My daughter thinks I don't love her!!!

Heidi - posted on 01/25/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am a stay at home mommy of one very spoiled four year old girl. It's the middle of winter and we're very bored and don't get out much, so sometimes tempers flare up in the house between me and her. For instance today we went shopping for snacks and when we came home she proceeded to try to eat everything i just bought. OK, that's fine, but when i walked into my living room and found koolaid spilled on the floor, cheese stuck in the carpet, sugar all over my couch, and banana peels strewn all over "for the cat, she said" i kinda lost it. I told her to help me pick up and she was constantly not listening and trying to go hide in her daddy's room with daddy. I finally broke and made her sit in a time out. When she got out of time out, she was still crying and really upset, saying "you don't love me" and "i always knew you didn't like me" and "you're always mad at me" I tried to sit her down and explain that people make mistakes and even though i don't like some of the things she does, that i will always love her. Later that night when it was time for bed i found a similar problem, sitting on the couch i could hear her in her bedroom crying pretty hard and saying "nobody loves me" Im lost, i try to do so many things with her, give her my time, go outside and play when we can, but even though we have the best of times together, she still thinks i hate her when she does something wrong, or makes a mistake. What can i do to reassure her that I will never stop loving her? It breaks my heart when i hear her say these things, and have even told her it hurts mommy's feelings when she says this, but she just tells me that i hurt her feelings when i yelled at her and put her in time out. I can't win..... help.......

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Juna - posted on 06/25/2012

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You know, I am going through the same thing with my six-year-old. She always says, "I still don't think you love me", especially after she's gotten into trouble or doesn't like a decision I've made.

My daughter and I got off to a rough start. Her father was abusive - it took me a long while to leave him because I was so afraid of him. That damaged my relationship with my daughter, so I am just beginning to pick up the pieces. Luckily I married again and my daughter loves him to death, but we still have a long way to go. I struggle with thinking maybe she is referencing our past, but when I read posts like these, I realize this might be a phase they go through - a way to get attention or be manipulative.

I would suggest re-directing the conversation if she does this in the future. Instead of reacting to her statement of "You don't love me", re-direct by saying: "This is not about whether or not I love you. This is about your behavior" and explain what she did wrong and how to correct it. I read this on another parenting site. I am going to give it a try.... maybe it will help. :)

You're not alone...

-Juna

Stacey - posted on 02/01/2012

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I have a 4 year old son that has those fits also. He never says I dont like or love him but he will tell me that he doesnt love me or like me and he wants me to leave. I think in my own personal opinion that children do those things for attention. I have found that instead of just flying off the handle and yelling at him I try to talk and discuss with him first on what he done and then explain to him that we do not do those kinds of things. Then I let him have his punishment which consist of time out or no tv and no toys. Someone gave me the idea of grounding him to water. I dont know if thats a good idea but im going to try it.



I wish I could help more but I HONESTLY dont know what to do with ours right now. Good Luck and I hope it gets better for you!!!

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