only sleeps in the swing

Elizabeth - posted on 12/22/2009

Quoting Shelley:

Quoting Kaz:

 It damages their brain pathways and can create unhealthy attachment disorders.

Hi  Kaz

 

I'm sorry but I must strongly disagree with your statement above. In what way can crying damage babies brain pathways? Do you mean it damages their neural pathways, and in what way? Has any study actually been done on letting babies cry and neural pathways?

I personally believe the only way for a parent to create an unhealthy attachment disorder in their child is to carry their baby around 24/7 and deprive them of time to create their own personality, and also rob them of the chance to learn how to sleep by themselves (a skill which they all have to learn eventually). 

A baby would have to have an incredibly unstimulating and neglectful or abusive upbringing to become brain damaged which is what you are insinuating people are doing by letting their babies cry.

This is of course a huge debate, but I just disagree. I would never call it brain damage, but I think the way Kellymom explains it makes perfect sense (see link below). A baby this age is literally incapable of knowing that you are just in the next room when you let them cry for an extended period of time. They think they've been abandoned. Yes they learn to go to sleep, but only because they believe there is no secure adult that will be there for them. ALL children will learn to go to sleep on their own - have you ever met a teenager that doesn't? You're not depriving them of that skill by helping them get to sleep at a mere 5 months old. It's easy , I think, for us to be afraid that they will never learn to sleep on their own, and so we rush into forcing them into some kind of independence at a stage when they really need to be highly dependent on us. Only from being dependent will they have the security to be independent later. JUST IMO.

http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/...

Lori - posted on 12/21/2009

Everbody sleeps in there own bed eventually! You do! Enjoy your baby while they're tiny. I have my twin grandsons quite often and one is still swinging and the other cries for the crib. So it all works out.

Shelley - posted on 12/20/2009

Quoting Kaz:

 It damages their brain pathways and can create unhealthy attachment disorders.

Hi  Kaz

I'm sorry but I must strongly disagree with your statement above. In what way can crying damage babies brain pathways? Do you mean it damages their neural pathways, and in what way? Has any study actually been done on letting babies cry and neural pathways?

I personally believe the only way for a parent to create an unhealthy attachment disorder in their child is to carry their baby around 24/7 and deprive them of time to create their own personality, and also rob them of the chance to learn how to sleep by themselves (a skill which they all have to learn eventually). 

A baby would have to have an incredibly unstimulating and neglectful or abusive upbringing to become brain damaged which is what you are insinuating people are doing by letting their babies cry.

Kat - posted on 12/20/2009

My son just turned 5 months old, and I had the SAME issue up until this week. He would only sleep either with me pushing him around the house in his stroller with the vacuum running or else in my arms, and eventually I was just keeping him in the moby wrap when it was nap time. I was really worried about what to do when he got older because the times I had put him down he would cry to no end as well.

I did read up that getting your baby to nap consistently WITH motion helps to transition them to the bed if they have trouble. Last Monday I finally made up my mind to just begin to help him sleep in bed. I put him down, and he did cry but I would go in after 10 minutes and soothe him. The first day he cried for an hour before falling asleep. The second day we went down to 20 minutes. The third day between 5-10 minutes. Now I can put him down fully awake and he will usually fall asleep between 5-10 minutes. It is really hard to hear him cry, and if he goes over 10 minutes or it is a more frantic cry I always go in, and I do this butt jiggle with him (since he only wants to sleep on his stomach) where you lightly jiggle kind of like jello and it seems to work like a charm. Some days are much easier and he will go right to sleep, but the key has been to be consistent.

All babies are different and something that works for one may or may not work for the other. If I hadn't really tried to give him the chance to begin to fall asleep in bed, he wouldn't have learned how to. He now naps incredibly well between 1-2 hours each time, and sleeps very well at night, except to wake for nursing midway through, but then goes right back down, and he always rises from naps and nighttime sleep with a great big smile.

Read up on different methods to try until you find one that you feel comfortable with. You know your baby best, so follow what your instincts tell you about what she needs. Good luck, I know it is really a struggle, but once she gets sleep down pat life will really become much more peaceful! :)

Angel - posted on 12/19/2009

My daughter is 5 months old and she does the same thing swing thru the day my bed at night ... she has a bed of her own that she only lays in when she is awake to watch her mobile while I am putting her clothes away . She also has reflux so with her being my first I was scared not to have her close to me where I could hear and see her .. I have also been told that I have just spoiled her ....you really do get sick of hearing that . I have tried also to put her in her own bed at night with the same result she screams .. I do not let her cry it out ...I look at it like this You are the Mommy and You do what you think is best for your child ...do not worry about the S word they are only little once !! I started telling everyone that looks down on me for letting her sleep with me that " We will just have to get a bigger bed when she gets married " that pretty much has shut them up ..... So hopfully she does decide to grow out of this before she gets married ...lol

