Stay at home motherhood

Megan - posted on 05/28/2010

Thank you to all you ladies. It really helps me every time I get such nice comments. I just wish things here would get better (the loneliness, the isolation, the financial insecurity!) I need to get out & try to meet some friends. God, that would change my life. If I had a job, maybe things would be different, but we really can't afford day care (and the doctor's bills that come along with it!). Even if I had a job I would probably just work to pay for day care & that wouldn't be too practical at this point. I need to stay positive & know that it really does get easier every day that passes, and that I am raising an amazing little boy. This is the biggest challenge of my life!!:)

Annette - posted on 05/28/2010

Yes!
There are definite days I feel down and out of touch with the "real world", but I joined a mommy's group and have made some amazing friendships! I get out everyday, joined a gym and make sure I get some me time. It makes me a better mom too! Visit www.meetup.com You will find mommy groups there to join! Good Luck!

Stephanie - posted on 05/28/2010

Yes i do I try to remeber that i am doing this for my lil one. The bonding time is wonderful but it has backfire a lil he won't go to to many other adults. I am ready to get back into the workforce when he starts preschool so for me there is a light at the end of the long dark tunnel, Hang in there !!!!!!

Rene - posted on 05/28/2010

Hi all! I am a stay at home mom on a farm, 1hr 30 min from the nearest town! I have a little boy who will turn 2 in 7 days and I am due with baby number 2 in 13 days!! I can so relate to the isolation and the craziness of being stuck at home all day with a toddler and a crazy dog!

Dina - posted on 05/28/2010

ALL THE TIME! and I only have a 2 yr old and a dog. And it just so happens that both decide to get ornary at the same time. My baby will start losing it, then my dog will decide that she wants attention and start barking, and that all happens when I can't tend to either one. And when I'm on the phone, it's worse. All i want is to have a nice conversation with someone. I thank God every day that I am allowed to stay home and raise our daughter, but occasionally, i just want my hubs to take her for an entire day and just get pampered.

Sherry - posted on 05/27/2010

Yea I agree, you are not alone. I have a 23 month old and an 8 month old soon to be 9 months. I end up going out for walks and trips to the park to make it alot more easier. It wears my girls out quickly and then I can relax for 3 hours. :)

Kerri - posted on 05/27/2010

Yes yes yes!!! I have been stay at home mom for nearly 2 years, and just not being able to have adult converstaions throughout the day nearly drove me nuts! So the beginning of this month i seen that our local Casey's general store was hiring for part time cleaning only! I get to work 4 hours a night only 3 to 4 days a week! I live in a very small town only around 1500 so we pretty much know everyone the people i work with are actually friends so i get my adult time and i get to be home with my children during the day like i want!

Diana - posted on 05/27/2010

You are defenitely not alone! I have a 2 year old boy, and although I have help, it tends to get very lonely at times. They key for me is keeping busy, finding things to do each day to break the routine and keep my sanity. I have resently been offered to go back to work, and I'm actually considering it. It is the toughest decision because I don't want to sound selfish but I also want to be happy. There are so many things to consider, but I do too want to give the best to my kid.

Hayley - posted on 05/27/2010

Lol everyday!!! lol It gets very boring and very lonely sometimes. I dont have any other friends with children the same sort of age as my son (2 next month) and all my other friends and family are working! I do try to go out everyday, even if its just for a walk around the block. Ive tried some mother and toddler groups but unfortunately ive not found any friends from them. My husband works alot and so i dont get much time for myself either. Im going to try some more groups once my second baby has arrived in about 5 weeks. On the up side to being at home though is that my son is very advanced for his age and is a very happy little boy.

Melissa - posted on 05/26/2010

OK IF YOU PEOPLE CALL YOURSELFS STAY @ HOME MOMS WHY YOU SENDING YOUR KIDS TO SCHOOL IF YOUR A FULL TIME JUST STAY @ HOME MOM THEN YOU NEED TO BE HOMESCHOOLING YOUR KIDS.

I'M SORRY JUST HAD TO SAY THAT
i hear so much oh im a stay at home mom but my kids go to school uhhh. right now im a Stay @ Home Mom SURELY NOT BY CHOICE trying to get another job. Just no one is hiring right now & if they are hiring they dont call me back or they hired someone else.

