Need Help - 2 1/2 year old is defiant

Taryn - posted on 03/02/2010

It must be a June baby thing! My youngest, Karli is exactly the same! What i try and do is keep the battles to a minimum - I don't give her her own way all the time, but I keep my list of "unexceptibles" very short. Like for bedtime - she can take up to 2 hours to fall asleep. The rule is that she goes to bed same time as her sister, and is not allowed to put on the light, keep her sister awake, leave her room (except for the toilet) or make a noise. Besides that, she can do what she wants in the darkness (the passage light shines in to her room a little) until she passes out. Before I go to bed I make sure she's fallen asleep in hers and remove all the toys! With getting dressed - she can wear what she wants as long as it's "respectable" - there's enough of her covered. And she's not allowed to leave the house if her teeth aren't brushed!

Erin - posted on 02/28/2010

Leah, my 2 1/2 year old sounds just like yours, very strong, stubborn and frustrating. It's worse for me as she has a heart condition and I worry when she gets hysterical. That said, she is NOT a victim and I won't treat her like one. Time outs don't always work with her, but another technique a MOPS mom told me about does: when she does something bad, I put her in a chair, tell her that I love her, but I don't like her behavior (want her to know her behavior is bad, not her), then tell her that we need a time out from each other...I won't talk to her for 2 minutes, until the timer goes off. She can't stand that I won't acknowledge her as long as she's in quiet time. It took a few times, but now she recognizes what she's done wrong more than her going into time out and us yelling at each other during that time. Just a suggestion.



Don't beat yourself up. Little ones can be fiesty and full of themselves. It's okay. Just remember that when you get too upset, they feed off of you and know what buttons to push, too. Just breathe deep and you'll be fine.

Alexis - posted on 02/25/2010

Leah, your story could be my own! My 2 1/2 year old daughter sounds much like yours, spirited is a good way to put it! I think you are doing all the right things. Consistency with the rules you've established and follow through with consequences are probably your best course of action. Realizing that sometimes us mommies also need some time to cool down from a heated situation is key . It sounds like you already have a handle on the situation since you say she goes back and forth with her behavior. She is probably just testing you and your limits! Try your best to keep your cool (don't give her the satisfaction of seeing you so upset) and hopefully this trial will pass soon. I read somewhere that kids are worst with the ones they love the most because they feel safe enough with you to test limits...I like to remind myself about this when I feel ready to scream. It is difficult, but this is what I try to do. I'm sure you're doing the best you can. Keep it up and good luck. :)