Miscarriage + TTC

Tiffany - posted on 02/04/2011

O and I was going to say as well...make sure that you don't bring the hurt you are feeling from your loss and turn it on your sister-in-law and brother. I unfortunately did that with my friend and it was no fun. I am embarrassed to have gone through that and nobody understood exactly what I was feeling. I finally one day had a talk with her and made sure she knew I DID NOT hate her it was the fact that she could be so happy about something I was soo scared about. If you see her quite often maybe it'd be best to have a one-on-one conversation with her. I am SURE she would understand better if you just happen to have an "awful moment" with her or it would help you to not have one at all. I know when I had my conversation as well I cried a lot and it helped me soooo much. It was just a relief to get off my shoulders and know she understood if I accidentally was rude...

Tiffany - posted on 02/04/2011

I don't know what your beliefs are but sometimes I like to think when we lose someone close to us they are watching over us and bless us with a different miracle instead. All things happen for a reason. You are 34 years old...it is normal to reach menopause at 40 maybe 45 (am I correct?) but you have quite a few more years to try. Someday you'll look back and think it all worked out for the best (not saying that this makes the miscarriage any less hurtful). I got pregnant unexpectedly at the age of 20. I was seriously depressed throughout my entire pregnancy and now I look back and can't believe I wasted all that time being upset over something I'd be so grateful for occurring. I feel our hormones can really bring out our worst feelings sometimes. I was envious that my husband's friend could be all excited about her pregnancy (just 2 weeks apart) and stayed skinny and whatever else (which is completely ridiculous). It's not until later when you can look back at the situation and wonder why you felt the way you did. If it really gets to you, maybe see a therapist for this? They could probably talk you through it quite a bit better.

Doreen - posted on 12/07/2010

Hi Melissa, am sorry about your loss i also had one recently i know how it feels but i would say its better to talk about it with someone else if you dont want to reveal it to your hubby's family and i would advise to try again just have hope. i have a son of 17 months i miscarried at 7 weeks but am planning to try again soon.I wish you all the best.

Jessica - posted on 11/28/2010

oh Melissa. I believe we are living the same life right now. Reading your story is like reading my own. I am 34 and have a 17 month old son. When he was 14 months, I had my first miscarriage. I was three months along and found out during a routine sonogram. No heartbeat. I was devistated. We decided to look forward and keep trying and we got pregnant right away a couple months later and I am almost 10 weeks now. I found out last week however, that it is a blighted ovum and no baby has formed- just a gestational sac. I will have to go in for a second d & e this Thursday. We too did not choose to tell my husband's family as they have a lot on their plate. I have 5 friends who are all currently pregnant. Only one knows I am going through this again. (it took us a year to get pregnant with our first and had to do a round of clomid for it to take). I had low progesterone and was on suppositories for the second attempt. We have quite a bit in common. I think it is okay to tell them what you are going through. It may be worse to keep it all in. I would maybe consider it at some point because it may be harder to keep it inside as you see your sister in law grow. If you think you can hold it in and get through it on your own, make sure you are talking to someone about it... not just your hubby but someone who maybe has gone through something similar. I have come to the realization that despite having now two miscarriages, i is best to keep looking forward and , yes, trying. A friend of mine who went through many losses before and between her three children told me recently, you know, "I would go through it all again to have all three of them in my arms today." The chances you will carry another pregnancy full term is very great as you have done it once. Miscarriage is unfortunately very common- just not heavily discussed among friends until it happens to you. I personally know over 25 women who have gone through this... all of them have families now. I realize that some women out there may not be able to but chances are that you will have another. You may have to go through this again but if your heart is really in it, there will more than likely be a silver lining to it all. You just have to hang in there, as I am doing. There is a reason our bodies didn't carry the ones we lost full term- just as I believe there will be a day I will once again. Keep trying and stay positive. Keep looking forward! Focus on your little one in the mean time and treasure the time you have with him/her. You never know how long it will be! Don't let the grief live your life for you for too long. There is a lot to be thankful for (as you already know) and so much on the horizon! You can write me if you want to talk more (sarkfollower@hotmail.com)

Kerrie - posted on 11/27/2010

I too had a miscarriage and then SIL got pregnant. It was difficult but at 37 I got pregnant again and have beautiful twin daughters. Its tough even tougher because you feel you can't share with the family. I did not tell family until almost the first trimester with the twins due to the prior miscarriage also.

BINTA - posted on 11/27/2010

i am a mum of a 5yrs old boy and a 17months little girl.
10 mnths after having my girl,found out thats am 5mnths pregnant.i was shocked becoz i didn't know until i started feeling movement,went to doctor and confirmed that i was 5mnth preg. we were not expecting it but we were excited and looking forward to meet the miracle baby. i was 35-36weeks when i have still birth i.e 3months ago.thats is the worst feeling in the world. i am trying to put it behind me but it is so difficult. i cry my self to sleep and i wake crying. so i know how you are feeling. try to be positive and cry as much to take it out,that helps me may be it will work for u. cheers.

Joey - posted on 11/26/2010

I am a first time mom of a 17 month old and am 35. I cried when I read your post because I know that I would feel the same way and my heart goes out to you! you are so thoughtful to think of your family and not want to add stress, but maybe your family is missing an opportunity to be there for you. Whatever you decide will be the right thing for your situation, but I am sure your sister-in-laws pregnancy is bitter-sweet! Hugs to you :)

Sarah - posted on 11/25/2010

melissa i'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage i know all too well how you must be feeling i was about 10 weeks gone when i suffered one. it was my 3rd pregnancy though and i count myself lucky to have 2 wonderful children. i'm sorry for your loss maybe another baby will come you just have to hope.