& my daughter is with me 24/7 NEVER with anyone else. she takes gymnastics on thursdays & fridays so she has friends there on those days. & i have friends with kids her age & i also take her to Monkey Joe's (a place with bounce houses in it with bounce house slides) & the place only has those things

& she plays with other kids there. i have to always find us stuff to do b/c she never lets me do anything on my own so laundry is done at nap time & when she goes to bed & i try to squeese EVERYTHING else IN-BETWEEN & in those times as well. & ITS SOOO HARD b/c I feel like i never get done with everything. it just seems like it repeats itself over & over ect....

Ashley - posted on 05/26/2010

Hey you know what, sometimes just one is more than 2 or 3! LOL my son is a pistol almost 2 and for a while I thought how in the world could i even handle a 2nd? then I see some other peoples kids and realize that the next one may be one to sit quitly with a puzzle that gives me hope!!! LOL Anyway one thing that helps me keep my sanity is picking a goal or project, like reading a book I've been meaning to read when my son naps, it gives me a little escape and I come back refreshed for another round of don't touch that with my son! hahah your not alone!

Katie - posted on 05/26/2010

Hi Megan,
Ive just moved to a little village with my nearly 2 yr old and husband, we went from seeing neighbours every day and going to toddlers nearly everyday to nothing and not knowing anyone, I searched on the internet and found my local sure start centres (a god send!!) one puts on a toddler group in my local church once a week which is totally free and the other is a fixed centre in my next village, its just over a 2 mile walk but totally worth it for adult conversation and advice this is totally free 2, you should look on there website im sure there would be one local to you. I go stir crazy sometimes when we are stuck in i count down the days till my Thursday out lol hope this helps x

Jacklyn - posted on 05/25/2010

I was fortunate enough to have been told about the MOMS Club when I was still pregnant, so as soon as I had my son I found my local club and joined. I've been in it a year and am now the president of our chapter and I am so thankful for it! I didn't know any other moms with little kids, and now have tons of friends through our club. If you go to www.momsclub.org you can find a chapter near you. They have weekly activities, playgroups, moms night out, babysitting coops, and many many other things. If you can't find one in your area, you could always start one!!! It's international, so no matter where you are, you can find or start a chapter. :)



There is also a website called meetup.com that you can find people in your area and create a playgroup. I agree with some previous posts that you can ask at the pediatricians office, or a kids club at the grocery store, or even some schools can help guide you to a moms group in the area.

ELIZABETH - posted on 05/25/2010

i feel the same way always alone with my 2 kids kalobs 3 and kayas 2 in june. all i do is clean and play kids games and watch cartoons i can sing all of them i think. i do the same thing everyday and never a moment to my self . one time the weather was so bad i did not get to leave the house for 6 weeks i thought i was going to die. but i to live far from my family and friends i get to see them once a year but my huband and i move away from are home town to get away from trubble that we got are self into when we where young and dumb. now we just work hard to give are kids the best life with a stabble home and a happy one. i do wish i had some friends though that like to do things with there kids and would want to hang out.

Kat - posted on 05/25/2010

Yeah, you're definitely not alone. I don't know any of the mommies around here, so I am home alone with my 2 year old all the time. There just never seems like there's enough for the two of us to enjoy sometimes. I think we all have that feeling...even those mommies who aren't stay-at-home.

Megan - posted on 05/24/2010

Thanks, Brittany!! Those are really good ideas. Wow, sounds like you have your hands full - I hope you all get better soon!

Brittany - posted on 05/24/2010

i have a 23 month old girl and a 5 week old boy. i'm surprised i still have hair. im exhausted. im tired. im cranky. and atm we're ALL sick (mummy, daddy, Teya and Jett) so it's very full on!
i couldnt do it without my friends and family. not that i have lots but i find i have to have something to look forward to each day. usually its someone coming to visit or going to visit someone else... but latey it's been baking a cake on monday. walk to the park on tuesday etc. even doing my washing! lol (thats an indicator of how insane i AM- i look forward to washing!!). i hope you find some friends soon! next time ur at the dr for your little one ask if there's a clinic with other mums. if u have lots of room and cant get out, mayb organising a play date at your house for other mums in the same boat would be good. if theres a local paper u could enquire with them as well. just a few suggestions - i havent had the problem to the same extent so im trying to think but not getting very far- sorry!!! hope it starts turning around for u soon!!!

