Did anyone feel distant from their friends who do not have childrend after you had your first child

Stacey - posted on 10/19/2009

I lost most of my friends after having my 1st because I was barely 19 and they were all going off to college and getting to go out when/where ever they wanted. Now at 29 it's like a lot of people I know are just having their 1st and we just had our 3rd (and last). You need to make what time you can for them even if it's a monthly get together, spa/shopping day. It'll be good for the friendship and for you to get out for a little while.

Debbie - posted on 10/19/2009

I would tell you that you should keep your friends. Remember you are a mommy but you did have a life before your child. I have a few friends that don't have children and I share with them my children. I ,also, make sure I have time to be a friend. I know there was a couple who are friends of my hubby and me. It made it hard in their relationship to be around us at times.She wanted a child and he didn't believe it was time. We respected their relationship enough to talk to them about it.I can tell you it made our friendship a lot closer. I can tell you if you feel this way. Sit down (without your child being a wake so your friend can have your full attention) and talk to them about both of your feelings. It will strengthen your relationship because you took the time to deal with your friendship. Just remember you need to have different parts in your life. Children are a blessing IN our lives. Try not to make them your whole life. I hope this helps in some way.

Kayla - posted on 10/19/2009

Yeah, I feel really distant from all my old friends, so I am trying to find new friends that already have babies. So I think you should find new friends that have babies so you have something in common with them from the start.

Kaytee - posted on 10/18/2009

yes it is very true that this happens to a lot of friendships, I just took it as you learn who your true friends are. ya know? People just grow up and learn to have their own lives and when a friend starts theirs and some one else has not, that friend just does not know what to think. Some are jealous and some are hurt that they are no longer just the ones in your lives, some don't want to hear about problems, stories etc that you have with your family/child. Some dont think they can live up to your standards because you have grown up. Some jsut want to stay young and not have to think about real life and what is to possibly come down the road... You really just have to feel for the relationship, is it worth trying to fight and keep or should you just go on with your life and enjoy your new bundle of joy and find new friends who can appreciate who you are and what you are accomplishing as a mother.

Melody` - posted on 10/17/2009

I have 3 children. I had my first at 18. While all my so called friends were out partying, sleeping around, etc, I had settled down with my husband and child. I was never one to do out partying, clubbing, drinking, etc and was never invited when they did anyway, so it didn't bother me much at first. I was always a homebody. But I did notice that once I'd had my baby, they stopped calling completely. Nobody came over, nobody called, emails/texting/IM'ing all slowly dwindled too.

Now that some of them have grown up and become mothers themselves, some have gotten back into contact with me. I have found that my non-mother friends are very different than my mother friends, and they just can't seem to grasp that my children come first, not them.

Although I'm sure we can all remember being that non-mother ourselves, right?

Michelle - posted on 10/15/2009

I did at first. But the friends that matter will except you AND your little addition. It took me awhile to figure out who was and who wasn't worth my time trying to "fix" our friendship. It's a something that takes getting use to for you AND your friends :o) the good ones will make the effort...

Kristina - posted on 10/08/2009

i agree completely. most of my close friends are so distant now because of this. they all like to go out and have a few drinks, go see a late movie--things like that. where as i would need to find a sitter, or i'd need to be home in time to give my daughter a bath and get her to bed. it's normal to feel like that i guess. but fortunately for me, a few other people who i was acquainted with became closer friends because we were all pregnant at the same time. we have more of a common ground. life goes on, and true friends are excited about the new addition and understand your complete change of schedule and lack of availability. things will change in time as they grow up. :)

Desiree - posted on 10/07/2009

Yes and it'll probably stay that way until they're moms. But it's okay!! I used to hate that mothers always talked about their kids, I mean why would I care? BUT then I became 2 months ago and I find that she's all I talk about. You will find new friends who have stuff in common with and find that they fit your life better now that you're a mom. So don't sweat it, when one door closes, three more open!

Jennifer - posted on 10/06/2009

I am actually going through the same thing right now. It's hard...especially when they have been long time friendships. And of all things, I feel guilty because all I mainly talk about is my daughter...she's what consumes my life...so naturally I am going to talk about her. I feel the same way as you, but I have also come to terms that my life is very different from theirs right now and I don't expect them to understand, because they don't know what it is like yet...I was the same way before I had a baby. I haven't given up on them, but I really don't know where it's going either.

