love and logic parenting???

Miranda - posted on 08/05/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Ok, I was at my wits end with my daughter. I felt bad because I was yelling at her and spanking her when I got on to her. I hate yelling at her, so I was given this number for these Parenting classes. Well the Parenting classes I am taking are called "Becoming a Love and Logic Parent" Anyone heard of that?? :/ Well my real question.. OK, I have been told during these classes that when my daughter acts up I need to just look at her and go "oh, how sad", or "uhh, ohhh." very calmly and then take her by the hand to her room and shut her door. They say she will cry, but wait till she stops crying and then turn on a timer for 2-3 min and if she doesnt cry during that 2-3 min she can come out. If she starts crying I have to restart the timmer. What do you all this about this? Does this sound like a good Idea or not.. Thanks.

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Kathy - posted on 09/22/2011

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as parents, we've all yelled and lost our temper at some point. i don't spank my child but we do use timeouts and taking away privileges.

i've learned that yelling when a child is upset just makes the situation worse and if my dd is having a moment and won't listen or calm down, i tell her the same thing as angela cramond - i will tell my dd that she can have her moment and we can talk when she's done. then i leave. when she's calmed down a bit, we talk it out. i ask her why she was crying or why she went to time out etc etc and then after our talk, i tell her "even though we were upset, we still love each other right?" then i give her a hug and we go on about our day.

it can be trying at times but consistency is key. if you decide not to spank, then don't spank. don't hit one day and then not the next; kids need to know what behavior is acceptable vs unacceptable and the way they learn is through consistent reaction by you. pick your battles and discipline for undesired behavior (ie. hitting, biting/throwing toys etc is not acceptable) vs what you can "let go" or just requires a "talking to". do this consistently and your kid will learn.

remember - this takes time. they're only kids and although we sometimes forget that, we have to remember that they're only children and need our guidance.

good luck

Chriss - posted on 09/05/2011

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Miranda I feel your pain I commend you for taking parenting classes to help tackle the issues that you are having, kids were sent to try you! I am with the others tell you daughter the consequences of her actions eg sit on naughty chair or to your room- then counting to three and immediately take action do what you say, and say what you mean is the best action all this in the room out the room biz is probably better than smacking but seems like it's a bit confusing my miss 3 knows to cease her behaviour and if she doesn't she understands exactly what is going to happen. I once knew a lady that when her kids were driving her crazy she locked herself in the bathroom and that way she had time to calm down (so she didn't scream or smack) and the kids hated not getting her attention it worked for her but I think my little one would destroy the house before she bothered to come looking for me lol. Just remember it's a stage and she will grow out of it, take a deep breath and count to ten if you feel you need to smack that way it won't be in anger that you hit her a little tap on the bottom or leg never hurt any of my children and on the best part they are well behaved I have four girls and let me just say if you get her under control now it will hold you in good stead for the Teenage Years now that's an interesting age!

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When I began teaching Love and Logic was the hot thing. I don't necessarily agree with all of it but use parts of it in the classroom and with my own daughter. The whole spanking and yelling thing didn't work for her either so like Angela said, I count to three and she knows by the time I get to three she's in big trouble. I also try to give her warnings like 'in 10 minutes it'll be time to pick up your toys.' And work down until 1 minute or time to clean up. This has also seemed to help with discipline and arguing.

Angela - posted on 08/22/2011

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As a teacher, i was always taught that the more you yell at children, the worse it will get for both yourself and child...and it is soooo true. I have learnt to not yell at my girls and to just get down to their level and speak calmly. If they choose not to listen and continue to crack it, i just let them know i will be ignoring them til they stop. I also give warnings and if they get three, they sit on a 'thinking mat' (3yo = 3 mins). Once their time is up, we chat about what they have done wrong and a cuddle and kiss is given in the end. We hardly ever get to the thinking mat...actually, we never seem to get beyond the 1st warning. Another good strategy i use in the classroom as well as with my girls is the repetition strategy. If they get upset about something, i just repeat myself over and over til they realise 'mummy isn't going to change what she is saying so i had better stop and do what mum says' - works all the time.

It really is up to the individual when it comes to what strategies thay use. if you are not totally happy with this strategy then don't do it. but if it is working then why not continue. Sometimes at the beginning it may be hard but if it ends up working and saving your sanity then why not continue. good luck with what you decide to do x

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