Megan - posted on 05/24/2010

Well, Lilian, I wish I could give you suggestions but I'm in the same boat!!!! I just really need to figure out a way to find friends that are SAHM's like me in my area. That, in itself, would be a miracle to me.:)

Lilian - posted on 05/24/2010

Wow! I'm glad to hear i'm not the only one out there who is going through this. I'm staying at home now with my son. He's 2 now so he needs all this much extra attention. He's getting into spots i'm not even sure how is possible! And we live kinda in ranch. There is lot's of space and animals for him to play with but the weather is just not helping. I live in Brazil so now it's winter and a rainy winter, so it's impossible to go outside. He has guinea pigs, but he's found his grandpa's corn for the chickens, so it's corn everywhere, literally,..sometimes i find corn in his pockets when i do the laundry. Anyway, i liked the idea of an evening walk, sounds like something i can totally do when my husband is home. As far as mommy friends go,..there aren't as many choices of library story times around here, or any of those activities for that matter,..it's just a different culture where ppl are just so paranoid of others, i don't know, they are weird here.
Facebook is where i'm kinda up to date with some old friends from texas. my best friend lives in texas, and she's a mommy, which is all the worse for me, cause i know we would just have so much fun with our boys if i were there.

But living thinking like this is driving me crazy..i need some suggestions,....my only interaction, much like most of you, is a 2 year old. And since he's being raised bilingual, he's not talking yet, he understands both languages, so we communicate and everything, but he doesn't talk back in understandable speech yet,..which makes me feel silly talking to him, but i love it,....he's so smart!

anyway, any suggestions on what to do to not go entirely crazy,...hehehe

Megan - posted on 05/22/2010

Thanks, ladies!!!! All your feedback is so priceless to me. I REALLY appreciate it!:)

Adda - posted on 05/21/2010

Wow im just in the same situation as Bethanie!!! What i strated to do is go to the gym.. There's a kids club where my little boy can play and interact with other kids!!! But im still have no friends around :(

Becky - posted on 05/21/2010

Hi Megan, I know how you feel exactly!! I have a 23 month old boy and I'm also a SAHM. I feel that way almost everyday. And my husband really spoils me in comparison to other moms. He lets me sleep in a lot, and he normally is the one bathing him and putting him to sleep. He works full time, so he wants to make up that lost time with his son when he can, and also give me a break. But yet, I find I'm very sad, easily stressed, and lonely when he's not home. My son has the tendincy to frustrate me on a daily basis. (Some days it seems to go more smoothly then others.)
I was given a recomendation to go to a fun indoor gym for kids as a start. By this point, I was developing a fear of leaving the house at any time with my son due to a # of issues: what if he poops while we're out? Look at the time, he needs his lunch in a half-hour, I better stay in. What if he cries? and any other crazy idea that clouded my brain. But somehow I sucked it up and went. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. There were only 2 other women there, and I hit it off with both. But with one of them, we are best friends! We talk almost everyday, and we take trips multiple times a week. She has 2 young kids that adore my son. He loves hanging out with them as well.
All I needed was one great mom friend to help me become a better and happier mother to my son. But don't get me wrong, I still have my dark days filled with tantrums, but it has gotten much better. Now I just need to add a few more great moms to my life.
My son is only 23 months, and I feel like he will never grow up and he'll always be on the verge of a tantrum whenever he feels like it. I can't see the end of this tunnel, but if I really look past his bad behavior, and my inevitable loneliness, I know it's there. And I know I will always miss these times that we share together, alone. :)

Meagan - posted on 05/21/2010

Me!!! I have a 23month old and a baby due in 8 weeks and I just want to run away from it all!!! I feel like all I do is either yell or cry. You are not alone.

Sascha - posted on 05/21/2010

I am a stay at home mum to. I feel like that a fair bit of the time. It is hard!!!

Crystal - posted on 05/20/2010

I know what you mean, I have 4 kids and my husband works out of state and is gone for weeks at a time. My mother and sister live in town but I really don't have anything to do with them and they are always to busy. I also watch 2 other children during the day which helps entertain my almost 2 yr old, but we are moving to MI in the next month and I will know NO ONE and his parents and sister live 4 hrs away. Thank goodness for Facebook.

I have found that taking naps with the kids helps with stress.

Megan - posted on 05/20/2010

Thank you Katie!! Some great insight there! I needed to hear that. We have a lot in common - my mother lives about 2 hours away (same as my mother-in-law who I get along with very well), I don't drive right now (car needs fixing, but even when it is I still don't really have anywhere to go). The major difference is you have TWINS! Wow, here I am bitching about not being able to handle just one & a lot of other women have more than one!! I need to find some friends around here. I just know there have to be some!:)

Katie - posted on 05/19/2010

LOL...usually atleast once a day. I have 23 month old b/g twins. I am always home with them, since my husband works 10-12 hour days. We also live out in the country, and I don't drive. So we don't do much away from the house. Thank goodness we have a huge yard for them to run around. But I also don't have any friends. I chose my children and my husband and THIS lifestyle over the one I had when I was single and had no kids...and I lost all the friends that came with that. Quite literally, my only link to the outside world is Facebook! My mother lives 3 hours away, and my only other family is my brother who lives in another province.