Melissa - posted on 12/19/2009

my son is almost five months old and the only place he likes to sleep is on my chest. he will fall asleep in the bouncy seat, but he wont stay asleep very long. As soon as i lay him in the crib he wakes up. someone suggested i try one of those teddy bears with the heart beat sound, so im going to get one and try it. I get tired of everyone blaming me for this so I totally understand where you are coming from. I cant let him "cry it out" either, after a few minutes I feel like I have to comfort him. I'm hoping its just a phase and once he gets a little older he will do better with the sleeping arrangements. Good luck:)

Ashleigh - posted on 12/18/2009

I wouldn't say spoilt but i think this is nor mal i'm a mother of two and both of mine loved to sleep in their carseat only till they were 4 months! prehaps she is just more comfortable in the swing because it is not as open as the cot. I mean babys like to feel safe have you tried swaddeling her before you place her in her cot? maybe this will help settle her more. Also there is nothing wrong with letting a baby cry i let my babies cry, however if she crys till she is in such a state where she is screaming she will not only get herself literally hot and bothered, she will not settle. I swaddle my baby then rock her in my arms till she is definately asleep then i place her in the cot and she will stay asleep all night. hope that helps xx

Melissa - posted on 12/18/2009

Have you tried to put her at a slight slant when you put her in bed? Try rolling up a few blankets and raising her head the incline is good for them and is could simulate the swing. Good luck! It will get better!

Gemma - posted on 12/18/2009

Hi. Our little girl was exactly like this too especially as a newborn. She's also almost five months old now. We could never get anything done in the house because Amelia was asleep on us and if you tried to put her down she would wake up and cry. She also cries uncontrollably until you pick her up, no matter how long you leave her to 'cry herself to sleep' it would never happen she is heartbroken if left too long.



Her swing chair was a god send because it was the only other place she would go off to sleep. So we started using hot water bottles in her cot to warm it up. Then when she dropped off to sleep in her swing chair or our arms we'd remove the hot water bottles and place her in a warm cot. 9 times out of 10 she stays asleep. We convinced ourselves she just liked being cuddled and the warmth. Give it a go. Hope it works for you too.

Elizabeth - posted on 12/17/2009

The crib was an invention of the English bourgeoisie (read: rich people) sometime in the 19th century. It became a way for us to think we are being modern with our babies, as if after nearly 10 months attached to a person, they wouldn't be terrified to death to be set down and left to sleep alone. So no, it is psychologically impossible to spoil your child when she is this young. Impossible. She's a baby, and she wants to he held. Simple as that. Check out the book The No Cry Sleep Solution. It is very helpful, and in it they explain that the first few months after birth should really be thought of as "the fourth trimester," in which the baby needs a lot of cuddling and reassurance. It seems that we worry about this phase of parenting too much, assuming that if we don't "train" them now, they'll never learn to sleep on their own. This is, of course, erroneous.

Your daughter will likely grow out of the phase where she needs to be held all the time. In fact, she *certainly* will. Have you ever seen a teenager that wants to be held by their parents? Obviously that is an exaggeration, but my point is this: they will grow out of it, it's just a question of when. And when will be when they are developmentally ready for that level of independence.

In the meantime, you can start by getting your daughter used to the space of the crib. Put her in there and play with her with toys. Use the Boppy and put a mirror on the side so she can see herself while you talk to her. Show her her mobile. Play music and sing along. Just get her used to being in there. Then when you put her down for naps, see every minute she's in there as a small accomplishment. You can't force her to sleep in there, but you can make her feel like it's a safe place to be.

Some people also have a lot of success with the 5 minutes in, 5 minutes out method for soothing her while she's in her crib.

You might also try a baby carrier.

Whitney - posted on 12/16/2009

Everyone I know tells me my son is spoiled...which I personally believe is a load of crap! He was a preemie & had lots of hands-on care and snuggling during his 26 day stay in the NICU, so he's used to that. He's been sleeping with me since he came home, but always on his side. He just isn't comfortable on his back! He has extreme reflux, which was diagnosed in the NICU and controlled by Zantac. I read several places that tummy-sleeping may help babies with reflux be more comfortable. After 3 days of no naps & little sleep, I put him on his belly out of desperation. He was in the pack n play downstairs so I could watch him closely. He slept for 3 hours...solid sleep...the best he'd ever done! He now takes a good nap every afternoon on his belly & most nights, sleeps 5-6 hours in one stretch! It may not be what the doctor's recommend, but I trust my judgement as a mom more than anyone else's! Maybe it could work for you?

Shelley - posted on 12/15/2009

I'm son was like that when we got him home from the hospitial. He grow out of it. I started to put him in the bed one night and he when right to sleep. Now he wants nothing to do with his swing. I hope she grow out of it. Goodluck. She not spoiled it just what she like. I know what your going through.

Abigail - posted on 12/15/2009

I know what you mean. Zoe is 5 months old to and does the same thing. I will say that Gripe Water works wonders like someone else suggested. But what I have been doing is my daughter was just ready to eat...I know I know they say you shouldn't feed babys to early but believe me I am telling you the cry it out doesn't work with babys who have been colicky...!!! I have tried several things but here are the few that worked with my daughter.

