Sex drive??

Kitty - posted on 10/03/2011

i didnt have a june baby a oct baby and yes my sex drive has died big time since month ago!! i started takeing pills to help is slowly makeing a big difference if you call do it 3 days in row good lol

Laura - posted on 03/20/2009

I noticed that now, since I have lost most (except 5) of the 60 lbs I gained with my pregnancy, I feel much more into sex and have a bit more of a drive.

I try to think of my husband. I try to always remember  how he will feel if I push him away, even though I am not in the mood.  He cannot understand this completely because he is not a woman so he mostly feels rejected. So, I try really hard not to turn him down if he initiates.  He does so many things every day to make me happy, it is the least that I can do.

Kim - posted on 03/20/2009

I'm with you. Maybe you need a weekend alone with your hubby to just relax. Try some new things, spice it up. My youngest is 9 mos and I am the same way! LOL...if you are on birth control that may have something to do with it. I noticed that with myself.

Holly - posted on 03/20/2009

Quoting Stacey:

im so gald im not the only one lol my son is 9 months old and my sex drive is not there anymore my other half thinksi dont love him any more or i want to be with some one eles.

this is actually how a lot of men feel when their spouse doesnt have sex with them.  and not because they are being selfish, but because most men's love language is physical touch.  on the flip side that doesnt always have to mean sexual touch, even though I'm sure they'd prefer it.

Stacey - posted on 03/20/2009

im so gald im not the only one lol my son is 9 months old and my sex drive is not there anymore my other half thinksi  dont love him any more or i want to be with some one eles.

i think we spent to much time together at 1st and after seeing him all day then him wanting sex kind of put me off a bit that probley sounds bad but its the way i felt. his now working 6 days a weeks and im hoping the our sex life gets back on track as we are both wanting another baby.

Christina - posted on 03/19/2009

Okay, I was in the exact same situation as you ladies the first time I became pregnant and had a baby.  The thought of sex actually kind of disgusted me because it just became so infrequent that my husband (at the time) acted like some kind of animal to try to get some.  Uhh.  I hated it.  Now, this man and I have since split and sometimes I wonder if it was just him.  Hopefully, this is not any of you all's problem. 

Upon becoming pregnant with my second child, I never suffered loss in libido and we maintained a healthy sexual relationship throughout my pregnancy.  After having the baby, nothing has changed.  We started just 3 weeks post-partum and still haven't stopped!  I really think you all are putting way more in to this than you need to. 

Before getting pregnant with my second baby, I gained (literally) 85 pounds in 13 months.  During my pregnancy, I added another 30.  I have desperately been trying to lose this weight, but recently found out I am sick and the weight gain has been a symptom.  Having said this, I do not feel sexy whatsoever.  You should forget about all that stuff when you are lying beside the man you love though.  I go to school full-time, have two children, cook, clean, etc. every day!  It is a lot for anybody.  One of the only releases I can indulge in is sex! 

You all need to understand that your man doesn't care what you look like.  It is you that he loves.  Now you need to learn how to love yourself.  I am sure that not every man you all are sleeping with has the perfect washboard stomach and can make his pecks dance, but you don't care, right?  Is that what you are thinking about when you are having sex?  Or you are just enjoying the touch of the man you love?  That is what you should focus on.  

My man works until at least midnight every day (except for his daddy days when I am in school) and I stay up so we can spend our time together.  It is SO important to switch out of mommy-mode for a little while every day and talk to someone that can actually talk back.  

I wish you all the best of luck.  I know how hard this is and how hard it is to work through.  You all will get over it and I just hope you are keeping an open line of communication with your partner so they know what you want, and not just what they want.

Melinda - posted on 03/18/2009

Wow, I was just having this conversation last night with my husband and I didn't realize how normal it is to not have sex drive after having a baby. We were trying to figure out what was wrong with us, but I guess we are in the same boat as so many other people! While I know that it is not totally my husbands responsibilty to get me in the mood, I feel like maybe giving him some good ideas will help us get out of this rut.