But you know, I wouldn't want this any other way. All of these things are the way they are due to very concious decisions. I chose to move away from my hometown to get a better life. I chose to grow up and leave my friends behind because I wanted more and I wanted my kids to have the best mom in the world. There are no excuses for being less than #1 when it comes to raising kids! My husband and I chose to move out to the country so our kids could be raised in fresh air with tons of room to run and play, and not have to listen to neighbours party or swear at eachother. I don't drive because I'm afraid to drive. I'll get my licence oneday. And my husband works those hours to pay the bills so I can stay home and raise our children. We always said that we didn't want anyone else raising our kids, and from the time I was little, I always knew that I wanted to stay home and raise my children. :)



But it can get overwhelming. I'm currently 14 wks. pregnant with #3 and I DO get tired. I do have moments that I wish my mother could come and watch the kids for an hour or two so I could just lay down, but she's too far away. And there are days that the kids are just CRAZY and nothing I do can stop that. Sometimes they wake up in a bad mood and it's like that for the rest of the day. Sometimes they make eachother crazy too...but thankfully that's rare.



But dispite the insanity, no one else is getting to be part of it. Just me. And I take the insane moments in stride, and try to just drag myself through those times that I'm so tired that I could just fall asleep sitting up. Because these are the best moments of my life. Tired, crazy, with messy hair, and a t-shirt with tiny sticky hand-prints on them...these are the things I was born to be part of. I assume all SAH moms have moments that we close our eyes and wish ourselves on a beach somewhere...alone. lol But it's all part of the job, right? And I bet 90% of us wouldn't actually GO to that beach if we had the chance...because we'd be too bored there without the kids. :)

Megan - posted on 05/19/2010

Thanks Orlaith! I really appreciate your comment. I'm going to take your advice about walking in the evenings. Sounds like something I can handle!:)

Orlaith - posted on 05/19/2010

Hi Megan,

I'm also a stay at home Mom, I have three children, and I definitely feel a lot of what you are going through.

I live in a rural part of Ireland, and when I got married I left my home and moved here.

I found it extremely hard for a couple of years as the only people I knew were my husbands family, but when my first daughter started playschool and then school, I started to make my own friends with the other Moms and Dads there.



I also love Facebook, I keep in touch with my friends at home, and have found old friends that I havent seen in years.



Try and take some time for yourself. I have recently started walking in the evenings, making my husband stay with the children, and you come back feeling refreshed and with a much clearer head!!!



Hope this has helped you.

Megan - posted on 05/16/2010

Wow, Bethanie, that's almost exactly how it is with me!!!! (With the exception being my husband doesn't spend time away).That must be extremely hard when he's not there! Yep, all my friends live pretty far away, so facebook is my friend!!! I need to figure out how to find some fellow mommy friends in this area. There HAVE to be some out there!

Bethanie - posted on 05/15/2010

I feel you Megan. I live in place I'm not from and know no one but my sister (who moved here after me). I have no other mom friends or playmates for my son. My husband deploys for 6 months at a time, so I don't have him to fall back on, either. It can be quite lonely and a little depressing because all the "friend" communication I have is all on facebook. I do try to keep my son and I busy with plenty of planned activities. We have lots of story times in our area, so I am going to try those out Staci. Hope I can make some friends! :)

Megan - posted on 05/15/2010

Oh, thank God it's not just me then!! My problem is, I live in a fairly rural area so it's challenging to find & make friends. So, basically it's just me, the 2 year old & a very hyper Boxer!! It just gets very lonely. I know it'll end soon when he starts preschool, I just have THOSE DAYS when I feel really down. I'm definitely going to check out that book - thanks for the suggestion!!:)

Staci - posted on 05/15/2010

Yes...you are not alone! It's tough to be trapped in romper room with no adult interaction. The key is to make sure you make friends with other moms and get out of the house as often as you can - even if it's just to wander around Target for an hour or so (hint- leave your credit card at home and you won't be tempted). I have found that story time at the library is a wonderful thing. I met lots of other moms there and my kids love it.

Also, there is a book that I read recently that really helped me to realize others go thru the same things I do...it's called "Stay Home, Stay Happy" by Rachel Campos-Duffy. I would recommend it to all stay at home mommies...