1st we switched to Enfamil AR it has added rice and seems to fill her up and keep her happier for longer...

2nd we feed her a big helping of cereal made with formula before bed on top of her bottle.

3rd, 1/2 the time she sleeps with us on my arm...it seems that having her just propped up is enough most of the time.

4th Many of the most knowledgable pediatricians will tell you that you can't spoil a baby until after they are at least 9 months old...so if all else fails just snuggle away.

No one thing is the right thing to do...

Also, have you tried wrapping her up tight. On Zoe's good nights I have found she does best when I put a onsie on her, socks, and then a warm footie pj on...I know it sounds like over kill but for some reason it works for her so I am so not changing it.

Finally, the advice about the sling is Totally correct! Get one that you can use in several positions. I have one that is from SlingEZee...it works great has enough room for baby doesn't hurt your back and converts to multiple positions...Not to mention you have the use of both of your hands.

Hopefully this helps, but if not don't feel bad know that there are alot of us out there with the same problem and know that my son never slept through the night until he was 2 and then it was an overnight change! Go figure.

Good LUCK!

Andrea - posted on 12/15/2009

My daughter will be 5 mos and she does the same thing. Her bed of choice is her Boppy swing. I have better luck getting her to sleep in her crib for naps but not everyday. I also noticed that she likes to fall asleep with her favorite blanket but I know this is probably a bad habit we created since we don't allow her to sleep with it during the night because we can't monitor her because we're sleeping as well. The nights I attempt to put her in her crib are the longest nights of all. She won't officially fall asleep until 1am-2am. If we do the swing we're lucky if she goes tobed by 11pm. I know these are already late times but I'm beginning to think she's a night owl like my husband. I've watched Supernanny and read up on tips and advice and I've tried letting her cry for 5, 10, 20 , 30 mins and checking on her and also being with her but not picking her up and nothing seems to really work for me. Maybe I'm not enforcing it enough but at the same time her pedi said there's no reason not to spoil her at this age. I would like her to sleep in her crib before she outgrows the swing though. Then I think maybe developmentally she's not ready to be in a separate space from mommy and she'll let me know when she's officially ready for the crib.

Beth - posted on 12/15/2009

My baby is a terrible sleeper! Sometimes he only naps for 15 minutes at a time and only twice a day. At 4 1/2 months he still wakes up about 4 or 5 times a night. He will not sleep in his crib for any extended amount of time so in order to get some sleep myself I allow him to sleep in bed with me after he wakes. I can totally relate to your problem! Taking him to the chiropractor has made wonderful improvements though, before he wouldn't even sleep in his swing. Before chiropractic care he wouldn't sleep on his own at all so that has definitely helped us greatly.

Kaz - posted on 12/12/2009

What you have described is totally normal. Babies need to be near their mums most of the time. It's normal for a baby that has a healthy attachment to their mum to want to be with them, not in a cot on their own. You arent doing anything wrong. It's only such a short time in their life they are like this so enjoy the baby snuggles. If you have stuff you need to do around the house get a sling and carry her around with you while she sleeps :) I would suggest not letting a baby that young (or any age for that matter) cry it out. It damages their brain pathways and can create unhealthy attachment disorders.

Rebecca - posted on 12/11/2009

I have the exact same problem.

Sarah - posted on 12/10/2009

I am having the same issue. I put her car seat in the crib, that worked for one night. I am at a loss as well. Some people have recommended baby wise, but I cannot bring my self to do it.

ps have you tried gripe water for the colic. That stuff is amazing, it is a ginger and baking soda based product.

Bethany - posted on 12/10/2009

get a jenny jump up! my girl is 5 months and bedshares with me at night, but she tuckers herself out jumping around and usually takes a decent nap afterwards (has fallen asleep 2x this week IN the jumper!). i think the key at this age is to understand they need to exercise and expend energy in order to sleep well.

Michelle - posted on 12/08/2009

Hey, Lisa. I myself have the same issue with my 5month old boy/girl twins. Although the past couple of weeks they have been getting better. During the day is quite difficult to lay them down for their naps, the only place they like to sleep is in their swing. They also had colick and reflux which they were put on zantac. I've kinda gotten into a routine at night I put them to bed at 6pm, which I put them in their swing, when they wake for their next feeding I will change them feed them and then lay them in their crib, since they are still half asleep it usually works pretty good and they stay asleep. Sometimes it doesn't work but I figure if I keep doing it more and more every night eventually they will get used to being in their crib. Good luck to you though. And no there is nothing wrong with what you are doing. And my babies cry and scream turning beat red until you pick them up so I know exactly where you are coming from and it can be very frustrating. :0)

Nakita - posted on 12/08/2009

umm maybe she just likes movement, if you your bassinette rocks then after she falls asleep in the swing, try putting her in the bassinette and rock her right away for a bit, other than that im not sure, do you let her cry?? not to sound mean or anything, but i let my 5 month old daughter cry it out, not that long tho, the longest i let her go for is about 45mins and if she hasn't stoped crying by then, then i go get her. maybe try that, if it doesn't make you feel so bad. good luck!