Nira - posted on 11/25/2010

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and you are well entitled to feel sad about it. from the minute i conceived, my baby felt to me like a real person and although miscarrying at 5 weeks is just nature's way of fixing what it seems to think is wrong it doesn't make your loss any less painful. when i got pregnant my sister and brother in law were trying to get pregnant and couldn't. i could see that each time she saw me she had a very hard time trying to be happy for me and was on the verge of crying all the time. we tried not to see so much of them so as not to "shove it in their face" sort of speak but thankfully when i reached 9 months she finally got pregnant and is today a happy mum. don't feel bad about how you feel - it is totally OK and I'm sure that if they knew (your brother and sister in law) they would understand. and think positive - you'll have another baby soon enough.
good luck

Sue - posted on 11/23/2010

hi Melissa so sorry to hear abut your miscarriage. Its ok to grieve no matter how many people knew/didn't know you were pregnant. I am 44 and the proud mum of a 17 month old girl. She was our 8th pregnancy. I have just recently found out i am pregnant again although we are yet to find out if the pregnancy is viable. All of my prev preg stopped at approx 7 weeks and no-one knew why. I still grieve for my lost babies and unfortunately know people (friends as well as family) that were pregnant the same time i was on at least 5 of those lost pregnancies. It does make it harder. Know that there are many of us in the same boat and that we share all your pain. 34 is by no means old or should it be categorised as advanced maternity age. Like i said i am hopefully expecting my 2nd which will make me 45 when i deliver. Talk whenever you get the chance - i found great comfort in Belly Belly which is an online forum here in australia and just knowing i was not alone was a huge comfort. All the very best xx sue

Karianna - posted on 11/21/2010

Hi Melissa -2 things to say to you... recurrent misc is not unusual at 34 but you are not in a 'bad' age group to have another beautiful problem free pregnancy so don't lose heart. Low Progesterone is easily remedied. There are many reasons why your progesterone may be a bit low and it's 99.9% time absolutely fine. I suffered 3 miscs before we discovered the above and with the help of pessaries plus daily injections for the first 12wks 'Voila' ! 2nd thing to say is not to do too much association between your losses and other peoples news or bellies or duedates because you will drive yourself crazy. Focus on the fact that you have it all to look forward to instead. While i was enduring losses all my friends were poping up pregnant before me. I also allowed myself to realise that i didn't want a pregnancy with problems and that maybe there had been something wrong with the embryo's aswell. It is common that nature takes care of this early on and sometimes women don't even know they have been pregnant for a couple of days... i know it hurts but be positive and objective :)x

Debbie - posted on 11/21/2010

hi I'm 36 years old and just had my 3rd child, I had my first at 33 after 8 years of trying to have children. I lost 3 in that time. The one thing that helped me through all of it was to talk to friends and family. Sometimes people thought that I was being off with them if that had just had a baby, but I wasn't I was just hurting and by not telling poeple what I was going through I was coming across wrong. I was always really happy for who ever it was having a baby but because I didn't want to upset any one I came across unhappy for them. the best thing i did was to talk to people, it really does help. as for your age my mum was 39 when she had my brother and he turned out fine even though he can be a pain in the bum. I'm sorry for your loss and i think you need time to grieve and to let your family know you are grieving. good luck and take care

Brooke - posted on 11/20/2010

oh Melissa, I have also been is your shoes I had a eptoic preg between my children and it then took another 2.5 yrs to get preg with our 2nd son remember that you have the right to feel what your feeling. ofcourse your happy for your brotherbut it makes it bitter sweet because the loss is so new for you. The way I got over our loss was to know that there was somthing wrong with that baby and that everything happens for a reason. Good luck and have fun making baby 2

Mara - posted on 11/20/2010

I have had several miscarriages. Before and since my one child and I am 30. You have every right to feel a huge loss. But miscarriages mean you can get pregnant which is one step ahead of others. Thankfully your losses have been in the beginning which simply means a bad pregnancy. I am sure you will be pregnant way before your brother's baby arrives. Good luck and enjoy baby making!

CHERYL - posted on 11/18/2010

hi sorry to here about ur misscarry.i dont no what it feels like to lose a baby but no what its like to want a baby. me and my hubby can-not have children and when we had our 1st ivf it was soooo hard esp when it didnt work,then my twin sister told me she was expecting at the same time, even tho i was overjoyed to be an aunt (i am the best aunt ever)i was in envy i wanted to be pregnant. my family never understood the hard ship of infertity.and seemed to forget i was grieving.lucky enough we had another go and now have b-g twins that are almost 17m and love them loads.but i still get that pang in my stomache that it would be nice to have the choice to have another without spending a fortune and going on a emotional rollercoaster to get there.you need to grive and im sorry 34 aint old to have a baby. so when you feel ready have another go and hopfully ou will go on to have a healthy baby.good luck to u and your family

WENDY - posted on 11/11/2010

i'm a first time mom at the age of 33 to a 17month old. my daughter brings me soo much joy, from the day i knew i was expecting her, she was apart of our life. you've had a huge loss, you've lost a child, Melissa, you deserve to grieve. get grandma or someone to babysit for the night and have a cry session, get it out. i'm sorry i don't know if i'm giving the right advise here, but ,given the situation i'd be really sad too :( HUGs to you...