - but it works. Screams turn into real words. Frustration turns into conversations. The turn around is crazy fast - but so nice. it's like a different set of kids. (And the dog likes it to)

Amy - posted on 05/14/2010

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that's a good idea...we used to flick his hand, but it stopped being effective. :( I can try the cheek, though. thanks!

Meghann - posted on 05/14/2010

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My son used to screech and telling him no wasn't enough so I would flick him in the cheek. Not to hurt him just to shock him and he'd stop right away. Then I'd tell him "no screaming" and give him my disapointed mommy face. Now all I have to do is give him the face and he stops right away. I started doing that because I felt like he wasn't able to listen to me while he was screaming just because he literally couldn't hear me. So I had to stop the screaming and then address the behavior as quickly after as possible.

Julie - posted on 05/14/2010

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My Daughter Has A Bad Temper But Thats What I Get For Having A Red Haired, Blued Eyed Little Girl!! If She Dont Get What She Wants She With Hit Me And Let Out This Annoying Screech!

Amy - posted on 05/13/2010

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Do you guys ever have those days where you're like, "Ok...I can totally do this [without going crazy]" but then the next day you think, "I MAY LOSE MY MIND!!" lol I would just love to have some consistency! And I would love for him to be able to entertain himself for awhile. He does ok some days, but other times, it's like he just cannot survive if I'm not standing next to him! It's soooo tiring, you know? My 3 mo is an absolute piece of cake..very predictable, only cries when he's hungry or sleepy, and if I catch them both before he cries, then he would probably go all day without a peep, except for cooing! I know the Lord knew what I needed! lol I need a low maintenance kid!

My mom recommended 2 books: The Strong-Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson, and Making Your Children Mind Without Losing Yours by Dr. Kevin Leman. I'll check them out and get back to you guys! Because I know I have a strong-willed child, and if I can help him to channel that into something productive, he could do incredible things! And the second book...well, that speaks for itself! haha

Andrea - posted on 05/11/2010

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You are describing my 21 month old to a T! She loves her 6 month old sister, but smacks her. She whines. She is constant motion. You're not alone at all! But you have to wait it out. Sounds like you have a really bright little guy and he's in that in between spot between baby and little boy. I have begun time-outs with my little terror and she seems to be horrified by them. 1 minute alone and she is beside herself. Good luck. The addition of my newest baby really through my toddler for a loop. Takes time for all of us to adjust. Hang in there.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/11/2010

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The boys are each others best friends and worst enemy! LOL As the saying goes when they are goo they are great, but when they are bad they're worse! LOL! They are very protective of each other which is great, and are usually in each others pockets (for good or bad). They are that close that they share a room now. James will help Leo do things he can't quite do on his own yet too. It's great they are so close. We were really worried before Leo was born as James was quite clingy, especially to Daddy, but other than the occassional bit of sibling rivalry they are mates.
Georgia was born the 1st of Feb. was supposed to be the 13th but she had better ideas!

Amy - posted on 05/10/2010

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I really did laugh out loud! :) We're getting a swing set soon, so I can't wait to send him outside!

on a side note, how do your boys relate to each other? mine are 19 months apart, and I'm curious to know how things will be later on! lol And when was your 3 mo born? My son is 11 weeks, born Feb. 21!

Elizabeth - posted on 05/09/2010

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LOL! Sounds like my boys! The constant "ants in the pants" thing is pretty common with my boys (James is 3 1/2 and Leo will be 2 at the end of July (21 months between) - we also have a 3 mo daughter). Both the boys got/get easily distracted and frustrated. I find more so Leo as he is trying to keep up with James. It does get better (though some days it doesn't feel like it). There are days i think i could cheerfully gag Leo because of the screeching! LOL. We are lucky we have a bigi backyard, so when he starts screeching i send him out the back - go screech at the dogs, not me :) As for the smacking...... sometimes a smack on the hand does wonders. Or does he have a favourite book or toy you could take for 'time out'?

If that doesn't work i subscribe to my mothers theory - Grandchildren are God's way of rewarding you for not killing your own - In other words....... Karma's a bitch! LOL GOOD LUCK :)

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