Here are some ideas I gave him: Letting me sleep in on a Sunday, cook (or heat up in his case) dinner and open a bottle of wine, set the mood and not just say "let's have sex now", flowers and/or candles are always sexy...and someone needs to remind my husband that unless he has a 6-pack and no fat on his body, jumping on the bed naked does NOT get me in the mood to have sex!!!!

Laura - posted on 03/18/2009

My drive cam back about 8 weeks post partum but not like it was pre-pregnancy (kinda outta control lol). So I would say it was somewhat nomral until I went and had that awful (for me)Mirena IUD put in! It completely erased my sex drive and made me miserable and crabby..along with weight gain...super sexy...LOL.

I got theMirena IUD removed 6 weeks after getting it (it was 600.00). I felt better within a few days and my sex drive was almost normal. It is actually pretty good now. I am thinking of starting Yaz for birth control because I have bad acne and PMDD.

Colleen - posted on 03/15/2009

I'm so relieved to see this post. I think I've had sex maybe 6 times since having my son, who is 9 months old! Probably only 9 times since getting pregnant. I feel bad, but the drive is not there at all and we just can't seem to get it together.

I work, come home, take care of dinner and the baby, get him to bed, clean, dishes, bottles, pumping.....before I know it it's 1:30/2am and the baby is awake to eat. My fiance doesn't understand how tiring this is and doesn't want to help out with chores. I try to explain to him that if he does the dishes, then I would have some time for him. Because of his unwillingness to help out I become stubborn. It seems like a vicious cylcle! It's really taking a toll, but why should I put the extra effort forth if he won't?

I also, am still breastfeeding, and it is painful to have sex. Even with lubrication. I guess the concensous is to talk to your doctor.

Holly - posted on 03/15/2009

Quoting Shelly:

Quoting Christi:

Along these same lines - has anyone had a really hard time having sex while they were breastfeeding? I breastfeed my daughter until she was 5 months old and during that time sex was physically impossible - it was so painful! Am I the only one that had this issue??

My daughter is 8.5 months and I'm still breastfeeding. I don't find that my breasts are painful during sex, but it's difficult for me to view them as sex objects now because they are mostly used to supply my baby with food! They were definitely more tender a few months ago than they are now, though, which was a bit uncomfortable during sex.

Ha!  been there.  with our first i was like, yeah dont touch them, thats awkward.  rest assured that will change. maybe not with this one, but maybe the next.  Lily is number four, and we are still BF, and I'm like,  yes, touch away my hubby, I love the way that feels!!!

Holly - posted on 03/15/2009

Ah, the good ole no sex drive after the baby talk. YES!!! It is ABSOLUTELY NORMAL and can take a year or so to come back. Think, your hormones are changing, AGAIN. My hormones change drastically at 4 months post partum, I can tell because my mood changes and my hair falls out for about a month. With my first couple of kids I had that problem, but now our 4th is 9 months old and I would love to just have time to do it! Your body is also getting used to sleep deprivation, on top of new demands of cleaning washing baby clothes changing diapers, etc, etc. Another reason your sex drive could be hindered is because you are getting used to your after baby body, a little flabbier, skin not as tight, boobs not as perkey as they used to be, and I think we are too tough on ourselves and might not want our hubbys to see our after baby body. If your after baby body bothers you that could be an unconcious sex hinderance, and i am sure its pretty common. I was a little uncomfortable with my first two kiddos, but now I look at my body and think "not bad for 4 kids", so i am comfortable in my body.
If you are breastfeeding it makes you dry, ahem, down there, so you may need to get some lubrication, which will help it feel better.
You might also notice that the longer you go without sex, the less you feel like doing it, and sometimes you may not feel in the mood but after you start you want to. If thats your case I would just encourage you to start mentally preparing yoruself early in the day that you are going to have sex that night.
But yes yes, talk to your dr, he/she certainly will not be suprised, and hey can actually give you medicine to heighten your sex drive. I have been told that exercising heightens your sex drive also.