Jessie - posted on 10/06/2009

I went through this and because of one friends bad attitude i ended up losing her and her boyfriend (who i had actually been friends with before i met her) as friends because our lives just got so different that i couldnt take dealing with her anymore. its sad but God knows who needs to be in your life and he will make a way to keep you supported with those around you. I just reminded myself of this. Its from a tyler perry play but SOO awesome!

Some people come into your life for a lifetime and some come for a season.
You have to know which is which.
I put everybody that comes into my life in the category of a tree.

Some people are leaves on a tree. The wind blows, they go to the left. The wind blows from the other way, they go to the right. They are just unstable. You can't count on them for nothing. All they ever do is take from that tree. What you need to understand about a leaf is that it has a season. It'll wither and die and blow away.There ain't no need to be praying over a leaf to be resurrected. When it's dead it's gone. Let it go! Some people are like that. All the leaf ever does is cool you off every now and then. If you're grown, you know what I'm talking about, because you can call them in the middle of the night and get cooled off. That's the leaf people. They come to take.

Then there are people like a branch. You got to be careful with branch people. They come in all different shapes and sizes. You never know how strong they will be in your life. So my advice is to tip out on it slowly. When you're going out on a limb, don't put too much weight on it at once, because it can fall and leave you high and dry. Sometimes, you have to wait for a branch to grow up before it can hold all of the things you want to share with it.

Finally, there are people who are like roots at the bottom of the tree. If you find yourself two or three people in your entire lifetime that are like the roots, then you are blessed. The roots don't care nothing about being seen. All they're there to do is hold that tree up, to make sure it stays in the air. It comes from the earth to give that tree everything it needs. That's what relationships should be about. That's what you need, people who want to be in your life for the right reasons. If somebody wants to walk out of your life, you've got to LET THEM GO! When you learn to love yourself, you will end up giving standards to everyone around you. Again, I repeat with emphasis, if they don't meet those standards, you have to let them go, because they might be a leaf. And forgive them with all your might

Cindy - posted on 10/06/2009

I had the same feelings and it's rough because you need to maintain your friendships, especially now that you spend all your time with the lil one. You need to keep your friends or make new ones because it's important to talk to other people. How old is your baby? Are your friends interested in your baby? It's hard to identify with people who are not in the similar situation as you are. I was really social before my daughter and found it really lonely after she was born because my friends continued with their social lives and I was here at home with my baby. Things got easier as she got older. She's now almost 3mths and I can get out now and socialize more. Try to talk to your friends about how you feel. Be honest and tell them you feel distant and see what they say. If that doesn't work, make new friends. Join a mommy and me class or check out what your community has to offer for parents and children.

Jennifer - posted on 10/05/2009

Yes. Have few friends and the few i have (had?) dont call, email or tex as much as we used too. I feel like now that i have started a family, they dont call to ask me to meet for lunch or even if ask me to meet at the mall....strange? I try to keep the line of communication open, but beginning to feel like its one sided. I guess or hope maybe one day they will understand how this hurts my feelings. God bless them.

Rebecca - posted on 10/04/2009

i too have had this problem but i even find the ones with kids where i live to also be distant. it does take a toll on you thats for sure. i have made plans many times with "friends" and then they get cancelled or they don't show and i'm left wondering what i did for them not to liek me. i am also in a military lifestyle so it makes it even harder i find.

Bristol - posted on 10/04/2009

oh yes! in fact, most stopped hanging out with me, and rarely call!

Amy - posted on 10/03/2009

I have had times where I have felt the same way. It's a lot harder to go out and when I do get a chance, I can't be gone too long because I'm breastfeeding and my daughter won't take a bottle. It is possible to maintain the friendships, it just takes a little creativity and flexibility. One thing that has helped me to keep my friends, and to some degree my sanity, is to try and time the times where I meet my friends with when my daughter is napping. This way I can have an actual chat with a grown-up while she can sleep in her carrier or stroller. Long as your friends don't mind the baby tagging along with you, this could be a nice way for you both to get out of the house and for you to enjoy some grown-up time.

Rebecca - posted on 10/03/2009

Yep! It is hard because now you have this baby and really that is all you want to talk about because he/she is what you do all day long. I am not sure that I have the right answer for you just that I hang out with them a little less now but still make time when I can just go hang out with the "girls" . I need to get out sometimes and they tend to be my fresh breath when it has been a long week.