bad behaviour help

Ruby - posted on 02/14/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

hi my 5 year old is not listening or doing as i have asked him, he also behaves very silly and out of control when around other children, and i have tried a number of technequies and all have had no real effect, tried time out, talking to him at his level, removing him away, star charts and probably a couple more too has any one got any suggestions please

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Tiffany - posted on 02/17/2011

Hi! I would like to know a bit more about the behaviour. Could you fill me in? Is he loud? Violent? Also does he go to school? How is his behaviour then? Have there been any changes in his life recently? Does he have any siblings? Does he act out around visitors or with other siblings/cousins? What do you do to discipline him?

Generally, at this age, 4-6 year olds test boundaries. It may be he's looking for attention? Or acting out on something he's not happy with? Basically, with kids that age, they are only starting to learn the concept of consequences. So they want to work out how far they can go and what you'll do/respond.

It's important to be firm. If you say you are going to put him in timeout, you have to do it. If you say you are going to take away his toy, you have to do it. Never back down. It only makes him think you aren't serious. Tailor the punishment to the crime. If he fights with his sibling/cousin, he is not allowed to play with them. Put him in his room by himself as a timeout. Or remove the object they are fighting over. If there is something he likes to do, watching TV, going swimming, playing with the iPhone/Wii, use that as a punishment, ie no TV for the day or no swimming etc. Be ready to change plans at the last minute. ie - if he misbehaves, we aren't going to the zoo. If you threaten it, you have to follow through. Screaming and yelling is not going to make things better. Stay calm. Explain why you are giving the punishment. ie- naughty boys don't deserve TV time. Also give him a way out. ie- if you say you are sorry and don't fight, I'll give you back the toy.

On another note, make sure you also check that he doesn't have certain disorders like autism or attention deficit. Or underlying issues eg change in school environment, change in family environment (new sibling etc). In which case you have to get to the underlying cause.

There is no right answer for this. Different children respond to different techniques so you have to work out which is the best for your child.