Danielle - posted on 03/15/2009

OMG !! Im sooo loving this thread...my son is just over 9months old now and i have absolutely no sex drive at all either...so bad that we haven't had anything for almost 2months now...i just can't bring myself in2 the mood 2start things off...once we are having sex i am fine but its just trying to get myself into that mood is difficult. I am back to work now full time and when i come home in the evening i spend all my time with my son untill he goes to bed because i feel i have missed so much. Then all i want to do is have my dinner bath and bed because i am shattered.

My partner is starting to get funny about the whole situation and i am starting to feel really guilty about denying him anything every night...but i am just sooo tired....like some of you i was thinking about contacting my doctor about this. Has anyone spokent to their doctors yet ?? if so what did they suggest ??

Mandy - posted on 03/14/2009

I cant believe that there are soooo many other women that feel the exact same way that i do!!! NO SEX DRIVE!!! with being a stay at home mom and a three yr old and a almost 9mo old and a husband that works two jobs, sex almost has to be planned and that's no fun. by the night when we have the kids in bed i am usually so tired and just want to go to sleep!! I assume that this will end one day ..... I guess

Naomi - posted on 03/13/2009

hiya,im exactly the same but im afraid to say ive had no drive since havin my son whos almost 4 and after my daughter 9mths its just made things harder.I do feel awful feeling this way as my other half has been really good about it well apart from the nagging anyway but as were both young he's been really good for not going else where.I find though when i do force myself to do it i really enjoy it ive just no urge.i think alot of it is my body as after 2 c-sections and bigish baby my tummy is a defo turn off for me but philip says it beautiful like the rest of me but as you probably feel yourself you cant see any beauty there.Things have started to get a bit better as it was once a month now im trying hard recently for once a week even though id rather curl up in bed and read!i hope things get better for you its really good to know im not the only one who feels this way,i wish i could help but ineed help myself if there was a pill to take i defo would!

Christy - posted on 03/09/2009

Quoting Christi:

Along these same lines - has anyone had a really hard time having sex while they were breastfeeding?  I breastfeed my daughter until she was 5 months old and during that time sex was physically impossible - it was so painful!  Am I the only one that had this issue??

I know exactly what you mean - I am still breastfeeding my almost 9 month old, and have had severe pain each time we do it too.  I talked with my Dr about it and she said that is known to happen while BF.  She said some people take an estrogen hormone supplement during this time to ease the pain, but I'm not a fan of taking meds.  We just get through it, knowing it should get better when I'm done BF when our son is one.  Good luck!

Nicole - posted on 03/07/2009

try everything you can to set the mood. even if you have to tell your husband what your doing! because if you tell him he will more than likely agree and try to help aswell. i try that approach, although my sex drive has never been higher than it is now. i find myself trying to not even think about getting "in the mood" because once i do and nothing happens i get mad! lol

Antonija - posted on 03/06/2009

J had the same problem as you all but fortunatly it lasted only 3 mounts...then J got nervose about the situation and J got things under my control...one sunny weekend in august(my son was then only 3 mounts) we went on a lake neer by, the first night it was nothing, but the second one, we put the baby to sleep, J opend a bottle of wine, got the snaks and started enjoing...after the sekond glass J felt so sexy that J practikly attackt my huzband :) after that weekend everything changed...

Shelly - posted on 03/05/2009

Quoting Christi:

Along these same lines - has anyone had a really hard time having sex while they were breastfeeding?  I breastfeed my daughter until she was 5 months old and during that time sex was physically impossible - it was so painful!  Am I the only one that had this issue??

My daughter is 8.5 months and I'm still breastfeeding. I don't find that my breasts are painful during sex, but it's difficult for me to view them as sex objects now because they are mostly used to supply my baby with food! They were definitely more tender a few months ago than they are now, though, which was a bit uncomfortable during sex.

Angela - posted on 03/05/2009

Quoting Julia:

OMG!! It's SOOOOO nice to know we're not alone!! I have no sex drive either. What is it about our post-baby bodies that they find so sexy and desirable? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad he finds me this way, but I don't feel sexy at all!! So it's hard for me to pretend to want sex when I don't feel sexy at all. I'm try to ignore the cues too, but they get not so suttle after a while, and then he pouts...and he's no good to me then! One good thing...if I give him a "quickie", I can usually get some laundry or clean dishes out of him!!!!! He still gets action about every other day...so he should feel lucky, right???

So I told my husband about this thread and about julia's statement.  He responded, Dumbfounded "How the heck do they have the energy?  You can bet thats one baby who sleeps through the night!"    He then  stated that while quantity is nice he'd rather have mutual quality.   I think he was just trying to get some but he gets points for the effort :)

Christi - posted on 03/05/2009

Along these same lines - has anyone had a really hard time having sex while they were breastfeeding?  I breastfeed my daughter until she was 5 months old and during that time sex was physically impossible - it was so painful!  Am I the only one that had this issue??

Jennifer - posted on 03/04/2009

I hear all of you.  It's so tough at this point.  I have enough friends that had warned me about this though, so I expected it and am not worried about it.  Everyone says that this is one of the big reasons why having kids is so hard on a relationship.  And I'm glad others have brought up not feeling sexy... I was in great shape before, was nice and slim, and now... groan, I am still 25lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight.  I feel like such a big fat cow.  And the fact that people say I look "normal" now and that I am probably closer to the weight I should be at (which I really question... goes to show that our society now thinks being over weight is normal - either that or they are just trying to make me feel better!).  I was lucky and didn't get any stretch marks to add insult to injury, but when you are used to being in great shape and now feel like jello, gross, who wants to "get it on"?  And of course, now being pregnant again, is certianly not adding to the feeling slim and trim  haha I am SO looking forward to this pregnancy being over and getting back into shape!!!  I know a lot of people say that their sex life was fine until they had two kids, so I know it won't be easy - but I think once I start getting back into shape it will be easier to get into the groove - it'll be something that we'll consciously have to do for a while (have date nights more frequently, figure out what time works best etc) and just do it.  As they say, your relationship needs to come first, because if you don't have a good relationship, the impact on your kids is huge.  So, if nothing else, do it for your kids! ;)  haha 

Anyway, here's to great sex coming to all of us soon! 

Fingers crossed,

Jenn :)

Larissa - posted on 03/04/2009

OMG Me too. my son is almost 9 months and by the time we have a chance to fool around, i am either way too tired for just want my own space, i mean hello i've had a baby hanging off me all day. And there are somethings i feel weird about now with sex that i liked before, which no doubt is very irratating to the other half. How do you rediscover the passion???!!!!

Angela - posted on 03/04/2009

I was so glad to see this post and to also know I am not the only one feeling the same way. And it's funny because you don't really know who to ask..and I am also thinking maybe I should bring it up to my doctor. It just hasn't been the same, even ever since I was pregnant. While I was pregnant I wanted nothing to do with sex either, but I sure thought the drive would have come back 8 1/2 months later! I don't know if it's just that I feel more in the mommy role now, and I haven't even lost all my pregnancy weight yet so I don't think I feel as sexy and attractive as before. Of course even though the husband says I am no matter what! And the other issue, I am more tired now than i have ever been.

Well, anyway, it's just good to hear that it happens to others and it's not just me. That makes me feel better. I hope things get better and good luck to everyone else in the same situation!!

Angela - posted on 03/03/2009

I hear you ladies.  I feel about as sexy as a hippo, And really a hippo in a teddy... not a pretty sight.  Add that to no sleep and the thought is there but the body just is not on board.  The idea is nice but.....  Hubby has found that if I get a day of sleeping in and naps he gets more.  We were like rabbits pre baby and no we are lucky to get in 3 times a month... sounds pathetic huh?

Angela - posted on 03/02/2009

hehehe...after reading all your posts i feel soooooooo much better. Since having Bianca my sex drive is out the window. Hubby has noticed and is really good about it and because he is so good about it i feel more bad!!!! He does get sex about once a week but it is usually a quick one....i think once a month i let him have a longer session...lol

I was considering going to the doctors but thought maybe i'd wait a little bit longer and hope to get my drive back. If i don't by the time bianca turns one, then i'm going!!!

Julia - posted on 02/27/2009

Ok...I'll have to tell my dear husband just how lucky he is!!!! Now you might have misunderstood me...the "quickie" is for his benefit only (unless you'd say I benefit from getting him off my back). I don't have the energy but for sex for myself maybe once a week. Sometimes all I can do is just lay there...hence the quickie!!

Shelly - posted on 02/27/2009

Yes, Julia, your man should feel extremely  lucky!!! I'm sure my husband would be very happy with getting action that often (but of course would still want more!) Aside from my lack of libido, my man works nights, so our sex opportunities are limited. (our daughter won't sleep in her crib during the day, so daytime frollicks are out!)

Jennifer - posted on 02/27/2009

every other day?!  holy girl!  uh, yeah, he should feel VERY VERY lucky!!  haha ;)  Can't say I can even get the energy (or wanting) for a quickie that often!  haha Better not let my husband read your post Julia! ;)

Julia - posted on 02/27/2009

OMG!! It's SOOOOO nice to know we're not alone!! I have no sex drive either. What is it about our post-baby bodies that they find so sexy and desirable? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad he finds me this way, but I don't feel sexy at all!! So it's hard for me to pretend to want sex when I don't feel sexy at all. I'm try to ignore the cues too, but they get not so suttle after a while, and then he pouts...and he's no good to me then! One good thing...if I give him a "quickie", I can usually get some laundry or clean dishes out of him!!!!! He still gets action about every other day...so he should feel lucky, right???

Shelly - posted on 02/26/2009

I can TOTALLY relate! It's nice to know I'm not alone in this.

I want to want sex too, but the desire just isn't there. And my husband loves my new curves and wants sex more than ever, which makes things more challenging. Sometimes I try to pretend I don't notice his cues, then I feel guilty about it. I'm just always so tired and I simply don't feel sexy right now. But I find that the more we do it, the more interest I have.

On Valentine's Day I gave him a home made gift certificate for "guaranteed sex" at least once a week. I think it made him feel good that I was initiating something to do with sex and that he knows he's getting some action once that week at the very least. It's actually been good so far (for both of us).

Jennifer - posted on 02/26/2009

haha I felt the same, until I wanted to get pregnant again and tehn suddenly I was al over the idea.  But now that I'm pregnant again, forget it haha My husband keeps saying he feels used ;)  It's totally normal though... I don't know about you, but I'm just tired all the time and still feel not like myself body wise and just can't quite swithc into "sexy" mode.  It'll come... with that being said, I found that the more I was doing it, the more I wanted it... so maybe try doing it more ( might be a stretch at first), but eventually you'll get back into the swing of it.  Good luck!  And just remember that you're not alone - pretty much EVERY new mom goes through this!

Margo - posted on 02/26/2009

yeah thats what i was thinking too. I figured id give this place a try first because i HATE taking any kind of meds but if it can get me having sex again im so down! lol

Amanda - posted on 02/26/2009

Same here!! It really sucks, and I am considering bringing it up with my doctor, I am hoping for some sort of pill, that would be nice!

Margo - posted on 02/26/2009

its so nice to know im not alone! i was starting to think i was the only one cuz no one had replied!

Amanda - posted on 02/26/2009

OH MY GOD!! I am in the exact same boat with EVERYTHING that you said!! My daughter is the same age, and I can't seem to want sex ever! I feel terrible and I really do try to, but like you said it's forcing it, and I hate that. My husband and I used to do it like rabbits, and I REALLY want to want sex, I just don't know how. And the funny thing is he has never been more attracted to me post baby body and everything! I need halp too!!!